Disclaimer: I do not own the Titans, nor the Teen Titans...or you would hnever hear from the Bat-Clan again...or Tempest...Or Red Arrow...or The Flash orRaven...OR- you know what? They're all in my mental bedroom, let's leave it at that. JK

Long story short, I was trapped in town for like, four hours, and had a pen and paper with me...this random ficlet came to mind.

Be Horrified/Enjoy!^^

That's Just How We Say Hello…

~)0(~

Red Robin blinked.

"Oooooo-kay, I'm going to pretend I didn't see that and just skip ahead to the 'What the Hell?' portion of this conversation." He rationalised, glaring back and forth at the casually receding forms of the attractively spandex-clad Nightwing and Tempest. Both heading in opposite directions down the corridor from one another, the same corridor he was now standing in the centre of with a dumb-struck expression on his face, throwing an evil eye at the closest Titan to hand who hadn't just-…

The Flash grinned in his own secretive manner; it irked him no end. "Oh, cut the 'I know something you don't know' face… You know the Goddamn Batmantrained me, right? I can do things to you that you've probably never even dreamed of, if you don't tell me what the hell just happened!" the Teen Wonder huffed in a menacing tone that could freeze lava…heck, lava would probably just slink back into the volcano…

Beaming theatrically and crossing his red-clad arms over the lightning bolt symbol on his chest, Flash sighed wistfully, "Promises, Promises…"

Tim quashed the urge to strangle the speedster there and then, he knew Wally was just teasing him for the sake of it…dangling the proverbial carrot, as it were… Then again, he knew where the Older Titan lived…maybe a midnight visit was in order? Nightwing seemed to get away with it all…the…time…

'BAD BRAIN!' he yelled internally, cursing both his overactive imagination and the detective skills Batman had ingrained into him, combined they were a potent force, and currently they had joined forces to analyse the whole situation… Well, Over-analyse you could say, seeing that his mind had taken that tiny snippet of information, added to what he had just witnessed with his own two –shocked- eyes, and created-…

'BAD BRAIN!'

In short, two plus two was definitely not equalling four in this equation… One thousand and twenty-seven, maybe, but not four…

Still the smirking Speedster waited while he worked on his internal monologue. Probably knew it was just a Bat-thing by now, anyway, and gave him his space. "Guess you're wondering," he ventured eventually, "about what you just saw…"

~)0(~

The Teen Detective in front of him inclined his head ever-so-slightly in what was clearly Nonverbal BatCommunication for 'Get on with it or I hurt you.' Wally felt a smile bloom on his face. Heh, this kid was like the perfect blend of Batman and Nightwing…

A sudden mental image struck him so speechless with horror that he beat a hasty mental retreat from that line of thinking, his poor, damaged imagination curling into the foetal position and shaking in one of the safer corners of his mind. THAT would never – and Gods (the Titans had known a few who owed them favours he would not hesitate to call in for this), willing, should never- happen.

BAD IMAGINATION.

Red Robin was still waiting. Well, Wally supposed he, himself, would want a pretty damn good explanation if he'd come across Kid Flash doing… that…with , hell, anyone on his team, actually. Even Red Robin… Well, to be honest that could be quite hot- BAD BRAIN. Sidekicks should not be abused mentally like that… Speaking of mentors…

Another unwelcome mental image sprang out to ambush his still shaken imagination, as he thought along the same lines of Red Robin himself, and how Nightwing was practically the kid's biggest mentor outside tall, dark and gloomy Batman…probably even a bigger influence, actually. The horrific evil that was his subconscious mind was kind enough to conjure up his own mentor, Barry Allen the original Flash, in a somewhat compromising situation with, -as the situation demanded-, Aquaman.

~)0(~

To say he was surprised when the speedster let out a horrified yelp and fell over…would have been somewhat inaccurate. Certainly it had startled him, there was no denying the flinch he had subconsciously acted on out of instinct, but he could guess that the thoughts the older man had been having were anything even close to PG Rated… considering the expressions he had been making.

