Excalibur, Yet Again

Hey everyone! It's me, Excalibur again! Christmas is the season where dreams come true, couples get together, family unites together, and many wonderful events! Now, previously on the Excalibur series, we have me invading the Black Order and bonding with the Exorcists! (Or not.) We have overcame many obstacles who dares to destroy our friendships (who dares to get killed by Allen and Kanda), fought Akumas together, (got killed by Allen and Kanda) and went on a fabulous journey to find my true self (where did that come from?)!

Now, in this series, we shall…

Komui Lee rested his forehead on his palm and sighed. The Earl was making his move again. He needed to stop this before anyone else gets injured…

This is supposed to be a very gloomy and serious moment…until it was all destroyed by a certain creature invading his mind with, Excalibur~ Excalibur~ From the United Kingdom, I'm looking for him, I'm going to California~~! Exacli—

Komui grimaced. He may be the legendary weapon who fought with King Arthur, but he has got to be the number one most annoying creature to exist. If only the Earl could go home because something as annoying as him was interrupting his plan, everything would just…

Ah.

…

Road Camelot grinned as she stabbed her gothic decorated cake with her fork. Strawberry sauce oozed out of the cake like red blood as she licked it off her fork. "Hey, let's do something," she began, bored.

"Now, now, let's be patient Road," said the Earl, his permanent grin flashing at her. "Let's just spend a quiet family time here. It's Christmas after all."

Road, bored out of her mind, continued to stab her cake with more strawberry sauce oozing out until it leaked out of her plate, which an Akuma servant automatically cleaned up for her.

"Stop that, Road," came Tyki's voice. He wiped his mouth with a handkerchief and sat it down on the table, smiling at Road. "Who can eat with you stabbing the cake with such gruesome manners? We're eating here, thank you very much."

Road pouted and licked some for strawberry sauce out. "But I'm so bored~~ Hey, Earl, send me to Allen's place or something! I wanna see him!"

"Such an impatient little girl," the Earl grinned. As always. He quickly wiped his mouth and swiped a card at her, which she caught skillfully.

"Get it for me." He ordered. "He'll be very important to our script." His lips curved up even more, into a typical evil grin.

The young Noah cocked her head towards the side. "What is this supposed to be? Tyki's drawings?"

"My drawings are not that bad," Tyki mumbled. Road snickered to herself.

"Tyki-pon, go with her," the Earl added.

"Huh? Why?" he said, surprised, pointing to himself.

"Two is better than one, right?" the Earl grinned.

Tyki blinked. Finally, he gave up, sighed and rubbed his head. "Yes, sir."

Reever sighed tiredly as he rubbed his head as he waited for Komui's approval of these documents. They just keep on piling up more and more.

"Chief," he said. "What're you grinning to yourself for?"

Komui, with a glint in his eyes, chuckled to himself darkly. "It's going in the right direction."

Reever knew he was up to no good as always.

Tyki puffed out a breath of smoke and scratched his head. He and Road are inside this blue cave where the target was supposedly supposed to be in. There's water on the ground, and all around them were fairies.

So, one fairy went up to them and said, "Are you looking for Excalibur?"

Tyki showed the fairy the picture. "Its name is Excalibur?"

The fairy nodded. "Are you looking for him?"

"Yea."

The fairy snickered and the whole crowd of fairies scurried away, leaving only Tyki and Road.

"What's that supposed to be for?" Road questioned.

Tyki shrugged and took the cigarette into his mouth. "Let's just go."

She nodded.

As they walked down the path, they finally reached to the end of the cave, where there was a completely white sword stuck in a rock, where holy light shining down on it.

"Wow, it's so shiny!" Road exclaimed. "But it's not the target." Just as she was about to make an about-face and walk away, Tyki stopped her.

"Wait," he said. "Remember what the Earl said. It's also in a sword form. The only thing we have to do is to pull it out and see."

Road grinned cheekily at him. "Tyki you're so dumb~" she grinned even further. "I learned it at school~ Excalibur is a legendary sword that can only be used by King Arthur…unless someone suitable for the sword appears, that sword cannot be pulled out by just anyone easily."

Tyki didn't even bother to listen to her. He simply walked casually towards the sword and wrapped his hand around it.

Road, apparently not angry at him for not listening, grinned again. "It's not gonna work, Ty—"

Shing!

…The sword was high in the air wielded by Tyki Mikk.

