Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi, and VIZ Media do, Rated R Lemon
Christmas, and New years are nearing and Inuyasha is in prank mode overdrive. He starts the war on Sesshoumaru with his most twisted new pranks. Sugimi along with the others watch as the dog war begins. This is a 2 in one Christmas/New Year's fic, it contains raunchiness, written for Christmas 2011, and New Year's 2012. Happy holidays everyone. Extended Jan 2013, complete one shot thanks. Sessh/Kag
Merry Freaking Christmas and Crappy New Year
By Raven-2010, xxoikilluoxx, and XxSoliexHiddenxX, Dec 22 2011
No dicking around, rest in peace, boxers and lace,
"Still trying to grow a twig into a tree? Sesshoumaru ragged when he caught Inuyasha looking down his pants "You know they have a growth formula called super tree food you won't get a tree but a moderate sized bush will sprout,"
"Sesshoumaru you dick," Inuyasha complained "Oops I mean dickless,"
"You have one of your own" don't you think you should be tending to him? You know he might get jealous with you dicking around with other dicks, and if he closes and goes out of business you'll be royally fucked and not the good kind of fucked either"
"Sick demented bastard"
"Sick I am proud to be but little I am not unlike a certain puppy," Sesshoumaru shot back
"Shut up you fuckin," Inuyasha started but never got to finish
"Inuyasha Taishooooooo," Sugimi screamed down from his room
"Dear lord what have you done to father? Sesshoumaru asked
"Nothing fluffykins" Inuyasha wise ass answered "Fuck, what the hell was that for?" he griped when Sesshoumaru's hand smacked his head
"For acting like a senile fool, now answer my question before I start doing surgery," Sesshoumaru commanded
"Nope, gotta go keep your makeup dry and don't sweat or it'll run,"
"Hm, typical coward initiate war then run and hide when the battle begins," Sesshoumaru insulted
"Inuyashaaaaa? Sugimi bellowed
"Laters fluffy," Inuyasha said knowing how much Sesshoumaru hated that nick name
'Fluffy, ha? I shall pay you for that' Sesshoumaru thought
"Now sweet escape always better to watch from a distance," the gloating hanyou exclaimed
"If it looks acts like and smells like a pussy than it is a pussy," Sesshoumaru insulted
"Really than look in the mirror and you will see the biggest one on earth," Inuyasha shot back
Sugimi who had leapt over the second floor railing landed on the first floor was headed for and lunging for Inuyasha who was about to run when Sesshoumaru's foot tripped him "Asshole"
"You're welcome dear brother," Sesshoumaru sweetly replied "That is how this fluffy thanks you,"
"I will get you for this, that's a promise,"
"I'm so scared, not," Sesshoumaru replied
"Hello my dearest pup," Sugimi greeted "Daddy's little hells angel,"
"Gulp, ah, hi pop," the trying to smile like an angel hanyou responded
"Father what has the fool done to draw such fury from you? Sesshoumaru queried
"Well son it seems your thoughtful brother thought it would be nice to prepare me for burial and he went all out,"
"Burial? Sesshoumaru replied
"Yes I awoke with my sheet over my head, a lily in my folded in prayer hands, with a set of American rosary beads wrapped around them," Sugimi explained
"Lovely he did not even use traditional Japanese preparations," Sesshoumaru teased
"Crap" Inuyasha exclaimed when Sugimi's hand wrapped around his throat "Cough d-dad,"
"In the process of committing murder don't chip a claw or fracture a fang father," Sesshoumaru joked
Sadistically smiling Sugimi gazed at his nervous pup "Now for you,"
"D, dad I, I'm sorry," Inuyasha stammered
"You are?
"Yes pop for real I am," Inuyasha answered "If you let me l, live I'll be good,"
"Do you promise to never do it or any other crap again?" Sugimi questioned
"Yes dad, honest to gods I promise,"
"Very well you are forgiven," Sugimi said, Inuyasha turned his head and with a triumphant look stuck his tongue out at Sesshoumaru "Now be a good boy,"
"Yes dad I will," Inuyasha replied and took off
"Father you're not really letting him off the hook are you? Sesshoumaru asked
"My boy you know me so well," Sugimi replied "He's daddies favorite dog chew toy,"
"Bon appetite, so what's the plan?" Sesshoumaru asked, and Sugimi told him "Dear lord you really are one twisted dog. I shall have my camcorder ready,"
"Ah my boy Inuyasha + his surprise + internet = devastating and crippling humiliation tons of fun for us and great blackmail material for you," Sesshoumaru had a dreamy look "Aw look my eldest is smiling,"
Following morning
When Kagome, Kouga, Bankotsu and the others woke got up washed and came downstairs for breakfast unbeknownst to them they were in for a treat they'd never forget. Once they arrived in the kitchen Sugimi motioned for them to look out the window there it was Inuyasha tied to the tree in the back yard wearing only a pair of pink boxer shorts trimmed with red lace. His nipples were painted cherry red, and on his chest in big letters was written property of Jakotsu
"Oh Yash I knew you loved me, this means we're like married or something," Playing along with it Jakotsu teased "Oh this is the happiest day of my life I want pictures I'm showing and telling everyone,"
"Oh he's so dreamy in pink," Kagura, Kagome, Ayame, and Kagura ragged the turning red hanyou "He's like a big Valentine's day treat,"
"Look girls he's red with love not to fear you gorgeous dog Jakys here," Jakotsu ragged
"That's it mutt face your outta the men's club indefinitely," Kouga teased
"I always knew deep down inside there was a girl hiding just waiting to get out, Girls you're going to have to take him I mean her shopping and teach her how to dress," Bankotsu razzed
"Yes and lovely round child bearing hips we'll easily have ten or twenty pups," Miroku needled
