I can't stand it. Gale is slipping. I can see his blood seeping around the rags of his shirt and pouring over his sides. He refuses to scream or cry, for which I'm grateful, but I can feel tears coursing down my own cheeks. His back is turned to me but I see him raise his head and he glances at me with peripheral vision before they whip him again. Each crack is like a crack in my heart and echoes through my ears. I am straining at the guard holding my arms, furious at the smirk on his face.

I have to help Gale, I can't think about the guard holding me, how his hands aren't just on my arms anymore but my waist and my shoulders. I turn to him and smile, registering the surprise on his face for a split second before I kiss him. He tastes bitter but kisses back viciously. I can feel bile rising in my throat but I move a hand around his side and turn him so my back is to the wall. Still kissing him and groping at his belt I can see Gale's face over the guard's shoulder. He looks appalled, shocked and the mixture of anger and hurt is enough to make me weep. I grasp the knife in the guard's belt and while he feels it slipping from his clothes, he is too late. I plunge it into his side, sliding it up into his ribs.

His hands are bruising my forearms as he gasps for air and looks down at his wound. He is falling to his knees and I kick him out the way. Gale is about to be whipped again and while I see the whip raised I run and throw myself over Gale's body. I feel him shudder in pain but in a second I barely notice because a blinding pain is setting my back on fire. I stifle a shriek when it comes again. I can feel Gale under me, trying to push me to the side but my fingers and gripping his shoulders, slipping in his blood. I turn around and catch the whip in my side, taking the moment it wraps around my waist to plunge the knife in this next guard.

I fall to the side, sitting in my own pain for a moment as the guard groans, the one that held me already unconscious in a vivid scarlet pool. I hear Gale shuffling on the ground and grab him around the arm. He is too frail to stand but he must if we are to get away.

The cell is unlocked and an empty passage takes us outside to the smell of damp fresh earth and the brightness of sunshine. Here I can see Gale's full injuries. His bruises, scrapes, his burns and most horrifying of all, the red lashes on his back. I dimly remember screaming as they beat him and whipped him and as I choke back tears they get stuck in my raw throat.

Gale winces with every step but I force him onward, aware of the pain but desperate to get him home.

When we reach home I sit him in the tub. My first instinct is to embrace him, feel his warmth, but he is warm with fever and his blood is filling the tub. I fill a bucket with water and pour it over him. Grime and blood pours off of him and he shivers. Tears are streaking my face again and lugging the buckets through the door hurts the lashes on my back but my pain is nowhere near as awful as his. I fill the tub with three more buckets and begin to gently rub his skin. Slowly I peel off old skin and grime, clean his cuts, and untangle his hair. He is shivering and his eyes stay mostly closed but when they open he focuses them away from me. I gather as many dry towels as I can and pick him up out the tub. He won't move and I dry his hair, torso and arms myself.

"Gale," I say softly. He turns toward me and cracks his eyes open, gazing at me. "You have to change out of your wet clothes." I put my hand on his forehead, under his dark wet locks and feel heat radiating from his skin. "I can't do it but wrap yourself in this towel and come to my room. I can find you some more clothes." He is shivering so violently in the bathroom so I lead him into my room, which is warmer and let him change there while I get some of my father's old clothes. They smell like my father, like the forest, and I vaguely realize that's what Gale smells like.

When I've returned Gale is sitting on the bed under a layer of towels. I take one towel off and pull the shirt over his head, rubbing my hands over his arms. I'm not sure if this is helping since my hands are probably icy but his goose bumps are going away.

"Gale, you have to change your pants," I say and shove them into his hand. He nods but does not move. "Gale, please." I'm trying not to sob but I can't stop a tear of two from rolling down my cheeks.

I turn around and hear the bed creek as he stands up. I blush and feel the heat rise in my cheeks when I think that just behind me Gale is taking off his pants. When I hear the bed creak again I turn around and find he is sitting on the edge. I go to him, reach over his body and pull the covers down. I push his feet onto the bed and pull the covers back up. His back must hurt so I roll him onto his front and lift his shirt.

I bite my cheek hard enough to draw blood but it's the only way to stop myself crying out. Though the cuts have been cleaned they are raw and red and the skin ragged. I trace my fingers around one and feel him tremble. This is not what I wanted it to be like; the first time I touched his bareback. I know of some herbs that would help him so I take a quick trip to the kitchen. I come back with a gritty ointment that feels cool. I hope it spreads easily; I'd rather not rub his wounds too roughly. Gently I apply the ointment over each mark. He tenses for a moment, and then seems to relax. For the first time he speaks. "Thank you."

I roll him onto his side and check for anything else but the ointment won't help his bruises and his scrapes are already healing. He has a fever but right now he can't think of that, he's too weak. I'll give him medicine when he wakes up. If he wakes up. The thought pushes itself to the front of my mind before I can stop it but I shake it off because of course he'll survive, if he doesn't I'll go insane.

I stroke his hair and murmur quietly. "Sleep now, you can sleep. I'll be right here, just remember," over and over. Eventually his breathing slows and he does sleep but I stay and brush his hair a while longer.

As it gets darker I realize I must be a mess. Making sure he is completely asleep I slip to the bathroom where the tub is still filled with a mixture of dirt, blood and water. I empty it and get one more bucket of water, just enough to scrub my skin red. I would like to put ointment on my back but I cannot reach without flexing the lashes. I pull my hands through my hair and change into an old dress of my mothers. I return to the room swiftly, afraid Gale will wake up without me there, but he is still fast asleep. I want to lie down but the bed is too small to sleep next to him without touching his back. I resign myself to sitting in the chair next to the bed and lay my head on the bed, my faces inches from his. He is beautiful, even bruised and cut. I'm so tempted to kiss his cheek, his lips, but I don't want to wake him.

After some time of watching his eyelids flutter, I close my own eyes and fall asleep.

I wake up to heat, heat on my forehead and puffs of hot air on my face. When I open my eyes I find the heat coming from Gale, from his forehead and his breath. He is looking at me with his wide grey eyes and for a moment we simply stare. Then he smiles and I grin cautiously back. I sit up and stretch and he tries to sit up to but I force him down.

"Your back needs to heal," I say harshly.

He lies down on the pillows but he looks far from content. "Catnip, you didn't have to sleep in the chair. Your back must be killing yo-" suddenly he stops and his expression turns frantic. "Your back, Katniss they whipped you. Why did you-"

I cut him off, "Gale, stop it. I'm worried about you. I'm going to get you some medicine for that fever but you can't move around for a while."

He turns angry. "I can move; I'm not an invalid. You shouldn't have let them do that."

I feel fury rising inside of me, as well as tears though I didn't think I had any more. "I shouldn't have? They were torturing you Gale; it was awful. They wouldn't stop."

"They were torturing you too! That guard had his hands everywhere and…" he trails off, his face red and his fists balled and I feel ashamed, knowing he's thinking of the kiss I gave the guard.

"I'm fine. You just have to take it easy." I place my hands on his until they relax.

He doesn't say anything until I have left and come back with medicine for his fever and a glass of water.

"How is your back?"

I sigh, I really don't want to talk about this but there's no point in avoiding it. "Fine," I lie. Truly it hurts but I can't imagine it hurts anywhere near as badly as it does for him.

"Let me help," Gale says firmly.

I shake my head angrily and hold out another dose of medicine but he puts the glass down.

"Let me help, Catnip."

We glare at each other and my face burns but I nod. He takes the next dose and I turn around. I undo the first two buttons of my dress and hope that's enough for him to see the least hurt part of my back. But he wants to see all of it and he undoes another button. Then another and another. Before I know it he had undone all the buttons. I feel my stomach fluttering and heat in my cheeks as he runs his hands over the cuts. I try not to arch away from the intense pain and pleasure he's giving me. To distract us both I hold up the pot of ointment. "This helps."

He says nothing but takes the pot and gently rubs its contents over my cuts, which are instantly relieved. When he's done he starts doing up the buttons, faster than when he undid then.

I stand up and take a few moments to adjust my clothes, not wanting to look him in the eyes. When I do I notice he too is red.

"Don't ever do that again Kanitss," he says in a low voice.

My jaw almost drops. "It was nothing Gale, they were hurting you!"

"I mean it. You could have been killed."

"You would have been first!" As soon as the words are out I regret them but he doesn't look angrier, just… frightened? He was scared for me.

"You had your own problems," he says and I see his gaze lingering on my waist and lips, where the guard had been touching me. I remember those touches and shift uncomfortably.

"You should have something to eat." I say quietly because it's either that or I scream or I cry. I leave before he can say anymore.

A week has passed. I let Gale out of bed yesterday, though keeping him in until then was a chore. He wanted to help with everything, the cooking and hunting. The ointment has kept his cuts from getting infected but he will always have scars. All but the bruise on his shoulder has faded.

There are minor scars on my own back and one the winds around my stomach. Gale put ointment on them twice more and each time I swear my skin was trembling.

He and I are fine. We tried hunting yesterday and both got tired too quickly. After days of inactivity it wore us out and we had a light dinner of half a squirrel each along with some wild onions and mint. This morning we had bread, slightly stale.

There's been tension between us; neither of us wants to mention how we were hurt and how we watched the other being hurt. We shared the bed the last two nights. I did not touch Gale the first night but last night, with out backs turned to each other I lay closer to his warmth and let him take my hand in his. Neither of us mentioned it this morning.

Gale is out hunting. I've been here all morning, going through the old clothes, looking through what's useful and what isn't and pouring over mother's old apothecary records. I can hear him though; he's just come in the door. I glance up from my spot on the couch to see him smiling, two rabbits slung over his shoulder and a basket of greens with a layer of strawberries in his hand.

I smile too, pleased to see the food but also pleased to see him. Seeing him scared and hurt had thrown me off. I wasn't used to seeing Gale that way and I was glad he was strong again.

I put down the book and helped him skin the rabbits. They would be for dinner, along with the strawberries and some mint tea.