…

"N-No way!" Road shouted, her jaws open. "B-But th—"

"Heh, looks like your just as dumb as me," Tyki smirked.

Road pouted and crossed her arms. "At least I go to school, unlike you."

Suddenly, as you all expected, the sword started to shine and sparkle and rose into the air and sang, EXCALIBUR! EXCALIBUR! FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM, I'M LOOKING FOR HIM, I'M GOING TO CALIFORNIAAAAA~! EXCALIBUR~~ EXCALIBUR~~~!

The sword poof'ed! and out came…the true form of Excalibur.

He landed onto the ground with a tap and tapped his cane on the ground. He stared at Tyki and Road back and forth. "So who's the fool who summoned me!"

"Uhh…me?" Tyki said stupidly.

"Fool!" he jumped into the air and kicked Tyki's face and landed back like an acrobat.

"Ah! Tyki!"

"Fool!" Excalibur shouted again. "I work only in the name of justice! My pride shall never allow me to work with the likes of demons and Noahs!"

Tyki groaned and rubbed his nose. "So you do know who we are…just as the Earl said."

Excalibur snorted and faced his back towards them. "Get out. I have no business with you."

"Heh…sorry, but it's the Earl's orders. I'm going to have to take you back no matter what." He was about to take out his Eeze, but before he had the chance to, Excalibur charged towards him, and whacked his forehead with his forehead with his war cry, "FOOL!"

"GAH!"

Tyki fell back with a huge bump on his head. "Ow! What the hell was that for!"

"Fool!" Excalibur shouted, pointing his cane at him. "If you're that desperate for me…then…I guess you can stay…on one condition! Listen to my story first!"

Road clenched her teeth. "Don't worry, Tyki, I'll get rid—" Tyki gripped her arm before she could take out her candles.

"Don't," he breathed, rubbing his forehead. "We'll listen to him. The Earl's order was to bring him back safely."

Road took a long stare at him. Then she nodded and agreed.

"Alright! Here we go with the opening song!"

Excalibur~

Excalibur~

From the United Kingdom,

I'm looking for him,

I'm going to Californiaaa~!

Excalibur~

Excalibur~

Excalibur!

Excalibur~

Excalibur~

Excalibur~

Excalibuuuur!

He froze at his dance while the two just watched in silence. After a few more silent moments, Excalibur continued.

Excalibur! Excalibur!

"Just get on with the story."

"…fine." Excalibur stopped and began his story…again.

"It was Christmas, and I was out in the park all alone, drunk and woozy. I was dumped by my wife. She was the most beautiful woman I met, yet she dumped me for another guy. I was heart-broken and oh, woe is me, I was attempting to commit suicide!"

"Tyki, can I kill him?"

"No, not yet Road."

"But then, in the midst of it, I saw a…yes, a shinigami, I believe. She was absolutely beautiful, yet she was here to take my life away, but I didn't mind if my life ended by her hands… Then, suddenly, she said she's here to watch my movements and see if I deserved to die! And so, I then began to hang out with her. We went shopping together, we ate at cafes, we walked our dogs at the park, and then we would drink until morning…"

"Tyki, this is so dumb. Can I kill him?"

"Like I said, not yet…"

"And then the time came…my fragile heart broke. She said, 'I'm sorry, it was fun…but I'm sorry. You…It's been decided that you are going to die.' It was like the world went blank. Nothing but a white sheet of paper. No colors or anything. Just…a blank piece of paper."

"Tyki, let's kill him."

"No."

"So I ran. I ran from her with all my might. I had loved her. Yet, she thinks it was all a game? She decides to toy with me and then just…leave me alone in this cold winter where snow never ends?"

"His story is so cliché and sappy. Let's end his life. Along with the snow."

"Road, I know what you're thinking, but not yet. Be patient."

"Forget it, what meaning does life hold? If that's all life is about, then I'd rather just…die…"

Road stood up. "Then we'll end it right now." She held up her candle with was staring at Excalibur eerily.

"W-W-Wait!" Excalibur exclaimed. "I-It's just a story, y-you don't need to get to angry over it! Besides, it's just one of my many pasts! It's a long time ago! Now I'm just—ah, w-wait!"

"Road, stop it," Tyki stopped her with a sigh. "I know you're angry, but hold it in. Look, Excalibur, we need you, and you need us. Come join in, the Noah Clan."

Suddenly, from the corner of his eyes, Excalibur's tears squeezed out. "Y-You're willing to accept me…?"

