Post Traumatic Syndrome

Synopsis: A PO spoiler. Kaito is taking care of Gakupo, but Gakupo is definatly not okay, but it's just another day, how much more can Kaito take?

A Christmas present for all those missing PO and expecially VIOKAY.

~Post Traumatic Syndrome~

I woke up early again, no one called for me, I woke up on my own. I got up and stretched myself making my way to my personal bathroom to take a shower. I look like a total wreck, but I don't care, I am sure 2 and half hours of sleep is enough to make me a living zombie. My blue eyes are burning from lack of proper slumber and I have dark bags under them.

After a long shower and trying to hold back my blue locks that have grown farther than I wished, causing my bangs to annoyingly cover my eyes, I walked out dressed up and with a headband holding back the problem. I had to hold up my pants with a belt, just the sign of how much weight I have lost, I almost look like Gakupo when he first got into the company, a looking-tired pretty boy.

"Morning Kaito-nii!" The cheerful high-pitched voice of Miku-chan, one of my vocaloid companions, yelled in my ears.

I grunted in pain and complained. I didn't even realize I had left the room.

"Oh, hangover?" Miku-chan asked and I nodded. Heh… hangover, right. If they didn't know better they could actually believe I was actually having a hangover, though, in more than one way, it's as if I did got drunk. So we just used hangover as code.

Regardless, I walked downstairs to the kitchen. On the table were Luka and Al going Lily and Marshall on each other, Meiko was on the oven doing pancakes and Rin was arguing with Leon on the pantry because, apparently, she dyed her hair red this time and did a tattoo on her neck (which looked awfully cute), I hope it's just temporary. I sat at the table laying my head on it mentally wishing for a cup of black sugarless strong coffee… or coffee flavored ice-cream, I'm not picky, to just magically poof on the table.

I decided to risk it and ask. "Meiko-chan, can you make me some coffee?"

"No, get up and make your own coffee, fag. I'm not your maid!" Meiko said and I spotted from the corner of my eye Luka stabbing her with her glare.

I sighed, yes, regardless of all that happened, since Meiko found out I swing both ways, she has felt disgusted of me. Even though, Luka kissed Al and got up.

"How do you want your coffee Kaito-kun?" She gently asked and I smiled.

For someone always seen and portrayed as a cold-fish tsundere who would most likely kill you with tuna fish than be nice, Luka was the nicest girl around the house. Maybe it was the motherly hormones since she's doing fertility treatment.

"Lots of sugar…" I asked.

I kept my head on the table and felt myself drowsy, I saw Gakupo at the end of stairs making his way to the kitchen and I smiled. He smiled at me curious and sat beside me. "Sorry for keeping you up all night!"

I smiled: "Careful, you're starting to wear me out!" I said and leaned to him kissing him deeply.

And a smack on my back scared the hell out of me bringing me back to reality. I jumped up and stared t my side, where before Gakupo was, instead of Gakupo was my red haired twin staring at me quite disturbed. Oh god, did I kiss him? Apparently I was having one those real looking dreams or hallucinations…

"Do I look purple to you?" He asked me.

"Oh God! I'm so sorry Akaito!" I said lifting my hands. "I thought… I…"

"Ye, ye, you were dreaming of Gakupo, I know!" Akaito said fixing his shirt and passing me the coffee. I looked around and my purple haired beauty was nowhere to be seen.

I took it in my hand and drank it in one zip. Oh Dear God, it was so sweet that my brain hurt and my gums felt weird, causing me to make a bunch of weird faces. Of course I didn't felt any refreshed of filled with energy afterwards and I really needed to not be sleepy.

Caffeine, why you no like me?

"So, did he go to sleep last night?" Al asked at me somewhat concerned with my lifeless expression.

"Yes, eventually," I answered brushing my head.

Meiko served us the pancakes and gave me an extra dish. She refused to look at me still; I can't help but think she's being an egocentric chauvinistic bitch. Yes, I'm gay; you still like me, live with it. I told you, stop being a drunken stupid woman and I would stay with you, but you didn't hear me. So, of course I went for Ga-kun, he's smart and beautiful and… but I can't actually tell her that, so I just thanked and sighed looking at the second dish.

"Kaito, do you want me to go take it?" My brother asked and pointed at the second dish.

"Nah," I answered getting up and grabbing the dishes. I would eat upstairs, with him. "He won't eat it if anyone else takes it, you know," I remembered my brother.

