Date written: Mar. 6, 2017 – July 3, 2017 (3,009 words) (120 days)

Posted on FanFiction: July 26, 2017

A/N: I was busy with Chapter 18, thinking I had already posted this weeks ago.

Stupid me. D'oh!

/ — — CHAPTER 17 — — \

Charging Head-On

By the time I was done speaking, we finished our respective cakes and the waitress came by to ask if we wanted our cups refilled. I abstained, while Hideki nodded at her with an almost suggestive smile. The waitress smiled back, giggling discreetly, before pouring three-quarters of steaming coffee in his cup.

When she left to tend to another table, Hideki said, "I don't think that was your fault, Kodaka-kun."

I pursed my lips, while my eyes honed in on the miniscule remnants of the coffee in my own cup. They hugged the circumference of their cylindrical container, forming what looked to be a dark brown circle drawn atop the porcelain. Despite the great doubt I had over Hideki's conclusion, relief engulfed me like a tidal wave of peace, trying to wash away the guilt I had built for myself. Tried, anyway, and it most certainly tried, but that was all it could do.

"No," I replied, "it was. I was too focused on beating up that guy. I should've paid more attention to the girls." I should've paid more attention to Sena.

Hideki took a sip from his cup, taking his time, as the conversation between us transitioned into an awkward silence. His lips separated from the cup's rim, his throat slightly swelled for the swallow, and his hand slowly lowered down to land on the saucer—

Why is he being so dramatic?

He was doing everything quite slowly, the sort of pace you'd more likely see from the elderly than a young man in his twenties. A small urge to tell him to hurry up brewed within my head. Common courtesy, however, balked at such actions, and it had far more control over my actions than this rude gesture to the person who was treating me to a free snack.

On the other hand, he asked me to tell him the events of that night at the festival, but he then went quiet as soon as I got to the end. I was unsure how to really feel about that—maybe he was pondering it over, trying to process everything over and over until he finds some sort of solution to my dilemma—but I was sure that I would feel disappointed if he offered nothing to help me.

"Have you tried contacting Sena-chan?" he asked me.

I swallowed without thinking. "Yeah," I said, grabbing my cup for a drink just to belatedly remember—as my fingers looped in the ring—that I had refused a refill. I tried to be inconspicuous as I finished my answer with, "I have."

He made no comment about the cup. His focus was on the current topic. "And?"

I shook my head. "Couldn't reach her. She blocked my number."

"She blocked you?"

I nodded.

He blinked, pointing a finger at me. "Sena. Blocked you?"

The way he said it made my claim sound farfetched or even unbelievable to have happened. I had no idea where he got his notion from, but it couldn't change reality. No matter how many times I called Sena's phone, the automated recording always came to deliver its apologetic spiel.

Still, despite knowing what I knew, doubt clung to my mind like superglue. "… uh, yes. I think."

He moved his pointing hand—now clenched—next to his mouth, posing awkwardly as if he was giving himself an upside-down punch, but really all he was doing was leaning on his fist like some bad knockoff of The Thinker statue. He hummed with that pose, his dark blue eyes glaring holes at the table's linen sheet, and I just sat across him, torn between staying quiet or asking him why he was making that sort of pose.

I mean, did he really have to hum so loudly?

A part of me was honestly thinking he's doing this on purpose. Maybe to mess with me. Considering how he and Stella get along well, my doubts were quite small.

"Okay, then," he said, crossing his arms, "since contacting her via the phone was a bust, what else have you tried?"

"What else…?"

"Kodaka-kun… don't tell me you stopped right there."

"I..."

"I see." Sip. "Let me ask you, Kodaka-kun, in regards to Sena-chan, what do you plan on doing?"

"Huh?"

His eyes were not on me, but his cup, lifted and held an inch or so from his mouth. I didn't need eye contact to figure out just how serious he was about his inquiry. "Just how far are you going to take this?" he asked, setting the cup down and finally (unfortunately) looking right at me. "The situation you, Sena-chan, and your whole club are in, I can't say for sure that it'd still be the same. If you feel some sort of guilt, who's to say the others won't feel the same? Who's to say Sena-chan wouldn't hold a grudge against the person who threw that bucket at her?"

"Her hair was on fire!"

"Does the grudge have to be rational? From where I'm standing—sitting, really—I see a young man feeling guilty over something he had no control over and would insist it's a rational conclusion to feel."

"I..."

"You are free to not answer me at all, Kodaka-kun. I just want to remind you of that. If this is too uncomfortable for you, we can stop right now—"

"No. It's okay. I"—don't want to run away—"am just thinking on how to answer your question." Sigh.

"You don't need to right away. I only ask that to make you start thinking." He tapped his head with his forefinger. "Why did you stop with a call? Why haven't you thought about confronting her at her home?"

"Isn't that sort of direct? Besides, going to her house sounds kind of presumptuous and—"

"But you've been there before, right?"

"Well, yeah, but..."

"Have you tried contacting her father or even Stella?"