Taking advantage of the situation, he took a step forwards and stood, a foot to either side of Wally's hips, glowering downwards sternly. Both arms crossed in his best, 'I mean business' stance, he tapped his black boot against the floor menacingly. "Explain, now." He hissed in a manner that both invited no-nonsense and politely invited the threatened to wet themselves, there and then, upon hearing it.

~)0(~

"Heh, it's actually a funny story…" the amusement died on the Speedster's uncovered face when he made out an eyebrow raising of it's own volition behind the black cowl. Damn the kid was creepy when he wanted to be!

Daddy-Bats must be SO Proud.

"Wally, I just walked out of *my room*" the kid pointed to a doorway three-quarters down the corridor to his left, in emphasis, "to see Tempest whirl about when he passed Nightwing, pin him against the wall and kiss him. THEN, -because the mortification never ends- when they break apart, Dick's all casual about it! Just smiling softly and saying 'Missed you too…' and then they walked off in opposite directions, like nothing happened!"

The cowl was thrown back to reveal a wide-eyed Timothy Drake, expression incredulous; Wally choked on a laugh, this was the first time he'd ever seen the kid maskless… Black hair, blue eyes of such a shade it would take a team of scientists absolute years to identify and name… Yep, a mini-Nightwing. Dick had to be so proud…

"I mean, are they together? Should I be expecting a wedding invitation any day now or something? Or is this just his personal way of messing with my mind?" the Teen continued, hands splayed out in a gesture of appeal for more information and mild distress. He couldn't help himself… he burst out laughing. "No, it's not like that at all! Though I don't think Garth would mind getting his hands on a piece of that sweet a-…"

"STOP! Oh My God, just STOP right there!" Tim called out, drowning his next lewd suggestion about Atlanteans doing it Wetter, right out. "That…" he pointed for emphasis –seemed to be a trait for the kid-, "is my brother…and I NEVER, as in Never EVER, want to hear you say that again… EVER! Or I'll fill your hard drive with so much porn you'll never be able to explain it to your wife, Linda…"

Wally snorted in amusement at the suggestion, "Pfft, I'd just tell her Batman did it… and YES! Roy totally owes me twenty bucks…" Seeing the puzzled expression, he added, "Uh, just the way you and Nightwing act around each other… I bet Roy you were brothers. Whereas Roy…went in the opposite direction…"

From the look on Red Robin's face…Roy was very dead, indeed.

~)0(~

Tim was very certain there was a scandalized expression on his face. BAD BRAIN! The most terrifying image had just appeared in his mind's eye by a rather impressionable subconscious… he shook his head, muttering all the while, "Think of bunnies…little fluffy bunnies…flowers….sunshine…boobs…Bart-…Bart? Wait no! No…go back to bunnies… Happy Thoughts… Must not Kill Roy… maim, maybe…"

When he finally composed himself again –and had added the Archer to his mental hitlist- he finally glared at the grinning speedster, "Enough of your games, what the heck is going on here?"

~)0(~

"Alright, you've uncovered a Titans secret, but I'd just like to point out, Starfire started it~" Wally said, still pinned to the floor and, well, not exactly hating the situation.

"Explain." Said Batman-the-Second-in-Training.

He said nothing, smirking visibly…this was probably the first (and most likely ONLY) time he would ever know something a member of the Bat-Clan didn't; sure, he feared for his life right now, but heck, couldn't he enjoy being smug for just a little minute…?

Apparently not.

Robin dropped to his knees, straddling Wally's waist and effectively pinning him to the floor; also taking the time to snatch at the collar of his outfit, forcing him to meet the teen head-on…or choke. His green eyes met pure Batglare, and he gulped, remembering why it was he didn't usually try to pull one over on the Bat-Clan. "Alright, please don't kill me, I have a wife and the twins just learned to say 'dada', you wouldn't deny children the right to grow up with their father, would you?" he squeaked, knowing it was a low-blow to mention parents to the Bat-Clan members. Nightwing would have kicked his ass through a window, Batman…would ensure he was the Fastest Man Alive…in a Wheelchair… for eternity.