Tyki smiled. "Of course." He opened his arms. "Now. Jump in. You need a shoulder to cry on, right?"

He sniffed and wiped his tears. He leaped into the air and soared into his arms. "Oh, my dear—"

WHACK.

Excalibur has taken 999 damage from Tyki Mikk. Injury: Slammed into the wall with stupidity.

"W-What was that for, fool!" Excalibur shouted.

Tyki puffed out some smoke. "This'll be the only mission I'm failing for the Earl. Let's go back, Road."

Road nodded. "At last, you understand me, Tyki." And so they both walked away.

"WAIT!" Excalibur shouted. "I'm not done with my story yet!"

"Welcome back, Tyki, Road," the Earl grinned pleasantly.

"Hey. I'm back." Tyki said casually.

"I'm hooome Earl~~" Road cheered.

They both walked to the table and took a seat. Taking his seat, Tyki coughed and began to talk. "Earl, I'm disappointed to say, but I have fai—"

"Ah, excellent job, Tyki-pon!" the Earl said gleefully.

"Eh?"

"You brought him back!"

"Earl? What're you saying? I fail—"

"AHAHA! You might've think that you failed your mission, but fear not! I, Excalibur has come and rescued you from failing your mission by tagging along without you noticing! Be grateful, young lad, for I, Excalibur, has stepped my pride down and came to the dark side with you!"

Tyki paled as he stared at the creature with a face of "WTF" all over. The freakin' creature was riding on his back the. Entire. Time.

"Now, now, Excalibur," the Earl said in a sweet tone, rubbing his hands together. "Let's chat over a cup of tea, shall we?"

"Certainly!" Excalibur jumped onto the table and spilled Skin Boric's cake all over the ground.

He fumed.

"Hey!" he shouted, banging his fist on the table angrily, gritting his teeth. "My cake just fell on the floor! And it's your fault!"

"Now, now, Skin, calm down—" the Earl was interrupted when he saw nothing but a cane whack Skin's head.

"FOOL!" Excalibur exclaimed, looking down at him mightily. "Me, spilled your cake, on the floor? At least call it my awesomeness aura knocked it off!"

"Huh? What the hell is this guy jabbering about?" Skin said, rubbing his cheeks. "This little…"

"Splendid!" the Earl exclaimed, raising Excalibur high in the air. "This is exactly the power I need to complete the script! The war between the Noah and Exorcists!"

"Fool! Put me down this instant!" He whacked the Earl with his cane. As Always.

"Hey!" Road shouted. "Don't do that to the Earl!"

"L-Lero!" Lero exclaimed as Road grabbed him abruptly. "R-Road-tama, What are you doing, lero!"

Road ignored his cries and crossed her and Excalibur's weapons together.

"Hmph! Fool!" Excalibur shouted. "You think you can lay a hit on me with that out of date umbrella of yours?"

"I-I am not out of date, lero!" Lero cried out, glaring at him. "If I say something is out of date, it would be yours lero!"

"What! Fool, this cane is not out of date you despicable fool!"

Lero struggled out of Road's grasp and smashed his head with Excalibur's. "I am not out of date lero! Besides, what's with your top hat lero! It's all white and there's absolutely not color to bring it to life lero!"

"How dare you insult my top made British sushi roll hat fool! Besides, why is an ugly pumpkin umbrella such as you talking in the first place fool!"

"I am not ugly, lero!"

"Shut up!" Road screamed, silencing both of them. She glanced at the two back and forth. "Excalibur, get out."

Excalibur stared at her.

"What? I am Excalibur, you cannot tell me to get out!"

An anger mark ticked on her cheeks. "I said to get out, idiot!"

"Now, now, Road," the Earl comforted, patting her shoulders. She pouted and crossed her arms. "Excalibur, I would really appreciate it if you can just get along with Road here… You see, she's a nice girl, so…"

Excalibur blinked and crossed his arms mightily. "Hmph! Well, I suppose so if you are begging this much…"

Tyki lit up a cigarette. This guy is annoying.

"However! First, listen to my song first! Excalibur~ Excalibur~ From the United Kingdom, I'm looking for him, I'm going to California~~~ Excalibur~~"

The Earl, seeming to be overjoyed at his song, clapped along and danced along with him.

"Excalibur~~ Excalibur~~"

Oh my gosh you can not believe this—the Earl is singing! Singing the Excalibur song!

