His Dearest: Side Story

Summary: Arthur is feeling insecure of himself and of his relationship with Alfred.

Warnings: Insecure!Arthur

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. QnQ

A/N: Thank you for the reviews, favorites and alerts! O/u/O They really make me happy! I hope you'll like this short update!

Sometime during December, a few days after their Christmas dinner, Alfred crashed into Arthur's apartment, intending to spend some time with his boyfriend and to show him something awesome.

It was eleven in the morning, and he knew his green-eyed dearest would be finished with most of his morning chores. He smiled fondly at the thought of Arthur cleaning the house and dusting his books with meticulous care, and then giving himself a wonderful reward with a cup of hot Earl Grey Tea and a novel in his hands. He would then get lost in the story weaved by those words printed in the book, and he wouldn't notice the time pass by. He would then get flustered and hurriedly make lunch for himself. And burn the food. Arthur would then struggle to let the smoke out. And eat the remains of his burned lunch.

Alfred chuckled at the thought. Just imagining Arthur during his day-off was already giving him joy. He took the spare key that Arthur had given him and inserted it to the key hole. The sound of the knob unlocking was such a beautiful melody in his ears. The romantic side of him thought that it was a metaphor of their relationship: Readily open and honest to each other.

He was so in love with Arthur he couldn't imagine living without his love.

Arthur was struggling with unlatching the window of his kitchen. It was jammed again. The smoke coming from his oven was getting thicker, and his eyes were starting to sting. Damn stupid window, why wouldn't it bloody open!

He was jiggling the latch, his frustration getting into him when he felt a warm body pressed against his back and a longer arm reached over and easily unlatched his window. His heart skipped a beat, knowing who the person was. He smiled widely before putting a frown on his face and turning to berate his boyfriend about propriety and alerting the owner of the flat before barging in.

The smoke diffused, clearing the kitchen and exposing Arthur's latest culinary mishap, a batch of badly burnt scones. The two of them fell silent as they stared at the blackened pastries. Arthur was feeling embarrassed. He knew he always burned whatever he baked, but he still persisted.

He looked shyly at Alfred's expression, noticing the slight grimace, the twitching of his nose before he heard him say, "Awww, come on, let's eat these things you've made!" Despite the invitation, he heard the forced cheer on Alfred's voice, and he couldn't help but feel down about himself and his abilities. He knew that Alfred came over whenever he had days off. Why didn't he just prepare something that Alfred would like?

Arthur turned around to hide his face from Alfred. He took a can of Coke (exclusively for Alfred) from his fridge, and forced himself to act like nothing happened. When he got to the table, Alfred was already shoving the scones down his throat so fast it was like he didn't really want to taste them at all. Arthur's chest ached.

He put down the can of Coke in front of Alfred. His blue-eyed partner gave him a salute of gratitude before he popped open the lid and chugged down half of the can's contents. Arthur sat in front of Alfred, looking at him eat his scones. He was still wondering why he was blessed with such a marvelous person.

Alfred was perfect. He had the good looks, the personality that could charm half the female population – both young and old, he had the brains that could definitely bring him everywhere he wanted. Yet he was here, stuck with plain Arthur Kirkland. He sometimes wondered what Alfred saw in him. It was difficult to believe at first that Alfred truly loved him when the young man courted him.

The lad, who was boisterous and borderline obnoxious when he was with his friends and peers, was so shy when he told Arthur he loved him. The ache in his chest throbbed. He thought of Alfred and his previous lovers. He said that Arthur was the first man he had ever loved, and he was willing to share his life with him. It was really sweet of him, Arthur mused. But how long would that sweetness last?

Alfred had been very kind to him. He'd been patient, he'd been sweet, he'd been kind. He'd taken Arthur to places he knew his green-eyed boyfriend would really like. They had cuddled in the couch numerous times because Arthur secretly wanted to feel Alfred's warmth, an assurance that everything he was experiencing was real.

But oftentimes the Englishman thought that he was holding Alfred back.

His American boyfriend deserved someone better than him. A woman, ideally. It would fit the image of Alfred – the Golden Boy and his stunningly beautiful lady beside him. Not an Arthur Kirkland. He sometimes thought of Alfred's partner in Med School, that beautiful snow queen – Natalya Arlovskaya. She was a goddess in beauty. Standing tall and proud, she was an unconquerable lady of beauty and grace. She had that poise that was not easily imitated. She was intelligent enough to be at par with Alfred in the battle of mind and wits and techniques.

They would look so good together, he thought sadly as he stared at his boyfriend eating the last of his scones.

A self-depreciating smile unconsciously crawled on his face. He didn't know though that Alfred saw his expression.

Alfred stood up and went to Arthur, pulling the shorter blonde from his chair and into his arms. He didn't want Arthur to wear that kind of face. It stung. He held the man for a while, saying, "I miss you, Artie." He knew what he said was true. He truly missed Arthur even though they'd just seen each other a few days ago. He wanted to make this Christmas break special and memorable. He might not have enough time to spend with Arthur for the next months due to his hectic schedule, and he really wanted to make the most out of this opportunity he had.

He guided his beloved to his couch and both of them sat unto the soft plush seat. He really wanted to see Arthur smile a bit more. "Hey Artie," he began, bringing the Englishman closer to his side.

Green-eyes looked at him and replied with a hum. Alfred's breath was almost knocked over by the shade of green he loved the most.

