Chapter One: Dealing with the Dursleys

Sirius and Harry had just left King's Cross. Harry was sitting shotgun as Sirius drove them to Privet Drive.

'Sirius, what's the plan?' asked Harry.

'Well, Pup, we're going to Privet Drive for a day before I take you to Headquarters. I'm obviously prolonging our journey there before I have to look at those gits,' Sirius replied.

Harry decided that he did not to need to know more so he stayed silent for the rest of trip. Eventually, Sirius pulled up outside number four Privet Drive. He got out of the car and rang the front door bell.

The door was answered by Dudley.

'You're Dudley, right?' Sirius asked.

'Yeah,' he replied.

'Good, now make yourself useful, Fatty, and get my godson's trunk from out of the boot of my car,' Sirius said pointing at the black Mercedes Benz.

Dudley stood there numbly until Sirius barked, 'Now!'

Dudley went over to the car as the boot was opened by Harry. The pair of them watched as the fat lump struggled with trunk.

Harry stood next to Sirius and said, 'Perhaps I should've told him it's got wheels.'

'Nah, sod the fat git,' replied Sirius and together they followed Dudley into the house, where they were met by Vernon and Petunia.

'Hello, Petty, remember me? I'm Sirius Black - your nephew's godfather.'

Petunia stayed quiet but Vernon said, 'What are you doing in my house?'

'I'm here to make sure that no harm will come to Harry while we stay here.'

'We? You living under my roof, Sir, no I will not allow it! You will leave now!'

'Shut up, Vermin.'

'I'm calling the police!' said Vernon.

'Go ahead, I dare you – in fact I double dare you, Motherfucker! I'm pretty sure the police would be more than interested in what I tell them concerning the abuse and neglect of my godson!'

Vernon and Petunia both went white at that.

'Now, sit! There are some things of which you should be made aware. One; The wizard who murdered James and Lily has returned. Two; you are going to pay for what you have done to my godson.'

The Dursleys became very afraid in that moment.

Sirius spoke again, 'I want you to pack enough clothes for a month because you will be coming to Black Manor with us when we leave tomorrow evening. No arguments. Today and tomorrow, the three of you will be waiting on us – Harry and I – hand and foot, until we leave. Do you understand me?'

All three of them just nodded. Sirius ordered Vernon and Petunia to their bedroom, before telling Dudley to make some tea.

For the rest of the day, Sirius continued to give the Dursleys orders and when it was time for bed, he made Vernon and Petunia sleep on the floor of the kitchen, while Dudley was forced to sleep in the cupboard under the stairs.

The next day, Sirius awoke the Dursleys at six am to make breakfast. When breakfast was finished, Dudley was made to clean the kitchen, vacuum the living room, cut the grass in the back garden and to paint the bench, before being made to wash Sirius' car. Vernon and Petunia meanwhile, were writing Harrys' name on paper over and over again until it had sunk in.

Finally it was time to leave. The Dursleys were made to put their things into the boot of the car and sat on the back seat. Harry and Sirius had taken their seats in the front. Sirius started the car and drove to Black Manor.

They eventually arrived in a street full of dilapidated old houses. Number Twelve Grimmauld Place was still visible as the Fidelius Charm had not yet been placed upon it.

Sirius pulled up and got out of the car, before telling them all to wait in the car and going inside. He walked around the old house and could not help but smirk. He found his way to the kitchen and called,

'Kreacher!'

There was a 'POP' as an old house-elf appeared and as soon as it set it's ugly, bloodshot eyes upon Sirius, he bowed.

'Master Sirius has returned – the ungrateful brat.' said the elf.

'Nice to see you too, Kreacher.' replied Sirius. 'I see the house is caked in shit. Good job, Kreacher. I have another little job for you. I have brought some muggles to clean the house, I want you to supervise them, and don't spare the whip, if you know what I mean?'

'Has Master Sirius seen the error of his ways?'

'Not quite, Kreacher. These muggles are here to be punished for the way they have been treating my godson, Harry Potter. And speaking of Harry, you will treat him with the same respect as you did my mother. If he gives you a command you will obey it - without question. That, Kreacher, is an order.'

'Yes, Master Sirius. Is there anything else?'

'I will be having company to stay here at the end of the week. You will treat them all with respect. I forbid you to call anyone "Blood-Traitor" or "Mudblood" from now on, do you understand me?'

'Yes, Master Sirius.'

'Good. One more thing, if you can get rid of my mother's portrait, you can have Regulus' old room, deal?' Sirius said offering the elf his hand.

Kreacher looked shocked at both Sirius' words and his kind gesture, but said, 'Yes, Master Sirius!'

Sirius watched as Kreacher walked to the Portrait, which immediately started to scream insults.

'Shut up, you old hag! Kreacher, old Wally is dead, I am your Master now, please get rid of that monstrosity.'

Kreacher then looked up at the portrait, and with a snap of his fingers, Walburga Blacks' Portrait was vanished. Sirius then went up to his brother's old room summoned the clothes from the drawers and wardrobe before vanishing them, too. He then went downstairs and informed Kreacher that he could take the room before waving Harry and the Dursleys inside.

After they had gathered in the kitchen, Sirius spoke, 'Dursleys, you're going to spend the next month cleaning this house under the supervision of my house-elf, Kreacher. You will be awoken at five thirty every morning to clean. Vermin, you'll be cleaning the kitchen and anywhere I deem that needs cleaning. Petty, you'll be cleaning the guest bedrooms. Fatty, you'll be cleaning the bathrooms including the toilets. If you don't do your chores, you won't get fed. Now, I suggest you find the softest bit of floor you can find in the basement and get some sleep because you have an early start in the morning. Welcome to the life to which you subjected Harry, Shitheads.'