"I found them in the snares," he explained.

"Still can't catch them with my bow?" I tease lightly. He scowls but I nudge him.

We talk easily, about the woods, about the game. I mention what I've learned in apothecary. It's so easy to talk with him, so familiar. Every pause is filled with comfort. When we are done we retire to the living room and sit on the couch. It isn't until a long silence in which we are sipping tea that I notice Gale's cheeks are red. Instinctively I put my hand to his forehead and feel the heat.

"Gale, you're sick," I say, frowning.

"No Katniss. I'm not," and he pushes my hand away. But I know better.

"Gale, you are. Stop pretending." I lean closer, leaning over him with my hand on his forehead, then his cheeks. He's warmer than he was a week ago, though the fever had gone. That was odd, he wouldn't suddenly get sick again, unless… Fear rips through me.

"Turn around," I order him. He looks reluctant but slowly turns. I raise his shirt and see one of the cuts on his back is red and purple, not a good sign. I immediately become angry, then curse myself, and the tears that spring to my eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I rage. "Your cut is worse, we need to do something, couldn't you not let your stupid pride get in the way this once!" To my surprise he doesn't fight back. I am about to turn away but I didn't realize he has a grip on my wrist. He pulls me back.

"Hey, it's not like you're fine either. Your cuts aren't fully healed are they?" I blush because he's right but I know it isn't the same. I also know he hasn't forgiven me yet for covering his body with mine, to take those last few whips for him. I feel his fingers pushing up the hem of my shirt and I turn, twisting to get away but he is holding me strongly.

I am not even trying to hide how I tremble as his fingers graze over my back. But they don't stop at my cuts. His hands are under my shirt on my shoulders, my ribs, and my neck. His hands are warm and I feel my resolve slipping away. I turn to Gale and see his eyes; his face, unreadable and I hope I'm not blushing too hard.

It's slow and steady when our lips touch but he is warm and tender and his hands are already on me. Mine are quickly on him, seeking his warmth and finding it in his chest where I trace his ribs and collar bones.

We break away from the kiss but only for a second. This second kiss is different. I am pushing my face closer to his and he is gasping into the kiss. I'm bringing my body closer, unable to control it now as I reposition my legs on either side of him and pull at his shirt. He is pulling at my shirt as well, and running his tongue along my lip. I hesitate for a second then open my mouth and gasp when our tongues collide. We don't stop, our hands roaming and our lips wrestling. I inhale as he exhales and we are kissing so long and with so much force I start feeling dizzy.

As we kiss he lies back and I hover above him. He has the advantage and begins pulling my shirt up but I put my hand on his and force him to stop. I can't. He has to go first or I'll be too scared to move. He looks up at me and from the confusion on his face I can tell he's misinterpreted. I kiss him passionately, enjoying the purring in my chest and I begin to pull at his shirt, roughly. He takes the hint and sits up slightly, enough for me to pull his shirt off. I'm turning red, having just undressed Gale. He gets me back though, he's already trying to pry my shirt off and I'm enjoying teasing him about it. Eventually though I feel his touches ebb so I pull my shirt off and enjoy the renewed vigor with which he touches me. His kisses are getting more fevered and they aren't just on my lips anymore. They're rough trails up and down my neck, on my collarbone and going lower.

The fear is sudden and overwhelming. Panic rises up in my chest and I push myself off of him and scramble to the opposite side of the couch, breathing heavily. I am now aware of what I must look like, with messy hair from his fingers being tangled in it and red cheeks. I self consciously fold my arms over my chest and desperately locate my shirt. I can feel Gale's eye on me but I don't look up until I have my shirt held over my chest and my knees balled up to it.

His expression is unreadable. I can't tell if he's angry of sad or hurt or confused. I know I'm scared and confused and I can't figure out why but the last thing I wanted to do was what I just did. I pushed him away, not just with my hands. His chest is rising up and down and my fingers still have warm memories of it. His hair sticks up in places and he is red and breathless, like me.

Staring at the floor I slip the shirt over my head as quickly as my trembling fingers will allow. I can feel my breathing getting tighter and tears building up behind my eyelids, I need to get out of the house. My instincts are screaming at me to run from the walls that are getting closer and closer…

I stand up. Gale still hasn't said a word and I provide no explanation as I run to the door and outside. I don't stop running until I've dived beneath the fence and into the forest. I take several leaping steps in before I walk, and several more steps before I stop and slump against a tree.

I'm sobbing now and dry heaving. I can't figure out why. Why did I run from Gale, from the boy I had trusted for years, more than anyone? From his gentle fingers that were only responding to mine.

I know the answer. Because he's so close. Like Prim was. And Peeta. And Mother. But why now? Why did I push him away now? Who knows what kind of pain I just caused. I may have forever driven a wedge between us and it's that thought that immobilizes me and leaves me choking and crying in the forest for what feels like hours.

I go through periods of missing Gale around me, then feeling sorry for myself, and being angry with myself. I cry out loud for Prim and Peeta and mother, but never for Gale. If he heard me and came running for nothing… I just keep hurting him over and over. I was never good, for him or Peeta or anyone.

I can tell when it gets dark but I'm not ready to return yet. It isn't cold yet, just a little warm with a cool breeze. It pushes my hair out of my face as I lie down because I'm feeling nauseous. As I wait for it to subside I notice how soft the forest floor is and before I drift off I vaguely marvel at how exhausted crying nonstop can make you…

Something warm is lifting me. That's all I register in my brief seconds of semi consciousness.

When I wake up I panic, remembering I fell asleep in the forest and it takes a minute of gripping the blankets and staring at the sunlit room around me to realize I'm home, not on the mossy woods floor. I'm wearing the clothes I wore the night before and my hair hasn't improved, still tangled but there are no tear marks on my cheeks and my eyelashes are dry. I braid my hair down my back slowly, putting off the moment when I'll walk downstairs and find Gale. Gale who no doubt carried me from the woods. Despite my running out on him. Despite my disappearing a whole day. Despite the pain it may have caused his back. And since my bed is empty, despite deciding he would sleep on the couch.

Downstairs he is in the kitchen. My stomach rumbles and I remember we never ate those rabbits from yesterday. They are roasting now on the stove and the strawberries are cut up in a bowl. I stand in the doorway until he looks up, but he pushes the bowl of strawberries toward me and turns his attention back to the rabbits. I take one and chew but it feels and tastes like glue.

I stand there, eating berry after berry until the rabbit it done. He loads half of one onto a plate for me, and another half for himself. I don't feel like eating it but since he made it I sit down and force it down my throat.

The silence we eat in makes me sick and I actually breath in deeply to force back the nausea.

"Gale," I begin because we both know we'll have to talk about it at some point. Apparently he isn't ready just yet because he grabs both our empty plates and puts them in the sink.

"We need more bread," he says stiffly as he slides his jacket on and leaves. I don't say anything to bring him back, though I know he's waiting for me to. What can I say that won't end in tears or an argument? I still need time to think.

I stay in and resume going through the apothecary book. Gale is out longer than he should be, getting bread. But I can't blame him for stalling. I didn't really want to return to the house after what happened either.

When he does come through the door though I've already eaten half of my nails out of concern. I stand up immediately and while I haven't forgotten the tension between us I can't help shouting at him.

"Where were you?"

He looks up, a little surprised but more wearily as if I have tantrums often he simply has to endure.

"I went to get bread, Catnip."

I can tell he's trying to placate me, using my nickname, but I refuse to be calm. "If doesn't take that long to get bread. I was worried and…" And for some reason I have a hard time finishing that sentence because I am suddenly thinking of what would happen if Gale hadn't come back at all. I realize that dread that has been in my stomach all day was the feeling that I had already pushed him away for good and the fear he would never come back.

Gale is crossing over to me and I try to wipe the fear from my face. I won't let him touch me because I know my resolve will break down and I don't want to cry in front of him.

"I was just out for a while, that's all." He says it gently and in that moment we both know we'll never openly talk about last night.

"Let me check your back," I say quietly. For a second it doesn't look like he's heard me, then he turns around and lets me lift his shirt.

I bite my lips and stop my hands from curving around the definitions of his back and abdomen. It looks better, but not much.

"You're taking the bed tonight." He nods but I can tell he's disappointed we won't be sharing it. I'm disappointed too but if it led to another kiss and I pushed him away again…

We don't have much of a dinner, a few slices of bread each. I eat less than him because I'm still feeling nauseous. I hope the feeling goes away, I'm not sure if I can sleep like this. When the sun has just set we are both ready for sleep. We both want an escape from the silence.

I sleep on the couch after making sure he's in my room. The nausea ebbs but it takes a while for me to fall asleep.

It's deep sleep, even when I'm dreaming. It isn't a scary dream. I may be running but I feel a kind of empty emotionless adrenaline. When I trip I jerk awake. In the middle of the night the house is quiet as death and completely black. I press a hand to my stomach where I feel more nauseous.

I can't sleep. I can barely sit up. When I stand and begin to walk I'm stumbling from side to side. The few shapes I can make out in the darkness blur and my dizziness distorts them. I don't want to but I have to go to Gale. I vaguely remember the way to my room and push the door open. It creaks loudly but Gale doesn't stir. I can make out his form, half under the blankets his bare top covered in moonlight. His face is hard and he doesn't look relaxed but I can't think of that as I stumble over because I may fall over at any minute. I stop in the middle of the room and sway.

"Gale," I hiss. He moves a little but doesn't wake up. I whisper his name again. This time he wakes up. He blinks blearily then starts when he realizes I'm standing there. Confusion etches his tired face.

"Katniss?"

I'm about to reply, I get the word out "I-" before I feel in serious danger of my knees buckling. Gale seems to notice I'm practically falling over and leaps up to support me. The nausea is worse but I grip his shoulders as he leads me backward to he bed and lays me down. I don't want him to go but I don't have to hold onto him. He is leaning over me and I feel his cool hand on my forehead. I can't help but sigh with relief.