"Oh, still the same?"

"Yes, even I have a hard time making him eat," I said and smiled and got up grabbing the pancakes.

Taking a deep breath, I made my way upstairs into the room next to mine. I slowly opened the door and looked inside. The room was dark and dusty, smelling a bit of mold due to the humidity. I got inside closing the door behind myself and placed the dish over a small table by the door.

I looked around the room; some light entered the room through the shutters. The room had clothes, books and papers scattered around the ground clumsily. A rocking chain silently sat by the large windows with a blanket over it. I looked at the bed and saw someone laying on the bed and smiled.

He was completely hidden under covers, only a bit of his long purple hair was seen under it, as well as the top of his head.

"Morning Gakupo," I greeted with a smile. "It's time to get up."

All I got back was him covering himself more. I sighed and walked to the windows opening the shutters making the light come in, it was a good day, the sun was shining outside.

"Don't you want to get up, Ga-kun? It's sunny today. Don't you want to see the sun?" I asked hoping he would react.

But he kept himself under the blankets. I walked to him and pulled the blankets that he tried to hold down, I heard him groan. "Come on Ga-kun!" I asked and with a final tug finally pulled the blankets off him.

I sighed. His eyes were closed shut tight and he seemed to have curled himself up back to fetal position. I hated when he did this, it was so hard to make him snap out of it. Did he even sleep at all? I am sure when I left the room last night he was sleeping. Did he have a nightmare last night or something? He seemed a lot more tense and scared than yesterday.

"Ga-kun," I touched him trying to get him to uncurl himself from that position.

"DON'T… touch me!" He yelled at me slapping my hand away and actually jumped off the bed running away to the corner of a room. "P-please d-don't hurt me!" He sobbed curling up against the corner of the wall, well hidden behind the night-table.

"I won't touch you Gakupo…" I said lifting my hands.

Is he even seeing me? Who are you truly seeing Gakupo? Is it me or is it him?

I decided to just make his bed. I picked up the clothes from the ground and folded them putting them away, eventually I realized he was slowly getting up and quickly made his way to the rocking chair. He seemed to somehow lose perception that I was in the room, than even though I passed by him a couple of times he didn't react to me.

Finally the room was done and I looked at him. Gakupo had lost considerable weight, mostly for the fact that it was extremely hard to get him to eat anything. He was extremely pale and his hair, which was always perfectly nurtured and well cared for was a shamble of messy purple locks. He clumsily wore a long blue yukata over nothing but a very simple pair of boxers. His blue eyes seemed empty of life or even reaction, what reminded me of that episode in Sailor Moon that Usagi sort of did lost her soul.

I grabbed the pancakes and pulled the table near to the rocking chair placing the plate with the pancakes over it and sitting in front of him. "Ga-kun?"

He looked at me, though it looked like he wasn't aware it was me. "Will you eat breakfast? Please?"

He nodded in answer and leaned forward slowly eating the pancakes, I ate with him. There was nothing but silence, I stared at his hair and touched a lock causing him to step back quickly covering his face.

"I'm eating! I'm eating! Don't hit me!"

"It's me Ga-kun, its Kaito! No one's going to hurt you!" I quickly said letting go of him.

"K-kaito?" He asked uncovering his face a little.

"Yes!" I said hopeful.

"P-please d-don't hurt him! I will b-behave, I… I p-promise," he asked and he slowly uncovered his face and went to eat, quickly, uneasy still.

I sighed and covered my face tired. He's not aware it's me; I actually lost my appetite after that. We finished in silence.

Once done, I grabbed the plates and walked downstairs leaving Gakupo alone for now; he just stayed there, in silence, on the rocking chair staring absently out the window. I still tried to get him to say something, like asking him if he liked the food, but he said nothing.

That was the normal every day for me, actually a good day so far. Gakupo got off of bed on his own, he ate on his own, I didn't had to force him to eat, only thing bad was that he didn't seem to be aware it was me who was there. I should expect more days like this, plus he wouldn't take his medication and actually medicating him was one of the hardest things to do, he always thought I wanted to "drug" him or something.