"Eek," the white as a sheet hanyou responded then with a furious expression and red face glared daggers
"Little brother, have you no dignity or shame? Sesshoumaru added to the torment
"I hate every last one of you," Inuyasha snapped in a whiny tone "Multiple graves," he bit
"Then you won't mind if I take the miko out on a date," Sesshoumaru ragged, took Kagome's hand pulling her into a hug
"Oh Sesshy your so dreamy," The other females said "I want to hold you cuddle you and keep you warm all night long,"
"Wow hot Sessh likes me?" Kagome exclaimed to bug Inuyasha "This is my dream come true,"
"Fluffy you bastaaaaard," Inuyasha bellowed
"Come miko shall we start our first date now?" Sesshoumaru said
"The sooner the better," playing along Kagome answered "Oh what plans I have for you stud,"
"Fluffy scores miko hanyou zero," Sesshoumaru jabbed, then turned and walked out with Kagome on his arm "The miko is welcome to share my dog bed anytime she wants,"
"Sesshoumaru I will pay you for this," Inuyasha barked at his brothers retreating form
"I believe it was father who gifted you with your new attire not I so it is not me who your quarrel is
With," Sesshoumaru replied just before he and Kagome disappeared from sight
'Just wait you fucker, just wait' the scowling hanyou thought "He took my favorite wench fucker,"
Boardroom surprise, thank you gift, Inuyasha's doom
"Father I have an important board meeting to attend, I shall return once it is finished," Sesshoumaru stated
"Very well son see you when you get back," Sugimi said "Be a good boy and try not to party too hard," he joked
"Very funny,"
"I thought so," Sugimi teased
Sesshoumaru left, got into his car and drove off headed to the office in Taisho Corp, when he arrived he pulled into the parking lot and parked in his reserved spot. After exiting his car he headed to the building, once inside he was greeted by his staff, he then went to his office. In the board room he waited for his other business associates to arrive and did not have to wait long, each one took their seats, than the meeting began
In the middle of the meeting something appeared seemingly out of nowhere floating above all seated at the large long boardroom table, looking at it they saw it was a balloon. Thinking it was someone's harmless joke Sesshoumaru frowned bored, he thought to rid the room of it and was about to reach up to do so. Before he could get one claw near it, the balloon burst showering all below it with condoms every kind there were and glitter, laughter broke out throughout the room, thirsting for revenge Sesshoumaru had plans
Using the PA system Sesshoumaru called "Little brother please report to the boardroom stat," then repeated the message
"Shit, what did you do now?" Kagura asked
"Yeah spill or die dog breath," Kouga said
"And if you don't I'll purify your pecker right off," Kagome promised letting one hand glow pink
"I'll just pickle it than you will have to make an appointment to visit it," Sango added
"Ouch" Jakotsu, Miroku, Kouga, and Bankotsu exclaimed, and cringed with their hands over they're jewels
"Come on Yasha out with it," Ayame said "Unless you want to have to sit down to pee,"
"Sure always blame the poor defenseless innocent hanyou," Inuyasha replied
"Yeah right and I'm a virgin miko," Kagura ragged
"If you're innocent and defenseless I'm a stripper working in a convent," Kagome wisecracked\
Then the PA system sounded again "Little brother you will bring your meatless backside to the boardroom now or I will have security do it for you," Sesshoumaru said in a gloating tone "Be a good puppy and cooperate,"
"I ain't a gods damned puppy," Inuyasha barked "And you wench you're a stripper than get to stripping,"
"You strip first," Sango teased
"Yes I would love to see those cute little buns," Kagura razzed
"Yashy you are always calling him fluffy," Jakotsu reminded
"Oh it must be bad," Ayame said
"Go on get your ass in there Sessh is waiting," Kagura said while giving his butt a gentle smack "So round so firm fully packed and easy on the draw. Should'a brought butter for these buns,"
"Aw come on now Yash honey don't be difficult," Jakotsu ragged "Be a good boy and I'll massage your cute little puppy ears,"
"Yeah man up mutt and get your ass in there," Kouga teased "Or are you too much of a coward? he ragged making clucking sounds
"Kiss my gods damned ass and sterilize your dirty wolf lips before ya do I do not want to catch hoof in wolf disease," Inuyasha started to reply but was cut off by the PA system
"Little brother this is your last chance either you get in here now or you'll pay a heavy price," Sesshoumaru said "Want me to tell your secret? Inuyasha likes the m,"
"Oh fuck," Inuyasha exclaimed, and made it to the boardroom at triple ward speed "No you don't" he said, clamped his hand over Sesshoumaru's mouth, and took over the PA system "Inuyasha likes beavers lovely perfumed rose scented extra hairy beavers with soft loving lips,"
Muffled gasps were felt against Inuyasha's hand from laughing Sesshoumaru "Beavers? Miroku commented "And they call me a pervert,"
"Soft loving lips" Jakotsu exclaimed
"Yup, leave it to the mutt to call it a beaver," Kouga joked "Watch this" Kouga took the PA system "Hey mutt is that beaver tasty finger licking good, and do ya like them meat or fruit flavored? Hope you carry a toothpick and brush your teeth after because once those hairs get stuck it's a real bitch"
"Kouga you mangy walking wolf pelt butt wipe," Inuyasha answered over the PA system
"That's a good beaver diver and now everyone else knows it to, maybe lots of girls will call you and one generous girl will pop your virgin cherry," Were Kouga's last words over the PA system
Inuyasha turned it off and released his brother "I see you made it little brother," Sesshoumaru casually teased "Hos is the beaver?