"You've got a fever," he says and I can hear he is fighting to keep his voice steady. He turns around and I grab at the air where he just was, making a feeble noise. His hand closes over mine and pushes it back to my side. "I'm going to get you some medicine. Stay here."

I nod and listen to him leave. It seems like eternity of cold and dizziness before he comes back with a glass of water and a pill. He holds me in a sitting position as I take the pill. I hold the glass to my lips but my hand is shaking and a bit of water sloshes over my bed. He wraps his hand around the glass, and mine and holds it to my lips while I sip. I barely finish the water before I push it away.

Gale rests me back down. I don't want him to go now, though I know he'll get up and be back at the couch. But I can't ask him to stay. He has to rest too or he'll get sick again. I have no doubt I am getting the fever he was ill with but he has to fight the sickness in his cuts. I expect him to leave, wait for the sounds of his feet moving away but I don't hear them and when I open my eyes he is there, running his thumb over my palm. I can't stop a tear from rolling down my cheek. I'm so tired…

He's there when I wake up, his top half on the bed, the other half in a chair. I feel a stab of guilt that he hasn't gotten much sleep. I sit up and ignore the dizziness that follows. When my vision has returned to normal I gently nudge his shoulder until he wakes. When he does he smiles and for the first time in what seems like forever, I smile back.

"Gale, take the bed. I'll go sleep on the couch. You need rest."

The smile vanishes. "Can't you just let me take care of you?" he asks and we both understand this is about more than the sickness.

I want to argue but more than that I want him to forgive me, so I nod and lean back. Gale disappears and I ignore the fear that builds up whenever he's gone. He'll be back. When he is he's carrying bread and more water. I eat some of it, forcing it down my throat where it feels thick. I know I have to say something. Now.

"The kiss," I begin and he closes his eyes as if he can block out what I'm saying. "I, it wasn't fake. At all," I add. I'm not sure where I'm going with this. "I'm sorry I ran awa-"

Gale interrupts. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have pushed Catnip."

Now I'm confused. He didn't push, not completely. I did too. "I just remembered… everything. It happens and I can't block it out."

He nods, understanding. But he doesn't understand. He doesn't know how much I love him and need him. I reach forward and tangle my fingers in his hair. I hesitate for a fraction of a second but he is waiting for me. I lean in but I don't kiss him, remembering I'm sick. Instead we both just stay, close and enjoying the heat. He puts his hands on my neck and waist and we are both trembling with the other's proximity. I feel something rise in my throat and have to breathe deeply, trying to smile for Gale's sake but he notices and pushes me back down in bed.

For the next few days' things are better. We talk together and sometimes he sleeps next to me. I feel better and he lets me apply ointment to his back. Each time we hold our breath, unsure of what my probing hands might lead to but we haven't kissed yet.

He looks after me and we go hunting in a couple of days. While I'm exhausted at the end of it I feel better than I have in a while and we make some good kills. Gale is giving me the bigger portion of our food but I don't let him get off easily and he isn't allowed to sit by my bed while I sleep.

Now I'm better. My fever is gone and I don't feel nauseous at all.

I want to surprise Gale. I want to try again. Without running away. To show him how much he means and how much I want him. He's out getting bread. He doesn't want me out in the cold yet so he runs most of the errands. I can see him through the window though, coming back with the warm loaves under his shirt.

When he opens the door and goes to the kitchen, talking about how he bought a special treat, some cheese tart at the bakery I just wait in the doorway. His cheeks are red from cold, his eyes alive. He is animated as he talks but I just smile and move toward him, charged with a piercing hot emotion. He doesn't notice until I'm inches from him, then he stops talking. I reach up and kiss him. He is startled but doesn't pull back. Instead he matches my eagerness, and then some. I slip my warm hands over his icy cheeks and kiss him harder. He is pulling off his jacket but leaves his shirt on.

I kiss his jaw and down his neck, hoping he enjoys my warmth and by the way he presses his frozen body toward mine, I can tell he does.

We both stumble blindly, kissing each other and grasping each other's clothes. His shirt is off before we know it and mine follows soon after. We somehow make it to my bedroom where we collapse on the bed. He rolls so I am hovering above him. I feel him pause and I sickly remember this is where we stopped last time. But I continue to kiss him and try to use his closeness to make the fear go away. His kisses are filled with equal verve and move down to my collarbone, bruising my pulse point.

Mixed in with the pleasure, the fear surfaces. I gasp and go frigid and Gale immediately stops, first with concern in his eyes, then I see him pulling away.

"No," I gasp. "Give me a second." I'm pleading and I'm not being fair, I know it. We both don't have much self control right now but after a moment he nods and waits, holding me in the spot. He is rocking me as I shiver, whispering in my ear, filling it with his hot breath and the sound of his desire, which only further comforts me.

When I'm convinced he won't leave I kiss him slowly. He kissed back hard but seems to understand I feel fragile, so he slows down, running his hands up and down my back.

When we are back to the heat we felt before I feel his fingers tugging at the fabric that binds my chest. I am blushing but I nod quickly and kiss him to hide my emotions. He slides his fingers under it and pulls it up over my head. I have to fight the urge to cross my hands over my chest. For a moment he just kisses me, keeping his eyes on my face. Then I see his eyes flicker to my chest. To spare me he doesn't say anything, just kisses my collarbone. His lips move lower and lower until they are at my stomach, capturing my belly button in his with his lips. A small groan escapes me and I bite my lips to stop from groaning again. For some reason I don't want him to guess how much of an effect he is having on me.

The sound I make reminds me of where this is headed. Do I want to go there with Gale? The question isn't about Gale; I will always want to share this with Gale, when it happens. But do I want to do this? I love his touches, gentle caresses with rough hands but the further his hands travel, as much as I love the new experiences, I know I'm not ready for this. How do I stop it? Without pushing Gale away again? I feel fear at the thought of him leaving, angry with me or hurt, but I have to say something as he fumbles with the button on my pants.

"Gale," I say and take his hands. I'm still kissing him but they're feather light and I'm only kissing his lips. He is hesitantly kissing back but I can tell he's confused.

"Katniss, are you alright?" He isn't concealing the concern in his voice.

I nod and keep kissing him, letting go of his hands. I don't want to have to say it and I briefly consider just doing it, to make Gale happy. He stops me though, turning his head so a kiss lands on his cheek. We are both breathing heavily but he manages to say "Are you ready for this?"

It's a direct question; I cannot avoid answering because he won't let me kiss him into silence. I bite the inside of my cheek and nod, refusing to meet his eyes.

I can't see his expression as he kisses me again but he pulls back too soon.

"No you're not," he says, and his voice isn't angry. It's… understanding? He's holding my waist, wrapping his arms loosely around it and I notice I'm trembling.

I give my head a little shake and force myself to look up at him. He isn't smiling but he is calm and stroking my hair. "It's not fair to you," I mumble.

He tugs on a strand of my hair and pulls me down so I'm lying on top of him, his arms encasing me and I lean my head on his chest.

"It's fair. You're still here." I know he means here, on his chest, sharing myself with him. I smile a little and nod.

We don't fall asleep but we start to talk in low tones. It's far past dark by the time we get up to eat. I pull my shirt on and cut up the bread, then skin a couple of the squirrels Gale caught the other day. We're each famished, eating this much will be fine.

I stew the squirrels and Gale cuts up half the loaf of bread. We don't eat any greens but we take sips of tea as we eat and by the end of the meal we are satisfyingly full.

We decide to stay up. With both of us being sick we've gone to bed early each night. Finally neither of us is too ill and we can stay up talking.

We talk about hunting, about the games, and about old things. There isn't much new to talk about but we come around to what might be growing in the forest when the weather gets warmer again. There's still a future, even if it's uncertain.

When we do go to sleep it's together. I wear a shirt and only my undergarments beneath. Gale wears a t-shirt and soft light shorts. Unlike previous nights in which we limited our contact to brushing hands, he curls his body around mind and I burrow into him, reveling in his warmth. His arms aren't fully around my waist but his hands on resting on my sides. It feels right and safe. I have forgiven Gale for everything and I hope he's forgotten it too. We have so much to do. In the ruins of Panem food is as hard to come by as it was before. Except for bread, thanks to Peeta. In a way I'm thankful for Peeta. He is a great friend and he will always mean more to me, even though I love Gale. I can't love Gale any more than I do.

The days go by and we have settled into a routine. Gale and I are close, closer than ever. We still hunt but some days we stay in and just talk. As much as I love it though, hunting can't fill the days. I've gone through the apothecary book. We've visited the neighbours and traded. However, without the Capitol hounding us and without starvation in such close quarters, survival doesn't take all our tme and energy. No school, easily accessed food… there isn't much to do.

A year ago this would have suited me. A year ago looking after Prim and mother and hunting with Gale, everyday, would have been fine. Now I find I want more. The Hunger Games, as barbaric and cruel as they were, took me away from that life and now it isn't enough.

Gale is content. He has always been content with the forest, but I've changed. He hasn't recognized it but when he does I'm not sure how he'll react. Will he understand it isn't enough any more to just stay and survive? I need a reason to survive. I hope he doesn't think he isn't a good enough reason.

I decide to broach the subject during dinner. Gale hasn't eaten since breakfast so I figure if we argue there's a chance he won't walk away from the food.

We're having wild dog, the remains of something that began chasing us in the woods. We dip our stale rolls into it and suck them dry. I am eating more slowly than him and he soon notices.

"What's wrong Catnip?" he asks.

I begin to fiddle with my bread and refuse to meet his gaze. "There's no Prim anymore. Mother's gone. Your family is back in District Two. There's no Capitol. What are we going to do?" This is much more than I planned to say but it all came out in a rush. The silence that descends makes me uncomfortable but we have to discuss it.

"We're going to survive," he says and his voice is gentle. "Like we always did, Catnip."

