Paper footballs had gathered around Craig Tucker's feet to leave a small pile for the custodian to clean later. Some lucky pieces had landed on his desk and others went on suicide missions to his face. Lucky for them and the offender, Craig was riding out the effects of his smoke break during lunch.

"You know I will keep doing this," the blond that sat beside him whispered softly, launching yet another paper football.

"Have you taken any notes, McCormick?" Craig finally turned to look at his classmate. Kenny fucking McCormick was taking every class Craig was taking at college. It was their second semester at University of Denver so they were still taking general education classes. Craig was currently undeclared and was just going with the flow for now. College just seemed like a good reason to get away from his dad at the time. Maybe he would think of something before he wasted too much money on it. Then again, college was just like high school for him. Go to class, not give a shit, do enough work to barely pass.

Kenny on the other hand already had a set plan. Yeah, this was the Kenny McCormick that grew up in one of the shittiest households of South Park; the poorest kid in school, Kenny McCormick. It took everyone by surprise to see Kenny walk across the stage in a cap and gown when their class graduated last year. Most of the town never expected the McCormick boys to even make it to high school. Kevin proved them right by dropping out in eighth grade, while Kenny on the other hand proved them wrong and took it to another level by enrolling into college. He was hellbent on majoring in social work. Kenny was always disappointed in the way the system handled him and his siblings, so he made a promise to himself that he was going to change that. So far, he was holding strong by passing with flying colors.

"Dude, we've been done for about ten minutes. He's just telling us what's due next week," Kenny already had his things ready to go but made sure to leave some paper out to pester Craig with. He was folding up his last football for the day when Craig slammed his book shut and stood up, announcing to the class that he was done for the week.

"All right. I'm leaving then," when he stood up, the floor doubled in paper football carcasses. Kenny followed closely behind him into the crowded hallway of students switching classes or just trying to get the hell out of the biology building to start the weekend of partying or studying.

"So, I know how much you love social situations-"

"No," Craig was making his way down the staircase, not bothering himself to step aside for people being kind enough to try and walk around him. He was perfectly okay with knocking people over to get out. He had been wanting a smoke badly about halfway through class. Kenny pulled his hood up over his head before they started walking out in the cold.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask," Kenny whined after shoving his hands into his jacket pocket. He dove under Craig's arm to grab one of his cigarettes before he closed the pack. Craig was too slow to react and ended up landing a punch on Kenny's backpack instead of his face.

"You used the words 'social situations'. Fuck that," Craig glared at Kenny after he recovered from his stumble. They started walking back to the dorms, fighting the biting wind with a stubbornness that should be applauded. Craig smirked when Kenny realized he didn't have anyway to light his smoke and shoved him aside when the Kenny tried to get his lighter from his pants pocket. How he ever got close enough to call Kenny a friend still eluded him. It sort of just happened over the years. Maybe it was because they both grew up on the poor end of the South Park spectrum, smoked together, and drank together. Both of them had a shit home life that they were trying to get away from. Kenny running harder than Craig was. They were able to relate without ever having to say a word. Now they lived together in the oldest dorms of the college campus. Craig liked having Kenny as a roommate, and it could always have been worse. Craig could have been stuck with some complete fucking loser.

"Hey Stan!"

Like maybe this fucking loser.

Craig stared straight ahead and continued to walk regardless of Kenny stopping to address his long time friend. As far as Craig knows, the three of them are the only ones from South Park that traveled to Denver for college. Out of his circle of friends Token went to some pish posh school on the east coast, Clyde went to Texas, Kevin is some where in California, and Tweek stayed in South Park. He felt bad for Tweek being stuck in South Park, but then again Tweek was very adamant about staying in his comfort zone. Tweek and Ruby were the only excuse for Craig to go visit South Park for the holidays. Them, but more importantly Clyde. He missed Clyde the most. Text messages and IMs just aren't the same as having your best friend there to waste time with.

"Hey Kenny! Hey Craig," Stan jogged over to Kenny and the fleeing Craig. The Stan the-forever-athlete was wearing sweats and a hood that had the school name plastered in bold text all over them. He continued to jog into place while watching Craig walk away without even bothering to acknowledge him or his greeting.

"It's cool, man. Craig is still Craig," Kenny shook his head but held no venom in his voice. Craig was set on getting into the dorms as soon as possible. His high was wearing off and his toes were cold. He didn't want to stand around and talk with Stan Marsh and act like he cared about whatever sport he was in or whatever class he was taking . He would always make himself scarce when Kenny would invite him over or whenever Stan would show up when they were hanging out. Unfortunately, Kenny had made him go to a few of Stan's football games.