"No shit inspector twelve, what was your first clue?" Inuyasha answered
"Ah works every time. Barney beaver diver,"
"Now what the hell do you want? Inuyasha asked
"We received your gift filled balloon and wanted to thank you personally for the lovely gifts inside,"
"This Inuyasha knows not of what you speak and will take his leave now," he ragged speaking Like Sesshoumaru
"Really?
"Yes really," Inuyasha said feigning innocence
"But I think we shall still show you our thanks it would be uncouth not to" don't you agree gentlemen? Sesshoumaru replied
"Yes I do agree," Katsu one of the boardroom victims agreed, got up and locked the room door "Special thanks for such a kind gesture,"
"Gulp, wha-what are you old farts up, up to?" Inuyasha stammered
"We only wish to thank you nothing more," Sesshoumaru answered "Must you be such a child about it?
"Ah hah," the others exclaimed
"Relax pup we old farts only wish to give you a thank you gift as thanks for your lovely thoughtful Pre Christmas gift to us," smirking Katsu added
"N, never mind I, I do not need a thing gotta go now things to do and all," nervous inching toward the door Inuyasha stammered
"Nonsense I will not hear of it, you will receive a gift you cannot leave until you do," Sato another member of the group told him
"Eek" Inuyasha shrieked "I-I-I don't like g-gifts," he nervously stammered
"Aw how pretty," Ayame exclaimed when her hearing picked up the sound
"What? The non demons asked
"Aw our poor little Inuyashy just shrieked," gloating Kouga told them
"Oh goody, goody, goody I can hardly wait," Sango, Miroku, Kagura, and the others squealed like excited kids on Christmas morning
"Calm down kids it's coming any minute now," grinning Kouga added
Suddenly the boardroom door flew open and something at first unfamiliar came whizzing by, upon closer inspection it was clear to see that it was naked except for the multiple varieties of condoms he was wearing Inuyasha. They covered his arms and legs like leg warmers, the one covering his manhood was bright red with bright yellow feathers on it, there was a ribbed one on each of his ears the others covering his body glowed in the dark had dots, stripes, flowers, and various other designs on them. And written across his chest in big letters with an arrow pointing down to his crotch was this way to the big payoff, and the finishing touch was a wreath crown of battery operated Christmas tree lights on his head
"Hey now he can dust the furniture," Bankotsu teased "What? He said when all eyes fell upon him "Well his joint is covered in one with feathers on it,"
"Check out the feather covered joystick," Kagome razzed
"Whoa Yashy shake your little money maker" Kagura teased
"Nice view of the astral plane or ass plain" Sango added
"Wow awesome pipeline" Jakotsu teased
"What nice rosy cheeks," Miroku joked referring to his painted green butt
"Shit he's got enough pork to feed an entire village," Ayame commented at seeing his size
Sesshoumaru was following close behind the fleeing hanyou with his cell phone camera on "Are you seeing this father?
"Y, yes son," Sugimi got out while choking on his own laughter
"Uh oh," the group exclaimed
"Poor dog breath," Kouga said with a big grin "Dad saw it he'll never live that down,"
"Yellow fe, feathers Sesshoumaru? Laughing Sugimi gasped "That just puts it over the top,"
"Another Taisho masterpiece," Kagome commented "Thanks Sessh,"
"You are very welcome miko,"
"Aw Sesshy my sick puppy," Sugimi teased
"I inherited my illness from you father," Sesshoumaru answered proudly
"Now that was a good show," Miroku joked
"Yup best of all it was free," Ayame added
"Sweet," Sango exclaimed as she snapped photos of him
Lust for revenge, the hanyou's plot, walking the dog
'Hehehe perfect' the scheming hanyou thought
Two days passed and Inuyasha was still hell bent on revenge, one particular rotten trick repeatedly ran through his devious mind, with a bottle in hand he went into Sesshoumaru's bathroom. He took the cap off of Sesshoumaru's favorite sandalwood scented shampoo, opened the small bottle in his hand and poured the contents into the shampoo, put the cap back on the shampoo bottle, and then gave it a few shakes. Smiling evilly he put everything back as it was, and left now he'd just sit back and wait
'After this see how ya like me now bitch' Inuyasha thought
Inuyasha sat lounging in the living room, Sesshoumaru came home and glanced at Inuyasha, Inuyasha gave him a fake but very real looking glare, watching this "Papa he did something," Kagome commented
"Yes he did, I think I am about to be a one pup father," Sugimi agreed "Maybe I should call the funeral home and make reservations," he jested
"Should I start digging a grave for mutt face? Kouga teased
"Nah let's just wait for Sessh to kill him first," Sango joked "It's easier that way,"
"And besides when Sesshoumaru's through there might not be enough to bury," Miroku teased
"As long as Sessh leaves me those cute little ears I won't complain," Jakotsu jested
"Jak you are a sick man," Bankotsu said "I think you need counseling,"
"Aw and that is why you love me Banky wanky,"
"Jeez get a room you two" why don't you? Kagome ragged
"Only if you're alone in it naked and ready," Bankotsu teased batting his eyes "Banky loving all night,"
"Go my perverted brother her," Miroku said
"Great now we've got two hentai's in the group," Kagome replied
"Feeling rubbery little brother?" Sesshoumaru asked referring to his prior condom outfit "Well at least they stretch so they aren't constricting,"
"Go flush yourself down the toilet head first," Inuyasha shot back "Skank wad,"
Smirking Sesshoumaru leaned over lowered his head next to Inuyasha's ear "Inuyasha likes the miko so much his little man does a dance," he teased, saying what he was going to say over the PA system that day in the boardroom "Stop waiting make a move fool" need an ice pack dear brother?
