Whoa, how long has it been? Two months? Jeez, sorry I haven't updated this in a while. I've been working on a little of all of my fics and should be updating others soon.

TBA has come to a close but I promise I will try to keep Frog War alive and get to every single person who reviewed TBA. Speaking of the reviewers, I just want to make something clear about this story. When I include you I may not know your gender so sorry if I get it wrong and also, I may not include you as a person. You may be an animal or I'll use your name as the name of a submarine or an attack move. The point is that Frog War is created on your pen names and how they inspire me to come up with cool, random, funny stuff. Just thought I'd point that out in case any of you are upset that I didn't make you an actual person.

As I continued to run in circles screaming my lungs out, the others kept calm and handled the situation rationally.

"Can you maneuver the sub around the alligator?" Mustang asked Starrydreamer, only to find her out cold.

"What happened to her?!" Al gasped, hovering over the girl as she slumped over her switchboard.

Ed leaned closer past his brother and examined her critically. Then he spazzed out, "She fell asleep! How does someone fall asleep while manning a submarine?!" He looked closer and picked up something from the girl's hand. His eyebrow raised in confusion, "A rose?"

I stopped my frenzied sprinting and snapped my attention over to them. "Be careful! Don't touch that! It's a poisoned blue rose! If you let it touch your skin then it'll make you fall asleep."

Ed held the flower at arm's length, looking relieved that he wore gloves, "Then what do I do with it?"

"Burn it," Mustang concluded, slipping on a glove.

"You idiot!" I smacked his head. "We're in a pressurized sub and it's not exactly fire proof! I'm not the brightest crayon in the Crayola pack but I'm pretty sure one wrong spark could blow us all up."

He scowled but surrendered.

"Guys," Al called us from the window, "Can you worry less about the flower and more about the giant alligator coming this way?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that," I admitted. "We need someone to go out there and fight it. Any takers?" Unsurprisingly, all of the guys took a step back and shook their heads. I frowned, "Wow, you guys are wimps. Fine then, I'll just find someone else to battle it." Then I screamed out in a singing voice, "I need a hero!"

"You rang?" Daninuyasha said as he popped out of nowhere.

"Such a loyal bodyguard!" I greeted him with a smile and patted his head. Then I pointed towards the window, "Now be a good boy and go attack that alligator."

He saluted me and poofed out of the sub. Then we all watched as he reappeared out in the water, swimming towards the alligator with his trusty shotgun.

"Do you think he stands a chance?" Al asked in concern.

I shrugged, unsure, "Well, that is Quick-draw Caiman's summoned animal, Io-Ice. It's pretty powerful."

"Why is it named that?" Ed asked with a scrunched up face.

"I'm just gonna take a guess here but probably because of that," I replied, gesturing to the alligator that was shooting out ice beams from its mouth at Daninuyasha as my bodyguard dodged the attacks.

"How does an animal get ice beams to shoot out of its mouth?" Mustang asked in awe.

I shrugged and guessed, "Winter-green Life Savers?"

"AH!" the brothers screamed out in unison.

Mustang and I went back to look out the window to see what had happened to make them scream. Apparently, the alligator…ate him. The alligator seemed almost smug about it until it started twitching like crazy, probably from the faint shotgun blasts we could hear. The alligator opened it's jaws and spat Daninuyasha back into the water and my bodyguard poofed back into the sub.

In a disgruntled manner, he handed me a sheet of paper.

"What's this?" I asked.

"My resignation. I draw the line at being eaten." And with that, he poofed away.

"What are we gonna do now?" Al asked everyone with wide eyes.

I slumped over and pouted, "Man, where's Batman when you need him?"

"Nananananananaa!"

All four of us looked around at the sound and my face lit up with hope, "The Dark Knight?"

To answer my question, a dude in a black cape jumped out of a random closet and grinned, "Nope! I'm Shadow knight 1121. I'm here to save the day!"

"You're not Batman!" I screeched, snatching one of Mustang's gloves and grabbing the blue rose out of Ed's hand to throw like a dart at Shadow knight's face.

"My eye!" Shadow knight cried and fell over dead.

With a satisfied nod, LeFay brushed off her hands. The FMA characters took a collective step back, afraid of this new side of the author. LeFay thought nothing of it and tossed the glove back to its owner. Then LeFay stopped and wondered why she was suddenly thinking about everything in third-person so she shook her head to snap out of it.