I take a moment before responding, this time looking right in his eyes. "There's so little to do. Now there are only two of us to feed. Everyone is still scattered. We can survive with a third of the time we used to. There isn't anything to do. I'm…" I struggle to find the word and settle for one. "I'm bored, Gale."

His expression is unreadable but he has retreated slightly, to think. When he does speak his voice is cold. I flinch. "Are you bored with me?"

I back peddle quickly, getting into a fight is the last thing I wanted to do. "No, it has nothing to do with you. You've made it easier to live and I want to stay with you. It's just…" I bite my lip. He's waiting for me to continue but nothing is coming out.

Gale picks up his plate and dumps it in the kitchen sink. I stay and stare at the cold food on mine as he goes upstairs. He can have the bed tonight.

I sleep on the couch, after taking a long bath, which did nothing to clear my thoughts. I'm surly the next morning, trudging around and making as much noise as I can to wake Gale. How could he think I'm bored with him? Of course I'm not. He won't face it, still doesn't trust me. Haven't I given him every reason to? Except for Peeta, and my constant running out. My anger dissolves a bit but I refuse to let it go. When I hear Gale moving around I don't want to see him so I grab my jacket and quickly leave, slamming the door shut, making certain he can hear it.

I haven't gone to the bakery in a long time. It feels like ages since I've seen Peeta. When I open the door though he looks the same as ever. Blonde hair just a bit too long, face burnt by the heat of the oven. He smiles as I walk in but it's a tight, controlled smile. I smile back.

"Hi Peeta."

"Hi Katniss, haven't seen you in a while. Hungry?"

I nod and look at the various breads. They are as good as the ones Peeta's father made, before he moved as well, with what seems like the majority of District 12. All the different sizes and shapes… I'm lost. "Any recommendations?" I ask, hoping to sound more casual than confused.

Peeta grins and picks up a steaming loaf that must have come out the oven seconds before I arrived. "It's got a lot of nuts in it," he says and waves it under my nose. The smell is heavenly and I fumble for the money as he wraps it for me.

This is the extent of our conversation now. We exchange bread for money. A part of me misses the way we spoke during the games. When neither of us was being the loving couple for the cameras. The way we spoke when we decided to be just friends.

I give him a sincere smile as I leave. "See you around." It's a lie but it's comforting.

He smiles too, as sadly as I feel. "Yes. Bye Katniss."

I leave the bakery and survey the empty streets. Though the hunger has ended and many people still mine, District 12 is a ghost of what it once was. Everyone has moved closer to the Capitol. To linger with the people they never met from other districts and celebrate the freedom of all in Panem. There may not be forests there and I may not be one for small talk, but the presence of people around must be nice. To not feel so lonely and… isolated. If only Gale and I lived closer. Not in the Capitol, but around there. In District 2. Gale seemed to like it there, would I? Another thought forms. Maybe we could visit. See what it's like.

I feel awful for a second; thinking of leaving District 12, the place that has always been my home, even though I don't have many ecstatic memories about it. But I would be leaving everything behind. The shop, the woods, and Peeta.

Before I know what I'm doing, my feet are taking me back to bakery. Peeta is surprised to see me, which makes sense, having not seen me for weeks then seeing me twice in one day.

I speak before he can open his mouth. "Have you ever though of moving, closer to the Capitol?" The question has him completely by surprise.

"Yes, but I'm not sure what I'd do there. Nobody would want to buy bread from me. Not with the fine Capitol food." I know we both have good memories of the food they fed us and we're grinning at the memory.

"You could sell the really fancy stuff. The cakes and cookies. Or you could actually paint, make art."

The idea sounds preposterous when it comes out my mouth but Peeta looks like he's actually thinking about it.

"Are you thinking of leaving?" He asks.

I think then shrug. It's too soon to tell.

He hands me a small bag. "Let me know," he's grinning. I grin back and look in the package just as I leave. Two cookies. One for me and one for… Gale.

Gale who's trudging through the thin layer of snow toward me right now, anger apparent on his face. Well, I'm not angry with him anymore.

"What are you doing?" he hisses. I'm taken aback. Isn't it obvious?

"I got bread," I answer, hefting the loaf.

He ignores the bread completely. "You just walked out without telling me. And came here. What took so long?"

After the day he disappeared for hours going to "get bread" I feel furious. "I was talking to Peeta. He's a friend Gale, get over it."

Gale does seem to get over it because he takes the bread from me and holds my hand all the way back home. When we arrive and I show him the packet of cookies, forgotten in our argument, he gives me a long look.

"I'm sorry, Catnip. I know you didn't mean that but I don't know what you want."

I nod. I'm relieved he isn't angry but when I tell him about my conversation with Peeta, will he get angry all over again? I sigh and face him.

"Gale, I'm going to tell you something and I want you to hear all of it before you get angry or, or anything." Gale looks surprised and confused but after a moment he concedes.

I tell him about my plan to move to District 2. "…You've been there. I don't know what it's like but there might be more to do there. Something to," I pause. "Live for." Besides you, I think, hoping it's obvious.

Gale is silent. When he does speak he is smiling. "I would go to District 2 with you Katniss, if you really wanted." I can't help grinning ear to ear. "We should." He looks at me and I launch myself at him, laughing quietly and holding him closely as I kiss him. He smiles against my lips and I feel him intertwine his fingers with mine.

When we pull apart I go on. "I'm not sure what we can do but I'm sure Haymitch would be able to help us. Peeta could always bake, or paint. He said he's wanted to do that. When he said he'd come with us he-" I stop. I had expected some reaction from Gale when I mentioned Peeta's coming with us, but not this much of one. He drops my hand and stands back forcing me to take a step to catch my balance. His eyes are cold and looking anywhere but at mine.

"What's wrong?" I already knew the answer but I was praying he wouldn't say it.

"You already asked Peeta?" His voice cut through me like ice.

"Yes," I faltered. "He was in the bakery when I thought of it so I asked him…"

Gale's face has darkened to the blackest look I've ever seen him have. "So you don't want me to go? Peeta's already going with you. And he has a job. What would I do? Stand around while everyone fawns over the victors? While they go on about you and your boyfriend?"

His last words hurt. I had thought he was my boyfriend. And he knows it wouldn't be like that. I want him there. It isn't worth going without him. I shook my head. "No, that's not it. He's not, Gale, you know that…" I try to convince him but I felt him move away and when I raise my head I'm standing alone.

I wake up with a pain in my neck and an unusual amount of noise outside the living room window. When I crane to peak through the curtains my line of vision meets with what must be all of District 12 outside. The square of the seam, the former Hob, is being decorated with lanterns and the stalls cleared away. There won't be any trading today. Thank goodness I bought that bread yesterday.

I watch the decorating continue. How could I forget? Now was when the champions of the Hunger Games usually began their victory tour, now was the time people celebrated the end of those barbaric days. Tonight there would be a feast, leaving people scavenging for days after. There would be delicacies and wine and music and dancing. It was still strange for me to see this kind of joy in the Seam but the excited faces of children spared an awful future was a welcome change. For a brief second I imagined Prim's face had this been her future.

Peeta wandered by, carrying a covered tray steaming slightly in the cold morning. I smiled and forced myself off the couch. I threw open the door and jogged lightly after him. When he found me at his elbow he started but I grabbed the tray soon enough to steady it. He grinned. "Morning, Katniss."

"Good morning. What are you bringing to the feast?"

He indicated the tray. "It's a surprise. What are you bringing?"

Honestly, I had nothing to bring. Maybe I'd go hunting soon and bring back a turkey, if I could find one. "It's a surprise." This won a smile. "Are you looking forward to the celebration? This time a few years ago we would have just been thankful we hadn't been tributes."

"Except we were." There isn't any tension in the statement and Peeta just nods. He's seemed to have gotten over it, at least enough.

I shift my gaze forward. I sometimes feel the games happened to another person entirely, or like they're a hazy memory from when I was too young to be fully conscious. Sometimes they hit me with full force and I constantly fear they're right below the surface and they'll emerge when I'm not prepared.

"Katniss?" Peeta's voice snaps me back to reality and I face him. "Are you alright?" He's concerned about me.

I smile and nod to reassure him. I didn't notice we've stopped walking. He sets the tray on a table to the side of the square, one of many where families will be bringing the best food they can afford.

"I know how it is Katniss," he says. "I used to remember everything so vividly. It comes and goes now but I have to remind myself sometimes. The important thing is that even when the venom is awful and the visions are so real, it ends soon enough and life goes one." He's leaning against the table while I stand uncertainly, his shoulder brushing mine. I want to accept his comfort but I don't, I just lean against the table and sigh.

"You're right. I just want something to do. Some way to get over it."

He nods. "That's why you want to go to District 2? It's a good reason. When are you going?"

I shrug. "Whenever Gale goes. If he wants to go." I guess my face isn't hard to read. When I notice Peeta's look I try to wipe it clean of emotion.

"Gale doesn't want to go?" His voice is purely curious.

"I don't know. He wanted to then…" I decide not to tell Peeta what Gale said. It wasn't fair to Peeta. Instead I changed the subject. "You should open a gallery in District 2. I have no idea what to do, I'm pretty sure hunting isn't much of a job but if you get real brushes and paint you could paint what you frost."

Peeta accepts my change of subject and we start the conversation. He tells me about his drawings, how frequent they've become and what he draws. He's been out to the meadow, drawing flowers. But he likes drawing people more. And sometimes he gets paid for the drawings.

The sun is past its midpoint when I return to the house, my fight with Gale forgotten and my spirits high. I grad my bow from beside the front door and head out to hunt.

It doesn't cross my mind that I haven't seen or heard from Gale all day. I try to remember if he slept in my room all night but I'm not sure. I don't let it bother me.

I don't catch a turkey but I shoot a deer. It's better than I'd hoped for and the pelt is beautiful and silky. When I skin it I can use the pelt, or sell it. The carcass is heavy but I carry it home and begin preparing it for tonight. The sun is beginning to set by the time the meet is cooking and I'm in the bath, scrubbing away layers of dirt and sweat. I emerge and dress in dark pants and a light blue shirt, a thin, soft shirt of my mother's.