"I'll kill you," Inuyasha bit "Don't go to sleep,"
"Ride the miko, need instructions?" He needled "Oh and before I forget do kindly remember to wash your grimy paws after you've finished playing stroke the lizard. And when doing it in the bathroom please remember to wash the toilet after releasing the hostages. Last Monday you clogged the shower drain,"
"I hate you," Inuyasha snapped "Striped fluffy bastard you need to release your hostages you frustrated backed up pipes hag,"
"And so it begins," Sugimi whispered to the others "My battling Christmas and New Year's pups,"
"Ah hah" they agreed
Happy that he had gotten a rise out of Inuyasha Sesshoumaru left and headed to his room to take a shower, Sesshoumaru removed his clothes, turned the shower on, and when the water was warm, he got in. He let the warm water run down over his body, once he was good and wet he opened his shampoo bottle applied some to his hair and began rubbing it in when done he left it in his hair something he always did he loved to let the sandalwood scent settle into his hair
He then soaped and washed his body, after a few minutes he rinsed off, when he was done he turned the water off, got out of the shower grabbed his towel and wrapped it around his body, and with the other dried his hair. The mirror was fogged over from the steam so nothing could be seen yet, after he finished brushing his teeth he wiped the mirror until it was clear and saw it
"Hanyouuuuu," Sesshoumaru bellowed
"Shit dog breath his voice is filled with murderous intent" what the fuck did you do? Kouga asked
"Can't tell you it's a secret," Inuyasha answered "If I did then I'd have to kill you,"
"Liar" Kouga replied, and grabbed him by the neck of his shirt holding him in place "Talk mutt,"
"If you don't tell I'll kill you myself," Kagura threatened
A streak rapidly passed by headed straight for Inuyasha "Kouga let go you asshole," Inuyasha yelled
"Sorry roach lips no can do"
Inuyasha felt a much larger hand latch onto him "Gulp"
And that is when everyone saw the shocking sight sexy silver Sesshoumaru now had golden platinum blond hair, gasps filled the room, his red eyes were fully locked onto his target Inuyasha. Inuyasha grinned cockily at his blond brother, Sesshoumaru swiftly formed his green whip and wrapped it around Inuyasha, and the fool hanyou who could no longer hold it in broke out laughing a suicidal action to be sure
"Goldie locks, where's the three bears?" Inuyasha ragged "B, better not wear yellow it'll clash with your hair goldie plus you'll look like a giant banana. Upside someone can peel and eat you," laughing Inuyasha needled
"I shall gut you and feed what is left to the vermin," Sesshoumaru spat. Then a second discovery was made
"Se, Sesshoumaru your teeth," Kagome exclaimed
"What do you mean, Miko?'
"Here Kag," Ayame said, then handed her, her compact mirror
"Thanks" Kagome responded, took the mirror and handed it to Sesshoumaru
Sesshouaru looked he had blood red teeth "Miserable excuse for life, today you meet your end," Sesshoumaru snapped at Inuyasha "You're the reason abortion was invented,"
"Well Little Red Riding Fang th, that's what you get," laughing Inuyasha gasped
"And what is it that you mean by that, pup?" Sugimi inquired
"Simple pop," Inuyasha said, and then looked at Sesshoumaru "That's what you get for eating bloody pussy and not brushing your teeth afterward. Eew, nasty the sickest shit is a turn on for you," he wisecracked
"Is that so? Sesshoumaru bit, his whip quickly went around Inuyasha's neck, and Sesshoumaru pulled it tight, Inuyasha gasped "You sound experienced in such things" What did raw meat go out of style?
"C, can't breathe," he gasped
Sesshoumaru pulled him down to the floor "Walk, walk like the dog you are and I will let you live,"
"F, cough fuck yo," Inuyasha tried to finish but choked
"I said walk like the dog you are, on all fours," Sesshoumaru commanded, Inuyasha had to concede, and got down on all fours, using his whip like a leash Sesshoumaru walked him like a dog "Good dog,"
"Fetch boy," Kouga teased and rolled a ball across the floor
"Say cheese," Said Kagura who was filming it said "Show some fang,"
"We should make a movie and sell it," Jakotsu joked "Hey we could sell copies,"
"Yes and I will be the president of the movie company and financial holdings," Sugimi teased
"Hey here's an idea let's put it on the internet," Sango suggested
"Yep, after we cut the parts with Sesshys blond hair out," Ayame said
"Yeah we don't want to humiliate Sessexymaru," Kagome said knowing it'd bug Inuyasha
"Growl" was Inuyasha's response
"Silence fool and keep walking," Sesshoumaru said, after a few minutes passed he released Inuyasha
"Thank you miko for last night it was out of this world," he winked
Kagome played along "Yeah, it was hot, wasn't it, we must do it again and soon?"