The psychiatrist back at the hospital said that Gakupo was suffering from a case of severe post traumatic stress. Hallucinations, delusions, moments that it was as if he wasn't even there, moments that he wasn't even aware where he was and with who, catatonia, apathy were all symptoms to expect. Still, seeing the man I loved in the state of mental breakdown broke me into pieces. I have actually thought many times of placing him on a mental institution, but the idea of seeing him restrained to his bed again, yelling mad, breaks me apart.

I had to do soon something that I hated having to do, I had to give Gakupo a bath. Oh dear god, that was awful, that was even worse than having to medicate him. Gakupo wouldn't take a shower or a bath on his own, unless I took him there, he wouldn't go get food or drinks on his own unless I or anyone else took them to him, he wouldn't go outside or downstairs by his foot, and sometimes, when he was in a state of complete catatonia, he wouldn't even move to do anything else.

"Did he eat?" Akaito asked once I got to the kitchen.

Akaito was the only one who was still on the kitchen once I got downstairs. I nodded with a sad tired smile.

"You didn't eat almost anything," Akaito pointed out.

"He thought I was the stalker…" I said sitting on the table.

"Of course he thought you were the stalker, past week he threw a lamp at Miku thinking she was the stalker!" Akaito tried to reassure me. "Kaito, Gakupo's not alright, you heard the psychiatrist, there is a chance he'll never recover from what happened."

I know that…

"I mean, I don't think anyone could stand or even survived what he went through intact."

I know that…

"It's amazing solely his mind is broken and that he never tried to kill himself during a psychotic breakdown…"

I. Know. That!

"And… Kaito, I'm sorry," Akaito said walking to me and sitting besides me. I didn't even realize I had started tearing. "I know you feel it's your duty to protect him, to take care of him, but Kaito, you can't neglect yourself this way!"

"Don't start with that crap about committing Gakupo! I can take care of him!"

"Kaito, please be reasonable," Akaito started.

I got up fed up. Really, everyday they would annoy me with this. I'm not going to give up on Gakupo, I can't.

"Excuse me," I got up and walked out of the kitchen, I still heard my brother grunt.

"Hopeful fool, Gakupo's not getting any better!"

At the afternoon I went back upstairs and went to check on Gakupo. It's weekend so there's nothing for me to do. Gakupo was siting where I had left him. I entered the room and he just kept staring out the window. I went to the bathroom and prepared him a bath.

"Ga-kun, don't you want to take a bath so we can go outside for a little?" I asked and looked back at him.

He didn't react so I just walked to him and placed my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me but said nothing. I helped him up and he looked at me. I couldn't tell what expression was that, if it was curiosity or fear or maybe both. He silently left me guide him to the bathroom, where I already had the bath prepared. I caught him staring at the water.

"I have to take off your clothes Gakupo," I started and started removing his yukata.

Once I started taking off his clothes I started getting a reaction from him, Gakupo tried to stop me and once I successfully took off his yukata he tried to cover himself. I wonder if he feels ashamed of his scared body, if he feels ashamed of his body for all that was done to it.

Curious, I touched his thin scars causing him to flinch and step back. "It's okay, Ga-kun, I'm just going to help you wash yourself."

Getting him to take off his underwear and getting inside the tub was the hard part. He struggled with me all the way, even though I kept telling him it was me, it was Kaito, trying to reassure him nothing would happen that no one was going to hurt him. But, after a kick right in the stomach, Gakupo gave me, I was finally able to get Gakupo on the tub.

"There wasn't that hard, was it!" I said sighing, I was sweating so much that I was starting to need one myself.

"Please d-don't touch me, I'm d-dirty!" He said as I soaped the sponge to wash him.

"Yes, that's why I'm going to give you a bath, Ga-kun," I said knowing however that wasn't the kind of dirty that he was talking about.

"I left him do all he wanted to me," Gakupo said.

"Ga-kun, it's okay!" I looked at Gakupo, and wrapped my arms around him kissing his forehead. "It's okay," I kissed his forehead again pulling him to me and hugging him gently. At first he didn't react and then he placed his hands on my back gripping my clothes.

"I miss Kaito…" He mumbled and I closed my eyes. "I miss Kaito so much!"

"I know you do," I answered back wishing he would realize I was indeed close to him.

I walked downstairs taking Gakupo with me. He was now dressed in a clean yukata and with his hair tied up. He was sitting in a wheelchair since that was the only way to take him outside to catch some sun and fresh air.

