These Are a Few of My Flammable Things

Piotr sat in the Control Room facing the main computer. He had found some pictures depicting food, places and other things he missed back in Russia and was slowly looking through them. If only I could go back there, just once. He sighed and moved on to the next picture. I only...

"'Hey Colossus!" Pyro walked into the room. "What'cha doing?"

"Hmmm? Oh, nothing," Piotr sighed without looking up.

"Neat! I'll join you," Pyro chirped and moved next to him. "Hey, why the long face?"

"I am just thinking about things," Piotr said softly viewing the next picture. "About how I feel so alone. How much I miss my home, my family..."

"Awww, don't feel that way mate," Pyro tried to cheer him up. "You've got a home-away-from-home right here at the base. And you'll never really be alone. You've got Gambit, Sabes, me..."

"That is not exactly comforting," Piotr looked like he was about to cry.

"Come on Colossus. Don't feel that way," Pyro patted him on the back. "Sometimes I get depressed and feel all sad and lonely too. But then I use my special trick to make myself feel better again!"

"Really?" Piotr looked at him. "What do you do?"

"I just think about all the nice things in the world that make me happy," Pyro smiled cheerfully.

"What kind of things?" Piotr asked.

"Oh, you know. All kinds of stuff. Like, um..." Pyro thought for a moment. "Bright cardboard cut outs and white picket fences. Freshly cut woodchips and packs of incenses."

"Okay," Piotr blinked. "Those were unexpected."

"Drivers and putters that a golfer swings," Pyro continued. "These are a few of my flammable things!"

"Oh no," Piotr groaned. "I should have known!"

Pyro took out his lighter and shot out some flames. He used his powers to make fire depictions of the objects as he happily called them out. "Mountains of dry leaves and hot glowing embers! Smelly old dunnies and government members!"

"Watch out!" Piotr yelped as the flames gradually grew larger.

"Feather soft mattresses set on box springs!" Pyro sang cheerfully. "These are a few of my flammable things!"

"Okay, okay! I get the point!" Piotr tried to cut Pyro off.

Pyro ignored him and danced around while still making fire shapes. "Large tanks of propane and books full of matches! Cars that shine bright when I burn them to ashes!"

"Oh geeze," Piotr groaned.

"Stuff from the lint screen that lingers and clings! These are a few of my flammable things!" Pyro posed dramatically. "When ol' Mags yells! When my ear rings! When I am feeling sad!"

"I know how that feels," Piotr moaned.

"I simply set light to some flammable things!" Pyro demonstrated on the door to the room. "And then I don't feel so bad!"

"Yikes!" Piotr picked up the room's mandatory equipped fire extinguisher and quickly put out the flames. "Pyro, setting random things on fire is not a good way to make yourself feel better!"

"Sure it is," Pyro insisted. "Fire is the purest, most soothing of elements. It's what comforts us during bad times and makes us feel all snug, warm and toasty inside." He used his powers to suspend a small bit of flame in the air. "Haven't you ever sat by a fire in a fireplace or something and just stared into it for a while?"

"Well, yes," Piotr admitted slowly.

"And didn't you just like to sit there and watch it burn?" Pyro continued. "Sit and admire how pretty the fire looked? How much light it gave off? How warm it made you feel?"

"Yes," Piotr gazed into the flame, transfixed.

"And when the fire threatened to go out and die didn't you add another log to it and smile as the flames eagerly lit up once again?" Pyro asked.

"Yes, I...no!" Piotr snapped out of his trance. "Stop trying to mess with my mind! Burning things is not the answer!"

"But it feels soooooo good!" Pyro dug into his pocket and pulled out a ripped sock. "Here, go ahead and set this on fire and see for yourself."

"No," Piotr frowned and folded his arms.

"How about a tennis ball?" Pyro tried another pocket.

"No."

"A block of beeswax?"

"No."

"This picture of Mags barking and screaming at someone?"

"Well, maybe..." Piotr hesitantly reached for the picture. He held it for a moment before tossing it onto the flame.

"Yay!" Pyro squealed as the picture was quickly reduced to ash. "There! Didn't that feel good?"

"Yes," Piotr said, surprised at himself.

"And wouldn't you like to do it again?" Pyro asked.

"Yes," Piotr smiled.

"And aren't there a whole lot of other things you won't mind setting fire to?" Pyro practically shouted.

"Yes!" Piotr yelled. He let out a loud whoop. "There are so many things that look nice when they are on fire! Candles, sparklers, torches, wood piles..."

"That's the spirit!" Pyro laughed and slapped him on the back. "Dumb flashy billboards and thick rubber tires! Big telephone poles and overhead wires!"

"Broken old cutting boards covered with dings!" Piotr added.

"Yeah!" Pyro cheered. "These are a few of my flammable things!"

"Yay!" Piotr began dancing around the room. Pyro joined him and made large fire columns for them to dart between. "Road signs and street signs in all sorts of patterns!"

"Fuel sources enclosed by bright paper lanterns!" Piotr called out.

"Oktoberfest and the liquids it brings!" Pyro cackled happily. "These are a few of my flammable things!"

Piotr clasped Pyro's hand and held it as they merrily skipped around the room. "Piles of dry wood under cast iron stove tops! Full charcoal grills that melt hailstones and snowdrops!"

"A shiny new engine that rattles and pings!" Pyro giggled. "These are a few of my flammable things!"

Piotr struck a pose. "When old Mags yells! When my ear rings! When I am feeling sad!" He sang deeply.

"I simply set light to some flammable things!" Pyro made a huge fire fountain that shot forth flaming streams of fire everywhere. "And then I don't feeeeeeeeel so baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

"What is going on here?" Magneto stormed into the room. "Pyro you'd better not be trying to burn down the base again...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Magneto screamed as he was hit by a stray fire blast. "AAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! IT BURNS! IT BURNS!" Magneto flew out of the room with dozens of small fires burning on his cape and armor.

"You were right," Piotr laughed and gave Pyro a grin. "Setting certain things on fire does make you feel better!"

Disclaimer: I do not own X-Men: Evolution or the song "My Favorite Things".