"Cough, bas, bastard," Inuyasha gasped
"It is alright now little brother all is forgiven," Sesshoumaru sweetly replied, Inuyasha's response was giving him the finger "I shall take my leave now, goodnight all, and thanks again miko," he said then left
"Oh Sessh isn't done yet I just Know it," Kagura stated
"Dog breath is so fucked," Kouga said to Sugimi
"That he is my boy, that he is," Sugimi agreed
A hairy situation
The following morning
After sleeping an unusually deep sleep still groggy Inuyasha woke up barely able to keep his eyes open, he stretched and fought to keep from dozing off again, finally he managed to fully awake. His face felt itchy so he reached up with his claws and scratched, when he did he found something new, Inuyasha felt with his fingers finding the source of his annoyance, he continued to scratch, then tied to pull it off but it did not budge
"Gods damn him he puts a fake beard on me then fucking glues it on," Inuyasha complained, then pulled on it "Shit bastard used cement glue,"
Then he realized he was not in his own bed when he heard "Mornin sunshine," Kagome teased, he looked and saw he was on the couch "Well sleeping beauty nice to see you awake,"
"What the fuck I was in my bed, how the hell did I get here?" Inuyasha said
"You walked down here then plopped down on the couch, and went to sleep, duh," Kouga teased
"Damn drinking too much sake again? Ayame ragged "Drunken sot"
"Ah shut it, I was in my damn bed. Sesshoumaru, Sesshoumaru did it then cement glued the fucking itchy ass beard on my face," Inuyasha grouched "He's such a frigging tool a rusty one,"
"Um that's not a fake beard," Kagome told him
"Sniff, yep she's right," Ayame agreed
"Come on wenches I damn sure did not grow this shit overnight," Inuyasha protested
"Well Yash honey it isn't a fake beard," Jakotsu said "You've finally hit puberty dear,"
"Really, then what is it genius?" Inuyasha replied
"Diving a snowy bush were we?" Ayame teased "Somebody loves the snowy forest,"
"Hair, real hair," Sugimi stated
"Sure is," Bankotsu added
"All right you assholes I'll bite, real hair" from where? Inuyasha asked, then laughed
"Um, someplace," Sango said
"Will one of you idiots get to the frigging point already," Inuyasha snapped
"From a special place," smirking Miroku added "A very special sacred place,"
"That's it I'm leaving I've had it with you idiots," Inuyasha told them but halted when he heard something
"Good morning dear little brother," Sesshoumaru who had just arrived cheerily greeted with a smile
'Oh shit' Inuyasha thought "So what's your game, rat lips?"
"I could not help but overhear your question, from where you ask," Sesshoumaru taunted
"Ah, I didn't stutter ass face?"
"Then I will answer you truthfully, the hair is all natural, and came from a very, very special source, home grown you might say," Sesshoumaru told him
"Oh come on Sessh will ya quit fucking with me and get to the damned point already you giant dick?"
"Why thank you I know I am huge, but must you brag to everyone?" Sesshoumaru ragged
"Just tell me asshole," Inuyasha snapped, and cracked his knuckles, then felt itchy so he reached down and scratched "Gods, what the fuck is this itch day?" he griped "Sesshoumaru you prick if you put itching powder on me I am going to freaking kill you,"
"Hehehe" Kouga, Bankotsu and the other males who couldn't hold back anymore laughed
"He dove in face first and ate white haired pussy an, and it stuck to his face," teasing Kouga gasped
As he scratched Inuyasha felt something strange "Oh no"
"Oh yes," the others practically sang
"My pubes, you shaved my fucking pubic hair off," Inuyasha bellowed "Sesshoumaru I'm gonna feed your nuts to the sewer rats,"
"Yes I did," Sesshoumaru casually answered "And rats do not eat taiyoukai's but they do love hanyou,"
"Sh, shaved them off then glued them to y, your face," Sugimi choked out while laughing
"Hey now when someone calls him pussy it will b, be true," Laughing gasping for air Bankotsu needled
"Hey pussy on legs," Sango teased "Need a comb?