It was always obvious that Craig didn't want to be there at the obnoxious sporting events. When everyone was cheering and chanting, Craig kept silent. When the fans would stand or do the wave, Craig remained seated. His expression never changed and if he was ever put on the jumbo-tron, the crowd was met with his scowl and his middle finger.

Okay, so that was fun. Though, getting escorted out after flipping the bird wasn't. Security tended to get more forceful when Craig was drunk or had any sort of smart ass remark to their stupid questions.

"So are you coming to the party that Jake is throwing?"

And the social situation is revealed before Craig walks out of hearing range. He was right the first time he told Kenny 'no'. He didn't want to go to some douche bag named Jake's party. He could have his own party and that's just what he planned on doing.

Craig shoved his body against the stuck door of his dorm to get it open with a loud creak followed by a boom. The door was a complete piece of shit that didn't fit the frame properly, but it did lead to some fun times when Kenny and Craig would come home not so sober. One of the more recent events of coming home early in the morning in a giggling fit, led to Craig pissing himself and Kenny puking from laughing too much.

Craig pushed the door shut and locked it behind him. He made his way to his guinea pig cage while he stripped out of his winter coat and shoes. He let his clothes fall to the floor without showing any concern about having to pick them up later. When he got to his desk and sat down, Craig slipped his finger through the cage and pet his grunting baby. Students weren't allowed to keep animals in the dorm, but there was no way in hell that that Craig was leaving Stripe II in his parent's house. Whenever their RA would make inspection rounds, Stripe II would get hidden away along with their alcohol and pot. So far, this plan has worked for them.

Craig opened the bottom drawer of his dresser and gathered his things to smoke. It was just one of those days and it seemed like a good way to start the weekend. Craig's weekend usually consisted of sleep, smoking, drinking, and then Sunday night was homework time. He flipped Lady Gaga on his laptop and proceeded to roll up a joint. His mind was blank as he hummed the tune to Bad Romance before lighting up, making sure to blow smoke away from Stripe.

As far as Craig knew, Clyde and Kenny were the only ones that knew of his secret love for Lady Gaga. One night during senior year of high school Clyde had stayed over at Craig's and they got drunk while singing to Bad Romance, changing it to Bad Bromance. This was also the night Craig realized he could dance well with his hips, and dance well in heels while drunk. He still has the video Clyde recorded of him dancing on the table wearing his sister's bra and thong over his briefs. Ruby threw away her underwear after she got them back from Craig the day after.

Craig got out of his chair with his joint in hand and started to dance around the room he shared with Kenny. His dancing consisted of hip shaking, pelvic thrusting and arm movements that Craig thought was coordinating with the music that was filling the room. In reality, his movements were slow and off beat. He snorted to himself and continued to shake his hips, taking a puff between each chorus. His silver blue eyes focused as much as they could at his figure in the full length mirror, watching his hips swing from side to side. With this joint between his lips, he ran his hands down his chest and stomach, groping himself through his clothes. Watching himself in the mirror made his heart beat pick up and his body grow warm. His body's reaction wasn't new to Craig. He noticed midway through high school that he was turned on by his own looks, actions, or thoughts about himself. He couldn't help it; he knew he was the most attractive thing he's ever seen after puberty stopped being a complete shit-fest. A soft moan escaped his lips as he started rubbing his hardening cock. His eyes were still trained on his own image while he continued to rub himself in an odd dance of self appreciation.

"Of course you're listening to this crap!" Kenny slammed through the jammed door. Craig's hand fell to his side and he looked over at Kenny, cursing him with his glare. "Aw, you started the party without me, Sugar Tits?"

Kenny walked to Craig and took the joint out of his mouth, inviting himself to a smoke. He had always made fun of Craig for his choice in music idol, but it was done with love. At least that's what Kenny was always telling Craig.

"It is a one man party that you crashed," Craig mumbled as he made his way to their bathroom, shutting and locking it behind him. He wasn't going to let Kenny completely ruin his mood.

"Oh really? I thought it was a party for two since Craig Jr. came out to play. How about we make it a threesome?" Kenny called through the door while he sat down on the floor beside the bathroom. He looked like a small puppy that just got shut out by its owner.

Craig's zipper screamed loud in his ears as he pulled it down to gain access to his hard on. He stood in front of the bathroom mirror. As of lately, this is where he preferred to be when taking care of himself. His reflection was the best masturbation material he could ever find or would find.

"No. You were never invited," Craig pulled his dick out of his pants and wrapped his hand tight around it. He took a deep breath and thanked whatever God there is that Kenny kept the music on, not like he would have cared either way. Both of them had heard the other work themselves off before this point. "Anyway, I thought you were having your own party with Marsh..."

"Oh that's tonight, not now. Speaking of which, you should come," Kenny swayed side to side, not really going with the music. Craig could only smirk and chuckle at first.