Tyki dropped his cigarette.

"I'm going to Californiaaaa~~ Excalibuuur~~"

Road was frozen into stone.

"Excalibuuuur~~ Excalibuuuurr~~~"

Jasdebi was absolutely speechless.

"From the United Kingdom, I'm looking for him, I'm going to Californiaaaa~~~~"

Skin fell straight back to the floor after arising back from Excalibur's whack.

"Excaclibuuuurrr~~~"

Lulubell couldn't even stand the sight of it.

"Excalibuuuurr~!"

"EARL-TAMA!" Lero screamed, absolutely petrified. "Y-Y-YOUUU! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO THE EARL-TAMA!"

"T-That's right!" Tyki argued. "I-I'm mean, I don't care what the Earl does, but—"

"Earl~~~!" Road interrupted. "Don't be dragged down into his stupidity!"

"But it's fine~~" the Earl grinned. "C'mon everyone, let's all sing together! We'll celebrate out new family member, Excalibur! Excalibur~~ Excalibur~~ From the United Kingdom—" The Earl pulled Road and Road pulled Tyki and Tyki pulled Jasdebi and Jasdebi pulled Skin and Skin pulled Lulubell and Lulubell pulled Lero and then they all joined hands while the Earl and Excalibur were singing, "Excalibur~ Excalibur~ From the United Kingdom, I'm looking for him, I'm going to Californiaaaa! Excalibuuur~~ Excalibuuur~~!"

"Hahaha!" Excalibur laughed mightily. "Together! We shall take over the world and bring down the Exorcists!"

"Yes, yes, indeed!" the Earl cheered.

However, the rest of the Noahs all said something in harmony for the first time: SHUT UUUUUUPPPP!

Komui drank his coffee peacefully. "So," he began. "I assume you accomplished your work?"

"Of course!" a certain white creature exclaimed, flipped his cane up and climbed onto the table. "I, Excalibur, has officially come back with a report on the Noah's secret headquarters!"

"Good," Komui smiled. "So tell me your report. And please get off the table."

"Well," Excalibur said, tapping his cane on the table. "I, Excalibur, invaded the headquarters like a ninja. However, I was caught by this…chestnut out dated umbrella and brought to the Earl!"

"Ooh, I see. And please get off the table."

"And then this…girl came up to me and seized me by the hands and took me to this…bulky guy! He was beating me up and said, "gimme your money" when I was just an innocent bystander!"

"I see, I see. Now get off the table."

"And then this pretty boy came up and smacked me for no reason! Then these twins were digging their guns up my nose and said, 'We'll shoot you if you give don't give us your cane' when this is my best friend! My cane is my best friend! I'll never surrender!"

"I see. Now, Excalibur, get off the table and listen to what I have to—"

"HOWEVER! I escaped and took out the Earl by myself! He was so weak, with that chubbery blubbery fat of his, I took him out all. By. My. Self! HAHAHA!"

Komui smiled.

"Excalibur," he said.

"Yes, Chief?"

"LIAR."

"WHAT!" Excalibur cried out. "Are you saying I lied?"

"OBVIOUSLY." Komui deadpanned. "Give me the actual report."

"I did! Like I said, I took him out and then these Noahs started to gang up on me and then I took out the Earl like I said and then I escaped like an awesome ninja and then—"

Komui shook his head. It was a bad idea to ask him as a spy.

"Reever," he called out. "TAKE THIS IDIOT BACK."

Out of nowhere, Reever came jumping into the room and grabbed Excalibur.

"Wha—Fool! What do you think—"

"I told you it was a bad idea," Reever sighed. "Whatever. Let's get you back, Excalibur. We're not going to ask you for anything anymore. Bye, thanks for your time."

"What! Hey, wait, Komui! You bastard, I told the truth!"

"Yea right," Komui scoffed, drinking his coffee. "Forget, we're just going to figure out ourselves… Farewell, Excalibur! We won't see you ever again!" He waved a dramatic handkerchief in the air.

"Wait, Komui! Listen! Excalibuuurr~~ Excalibuuuur!"

As if everyone in the Black Order heard him, they all shouted miraculously, "SHUT UP!"

This was actually requested by a reader. I didn't even think of it; thank you so much! I had fun writing it, but I don't feel very satisfied...Anyways, thank you very much for reading until the end, and have a Merry Christmas everyone!

But it didn't even snow.