"I know right?" Kagura added "Because we all know curly hair tangles easily,"
"S, somebody call animal control we have a w, wild one loose in here," near breathless laughing Miroku ragged
"He already has the-the beard, now all he needs is the red suit and h-he can be Santa Claus," choking with laughter Sugimi teased
"Oh nice, real funny assholes he didn't shave you're fucking crotch hairs off then glue them to your faces. Boy women are right men are nothing but dogs and bitches," Inuyasha insulted
"Woof, woof," Sugimi, and the other males responded, then panted
Meet the man eating reindeer, Sesshoumaru's plot, and afternoon delight
Kagome wanted to have some fun with Inuyasha so she got him to accompany her and the others on a visit to a reindeer farm, since it was large enough for all Sugimi used a van and drove them there. When they arrived the group eagerly exited the van wanting to visit the reindeers, Kagome walked up to what turned out to be the lead one a large male, he immediately took to her letting her pet him and scratch him muzzle. Inuyasha did a fool thing he started ringing the small bells on the Christmas deer harness that hung opposite the deer, the infuriated deer glared murderously at the annoying hanyou. Kagome shook her head in disbelief although a full grown adult Inuyasha acted like an unruly brat, Sugimi along with Sesshoumaru patiently looked on waiting for the fun to begin. As Inuyasha continued even after being warned the deer let out a sound sounding much like an impressive canine growl
"Um, Inuyasha if I were you I'd quit now," Kagome warned
"Oh please wench nothing is going to happen, so stow it. Jingle bells here ain't gonna do shit,"
"Dumb ass," the others exclaimed
"Sissy's," Inuyasha shot back
"Soon to be deer mat," Miroku teased
"Shut it Sukiroku," Inuyasha shot back
"I shall immensely enjoy watching the deer kick your ass," Sesshoumaru ragged 'Daddy the big bad deer beat me up," Sugimi loved that one
Inuyasha continued bugging the poor deer, after a while the furious deer lunged to bite the pest but Inuyasha pulled away just before the deer got his arm, the cocky hanyou laughed which only pissed the deer off even more. Another few seconds passed then at warp speed a heavy thump on the ground was heard as the deer that had jumped over the fence landed on his feet. Looking Inuyasha in the eye, he smirked and seen was an evil glint in his eyes and for the first time Inuyasha cringed
"Gulp, Ka-Kagome I, I don't like the way he's looking at me," Inuyasha stammered while hiding behind her with his hands on her shoulders "I-I think he wants to eat me,"
"Aw he just wants to play he's just a sweet helpless baby,"
"As always little brother you have an overactive outrageous imagination," Sesshoumaru needled
"Smoking happy weed again? Kouga teased "How many times have I told ya to spend a couple of bucks extra and buy the good shit?
"Thank you Kouga I did not know this that explains a lot," Sugimi joked
"B, bullshit," Inuyasha replied, the deer grunted as it closed in on him, Kagome stepped aside "See I told you,"
"Wuss, wuss, wuss," the group teasingly chanted
The deer was now in his face nipping at him "He, he wants to eat me," Inuyasha stammered
"Oh come on they don't eat meat don't be stupid," Kouga ragged
"Little brother don't be ridiculous," Sesshoumaru mockingly scolded "We should have left him home he is obviously stoned,"
"B, bullshit he's a man eating d, dear," Inuyasha stuttered, then "Ouuuuuuuch" he shrieked when it bit his butt "See bastards I told you," the deer licked his lips, and gave a fake real looking hungry look "Ohhh, please don't eat me y, you'll get indigestion and die?"
"Bon appetite," the others said
"Don't chip a tooth sweetie," Kagura said to the deer
"Eeeeek" Inuyasha screeched, and ran like hell with the deer close behind him "Man eating demon deer,"
"I knew he'd screw up, that's why I got him to come here," Kagome told them
"Miko you are an evil genius," Sesshoumaru complimented "I love it Merry early Christmas to us,"
"Why thank you mi lord,"
"Son, what are you up to? Sugimi asked
"It is a surprise," Sesshoumaru answered
"Why did I have pups? They are both deranged and so twisted" Sugimi said "I should have had girls at least they are sane,"
"Because you forgot to pull out when the explosion began," Sesshoumaru razzed
"Ohhhhh, shit," the other males exclaimed
"Sessh you are one raunchy dude," Sango commented
"Why thank you,"
"Raunchy perverted pup," Sugimi wisecracked "If I as you say pulled out when the explosion started you would not be here now my little cuddly bundle of madness,"
"Yes true, but you must remember father little brother and I inherited it from you so technically it is your fault," Sesshoumaru reminded, and smiled evilly
"I made a deposit to your mother's banks nothing more your madness is your own,"
Christmas morning
"Miko?
"Yes Sesshoumaru? Kagome answered
"Would you care to assist me in a task?
"Ooo, if it involves torturing Inuyasha you do not even have to ask I'm in," Kagome replied
"Wonderful" he said "Here's the plan," he started, then told her his plan, she laughed
"It's evil, sick and twisted I love it,"
Being in on it Sugimi and the others conveniently disappeared hiding inside Sugimi's barrier. Inuyasha came home "Oh Sesshoumaru it's so big,"
"Hah? Holy hell" what the fuck? Inuyasha exclaimed
"Ah Kagome, oh gods you're so tight it barely fits," Sugimi clamped a hand over his mouth at hearing that "Uh miko you make me so unbearably horny,"
"Yes do me, fuck me harder," then Sesshoumaru's bedroom was heard banging "Oh yeah that's the sweet spot,"
"She is too good at that," Sugimi whispered to his cohorts
"Shit, he, he's fucking her against the bedroom door," Inuyasha said "Animal"
"My stomach I am going to die," holding his stomach laughing Kouga got out
"It sounds to r, real," Kagura gasped "Like good porn,"
"Damn they are too realistic doing that shit," Miroku choked out "If I was a real raunchy pervert I'd have the biggest stiffy in history, right now,"
"Think I'm gonna pee, pee my pants laughing," Sugimi gasped
"Don't care as long as you don't hose the rest of us," Bankotsu teased
"Yeah just aim that thing in the oth-other direction" Ayame managed to say between laughs
Bang, bang, bang "Oh gods yes Sesshoumaru harder, I, I'm," Kagome said
"Ahhh oh shit Kagome when you move like that," Sesshoumaru exclaimed "Yes right there,"
"Hey animals, do you not know what the fuck a bed is used for?" Inuyasha yelled
"Oh gods yesssss," Kagome, and Sesshoumaru called out
"Well gee they finally came bout fucking time," Inuyasha wise cracked "Oh Sesshoumaru fuck me," He mimicked in a female voice, then "Oh Kagome you're so tight it barely fits" ever hear of lubricant?