"I will," Craig's mouth moved faster than his mind could even begin to register what he said.

"Seriously?" Kenny raised an eyebrow and finished their joint. "You must be in a good mood."

"Fuck," Craig exhaled and leaned his head against the cool mirror. His hand started working in slow, lazy pumps. "You know what I meant... I'm not going to that thing."

"But you already said yes," Kenny spoke in a sing song tone, ready to become annoyingly persistent until the other caved in. He wasn't going to lose this petty battle. "Come on Craig. I'll be there. Plus there will be free booze. We don't have anymore of that and I don't feel like buying any right now. Unless you want too."

"Fuck..." Craig whispered against the mirror, his cheek already damp from the moisture of the mirror. He was starting to breath hard against the reflective surface. His eyes remained open slightly so he could still catch a glimpse of his face while his hand started to move faster as Kenny kept talking. His hand was hitting the bathroom counter, but he really couldn't give a shit if Kenny could hear him.

"Stan will be there too. You know him. I mean, you don't like him, but whatever. He's not as bad as you make him out to be. You guys could get along if you would just get that stick out your ass. Dude, you are really going at it," Kenny leaned his ear against the door, trying to hear even better. Craig may still have been Craig, but Kenny was still Kenny as well.

"Shut the fuck up, Kenny," Craig growled. He could feel himself getting closer already and the last thing he wanted to do was have a full conversation while spanking it. His body started to tense and he let out a shudder. "I don't want to think about Stan fucking Marsh... Not right now or ever."

"Aw why not? You could totally jack it off to him. The dude has a nice body. Did you see him jog? Total shame he's straight or something. Although I think he had a thing for Kyle, or maybe that is just what super best friends are like," Sometimes Craig really hated it that Kenny knew he was gay, even if it was for himself: that part Kenny didn't know. If he was still under the impression that he was straight or asexual, he wouldn't be saying things like this now. Unfortunately, Craig made the mistake of telling Kenny he didn't like girls and preferred dick at the tender age of fifteen.

It also doesn't help that Kenny just doesn't know when to shut the fuck up when he's high. Craig tried to focus on his lips and the breath that was fogging the mirror. He bit his lip hard in anticipation for the orgasm that should have came and gone minutes ago. Thanks to Kenny rambling, it was delayed greatly. Craig moaned and closed his eyes. His body stiffened and he moaned again, the image of his face showing pleasure fresh in his mind.

"Have you noticed that you two sort of look alike? Just think about him. Dude, could you imagine what it would be like to screw him? It would be like fucking yourself!" With that poor excuse of a warning, images of a sweaty Stan Marsh flooded Craig's mind. These images morphed into thoughts of a sweaty Stan Marsh asking for Craig to screw him against the lockers of their high school. High school gym class was the last time Craig had even seen Stan close to naked, so he wasn't going to argue with that small detail of the random fantasy. The Stan that was spreading his legs wide and willing had his hair styled differently than the Stan Craig had seen earlier today. It reminded Craig of when Stan would let his hair grow out for too long, or when he was going through his ridiculous goth stages. It was slightly longer and parted to the side, similar to his own hair cut. Craig licked his lips at the thought of this fantasy Stan moaning his name and panting below him-

"Dude are you done yet? I've really got to piss now," Kenny whined on the other side of the door and started to paw at it.

Craig was snapped back to reality with a shudder and blinked down at the his wet hand and messy bathroom counter. He stared at the evidence of his orgasm with furrowed brows. Did he really just come to the thought of screwing Stan Marsh? Not just that, but did he really let his mind even create that fantasy? Craig tucked himself back into his pants and shook his head as he cleaned up his hand. This whole thing was Kenny's fault. He could clean up the rest.

"All yours, Princess," Craig moved past Kenny after unlocking his poorly thought out privacy plan and made his way to his bed, shutting his music off as well.

"So you're going with me tonight. No questions. I had to listen to you jack off while I waited like a good boy for my turn to pee," Kenny stood in the doorway and watched Craig take his hat off before climbing onto his bed.

"Yeah whatever. Wake me when you're going," Craig turned his back to Kenny for the small amount of conversation they had before Kenny shut the door to the bathroom. Craig stared at the wall and let his mind sort out things that he was already storing away as not really big deals. So what he just came to the idea of fucking Marsh? It was a complete fluke that was all brought on by Kenny rambling. Marsh didn't look a thing like Craig. They were polar opposites. Marsh was clean cut while Craig was rough around the edges. Not to mention Craig couldn't stand that asshole.

Craig closed his eyes when he heard the toilet flush. A smirk soon followed when the faucet was turned on.

"Oh Shit! Craig! You're fucking kidding me! Clean this shit up, Dude!"