Red Robin merely narrowed his eyes, pulled tighter, then grinned viciously in Victory, "Then you'd better tell me what you know, then, to save your skin…shouldn't you?" Wally nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Looooooong Ago, in a distant Galaxy… OW!" he whined as he received a light smack from an unamused Red Robin. "No seriously, I know it sounds like the opening to Star Wars, but I'm dead serious! Long Time Ago in the Vega Quadrant, there was a planet called Tamaran; it was under siege by these lizard-guys called Gordanians, so the King decided to make a Treaty, for Peace. He sacrificed his second daughter, Princess Koriand'r, the Heir to the Throne…

So the evil-lizard guys dragged her off, but not before she'd gotten off a message to Obi-Wan Kenobi – OW! Okay, that one I may have deserved." He paused for breath and silently appealed the death-grip on his costume…it was obligingly loosened.

"As I was saying, Koriand'r was dragged away by the Gordanians and experimented on, tortured, all the nasty stuff. Until she finally had enough; one night breaking free of the prison ship and miraculously making it to Earth. It took a while, but eventually the Teen Titans found her in the care of a kind young couple who had taken her in and tried to heal her… She didn't speak our language at the time, so they only knew her name…

Only worked out the Gordanians were the enemies when they tried to blow us all to Kingdom Come! Well, anyway, Nightwing –in that sexily garish costume of dashing mismatched colours and a distinct lack of leg coverings- was Robin then, but still our leader; he managed to save her life at some point. To be fair, she didn't seem to want our help at the time –turns out she was trying to protect us, but we, being titans and teens, had stubbornness issues- so he slammed her down and made her listen.

Told her we only wanted to help…

She stopped fighting us then, and Koriand'r did the most incredulous thing, she pounced… poor Robbie didn't even see it coming! Pinned to the ground and kissed to within an inch of his life… Beast Boy was SO jealous he sulked for a week straight afterwards…and then she did the most incredible thing, Kori introduced herself in English!

Turns out her people can absorb languages and information through contact… As useful as that skill would have been during schooling years, I don't think I would ever have kissed old Mr Flaggart, even to pass French, which I sucked at… Uh, forget you heard that last bit." Wally waved a hand as if to physically dismiss the thought.

"Forget…what?" Red Robin smirked. Wally glared at him a moment, then winked, laughing, "Smart Kid! So anyway, the joke from then on was that that was the accepted way for people to say 'Hello' to Dick… Well, it was a joke, but Donna and Garth –coming from Atlantean and Amazonian backgrounds, with no prejudice- took it upon themselves to take it a step further and just made it 'the way' in which to greet him. And of course, bored Teens in a Tower will eventually lead to a rousing –or should I say arousing?- game of 'Spin the Bottle' sooner or Later. Which pulled Beast Boy, Cyborg and Raven into the game…

Kori did it anyway, so it was kind of standard for her.

Roy –who never had a preference anyway, his own personal superpower being that he was, at all time, horny enough to shag a vacuum cleaner if necessary- decided to be daring and throw himself into the joke in front of his mentor… Green Arrow just about had a stroke! Apparently Roy ended up getting the 'specialised' Birds and Bees talk after that… all three versions." He smiled at the memory, whereas Tim looked perplexed, "Three versions…? Do I even want to know?"

Wally deadpanned. "Normal –the Birds and the Bees, Same-Sex –the Bees and the Bees or the Birds and the Birds, or something silly like that- and Martian…which involves creatures I cannot physically name aloud without hurting myself, literally, I nearly broke my tongue last time... Ollie chickened out and had to get Martian Manhunter to explain the 'facts of life' to his sidekick (much too late as usual, anyway)… apparently Martians are a little bit of both genders, and somehow a third, you see they kind of-…

Actually No, I'm not telling you that! I had vivid nightmares for a month when J'onn explained it to me, with telepathic 'examples' to boot…"

Humour put a massive crack in the Batglare, "I'm so gonna ask Batman now. So, I notice you left someone out…" he gave a pointed look. Wally bit back a nervous, embarrassed giggle and flushed as red as his hair at the memory. "Ahah, well, it was another one of those 'End of the World' scenarios –I personally like to call them "Monday"- and last I'd seen of Robin, he and Batman had been fighting their way into some giant alien spacecraft… which then exploded.