"Virgin" Sesshoumaru loudly replied
"Fluffy the door fucker," Inuyasha shot back, then all went quiet to quiet "Ya sure it wasn't the door you were fucking and calling Kagome's name?
"Rusty piped cherry," Sesshoumaru shot back "Still using that rubber doll? Got rubber burned penis?
"Sessh this is to damned fun," Kagome whispered
"Yes and you perform realistically and perfectly," Sesshoumaru complimented
"Want to have some more fun? Kagome asked
"Definitely" he replied
"Thank the gods the two fuckers must have finally fallen asleep. Ah sweet peace and quiet," Inuyasha mumbled "Now for a little TV and some snacks," He said
Suddenly the silence was broken "Ah Sesshoumaru I'm coming," Kagome exclaimed "More"
"That's it let it out my miko, come for me,"
"Oh gods fucking damn, do they ever get freaking tired, their worse than rabbits?" Inuyasha griped, and laid on the couch with his ears pinned back against his skull and a pillow wrapped around his head blocking his ears "Damn somebody put me out of my misery kill me now,"
"Sesshoumaruuuuu" Kagome called out a fake orgasm
"R, real sounding afternoon delight," laughing Jakotsu gasped between
Kagome was laughing so hard she was about to go down on her knees when Sesshoumaru caught her in his strong arms, the two locked eyes and stopped laughing "Miko?
"Sesshoumaru" Kagome replied
In less than a second his lips were on hers "Hmm" she moaned
"This time, please gods this time let it stay quiet," Inuyasha mentally pleaded
Lemon starts
As the two continued kissing and tongues battled, all sense of their surroundings were lost they only knew each other, Kagome felt his hardened length against her leg, their hands quickly explored one another's bodies. Without pulling apart, her skirt was hiked up, and panties gone Kagome was hoisted up off the floor her back placed against the door. As Sesshoumaru held her up her legs instantly went around his waist, and that's when she felt his pants were already down, she felt Sesshoumaru entering and filling her completely, despite his large length and her tight virgin passage he fit her with ease. Kagome's hold around his neck tightened
She started to move with him he met her thrusts with his own swiftly bringing her to climax hard. After a few releases Sesshoumaru sped up his pace, she felt her taiyoukai pulse inside her and it tripled her lust and his to "Come for me," he whispered in her ear "Do not hold back,"
"Se-sshou-maru," Kagome responded "Come with me,"
"Miko you kill me,"
"Harder give me all you got," he obliged
"Yes Sesshoumaru yes," she called out as his pace increased the room door began to bang only this time it wasn't from fake sexual activities
"Kagome gods you're so tight," he exclaimed, they kept their moans and sounds of passion down to a whisper level "Ah fuck,"
Then it hit them like a ton of bricks "Yeeeees" both exclaimed when their climaxes began
Before Kagome knew it she was marked on the left side of her neck as his fangs sank into the crook of her neck marking her as his mate. Her body changed and she did the same, the taste of each other's blood spurred them on sending them into another state of mindless lust. Sesshoumaru continued pounding into her with blinding speed, all she could do now was hang on and enjoy the ride
"Sessh there right there," she panted when he hit a highly sensitive spot
"You you're driving me insane," he panted
"Uhhhhh" both moaned while riding out another set of orgasms. The banging against his room door was now more intense
Lemon continues
Back with Inuyasha
"Gods their at it again," Inuyasha said "Take a fucking break you animals" do I need to get the garden hose?
"Yeah and for real this time," Kouga exclaimed as he caught the scent
"What was that, flea trap?" Inuyasha bit
"For real this time I said, duh stupid mutt,"
"Y, you mean the first time they were faking it?" the shocked hanyou stammered
"Y, y, yes it was," Kouga mocked "Oh Kagome," he taunted
"Yes proudly I say Sesshoumaru sama wastes no time going after and getting what he wants," Miroku stated in a praising tone
"You know what they say," Sugimi said
"No pops, what do they say?" Inuyasha answered in a wise acre tone
"Ride the baloney pony," Sugimi teased, then made horse sounds "Light the wick on the candle stick, comb the bush,"
"Yup got to tame the anaconda," Bankotsu ragged "Flagpole in the lawn hole,"
"Lay some pipe,' Miroku teasingly added
The door banging finally subsided "About fucking time, take a nap you two" will ya? Inuyasha loudly said
"Maybe in a week," was Sesshoumaru's response, than all went quiet
"No I think in a month," Kagome teased
"Well merry freakin Christmas and crappy new year," Inuyasha wisecracked "Fucking peachy, I got glued and he's up there getting screwed,"
"Plow that field and plant that crop," Jakotsu needled
"Happy humping new year," Kouga ragged
"Go Sesshy get your freak on," Miroku the resident perv said "He's a plumber and she his customer her pipes were clogged and he's cleaning them,"
"Hey Sessh you're the man," Bankotsu said
"Shut up Bank, and the rest of you nasty perverted bastards get bent," Inuyasha exclaimed
"I'm just a mangy cur dreaming of beavers all covered with soft shiny fur," Bankotsu and the other males crooned with dreamy moon eyed looks
"My ears my brain I am damaged for life I need tons of reefer animal tranquilizers sake rum and whatever else will numb me and make me forget this horror," Inuyasha carried on
Caged companions, surprise, and making bets
New Year's day
Sesshoumaru had a plan, just when Inuyasha thought it was safe was occupied and not paying attention Sesshoumaru had the perfect opportunity and took full advantage of it, in the blink of an eye Inuyasha found himself in a dark room "Sesshoumaru you low life lousy son of a bitch, let me out. I'll kill you," Inuyasha screamed
Blindly feeling around in the dark Inuyasha tried to find a door or window to escape through. He felt something but not a door or window "Hey watch your hands," a voice said
"Kagura, what the hell are you doing in here?"