"I… didn't."

"Then why haven't you?"

"I..." Looked away. Was it shame? "It never crossed my mind."

"Well, I gave you a few things that you could've done, so now, I'm going to ask you again: What do you intend to do with Sena?"

My answer to that sounded so simple and easy to do, but felt like hiking a mountain with cement shoes. Where was this hesitation coming from, I wondered. Guilt, probably, and maybe even a little shame for being useless, but wouldn't this all be remedied (somewhat) by talking it out with Sena? Logical in hindsight, but in the here and now, caught up as I was with a tsunami of varying emotions, a concoction that left my stomach churning in misery and my heart aching in resignation… well, it was this sort of state, almost constant, that kept me from thinking of having a civil discussion with my blonde-haired schoolmate.

Because a big part of me honestly doubted our discussion would be anything but civil.

But how sure am I of that, really?

Not entirely. This was just my fear talking. Fear of rejection, fear of the club dissolving from further strife, fear of being blamed by her. Besides, whether I go now or not, I'd eventually meet up with Sena when school starts again and the club resumes its activities after classes. That, too, seemed logical, even if it was placed between the realms of procrastination and cowardice.

But do I really want to wait?

No. Every day that passed without at least a reply or a call back from Sena increased my anxiety. And to counter the waiting game, none of us in the Neighbors Club were contractually obligated to attend each and every time after class. Who was to say Sena would be avoiding the club then as well? I could be wrong, I could be blowing things out of proportion and believing in a worst case scenario, but did I really want to take that chance?

My lips felt dry, my throat tight, but this needed to be said, even if only to lock me into this course without hesitation pulling an escape attempt for me. "I'm… I'm going to try heading to her home, see if I can apologize her to face-to-face."

Hideki smiled, an expression of both joy and relief, as if these were the words he'd been waiting awhile to hear.

"I'll get the check," he said, rising from his seat, his remaining downed in one big chug. "Wait for me outside."

"Thanks for the treat, Hideki-san," I said, rising up as well, "but there's somewhere I need to go. I'm gonna have to go on ahead."

He said nothing to me, at first. Then shook his head with a smirk filled with mirth and said, "Where do you think I'll be taking you, Kodaka-kun?"

The humble man in me was already about to say my niceties and insist that he didn't have to go so far, but before I could utter a word, he turned around and waved his hand at me, as if the commute to the Kashiwazaki mansion was nothing to him. Just up and went towards the counter to pay for our purchases.

With nothing else to do here, I got out of my seat and waited outside. Just then, I realized something and immediately pulled out my phone to call Rika. I could've called Yozora, but I get the feeling speaking to her about me visiting Sena's place would put her in a really bad mood.

I heard the low-toned ring on the receiver twice before she answered it.

"Aaaah, aaah, ooh, yes, yes, harder, harder!"

I ended the call and resisted the urge to palm my face. Why did I think, even for a moment, calling Rika was a good idea? Whispers behind me. I wanted to cry.

Rika called back. She giggled when I answered, "How was Rika's orgasm performance, Senpai?"

"Your 'performance' labeled me as a guy who listens to"—I couldn't say porn. I just couldn't—"that in broad daylight."

She laughed again, this time more nervously. "Sorry about that, Senpai. Please forgive Rika."

Silence.

"Pretty please..."

I sighed. "Whatever. Anyway, I called to let you know that I won't be coming in to the club today."

"Oh, is your little sister sick, ah no, wait, she's here arguing with Maria-chan."

"Did Sena come by the clubroom today?"

"No. It's just Yozora-senpai, Yukimura-kun, the two kids, and Rika here in the room today."

"Figured as much."

"Why did you want to know, Senpai?"

"Ah, that's because I'm going to her house to visit."

Silence.

"Sorry, Senpai, but Rika thinks the reception went choppy for a bit there. Rika could've sworn you said something about going to Sena-senpai's house."

"Yes."

"Eh?"

"I'm going to visit Sena."

"Eh?!"

"Hey, come on, you don't have to sound so surprised..."

"How can I not sound surprised about this?!"

Rika referring to herself in the first person…

I tried not to feel unsettled. Maybe I should've called Yukimura instead.

"I just want to make sure she's okay," I said, casting my gaze around the bustling city street, but not registering the shapes, colors, and signs that I might've seen. More and more, my attention drew inward, to the last time I'd seen Sena Kashiwazaki. "She hasn't been responding to us at all these past few days."

She groaned. "Whatever Rika says at this, you'll be heading over Sena-senpai's place anyway." I heard a commotion. Yozora must've eavesdropped the conversation after Rika's outburst. "Rika wishes you luck, Senpai."

"Thanks, Rika."

Murmurs grew from the other line, and a moment later, Rika came back. "Yozora-senpai wants to ask if you really are going to Sena-senpai's place."

"Yes, I am."

Murmurs. Then: "Why?"

Hideki exited the cafe just then.

