A Bittersweet Beginning

I paced around the nest eagerly, anticipation gnawing in my heart. I had already thought long and hard about it, and either way, there were complications. I mean, I was all alone, I had learned to survive in the jungle, barely, just a few months ago. I definitely wasn't the right one for this sort of thing, but who else. The thought had crossed my mind, giving up all responsibility, allowing another bird to take charge in the matter. But every time I almost backed out of it, I thought of Jewel. And that was the only reason I needed.

I owed it to her, at least this much. She was the reason I was dragged halfway around the world, and it was worth every second of it. This entire wacky adventure had all been for one single purpose. To save the…my species. And it had worked just fine, up until now. Jewel and I had been destined for each other, and in the end, nature betrayed us and set up a different course for both of us. Now she was gone, and the hope of saving the species diminished to a nearly absolute zero. Of course, there was no way to know for sure, but if that was the case, the only way was…too horrid to even think about it. It couldn't be.

There are times when doing the right thing involves doing the wrong thing at the same time. It was either me, or the greater good, but the greater good for whom? And that really wasn't even my main concern yet, there was so much more to worry about. Knowing myself, I would probably never reach that point in time, at least not alive.

But that was when the most heart-breaking noise snapped me back to reality. A small crackling noise, followed by a bit of a dry squelch, and the beak of my new-born child broke through its eggshell. It was truly heart wrenching, watching it struggle against the hard exterior shell. I wanted desperately to aid in its escape, help it breathe fresh air, but I knew I couldn't. My heart and my mind told me to break the shell, pull it apart, but deep inside me, a previously unexplored part of me told me to abstain. Instinct, something that had been brought out ever since I'd been in the jungle, told me to let it be. If the chick was not strong enough to break out of its eggshell, it would never survive the first few months. It was torture, but I was already familiar with nature's cruelness.

The brutal battle between chick and egg lasted for over three full minutes, and they were more than enough for me to think about everything. And I thought about everything that could possibly cross my mind. I was a father, and two weeks earlier, I'd been looking forward to this precise moment, when my children would hatch, and Jewel and I would be able to start our family. Now this was simply painful, because I knew it would make me suffer more than anything.

Living by myself in the jungle, it wasn't easy, but I could manage it. However, being responsible for another being's life at all times, responsible for its health, its safety, its growth. I didn't know the first thing about parenthood, and yet here I was, preparing to face it all by myself. With Jewel by my side, I'd felt security, comfort, confidence that together we'd pull through. Now all of that was gone, and it was just me, and this poor unfortunate hatchling against the world.

It's head began to emerge, covered in the sticky, now-useless albumen, and let out a soft chirp. I trembled all over, my talons now gripping the hollow's floor, I was anchored to this world. There was no going back now. It was all over, and even though I'd never believed in destiny, it seemed to be taking control of my life. I had no choices anymore, bound by my heart and mind, and something much deeper as well.

Suddenly, the eggshell was laying on the floor, and all thoughts of the future disappeared when she opened her eyes and looked up at me.

"Daddy?"

The feelings overwhelmed me, my daughter looking up at me expectantly. Like an epiphany, a solemn, inevitable realization, in that split second I came to terms with what my purpose, my sole purpose in life would be from that moment on. I had to be a father to her, the youngest Spix's's Macaw on earth. I would have the one to raise her, to protect and defend her, and ultimately give her the life I'd never had. I knew that if it came to it, I would give my life for her without hesitation or second thought. I smiled, and as I whispered gentle consolations, as I began my brand new life, I became lost in her dark olive-green eyes.

FIN