Probably their handiwork, I know now, didn't stop me from racing through the rubble over and over, trying to find anyone… Then a weak but cocky voice calls out, "Hey gorgeous, looking for me?" I turn around, and low and behold, there he is. Bleeding, bruised and clutching at more than a few broken ribs, but alive; there were so many things I wanted to say all jumbled together in my head…" Wally paused to suck in a breath.

"I wanted to start with 'Oh my God, you're alive!' and work my way down to, 'You idiot, never do that to me-slash-us ever again!' but my mouth wouldn't work properly…and for some ridiculous reason, I remembered our joke… Without even thinking, I ran over and knocked him to the ground –which I probably shouldn't have done, considering his injuries- but I think the lack of oxygen was more of a concern at that point… There was an inexplicable 'Thud' timed perfectly with Wonder Woman's distinctive, 'Awww!'of approval, as I finally pulled away –turns out Superman had come over to see if we were all right, taken one look and fallen out of the sky in a dead faint!" He laughed loudly.

Tim echoed the sentiment, "Must have been too much for his straight-laced farmboy sensibilities…"

Wally grinned up at him, "Oh, it gets worse… Next thing I know, Batman materialised above me, glaring. I thought I was so very, very dead… No one touches his Bat-babies without permission… He looked me dead in the face and growled, 'Are you quite finished molesting my sidekick, Kid Flash?' I swear to God, he looked so amused it was concerning… and then I noticed the entire freaking Justice League was surrounding us! Awkward…

Barry was no help, just laughing and occasionally prodding the insensate Kryptonian by his feet. Dick winked up at me, mask askew… so I screwed up all my courage and threw back, "I can't help it, it's just how we Titans say 'Hello' to him… you NEED to stop dressing your Robins so provocatively!"

Tim went red in embarrassed excitement, then a very concerning white…he poked the Speedster to check his solidarity, "How did you get out of there alive?" he whispered with astonishment.

"I… honestly thought he was going to kill me when he bent down, but he actually whispered something I'll never forget as long as I live, directly into my ear. Bats said, "And cover up those great legs? Never." And did that Ninja-thing you people do… Dick would NOT stop laughing, even though he really shouldn't have been, broken ribs and all. The only-just-revived Superman was again down for the count after hearing that… I swear, BatHumour…better than Kryptonite!

So, that was the first time I got in on the joke. No need to panic if you see…that…again, it's simply how we greet him now." The Speedster finished with a grin.

Red Robin looked back at his face with scrutiny, then smiled and moved his face back, Batglare diminished. "I believe you. I cannot believe you lot were left unsupervised! Please tell me this isn't a continuing tradition…?" he mock-groaned.

"Depends, would you like it to be…?" purred Wally, trying to keep his 'seductive eye waggle' going, but failing, laughter burbling out like water from a fountain.

~)0(~

Someone cleared their throat from a few feet away… Tim turned his head in that direction, flushing slightly. "Is there something you want to tell us, you two?" asked Nightwing, casually leaning against a wall with both arms folded across his chest and a ready grin on his face. Starfire stood just behind with a joyful expression on her face, just a step closer to 'sane' than most fangirls… -and Tim had read some pretty potent Fanfiction. Why did everyone pair him with Superboy? …or Batman? (That…was going to come up in a Therapy session, thirty years from now… it was just such a WRONG thought, the man was practically his father after all!)

