A Christmas Talim and Yun-seong Special
Twas the Night Before Christmas
Disclaimer: I do not own Soul Calibur or The Night Before Christmas OR the screwed up version, That all goes to Jeff Dunham and Namco.
Talim was looking through the book shelf and grabbed a book.
"Whatcha doing Talim..." Yun-seong said flinging his sword onto a nearby table. Talim sighed as she felt Yun-seong lean on her shoulder to see what Talim had.
"I'm going to read to the orphans" Talim replied. Yun-seong grabbed the book Talim had showed him, it was titled 'Twas the Night Before Christmas'. Yun-seong's eyes lit up. He loved this book as a kid and its not like he had anything better else to do.
"Can I come?" Yun-seong asked. Talim turned to Yun-seong who had a grin on his face.
"Why?" Talim asked.
"Cause i'm bored"
"You're not going to do any thing funny?" Talim grabbed the book from him.
"No I promise to behave"
"You sure?"
Yun-seong Scoffed. "What funny thing can you do at The Night Before Christmas?" Talim thought about it.
"...Fine" Talim said. "Just don't do anything stupid, please." ''You've got my word'' Yun-seong said his fingers secretly crossed behind his back. Then he thought about it. He could make this funny.
Yun-seong and Talim sat in front of the semi circle of kids, next to a fire place.
"OK so let's start.." she started. She opened the book. "this is Twas the Night Before Christmas." Yun-seong grinned.
"This would be a great time for all the Muslims to go to the bathroom." There was a few laughs from a few kids. Talim looked back at Yun-seong. ''You promised'' ''I had my fingers crossed''
"Twas the night before Christmas-"
"And all the Jews were at the movies..." Yun-seong said as if it were part of the story. Talim glared at Yun-seong as some more kids laughed at that. Yun-seong just kinda pretended to make it look like he was behaving. She started again.
"Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house-"
"Why's it always a house!" Yun-seong asked amusingly.
"What?" Talim said.
"There are kids that live in apartments ya know. How does Santa Claus get to the kids in the apartments Aunty Talim?" Yun-seong asked all child like. "He has to bust his ass in..." Yun-seong stated. Roars of laughter from the kids. Talim had her face in her palm. Yun-seong ginned and laughed himself. "Beep Beeeeep Santa Claus!" He joked. Talim sighed. At least it was enjoyable.
She continued. "And all through the APPARTMENTS, not a creature was stirring-"
"Except for the asshole in 2B..." Yun-seong mumbled. The kids laughed again. Talim glared at Yun-seong.
"Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse-"
Yun-seong scoffed. "Mouse? You wish! Your in an apartment, that's a rat!" All of the kids where laughing again. Talim couldn't believe the words he was teaching these kids. Talim just continued on.
"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care-"
"And believe me, the room could use some fresh air..." Yun-seong said as if continuing the story. Talim finally turned to him. "Seriously! How the hell did that tradition start" Yun-seong asked. All the kids laughed.
"What?"
"Hanging up dirty laundry and hoping Santa would fill it up with goodies EWWW!" Yun-seong joked. "I wanna suck in this candy-cane but it smells like dads feet!" The kids roared with laughter again. Yun-seong grinned. "Hey! Good thing the tradition wasn't jock-straps!" Talim actually laughed a bit at that one. A few girls ewww'd. Yun-seong Joked again. "'Sally what's in yours?'...'Nuuuts...'" Every person laughed hysterically.
"Yun-seong! You are ruining this story!"
"Well your the bitch eating out of someone's jock-strap!" Yun-seong came back. Everybody roared with laughter, dying of laughter actually. Talim's face was shocked at Yun-seong's come back. She just turned around and started YET AGAIN!
"With Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled down-"
"For a big snort of Crack!" The older kids laughed. "Hey Seong mi-na is in this story too!" Yun-seong added, he knew Talim was pissed and she couldn't do anything about it! Talim just held her breath and grind her teeth. Just then Yun-seong was looking over her shoulder.
"You gotta get to the part where Santa gets busted for breaking and entering... where the hell is that?"
"Its not breaking and entering..."
"Oh keep reading I think it qualifies!" Yun-seong stated. Talim just ignored him and continued.
"As I drew in my head and was turning around, down the chimney St. Nicolas came with a bound-"
"He fell down?"
"Yeah."
"And didn't it also say his face was all red?"
"Yeah..."
"Why does not one ever see this HE IS DRUNK OFF HIS ASS!" The kids erupted with laughter. "THIS IS A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE STORY!" Talim ignored this, She continued.
"He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot, and his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot-"
"Fat, drinking and driving, in a furry GAY outfit, covered in soot, he's smoking and you let him in the house because he said he had something for your kids." Yun-seong accused jokingly. The kids laughed. "What the hell kind of a parent are you anyway?" he asked. "If I were you I would check his ID then TAZER his fat ass! And how fat is this guy anyway! Everyone always leaves him a plate full of cookies. I think Santa's a diabetic too don't you think? Leave him a plate of insulin how bout that, can't wait to hear this story next year. The Night Before Christmas: Part 2 - Santa's on Dialysis and he's missing a leg..." The kids laughs again.
Talim turned around and finally snapped. "CAN I FINISH THIS STORY?"
"Go on ..." Yun-seong said. Talim continued.
"He sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a whistle-"
"Gotta go quick cuz there's a cop with a pistol..." Yun-seong said. The kids laughed again, and Talim glared...AGAIN.
"But I heard him exclaim as he drove out of site-"
"Merry Christmas to all- oh crap I ran over your bike..." Yun-seong finished. Talim closed the book and the kids started clapping. Talim was surprised. " YUN-SEONG YOUR GANNA GET IT NOW!" Yun-seong gulped he knew he was gonna get. While the kids where laughing Talim jumped Yun-seong not caring if the kids saw.