Gale still hasn't appeared. As I pull the meat out I feel worried. But perhaps he went to find something for the feast tonight too.

I wait until dark to appear in the hob. With the stalls put away and lanterns projecting warm fire light all over the square, and with the delicious aromas of fine food off to the side, the Seam has been transformed. Crowds are dancing, smiling and laughing to upbeat music. I place the deer on the table and watch the coloured lanterns bobbing up and down in the black night.

A hand on my shoulder makes me jump. I whirl around to see Peeta, looking dashing in black with hair still slightly damp from a bath. He laughs at my reaction. "Jumpy Katniss?"

We talk for a while, and then join the dancers. It's breezy and slightly cool but the heat of so many happy bodies in one place keeps us warm. All the while my eyes scan the crow for Gale. Peeta and I are sitting, gorging ourselves on plates full of rolls and stew and Peeta's cheese and apple tarts when I spot Gale. I nearly bite through the fork I'm eating with.

Gale is dancing, with Madge. But it isn't normal dancing. Gale has his hands on Madge's waist and his face close to hers. He is whispering in her ear and occasionally touching his lips to her neck. The dance is much more intimate than what I was doing with Peeta, and too heated for me to like. Gale turns his head, locking eyes with mine, and he smirks and pulls Madge closer, letting his hands slide to her hips.

My cheeks burn and I hope it will be mistaken for heat from the lanterns and the small fires that have been lit around the square to keep it from getting too cold.

"Katniss?"

I turn back to Peeta. "Sorry, I got distracted." I don't mention Gale and I'm relieved Peeta doesn't ask.

We stay soundless for a while, long enough for me to rage at Gale silently. How dare he dance with Madge like that? I don't blame Madge at all; she is my friend and a friend of Gale's. Could he really do something like this just because he was angry with me? Was he that petty? Or, another, much worse thought struck me. Was he over me? My mind wandered back to his absence all day. He had been with Madge. This made me unbelievably furious. My vision blurred and swirled with the red colours of the fires.

The music changed eventually. It was sweet and melodic but slow and some people began dancing in groups, holding hands in circles, while others swayed together in partners. I resisted the urge to glance over at Gale. I felt guilty suddenly. Peeta had stayed beside me while I silently brooded for who knows how long? I would make it up to him.

"Want to dance?" I blurted suddenly. Peeta raised his eyebrows and his blue eyes widened.

"Sure," he murmured. We held hands and moved to the crowd. Peeta hesitantly places his hands around my middle, interlocking his fingers in the small of my back. I place my hands on his shoulders and when my arms grow tired I let them hang limply around his neck. When they get more tired I let them fall to his chest and I rest my head there, listening to his heartbeat. I didn't notice when he rested his head in my neck but we swayed until the end of the song, enjoying each other's closeness.

The music stopped and I pulled away. Being near him felt right, but if anything else came of it… I remembered Gale. I turned to see Gale watching me, his eyes blazing in the firelight, Madge with her hand on his arm and concern on her face. I stood still and waited for him to look away but he would not so I took Peeta by the hand and led him away. I could tell by his faltering steps he was confused but I turned in the direction of the house and he took up my speed. I let his arm drop and as we walked our fingers brushed.

Peeta walked me home and gave me a brief hug when I opened the door. I smiled and said goodnight, wishing I wasn't so tired. I wanted to stay out and dance but I could see he was weary with me and I felt annoyed with myself too. I kept bringing him close then pushing him away. Would I never make up my mind about the boy with the bread? Still, we were friends, and as I closed the door I felt good about that.

I was glad Gale wasn't home. I made my way to the bedroom and kicked off my shoes, not bothering to change. Maybe since he was with Madge, I could have the bed all to myself again.

Despite my exhaustion my brain won't turn off. My mind wanders to Peeta and I wondered if he was still in the square. My stomach growls and I realize I hadn't eaten as much of the rich food I had seen there as I could have. And I probably wouldn't get another chance like this for a while. I wonder if I can sneak some of it home, save it for tomorrow.

This new idea spurs me out of bed. I pull on my boots and search for my jacket, slipping it over my arms. I smooth my hair down and go to the door. There's a noise just outside of it. I wonder if Peeta's still there…

I don't open the door to Peeta. I open the door to Gale. With her arms around his neck and her lips on his is Madge. In the dim light I can see her cheeks are red, she's had too much to drink, but Gale is holding her and kissing her back. They break apart and Gale turns to me. He looks surprised and frantic while Madge is smiling and swaying slightly.

My first thought is I must not cry. If Gale sees me cry now I'm not sure I'll ever be able to face him. On the other hand I don't want to get angry, I don't want him to see how upset he can make me. And I don't feel anger, just a piercing numbness in my stomach, spreading through my body.

I struggle to keep my face neutral, hoping it hasn't become void of colour. I force a smile onto it, though the gesture feels tight and alien.

"Sorry," I say, my voice sounds strange to me. "I didn't know you were out here."

Madge is grinning from ear to ear and while a part of me wants to slap her, another part recognizes that tomorrow, when she's sobered, she'll probably feel awful about this. I can't hate her for that.

I start to back up, getting ready to close the door. Gale makes a move. "Katniss…" he begins but I'll never know what he was going to say because I close the door. I don't slam it, just place my palms against the wood and shut it. Before I know what I'm doing I've turned the lock and I'm walking away, as quickly as I can before the tears come streaming out.

Gale's muffled shouts are echoing through the living room. I clap my hands over my ears and dive into bed, praying he'll leave soon. Praying Gale will stay far away from me for a long time.

I wake up to bright light streaming in the windows. Too bright. I shut my eyes but the light seeps through my lids making them red. Memories of Gale and Madge's kiss filter into my mind from last night. I try to shut them out, yelling at myself into my pillow. I yell my throat raw and roll over, again and again, trying to get comfortable and fall back to sleep. When it becomes obvious this won't happen I force myself out of bed.

I change into pants and a plain shirt then braid my hair messily down my back. Today would be a good day for hunting. With all the sun. Besides, with the feast yesterday everyone will be short on food and, for a while, it will cost more. I grab my bow and my game bag and make for the door. I don't even notice Gale is on the other side of it until I push it open and hit him in the back. He gets startled awake and rubs his back as I open the door, peering around it to see what's in the way. I can't help but stare in surprise. Did he sleep out here all night? Where's Madge? I glance up, half expecting to see her there too, but Gale probably walked her home. Then why did he come back here?

"Catnip," Gale says when he realizes it's me, and he scrambles to his feet. I want to ignore him and walk away, to glare at him or push him but I control those urges, not wanting him to know how angry I am. Or how hurt.

"Morning," I say and nod. "You should get some sleep." I turn and walk toward the woods but Gale catches up with me and has to jog slightly because I'm trying to walk as quickly as I can.

"Katniss, that kiss meant nothing."

I don't want to hear it. I keep walking, turning to the right abruptly and knock him off balance. He stumbles but races to catch up with me again.

"Madge was drunk. I came to find you but I had to take her with me."

"Why did you have to find me?" I ask, keeping my face and my voice as neutral as possible.

"I wanted to apologize. For-" he shakes his head. "For dancing with Madge, and acting like that. I was going to earlier but you were dancing with Peeta." Now there's a hint of anger in his voice.

My jaw almost drops and I feel a bitter laugh rising in me. "I have a right to dance with Peeta. It isn't your business, just like it isn't mine what you do with Madge."

We're well beyond the fence now, entering the forest. I wish Gale would turn around and leave me in peace, that way I might catch some actual game, but he stays and argues.

"I wasn't doing anything with her, she kissed me! And you were getting cozy with Peeta anyway, so what do you care?"

He's challenging me now; I know it. I turn and face him, smiling as politely as I can. "I don't, Gale. I really don't. What you do with Madge is your business. Like I said. I'm trying to hunt, please leave me alone." I fight to keep my voice steady and look at his eyes but I somehow manage.

Gale opens his mouth but not a sound comes out. Instead he grabs me by the arms and holds me in one spot. I don't protest but I refuse to blush as he leans closer.

"Katniss, I'm sorry. I was going to tell you. Nothing happened between me and Madge." His lips get closer as he speaks until they're crashing into mine. The effect is surreal and strong, he lights fires in me and brings out a force I didn't know I had. But in a split second I remember his kiss with Madge, that she touched his lips like this only last night and I pull away. I stare at his feet in front of me, unable to lift my head or look at him.

"I need to hunt Gale. Go away."

Gale is breathing heavily, I can hear him. I can also imagine the shocked look on his face but I push past him and walk. I don't hear him walking away but I don't hear him following and eventually I rest against a tree and catch my breath, waiting for the forest to quiet again and the hunt to begin.

I wait until sunset to return. I've put it off as long as possible, killing so many squirrels and rabbits, and even a wild dog that they won't fit in my game bag. I wanted to go home earlier but I didn't want to run into Gale. Why did he have to make everything so difficult? Just thinking of that kiss sends blood rushing to my cheeks.

Thankfully Gale isn't anywhere to be seen as I walk back to the house, struggling not to drop any of the game I've shot. I'm also vaguely annoyed, having lost a few arrows today.

When I come in I drop the game in the kitchen and briefly consider skinning it there and then but I am soaked with sweat and under a thin layer of dirt and animal blood. It takes a few buckets to fill the tub, then when I get in and let the dirt and blood mingle in the water I have to add another couple of buckets to scrub myself with. Eventually I'm clean and I run my fingers through my hair before braiding it and changing, letting my wet hair leave a wet patch on my back.

I go back to the kitchen and skin the animals. My fingers move numbly and now, out of the sunshine and in the kitchen with a cold draft blowing through my wet hair, I'm cold. The house is empty and I wonder if this is because of Gale's absence. I've gotten so used to him being around. If I had other friends… but I've never had many friends. I never spoke to anyone much before the games and in the arena was hardly a place for friendship. Except with Peeta. But Peeta and I… I had to keep a distance from him. I love Peeta. I always will. But I can't let it go any farther than friendship. I love Gale more, even though the thought of him around makes me feel sick.