"I need to cut this talk short, Rika, so just relay to Yozora that I'll explain everything after I'm done talking to Sena."

"But Senpai…"

"I'll explain everything afterwards," I repeated, a little more forcefully than before. I didn't like how I sound, but I would go nowhere if I avoided being direct about this. "Talk to you later."

There was about three seconds of silence that tempted me to end the call right then, but Rika's response, barely a whisper that traveled from the clubroom to downtown Tohya city, went through.

"Okay," she said, and then ended the call.

I closed my eyes, the cold stabs at my heart calling forth a powerful emotional whirlpool that almost had me giving up just to escape it. Rika… she sounded defeated, resigned to whatever fancy I had about our blonde club member. It was only now that I realize that I might've been sending a completely different message to her when I said I'd be visiting Sena.

And I delivered that message without any sort of consideration about what she felt. Of course, I had no doubts she felt bad for Sena and the incident on that night, but Rika was also quite open about her desire to have me as hers. I wasn't blind to it. I had always brushed off her attempts, and she had always bounced back. It became a kind of game we played, a tame cat-and-mouse chase that really went nowhere, but maybe I was the only one who thought that.

Rika was serious about this…

And I just-

"Kodaka-kun?"

I blinked, involuntarily flipping close my phone, and turned towards Hideki.

His eyes honed in on whatever expression I had on my face, then on the phone in my hand, the sound of its closing audible and forceful enough that I worry for its glass screen.

A silent moment passed-people in the busy streets ignored-before he asked me, "You ready to go?"

I doubted my mouth would have an intelligent response ready, so I just nodded, parts of me still feeling a little numb from the phone call.

"Okay, then," he said, slipping both hands into his jean's front pockets. "Come on. I've already called ahead. Stella's expecting us."

In hindsight (and with a clearer head), maybe he said that to make the matter clear for me: There's no turning back.

This was far from my mind, so when he walked towards his car, I followed without a word, my mind elsewhere.

Towering executive offices and apartment complexes shrunk into fastfood restaurants and single-floored stores as we exited downtown Touya to one of the city's more middle-class residential districts. The roads got narrower and the stoplights hanging on tall lampposts disappeared altogether. It was silent in the car, save for Hideki's sound system tuning out a playlist of Hatsune Miku songs. I was only made aware of the digital singer due to her popularity (Kobato had a short Vocaloid phase, too) and having liked a few of her songs. Anything more than that, I was clueless. Plus, in truth, for some unfathomable reason, it was good travel music.

The scenery shifted again, the surroundings encompassing a whole lot more natural green than metal or concrete gray, and as Hatsune Miku sang about the things she wanted to say, the songs she wanted to sing, Hideki decided to finally end the silence between us.

"You already know what you're going to say when we get there?"

Truthfully I still didn't. I mean, most likely I'd start with the apology, but afterwards, I was drawing a blank. What else could I say after an apology anyway? It wasn't as if there were other things we had to resolve, right?

Still, going all the way to her home to just apologize… it seemed barren, I guess. Or maybe that was just me and my limited social skills talking? For some, it might be normal to talk about one thing and then say our goodbyes, believing everything will be solved once that was done, but I was of the mind that this meeting shouldn't begin and end with an apology. Something else needed to be addressed, but… what exactly should it be?

"If you want my advice," Hideki said, as we took a left, and the Kashiwazaki mansion came to view, half-covered by the trees that populated the winding road that led up to it, "start with an apology and move on from there."

"..."

"Hm? I get the feeling you're annoyed with me."

"No, I'm not." Which was an outright lie.

"Ah! Your response was lightning quick. Definitely annoyed."

Rather than speak more denial, I just kept my mouth shut and my eyes straight ahead, our destination in my sight.

The silence returned, if only for a while. Once we'd crossed the gates and made our ascent to the Kashiwazaki courtyard, our conversation continued, although it felt more like a last minute pep talk before a Budokan concert, the sort of pep talk that ensured butterflies would deem my stomach to be their natural habitat.

"Well, give it your best, kid," Hideki said, smiling as his fingers tapped rhythmically on the wheel with a new Hatsune Miku song as backdrop. "Like I said, start with that apology of yours. Don't postpone it with idle small talk."

I mulled it over for a bit and asked him, "Hey, what exactly should I talk about after apologizing?"

He smiled and turned off the music player, cutting the chorus out. "It'll come to you."

I pursed my lips. "But what if it doesn't?"

"Neither of you will stay silent forever." He then switched off the AC and finally the car. His lips pursed as he remove his seatbelt. "But then again, your first hurdle would probably be getting her to talk to you."

"Eh?"

Before I could ask him anything else, he stepped out of the car and I automatically did the same, only to reel back onto the seat when I realized I still hadn't removed my own seatbelt. I took care of that, quick, and when my feet touched the courtyard, my hand about to slam shut the car door beside me, the stoic steward made her presence known.

"Greetings, Kodaka-sama."

Why did I suddenly feel an insurmountable amount of dread?