The day was actually bright and warm, which was good. Gakupo seemed to get more receptive once outside which was good, I left him on the porch so he wouldn't be directly under the sun but would be outside too. I hoped being outside would bring Gakupo a bit close to reality; he always seemed brighter when he was outside.

"Stay here Gakupo, I'm going to get you some tea," I asked though I knew for sure he wasn't going anywhere.

And he didn't I went to take him the tea, he didn't drink it, I brought him a book, he didn't read it. I sat on one of the couches on the porch reading; once in a while I would look at Gakupo who seemed to stare at nothing. I wish I could see what was going on his mind. At a certain point I fell asleep, once I woke up, to give me panic, Gakupo was nowhere to be seen. His blanket was covering me.

I jumped to my feet and looked around. "Gakupo?"

I look at the backyard but I couldn't see him anywhere. Where was he? Was he okay? I felt my heart racing, my blood chilling, I ran inside crossing my way with Al.

"Al, where's Gakupo? He was outside and now he is gone!" I said grabbing Al's shirt.

"Kaito, calm down, everything's alright," Al tried to reassure me.

"Where's Gakupo!"

"He came inside on his own and went back to his room an hour ago," Al answered. "I was actually surprised."

"W-what? What time is it?" I asked confused.

"It's six."

I had been sleeping for three hours. I ran upstairs leaving Al downstairs, I opened the door of Gakupo's room and saw him sitting on his rocking chair. I covered my eyes and sighed relieved, I was so tired.

"Kaito…" Gakupo mumbled and I sighed walking in. "I'm not okay…"

I looked at him, he was aware I was there? "Ga-kun?"

"I'm not okay, Kaito," he looked at me. Had he been crying? "I'm tired and, it hurts, I'm not okay…"

I walked to him and got on my knees grabbing his hand. "I know, I'll take care of you." I said with a smile kissing his hand. Moments like these were rare.

"You look… sick," he said. "Has he hurt you?"

"He isn't here anymore," I said. "I promise, he didn't hurt me."

"I'm home, ain't I?" He asked. "I haven't been well…" He repeated again and looked outside. "Does Rin hate me?"

"No, of course not!" I said not understanding at first what he meant.

"She probably does, the Utaus do," he continued. He seemed delusional. But at least he seemed to realize where he was and what had happened. "It was all my fault… it was because of me that he hurt them."

"Gakupo, please stop, everything's alright now!" I tried to reassure him.

"No, it isn't, people were killed because of me!" He said looking at me, he was crying. "He… he did that to Len… he…" He covered his eyes. "I keep seeing him! He's everywhere."

"He won't hurt you, ever again! I promise Gakupo!" He said.

"He's coming for me," he suddenly said and I brushed my temples grabbing his face making him look at me.

"He won't hurt you Gakupo! I won't let him! He's not here!" I said staring into Ga-kun's eyes.

"I missed you Kaito!" He said crying and he wrapped his arms around my neck kissing me, pulling me closer.

I kissed him back deeply. He made me sit on the rocking chair and he sat on me, kissing deeply. I knew his legs were too weak for him to do anything else. But for a few hours we just did that, kissed and cuddled against each other. How I missed Gakupo and his body.

However, nothing happened afterwards. Gakupo was too weak for us to do anything else, besides it would be like taking advantage of him. He went to sleep against me, telling me silly things, like how clouds took funny shapes and how he liked me when I looked fluffier.

"I want to get better Kaito, so we can be together without fear again…" He said with a smile.

"You will, Ga-kun, don't worry."

Gakupo seemed to be back to normal and that made me glad. At least or a few hours he was back to reality. Nonetheless, once I woke up that morning, after ten refreshing hours of sleep, the bed was empty next to me and Gakupo, well… He was back on the rocking chair, muttering to himself.

I got up and sighed. "I'm going to get you breakfast, Ga-kun." But he didn't even hear me.

"Please don't hurt Len, Master, I'm sorry, I won't speak Kaito's name again. I will behave, I promise, please don't hurt anyone else… please…" That was his only reaction, his senseless muttering about those days, reviving each nightmare as if it was the first time.

As I went down the stairs I made a decision and the moment I entered kitchen, where all the Vocaloids that mattered to me where I spoke, finally.

"Guys, I have decided to commit Gakupo in a Psychiatric Facility," they all looked at me surprised and, finally I left exhaustion take hold of me and sat on the table hiding my crying face. There was nothing I could do.