It's pitch black outside when I finish the skinning and I'm wrapping up the animals. The wild dog has a decent pelt; I might be able to trade it tomorrow.

I don't bother eating; my throat feels like I'm swallowing glue. Instead I lie in bed and wait for morning, wearing my shirt and pants and only bothering to take off my socks and take out my braid. I want to forgive Gale but I've pushed him away again. For good reason. Now that I think about it, Madge is a far better match for him than I am…

I wake up to rain. I should have known the good weather wouldn't last long. I brighten up when I remember the food I collected yesterday but it still takes a while to get out of bed. Today isn't the day for trading but I decide to offer the dog pelt around, out of sheer boredom. I wrap myself in my jacket and head out.

The rain is light but as if one queue, when I'm halfway through the square it begins bucketing. Running for cover I duck into the bakery where Peeta is selling a loaf to a young customer, someone I recognize from the lower levels of school. She smiles at me as she leaves and I smile back, and then turn my smile to Peeta.

Peeta looks glad to see me and we begin talking. He returned to the dance after I left but everyone was calming down. He helped clean up and opened the shop late yesterday, not that it made much of a difference; hardly anyone was looking to buy. I mention the animals I hunted and how many I caught. Peeta asks to buy one.

"I can't hunt like you and I would like some meat once in a while. Do you have any on you?"

I shake my head. "If you come tonight I'll have them. I've already skinned them."

Peeta smiles. "Great. I'll take two Katniss."

Being here, in the warmth, with Peeta makes me feel better and I almost forget Gale. I stay long after the rain has let up and around lunchtime, when my stomach growls, Peeta offers me food.

"No, I can't take anything for free," I decline.

"The way you're giving me a rabbit?" He has a point. I munch on a roll and sit behind the counter, watching as he makes deals with customers. Peeta really would do well in District 2. He's good with people and with pastries.

Gale comes in. Of course, I think. When are the odds ever in my favour?

He doesn't notice me at first, he's busy picking a loaf, but when he glances up with money in his outstretched palm he notices me chewing silently next to Peeta. His expression is difficult to read but there's obvious anger, hurt and confusion. I stare blankly back at him. I'm not his. I never was.

He hands Peeta the money. Peeta can sense the tension between us, I can tell by the way he glances back and forth, but he smiles and thanks Gale.

"Thanks," Gale says sulkily and stands a little taller. He exits the bakery and I can't make out through the foggy windows which way he goes.

"Katniss, are you alright?"

I've stopped eating but I quickly start again. "I'm fine. Gale and I just had a fight." It's easier to say it than I thought and it feels good to get it out in the open.

"Oh." I can't tell what that means from Peeta but I decide to focus on my roll. When I finish it Peeta and I talk even longer. He is being more open, friendlier, laughing more often and smiling more widely. I know why, but for now I pretend I don't notice.

Eventually I leave, thanking him for the roll and reminding him I'll be home tonight with the rabbit.

I return home, no Gale in sight and get to work on the rabbit. When it's done cooking I lie on the couch and wait for Peeta, hoping he'll bring another roll along tonight…

I wake up to knocking on the door. I bounce up and smooth down my hair, hoping I don't look like a complete mess, and open the door.

"Peeta-"I begin and stop.

Gale glances up at me through his damp bangs. "Sorry, just me," I can hear the bitterness in his tone and it grates on my nerves.

I sigh and lean against the door frame, not inviting him in. "What is it Gale?" I let the weariness and anger in my voice match what I'm feeling.

"Can I come in?"

I hesitate then nod. Gale in the house. I can handle that.

"I'm sorry Katniss," he says once he's inside.

Oh no, I can't handle that. "For what?" I want to hear him say it. Own up to his own feelings for once instead of making me own up to mine, since every time I do he gets angry.

He looks like a whipped puppy as he hangs his head and answers "I'm sorry for accusing you about Peeta. I know it isn't my business and after how I acted with Madge it was completely fair-"

"Yeah, it was." I cut him off. "It wasn't for you to know about and I don't care what you were doing with Madge or what you thought it would accomplish but I don't know why you cared about me and Peeta." I didn't mean to say so much but once I started it kept coming out.

Gale looks at me like I'm crazy. "Of course I care. We kiss and a couple days later you're dancing with Peeta."

"It's no worse than you dancing with Madge!"

"So you were jealous?" He smirks. I want to smack that smirk off his face.

"Don't you dare, Gale. You won't tell me a single thing about how you feel but you want details about me. I'm off limits, get it?" The words sound harsh but they're what Gale needs to hear. In a strange way I enjoy the shocked look on his face.

"You know how I feel," he falters.

I shake my head and cross my arms. "No, I don't." If that isn't clear enough Gale is a bigger idiot than I ever thought.

He looks down and I think he won't speak. I'm about to offer him the door when he forces some words out. "I was jealous. Of you and Peeta. When you mentioned him coming to District 2. Then I danced with Madge to make you jealous but you danced with Peeta. I was going to come find you after but Madge came along and kissed me. I didn't kiss her, I didn't want to." His next words are so quiet I barely catch them. "She wasn't you."

I'm having a hard time keeping my face neutral; so many emotions are boiling inside of me. The ones I hate are the ones of love and hope for Gale; the others are feelings of betrayal and fear.

"Well, now that you've said that, anything else?" I don't want to end it this way but I don't know what else to say.

Gale looks up, stunned and sad. He shakes his head and stands to his full height. "I guess that's it."

I'm sad too; the fears I feel are weighing down on my chest. Gale doesn't love me; he won't even fight for me. I go to the door and put my hand on the knob, waiting for him to leave. He comes closer but as I'm about to the turn the handle he places his hands on my shoulders and pulls me into the deepest kiss we've ever shared. In it I feel his regret, his impatience and his greed. I feel his apology and taste something salty. It's his tears. As he's kissing me, he's crying. I tangle my fingers in his hair and pull him closer, running my hands over his cheeks, down his neck and over his shoulders. I'm comforting him for once, and he's letting me. He's letting me be the strong one.

Gale breaks away for a second and I want to kiss him again, I can taste his breathe, but he says quickly "I'm so sorry Catnip. I love you. I'm sorry." I don't even answer him; just kiss him again and again, trying to reassure him. My back is against the door, my fingernails digging into his t-shirt over his shoulder blades. One of his hands is in my hair and on my neck, tilting my head at different angles to kiss me deeper; the other is on my hip, pushing it against the wood of the doorframe. As we move I hit the handle and let out a tiny sound. I try to ignore it but Gale notices and moves me away from it, then pulls me off the door. I feel too open, with nothing behind me pushing me to Gale but he reaches down with his hands and grabs my legs, lifting me, and I wrap my legs around him. We make our way to the bedroom; he is running his hands over my back and stomach, sending huge shivers all over my body. I am frantically pulling at his shirt, forcing it over his head and letting it fall on the floor, tracing my fingers over his chest and stomach, enjoying his breath hitching in his throat.

He slowly peels off my shirt and holds me as close as he dares without hurting me. We roll on the bed, ignoring the sheets, only caring about our skin-to-skin contact. Soon I'm completely topless and wrestling with the buttons on Gale's pants. We've never gone this far and Gale is kissing down my jaw, my neck, my collarbone, to my stomach and teasing off my pants. He's tracing adorations over my skin with his kisses but he finds other ways to make me gasp. I don't stop him as he gently caresses my legs.

From there we only feel warmer, like our skin is on fire. It takes no time to remove both our undergarments and when he pauses to ask if I'm ready I just push him back to the pillows and kiss him.

It hurts at first. Gale warns me but I'm not prepared. He intertwines his fingers in mine and offers to stop if I want but I grit my teeth and shut my eyes against the tears and shake my head, urging him on. He whispers soothingly, though his breath is getting more uneven, and pets my hair until the worst of the pain is over. Then, when he's sure I'm ready, he begins. The pain is still there but faded to a dull ache and soon I'm just as enthusiastic as he is. The moment when we're one is beautiful and we finish gasping, with red cheeks and wild hair, lightly kissing one another.

Gale's tears are gone and I'm still feeling pain but Gale is rocking me in his arms under the sheets. I smile slightly and watch him watching me. He looks as though he'd be content to lie there looking at me forever and I would love to do the same.

"Are you okay?" I know he's referring to the ache in my hips but I brush it off.

"I'm fine. How are you?" I know he's been waiting for this for a while and it finally happened. I suppose if I'd been waiting for it that long I'd be happy.

He kisses me and laughs when I press more firmly into it. "Good. Amazing. I love you Katniss."

"I-I love you." The words sound small to me and I hope he doesn't think they're false but he closes his eyes and rests his forehead on mine.

"I'll go anywhere with you," he says. He opens his eyes and I feel his eyelashes fluttering on my cheeks.

"Even if Peeta comes?" The words are out before I can stop them and I'm suddenly scared I've ruined our perfect moment but Gale looks serious as he replies.

"Yes. Yes, Catnip."

I smile but something seems off, something I'm forgetting… I jump out of bed, my eyes wild. "Peeta! He's coming here to pick up a rabbit."

Gale is smiling and at first I can't figure out why until I realize I have no clothes on. I blush and grab the sheet off the bed, wrapping it around myself as I search for some clothes.

Gale gets up and wraps him arms around me as I pull on pants. "I kind of want Peeta to see you like this. You're hair is…" He trails away and I furiously pat down the wisps of hair flying about in frizzy waves.

"Well, I don't. I don't want to hurt him. Come one, get dressed and come downstairs, he'll be here soon."

Gale grudgingly puts on some clothes but refuses to come downstairs without holding my hand. I try to pat down his hair but he moves away whenever I try.

"Gale, I don't want Peeta to see-"

"See what?" Gale is smiling. He's clearly determined to make Peeta notice what just went on. I blush furiously. Suddenly though, I am struck with realization.