"I was ambushed and put in here, duh," she wise ass answered "What's your excuse?
"Well excuse me for asking princess running mouth," Inuyasha shot back
"Ah shut up sir strokes a lot, and I do mean a lot. You know it's a wonder your happy rod hasn't fallen off from all of that rough loving," Kagura needled "Poor innocent thing,"
"Good coming from miss chronic pat the kitty. That's why she can't purr sore lips and a chafed pelt."
"Flea infested needs to be neutered chapped dick dog," Kagura retorted "Ever heard of using lotion?
"I bet you they will kill each other before the next ten minutes are up," Kouga said
"I'll take a piece of that," some of the group said
"I bet they'll fight then kill one another by boning one another's brains out becoming mates," Sango added
"I'll bet on that," others agreed, then cash was put up on the bets, and Sugimi was the elected treasurer
Back with Inuyasha and, Kagura
"Uptight with a broken pipe virgin dog mangy pole yanker," Kagura shot back
"You couldn't handle it,"
"Prove it inexperienced green horn," she ragged
"Frigid, aggravating never knows when to shut up think you know everything wench, bet I know a way to shut you up,"
"Ah don't get your fur in a twist rover," Kagura razzed "Or I'll have to take you to the vet and get your shots, hm looks like you need grooming to,"
"If you promise not to get your jock strap in a twist you should just wear a jock cup," Inuyasha shot back
"Needs an instruction manual and a map of pussy cause he's never seen one before and knows not what the fuck to do, even if a naked one jumped up and bit him male cherry,"
"Good coming from she who needs to watch a porn tape to even know what a damn dick looks like," he retorted "Ya could'a watched one and practiced with a banana,"
"Well if you had one I'd ask for a look see but you don't so I won't," Kagura ragged "But I hear you can rent or buy one,"
"Oh really, wench?"
With the others
"What the fuc? Kagura started, than all went quiet 'Shit' she thought
"Hehehe crappy new year little brother," Sesshoumaru exclaimed
"Sessh I swear to gods you are the perverted cupid," Jakotsu commented
"Perverted, twisted, and completely deranged," Sugimi added, "I am the proudest father alive,"
"Master matchmaker he is," Ayame said "He just solved and closed an impossible case,"
"Such admiration I am honored," Sesshoumaru replied
Five hours had passed and Sesshoumaru went to the room unlocked the door, and was about to open it to let them out "Get lost rat bag," Inuyasha said, and slammed the door shut with his foot "Now for you," he said to Kagura
"Forget it my son he is in horny dog mode," grinning Sugimi joked "Interrupt and die,"
"Well at least he's consistent," Kouga teased
That night hours later Kagura, and Inuyasha emerged from their honeymoon room tired and hungry, then were greeted with "Here it comes," smiling Kagome said
"Oh he is a virgin no more cause he got deflowered on the floor
Left right then in the middle he played that beaver like a fiddle
The ex virgin boy did good sawing that wood," Sugimi, Kouga, Bankotsu, Jakotsu, Miroku, and
Sesshoumaru sang
"Mentally deficient pricks," Inuyasha replied "I need a bat right now,"
"Aw thanks boys," smiling Kagura said "My little songbirds,"
"Oh he flies through the air with the greatest of ease the daring young hanyou who got his flower picked on the flying trapeze
For a long time he was feeling sick until he lubed his dick
He humped and he pumped till his brain bled and thumped," Sugimi sang to torment his son
"Though his tired nuts are black and blue he became a man when he got his cherry popped it's true," Miroku ragged
"Why don't you two pricks get married? Inuyasha shot back
"We can't Sugimi's already married so that would be bigamy," Miroku replied "We would not want to break the law" now would we? Besides I prefer women"
"Well you can always marry Jakotsu he's close to being a woman anyways," Inuyasha wisecracked
"Is that what you plan to do? Miroku wisecracked "Swinging both ways you gender traitor,"
"No but you are, hah?"
"Unlike you I do not need to be locked up to turn to and enjoy a woman," Miroku retorted
"Ooo, good one," the others exclaimed in unison
A party was held to not only celebrate the holidays but also the matting's of the Taisho males, months later Sesshoumaru, and Inuyasha both found out that they had pups on the way each would have a set of one male and one female twins. As the pups grew old enough to walk on their own Inuyasha thought that he had it made his would defend him, but instead they joined Sesshoumaru's in torturing him relentlessly. Watching this Sugimi was the happiest inu grandfather alive
"Traitorous dogs," Inuyasha griped