It was then he realised how their position could be misconstrued, releasing Wally's costume quickly so the speedster's head thudded on the drab blue-grey floor. Tim shot up from his position straddling the Flash, a little too fast… he fell backwards in his haste, and was thankfully delayed from his imminent appointment with the floor by a certain speedster, dark-clad hands and the most impressive set of breasts he had ever seen. Up close, that is.

"See?" said Wally, upright and speaking to Nightwing, "I'm so good they can't even walk after I finish with them!" He was summarily whacked in a friendly manner by human and Tamaranian alike, "Double Ow! Alright, I'll be good!"

Red Robin was looking at Starfire curiously, "So…how many languages do you know, exactly?" he finally asked. Koriand'r blinked, thinking hard…then smiled, "Of Earth Languages, I know English, Chinese, German, Africans, Italian, Australian, Japanese, Spanish, French and… Orange?"

Nightwing put a consolatory hand upon her shoulder, "Mandarin, Kori. Quite the ah, mouthful, you could say…" and winked unashamedly.

Wally appeared to be sulking, "Hellooooo? Excuse me, Short-Pants, but is there any chance I can get a decent greeting over here?" He pointed at himself to emphasise the point. Nightwing laughed, "Sure, why not? C'mere…"

~)0(~

While the others were… pre-occupied, Tim suddenly became self-conscious as he realised Starfire was openly staring at him…no, studying his face. "You are impressed by my language skills?" she said at length. He smiled awkwardly, "Well, yeah, I can't speak half of those… must be useful, being able to absorb a language. I think my Latin teacher would die if I tried it on her though…on the plus side, I'd guarantee an 'A'!" he laughed, as did Koriand'r.

She purred in a very cat-like manner, deep in her throat, "I love learning new languages, though you should have heard how I mangled English as I tried to work out your verbs and sentence structures the first few months! And yet… there are so many yet to learn…" Okay, he definitely didn't think his hormone-addled imagination had misinterpreted that look…

Her curly hair brushed his cheek as she leant closer, "Tell me, Timothy… do you know any other languages I might like to learn…?" her voice completely innocent. He blinked, "Uh, I…I don't suppose you would like to learn …Elvish?" Tim answered back, flushing as red as his costume. Koriand'r beamed, clapping her hands like an excited child on Christmas morning… "Oh, I LOVE Lord of the Rings!" she squealed, and then she pounced…

~)0(~

Spying the events to their left, Dick laughed, "So…you told him the story? Any other excuse for partially molesting my little brother, or is that it?" he gave the incredulous speedster a significant glance and pulled out a sleek black communicator, "…Or must I tell Batman what a Pervert you are?"
Wally blanched, "But he started it-… I WANT TO LIVE!" Then he laughed.

"Oh Dick!" he threw an arm dramatically over his brow, "How could you ever think I'd do something like that…to someone who wasn't you?" There may or may not have been a superspeed grope punctuating that sentence… "Besides, Bats was right, you do have great legs…" he grinned.

Turning to face the scene before them, he nudged Nightwing, "Hey uh, do you think we should, you know…rescue him?" Dick laughed, "Why on Earth would we do that, looks like he's enjoying himself!"

Laughter burbled from the pair and echoed throughout the corridor in which Starfire was avidly making certain to get EVERY last verb and pronoun of Elvish that Tim possessed; not to mention, for his part, Red Robin was doing his very best to let her…despite how much closer to requiring mouth-to-mouth resuscitation each second brought him…

It was a win-win situation… Koriand'r just so happened to be trained in Cardiovascular- Pulmonary Resuscitation… even if the worst should happen...the game would simply go into overtime.

Heh, not that he was complaining, exactly… after all, Starfire was only saying 'Hello'…or, -in about another two minutes when Tim dropped from lack of oxygen- she could tell you in Elvish… She was simply saying, 'Mara aure'.

The End.

Alrighty, anyone want to murder me for the random nature of this fic?

Anyway, hope you liked it, REVIEW...if you want to...

~SailorSilvanesti/Phoenix Fire~