I just lost it. To Gale. It wasn't planned and I hadn't thought about it at all. Now I wonder how I should feel. I don't feel guilty but I don't feel anything else. Just happy that I shared it with Gale. Still, I feel in shock. It's odd to suddenly not have something you never paid attention to having. Not having feels as insubstantial as having it.

Gale notices my silence and puts his hand on my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

I stare back at him. "I'm not a…" I don't want to say the word. I feel stupid for a moment since Gale doesn't seem to be struggling with this.

He looks confused for a moment and then raises his eyebrows. He understands. He holds me to him. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "I should have stopped."

I push him away. "No, it was just as much me as it was you. And I don't regret it," the words tumble out before I can stop them. "I just didn't think about it. It doesn't matter."

Gale keeps his arms wrapped around me a little longer though. A knock interrupts us and I silently despair at Gale's appearance before opening the door.

Peeta is smiling and carrying a bag, which holds, judging by the smell of it, cheese buns.

I smile back and let him in. Gale smiles at Peeta, what seems to me like a friendly smile but Peeta falters.

"I've got your rabbit. You can take a second one if you want," I'm eyeing those buns now and he hands them over.

"That's alright. It's yours. I thought you'd enjoy these." I go into the kitchen to get the rabbit and come back out to see Gale running a hand through his already messy hair. I turn red and thrust the rabbit toward Peeta, ignoring Gale as much as possible.

Peeta takes the rabbit but let's his arm fall. He stares at me, and his expression turns to one of concern. "Are you ok? You look kind of flushed."

This makes me blush even more. "I'm fine," I mutter and force myself not to glance at Gale who is probably silently laughing at my expense. I take a deep breath and smile at Peeta. "Thank you for bringing those buns by. Enjoy the rabbit. I hope you know how to cook it." I kiss his cheek.

Peeta looks surprised but quickly recovers. "If I don't I'll just call you over."

I nod. What Peeta says next surprises me. "Keep me posted on our trip to District 2."

I nod again and follow him to the door. As soon as Peeta's gone I turn on Gale who's cat-like grin only makes me madder but as I get ready to rage I can see he's getting ready to kiss me. I dodge the kiss, moving across the room.

"Don't Gale. I don't want to hurt Peeta."

Gale looks annoyed and I know he's been trying to ignore the kiss on Peeta's cheek but I speak before he can. "Peeta's my friend and I care about him. He saved my life. I owe him and even if I didn't, I don't want to hurt him."

Gale is quiet but nods his understanding. He comes over to me and places his hands on my arms, rubbing them as he kisses my temple. "Do you want to go to District 2?"

I sit down and he follows me. "If you come, yes."

Gale pulls me onto his lap and I lean my head on the arm of the couch. "Of course I'll come. I like District 2 and at least Peeta can bake me something sweet."

I turn my face away. I would like if Gale were going at least partly to be with me. My cheeks feel hot and my throat feels full of glue.

Gale brushes back some hair on my face and I can hear him smile when he says "And I love you, Catnip."

I sit up quickly, as though I've been electrocuted. I remember the response I'd once given him when he told me he loved me. I put my hands on his shoulders and sit with my face as close to his as I can without kissing him. His eyes widen but I tangle my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck so he can't pull away, not that he tries.

"I love you too Gale." The words feel right and perfect, not forced. I say them softly and for a moment I'm not sure he's heard me but he pulls me into a lingering kiss. When we break away I rest my head on his chest. His heart is pounding as quickly as mine and soon lulls me into a light doze.

Gale is running his hands through my hair but eventually he picks me up. I struggle into semi consciousness and when we get to the bedroom I let him pull my pants off then watch as he takes off his and his shirt and, in his boxers, lies next to me. My breathing is getting deeper, the room is getting darker and I can feel myself slip away. Not before Gale murmurs "Sweet dreams Catnip, I'll be…" But I don't hear the rest because I'm already gone.

I have the first nightmare I've had in a while that night. Prim is standing, a few feet away from me, trapped on the other side of a piece of glass. All around us the world is empty and Prim seems smaller than I remember. There is something else there, on the other side of the glass. A creature that takes me a moment to recognize. Rue's muttation, from the first Hunger Games. It is stalking Prim who is smiling at me and waving, not noticing the danger behind her. I start screaming, frantically, pointing at Rue. Tears run down my face, for both Prim and Rue but Prim just looks confused. The danger doesn't dawn on her until the muttation's teeth have sunken into her neck.

I wake up in a sweat, screaming my throat raw, tears soaking my shirt and staining my cheeks. It's the dark of night but I don't register anything other than the panic in me. I thrash, still seeing Rue and Prim in the darkness behind my eyelids. It takes several minutes to realize someone is holding me, whispering and caressing my hair and neck.

By the time I realize I'm with Gale my breathing had slowed but my heart still pounds. I'm sure I look terrified and I can't stop sobbing and hiccupping. Gale looks pained, as though my tears are hurting him, but he rocks me against his chest, his face buried in my hair and whispers words I don't catch but soothe me anyway with his gentle voice. It's another long time before the tears subside and I can look up at him.

He doesn't question, doesn't ask anything but "Are you alright?"

I nod feebly. I wish I hadn't woken him. I wish my nightmares were silent, I feel guilty that Gale didn't sleep well just because of me. I try to pull away and roll onto my side. "I'm fine, go back to sleep," I say, trying to make my voice sound casual and loving but Gale pulls me to him and kisses my neck, sending a flare of heat through my vein.

"Katniss, you can't fool me. For one, you're a terrible liar. Just don't try."

I want Gale to comfort me but I don't know where to start. He's been hurt, as much as me. As much as anyone. He's seen his family in danger, he's seen me in danger and he's been tortured. Still, he hasn't seen Rue and I don't want to remind him of Prim. I turn over and kiss him, putting my pain into it and being given a gentle kiss back that stirs my stomach.

"I love you Gale."

He looks surprised but he doesn't press my subject change, just goes along with it.

"I love you too. You can tell me anything."

I shake my head, not because it isn't true, I know I can tell Gale anything. I always have been, since he was and is my best friend. I shake my head because I'd just rather not. But I can't go back to sleep, not just yet. The possibility of having another nightmare makes me tremble. "Just stay here, until I fall asleep." It's an absurd request and I know his answer before he says it.

"I'll be here while you sleep and when you wake up."

I let his heartbeat lull me again like it did this evening. When I sleep for a second time I don't dream of the horror that still plagues me.

When I wake up Gale is beside me, still asleep. I can't blame him, I don't know how long it took him to fall back to sleep after I woke him. I wait for him to wake up, watching the light and the way it dances on his eyelids and eyelashes. I memorize every line of his face and the way his dark hair falls across his face. I brush it back lightly, not wanting to wake him. Everything about him is warm and familiar to me now, from his restless bangs to his torso, which is exposed due to the sheets being pulled down.

I don't realize how close to his face I've gotten until he wakes up. When he does he looks confused for a second then grins. I smile back and accept his kiss.

We don't get up. We realize we don't have a reason to. There's just us, lying in the bed, occasionally talking, sometimes being completely silent, just stroking each other's hair or shoulders.

"Maybe we should get out of bed," I say in one of the lulls in our conversation.

Gale sighs hot against my neck and rolls me onto his chest, inching his hand up my shirt.

"Not yet," he half growls.

We stay in bed another hour then decide to get up. By the time we've had our breakfast of cheese buns it's begun to rain. If it was just drizzling I would be ready to hunt but it begins to pound, turning the landscape into grey mist and sheets of raindrops.

I suggest we plan our trip to District 2 and Gale begins searching through an old notebook for his contacts in District 2. He has no idea who's still there but he can call anyone, everyone. I watch, feeling useless. I resign myself to watching Gale and the way he fidgets when he's concentrating, flicking his hair off his forehead then brushing it back. I remember the feel of his hair, soft and sleek, under my fingers, and blush.

Eventually Gale has a list of people to call. We make another list, of things to pack. There isn't much, we realize. Just the clothes and the books and my hunting gear. We live too simply to carry heavy baggage. Now all that's left to do is make some calls and choose a time to leave. Which is partly up to Peeta. I suggest we leave as soon as the rain lets up but it doesn't look like that will be anytime soon. Instead we sit and talk and plan dinner. As we do Gale moves around as casually as always but touching me more, showing little signs of affection. I wonder, exactly what does this mean to him? I don't want to ask it but now, with the rain, it's the perfect time.

"So, what does this mean?" I ask it while I'm folding the clothes we threw off last night. Gale looks up from the list he's making of clothes to pack, puzzled.

"About what?"

I look away as I say it, hoping my voice sounds normal when it comes out. "About us. What are we…" I trail off, not sure what I'm asking. Am I asking for a label? To make it official?

Gale is silent but he does not stop writing. His free hand he places on mine and looks up while one hand scribbles. "You're my girlfriend."

I don't know what I expected to feel but it isn't joy. It's a sense of finality, in a good way. Like having so many questions answered with one word. I feel a smile twitching at the corners of my mouth. Gale is smiling too but he looks hazy and tired so I don't speak for a while, thinking of how this came to be. Gale and I had been friends since I was fourteen. Now, years later, he was my boyfriend. Somewhere between our days of hunting and the rebellion something had changed. But what? When had Gale first acted that way toward me? He had first kissed me after the games, when I returned with Peeta. My stomach lurches. Had it been Peeta, was that what changed? Did Gale only begin feeling that way because Peeta liked me, because he believed Peeta and I were possibly in love? A cold voice in my head reminds me of how jealous Gale had been, how jealous Gale still might be and how that might be all that is keeping him here with me.

Without meaning to I've stopped folding clothes, my hands are tightly gripping the fabric of one of my old shirts so tightly my knuckles are white. I'm sure my expression must have changed too; I can feel my jaw is clenched. Gale has looked up from the list, noticing my silence and lack of comments on what he thinks are necessary and unnecessary to pack. "Catnip, you alright?"