"Let's watch a movie," he said, pressing his face against Arthur's neck, inhaling his favorite scent. He loved Arthur so much. It shouldn't be questioned anymore. He loved Arthur and he was willing to do whatever he wanted.

"What kind of film, Alfred?" Arthur leaned into him, shuffling a bit to find a comfortable position. He ran his hands to the American's side, holding it. He pressed his cheek against the breathing chest, and despite his earlier thoughts, he felt really secure when he was like this with Alfred.

Alfred relaxed, his arm holding Arthur closer as he fiddled with his bag and took out a compact disc. "It's a recorded video of one of our operations. Remember when I've told you I was one of the two students who were chosen to assist a recorded operation? For educational purposes?" He beamed, clearly excited to share his achievement. "Let me insert the CD for a moment," he said, pulling away from his boyfriend to set up the TV and the DVD player.

Once the CD was playing, Alfred settled back to the couch and into Arthur's warm body. The lovers cuddled with each other as the screen showed a video of the Operating Room. Arthur thought that it was cold and foreboding. The machineries were quite scary to look at. And they were all so silent. He became anxious watching the video.

Alfred pointed to a tall man wearing a disposable sterile gown standing beside the patient. "That's me," he said. He then pointed to a silver haired woman standing behind him on the screen, wearing her scrub suit. "That's Natalya. We're partners for this video. We're the only two who qualifies to join this educational video." He then continued to explain who the members of the team were, naming the machines and telling Arthur what the operation was about.

Arthur's attention though was zeroed to the silver-blonde lady. They were partners, his mind repeated Alfred's words. Partners. Something throbbed painfully on his chest. His thoughts flickered back to his earlier musings, and his interest for the video was slowly dwindling. He knew they were just clinical partners. But the possibility of them becoming more was just as strong.

He hated himself for doubting Alfred and his love, but it was just too good to be true. To be loved by someone like Alfred.

A familiar voice rang from the speakers of the telly, and Arthur focused his attention back to the screen. Alfred was whining to the main surgeon that he was hungry. The surgeon laughed and said, "Dear boy, you should have eaten your breakfast! We can't have you fainting here now, can we? Who has a candy ball here?"

Silence rang around the room before someone broke it. "I have here," Natalya answered stoically.

Alfred turned to look at her and putting on his puppy-dog face, said, "Oh Nat, pleaaase? It will really help me here!" He gave a big, begging smile, batting his lashes.

Arthur watched as the pixelized version of Natalya rolled her eyes, sighed, and stepped closer to Alfred, careful not to disrupt the sterile environment, tear the candy wrapper off and hissed to him, "Your stomach will be the end of your perfect clinical record."

The Alfred on the screen just laughed as he craned his neck backwards, allowing the silver-haired blonde to peel the lower half of his mask as her long, slender, feminine fingers pushed the caramel candy into his eager mouth. Arthur saw Alfred's lips kissing the tips of Natalya's fingers, and his grip on the throw pillow tightened as he fought the stinging in his eyes.

The green-eyed man didn't make a sound as he sank deeper into the couch, his boyfriend very near to him but at the same time, so far away. His eyes were staring on the screen but not taking in anything else. His mind was playing the intimate gesture on loop – Alfred kissing Natalya's fingertips, Natalya's exasperated but affectionate smile, Alfred's laugh and the wink of thanks after eating the candy – it was too much. His chest felt heavy as his mind recalled the past conversations he had with Alfred. His tall boyfriend was always talking about Natalya with such genuine affection it hurt to remember them. How Alfred and Natalya were always together in school. How they study together after classes. That if he wasn't Alfred's boyfriend, he would think that there was something really going on between the two.

The video had shown his the kind of intimacy his boyfriend and his female friend shared whenever Arthur was not around.

He clutched the throw pillow closer to his chest, wanting to hide his face, wanting to run away from Alfred's warmth. He wasn't sure anymore. Did Alfred really love him? Was Alfred regretting going into a relationship with him? Did Alfred want someone else? Did Alfred want a woman whom he could shower his affection without getting any looks from the public? Was Alfred just putting up an act of loving him at all? Did Alfred pity him? Was this just insecurity or all these thoughts he kept on having had basis?

His heart was at his feet and he had no more will to take it back.

Arthur continued to press the pillow to his face as Alfred sat beside him, unknowing of the doubts and insecurities his boyfriend was going through.

Okay, so here's the side story I promised! Thank you so much for the reviews, alerts, favorites!
This is the only chapter where we can see Arthur's POV, and it's really morbid, hee! XD
I hope you'll enjoy this short update, and this is the final chapter of His Dearest! Thank you so much!

I've forgotten to tell you guys that the scene between Natalya and Alfred has soooo totally happened in RL! It is during one of duty as an Operating Room nurse, and this classmate of mine (a guy) started swaying, and he's the suture nurse (the one that gives the instrument to the surgeon) and the team is alarmed, so the asked if anyone has candy. A nurse from the OR says that he has, so he volunteered to feed my classmate. IT IS SO SENSUAL TO LOOK AT! Also, he's a guy.

IMAGINE ALL MY FEELS AND THE INNER SPAZZING HAPPENING TO MEEEEEE. I can't concentrate anymore lol orz. I've been spacing in and out, looping the image in my head!

Review if you like! QuQ