I hold my breath, consider telling him, but most of me is feeling foolish. He just told me I'm his girlfriend and already I'm doubting him. It is this part of me that stops me from telling him the truth, it is the cold in my stomach that makes me nod stiffly and stand and wander to the dining room table. Gale follows closely; resting his hands on my hips and asks again "What's wrong?"

I shake my head, unable to turn to him, my face red and my hands curled on the tables edge, shaking slightly. "It's nothing important."

Gale doesn't push but he does move my hair out of the way and kisses the back of my neck. He doesn't say anything and neither do I but as he strokes my hair I feel even guiltier for keeping this from him. After all he said to me yesterday.

"Gale?"

"Mm." His face in buried in the crook of my neck.

"When did you start to feel this way?" I force the words out of my mouth, they sound foreign coming out with my voice.

Gale is silent, breathing on my collarbone, causing me to shiver despite being warm. "I don't know. I know I wanted you when I asked you to run away with me. Before the games." He is silent as I consider his words. "Why?"

I don't know how to answer. I don't want to insult him but I know he'll ask again. "Because you didn't say anything until after the games, until after Peeta and I kissed," I blush at that thought. It seems odd to think of kissing Peeta because I wouldn't know what it meant to me, but not right, not anymore.

Gale has stiffened; when he speaks again his voice is strained. "I love you. It has nothing to do with Peeta. I was so jealous when I saw you and him together-"

My throat burns and I want to weep.

"-but that's because I loved you before you and him were," he swallows audibly. "a couple."

I duck my head. Peeta and I weren't a real couple and now I feel worse, for questioning Gale and because deep down one small speck in me is still questioning him. I let Gale turn me around and relax as he tilts my chin up and leans me against his chest.

"You alright Catnip?"

I nod and smile and am rewarded with a kiss. It is sweet and hesitant but picks up speed, much like the rain outside. I can hardly control where my hands go but they're on his abdomen, tracing circles on his stomach and chest. Gale is pushing me against the table, lifting me to sit on it and positioning my knees on either side of his ribs. I remember the first time, when I let him guide everything. Now I take control and tangle my fingers in the hair at the base of his neck, pulling him to me and refusing to let go of his lips, even though he is gasping for air when we break away.

"Katniss," he says in a low husky voice. "You are really overestimating my self control."

I'm overestimating my own but I don't say it. I want to hear that Gale wants this, that the other night wasn't a fluke. "What do you want?" I ask and hear my voice coming out in a breathy tone.

"You," he answers immediately. "I want you." He kisses my neck but draws away, breathing heavily.

The next words out of my mouth are perhaps the most perfect words I've ever uttered. "Then have me."

The effect is instantaneous. Gale is suddenly everywhere. At my lips, my hair, my back and arms and dragging his fingers over my taut stomach, causing the skin to tingle.

I can feel warmth building in me like an ember. Like a match has been struck and held up inside me to burn, blazing under my flesh and spreading from my chest outward, to the tips of my fingers.

The knock on the door is the most ill-timed and unexpected thing ever. I don't want to pull away from Gale and for a few moments I don't, I consider ignoring whoever's outside. But it must be urgent; nobody would trudge through the rain to our dilapidated house for no reason. Stifling a whimper I pull away from Gale and compulsively smooth down his hair and mine, then I tug down my shirt and make for the door, giving Gale a second to catch his breath.

The figure outside is the last person I'd expect to see. Without thinking I move aside to let Madge into the house. She pauses but steps inside, shivering in her damp coat.

Madge goes rigid when she sees Gale and he looks uncomfortable about it too.

"Gale, can you make some tea, please?" He nods and I can feel both of them relax. The tension between them is enough to make my stomach jump and I angrily feel my tender lips from what Gale and I did a moment ago. I don't feel specific anger at either of them but I become unusually defensive around Madge.

"Sit down."

She does, removing her coat and I notice how pretty she looks, her hair tied up in a ribbon and wearing a dress that is only damp at the bottom. "Hi Katniss," her voice is quiet and nervous, unlike herself.

I only nod and sit opposite her, glad Gale is taking his time with the tea.

Madge picks at her skirt before she begins. "So, I suppose Gale is your boyfriend?"

"Yes."

Madge looks down and goes pink. "I understand." I feel bad for her for a second; she truly does like Gale. But the feeling is gone as quickly as it had come. "I'm sorry then, about the other night."

What I don't like is the feeling of my throat being full of something thick and suffocating. But that is how I feel as Madge apologizes because if Gale loved her instead of me, if he chose her now, a simple moment could change everything. I don't want Gale to come back and look at her embarrassed, or worse, guilty.

Gale does come back, but he sits next to me and traces circles on my hand with his finger and I appreciate the slight physical connection. I relax slightly but keep my eyes on Madge as she silently sips her tea.

"Madge, I'm not angry. I don't blame you for anything." It isn't all I want to say but as I watch her face become a mixture of red and white I know it's the best I can do for now.

Madge nods. "Thank you." She looks up, directly at Gale, and I try not to glare or instinctively move away. I refuse to look at Gale's expression though, in case it is something I can't bear.

There is a silence before Madge rises and picks up her coat, her tea only half-drunk.

I follow her to the door and open it to the rain, feeling a stab of guilt. "Bye Madge."

Madge opens her mouth, clearly unsure of whether or not to say what's on her mind. "Can I talk to Gale? To apologize?"

I say nothing. There isn't anything to say. That's up to Gale and I grudgingly move aside and motion to Gale that she wants to speak to him.

He raises his eyebrows but his expression is neutral as he walks to the door and leans in the doorway. I am aware of how unnatural his stance is and to busy myself while they talk I clean up the tea mugs and put them in the sink.

When the door closes I know Gale and Madge have finished talking. Still the knot in my stomach loosens when Gale comes and leans on the counter next to me while I wash, when he is with me and not her.

"Hey Catnip."

I nod.

"Where were we?" He slips a hand around my waist. I move out of his grasp to reach for the towel and begin drying the mugs.

Gale sighs. "Nothing happened Catnip. Madge apologized."

"She likes you, you know."

Gale stands near me and brushes his fingers along my arm. "But I like you. I told her so."

I don't move away but I pull my arms from him. "She didn't interrupt anything."

I move to the cabinet and stretch up to put the mugs back, balancing on my toes.

"Let me help," Gale uses the excuse to put his hands on my waist.

I let my arm drop and spin around to face him. Gale is leaning against me; backing me against the counter so my hands are against his chest, my fingers curled and the nails scratching his skin. I can't deny the way my body responds to him. I slide my hand from his shirt to his bare stomach and feel his muscles tense under the skin there.

"I trust you," I say in a voice too breathy for my current comfort. Gale wraps his arms around me and pulls my hips to his. I make a weak attempt to move out of his grasp but give up quickly. Too quickly. Gale takes advantage and nips my bottom lip, then pulls away. Something is pulsing in my stomach and sending flares of heat as intense as sunlight to the end of my fingers. To control my breathing I turn my face away but Gale just kisses my neck.

"Do you remember when I told you I wanted to try kissing you just once?" he asks.

I nod. "I forgot how much I needed you."

"I want to kiss you every moment. I'm going to spend the rest of my life loving you."

I want to beg him to. I want him to say it again. Instead I ask him to say something else. "Tell me I'm the only one." Gale is silent but I look up, unable to keep the pleading and desperation out of my voice. "If I am, tell me."

When Gale speaks his voice wavers. "I want to but whenever I think of you being all mine I just want to kiss you."

I pull him into a long kiss and even as he leans into it I pull back. "Say it."

Gale laughs a little. "I love you Catnip. Only you, forever. You're the only one I could ever want."

"You'll always have me," is my response and we pick up exactly where we left off before Madge interrupted us.

When I wake up I sigh happily. We barely made it to the bedroom but here we are with the sheets tangled around our legs. My bottom half is bare but I am wearing the shirt Gale wore yesterday. Now I prop myself up on one arm and run my fingers through his hair, then trace his neck and let my fingers run over his bare shoulder.

"If I pretend to be asleep will you keep touching me?" He keeps his eyes closed as he speaks but I still have to stop the instinct to jerk my hand back. Instead I let it linger on his cheek.

When I don't respond he opens his eyes. "Catnip?"

I lean close to him. "What am I?"

He chuckles. "The only one I could ever want," he answers and rolls so he hovers just above me, his face close enough to mine that his bangs brush my forehead. "I will love you every moment for the rest of my life."

I know what to say next but it still takes effort to force them out with his eyes on mine. I know I'm turning red. "Every night."

"Every morning?"

I blush even brighter but I pull him into his arms and forget every worry at his touch.

The morning goes by quickly. We finish packing then I skin the rest of the game while Gale waits patiently to go hunting.

"We have to tell Peeta when we're going," I remind Gale. "We can do it on the way to the parliament building, you still need to call and arrange for a place to stay."

Gale grunts agreement and places his arm possessively around my shoulders on the way to the bakery.

When we enter I smile at Peeta and move just beyond Gale's grasp but he traces circles on the back of my hand and keeps a hand touching my waist or hip as he moves around the bakery. Peeta isn't unaware of Gale's physical connection to me and the pain is obvious on his face but I try to brighten my voice as I tell him of our plans.

"We've begun packing. I'm not sure when we're leaving. When do you think you can be packed? As soon as we know we'll go buy the train tickets."

Peeta is still staring at Gale's hand on my waist but he meets my eyes and answers "I can be packed in a couple days if you help. I can pay you for me ticket tomorrow. How are you buying yours?"

"We'll just trade some game for it." I move aside as a customer enters and browses the loaves. While Peeta deals with her Gale leans in and sighs against my neck, tickling me with his hot breath.

"I can help him pack up the bakery. You can go get the tickets. I'd probably get it done faster."

I give a small jerk of my head and crane my neck away. "I think I can handle packing up the bakery."