The submarine gave a shudder that snapped everyone's attention towards the window. Powerful waves were knocking into the sub as the alligator readied another ice beam attack. No one had time to react before Io-ice fired off the shot and hit us dead on, encasing the sub in a thick layer of ice. Red lights began to flash inside of the sub as alarms blared loudly.

Starrydreamer jolted upright in her seat, "ALL HAIL THE CHINESE CHEESE BISCUIT! …wait, what's going on?"

"That beast just hit us with it's ice beam! You need to get us out of here!" Mustang yelled over the alarms.

Starrydreamer blinked the last bit of sleep from her eyes and peered out the front windows. Seeing both the ice and the approaching alligator her expression became fierce. She leapt from her seat and I quickly realized why she was the sub's captain. The girl was a whirlwind of activity, pushing different buttons, pulling levers, and rotating knobs. Various lights came on followed by beeps and the sub gave a lurch upward.

"Hey! Give us a little warning, would ya!" Ed grouched from the floor where we had all fallen.

"Sorry. Kinda busy saving your life here," Starrydreamer remarked, focusing on keeping the sub on course.

"Warning! Warning! Warning!"

"What now?" I groaned.

Starrydreamer brought up a visual on a screen and explained, "The top of the lake is frozen solid. At this rate we'll crash right into it, and let me tell you, it won't be pretty."

"You're the captain. Do something!" Ed ordered.

She glared at him, "You're lucky I'm so nice." Then she snatched one of Mustang's gloves from him.

"Hey! Why do people keep stealing my gloves?!" he complained.

Ignoring his protests, Starrydreamer laid the glove on some scanner that projected the array onto the window shield of the sub. She touched the glass with both hands and the array began to glow a vivid blue, as did her eyes.

"Shatter the heavens," she commanded. The layer of ice we were barreling straight towards became etched with the same array and quite suddenly exploded. The sub flew through the newly made hole immediately after and we crashed on some kind of land mass.

When the sub had finally stopped shaking, Al asked, "What was that?"

Starrydreamer smirked, "That would be my long-range alchemy. I studied it in Xing."

"I don't care where you learned it. Just get me out of this thing!" Ed growled.

She frowned and pushed a large red button. A hole in the roof of the sub opened and Ed was abruptly ejected out.

With Edward gone, Starrydreamer gave us a smile, "Thank you for riding the MegatronLove. Have a nice day."

We waved at her and left through the door. We found Ed near the shore of the enormous lake, picking himself up and spitting out sand.

"Maybe you should learn better social skills, Fullmetal," Mustang smirked.

"Shut up! The last thing I want to hear right now is your pompous ass!"

"Hey, don't fight. Just look on the bright side," Al suggested.

They scowled at him and Ed asked, "We're stuck in a creepy swamp filled with monsters and lunatics and bloodthirsty stuffed animals. How is there a bright side to any of this?"

Al gave an unsure smile, "At least we weren't alligator food?"

"Yo Mustang, what's up with you? You look like you're gonna hurl," I said, keeping a nice distance between us to avoid any mess.

He waved away my concern, "It's nothing. Fullmetal just reminded me of what happened to a good friend of mine named Charlie."

Realization dawned on Ed, "Hey, you were stuck here before right? Why didn't you remind us before?!"

"I've repressed my memories of that time so completely that I barely recall what happened to me. The only thing I remember is what happened to Charlie…"

"Well, that's convenient. You really are useless," Ed muttered, causing Mustang to go mope in his emo corner.

"Oh yeah, Brother! I forgot to tell you that I answered that important question we were sent here for," Al said happily. "I received tickets to get out of the swamp!"

"So that's it? We'll be able to leave, just like that?" Ed asked incredulously.

Al's smile wilted, "Well no. We still have to go to Candy Mountain to find ZodiarkSavior to give him the tickets. Then he'll be able to send us back home."

"I didn't get a ticket," Mustang commented as he continued to pout in his corner.

I sighed, "I'll talk to ZodiarkSavior about it and we'll work out something."

"I say we just leave him here," Ed grumbled.

Mustang of course, retorted back while he slipped in a short comment. Ed exploded and their bickering only escalated.

Al sweat dropped, "Shouldn't we stop them?"

I put my finger to my chin in contemplation, "Hm, should we? Maybe I should ask my conscience. Oh, Eclipsica~!"

A tiny poof of sparkles later and a tiny winged girl now stood on my shoulder, "Yes? You require my assistance?"

Al blanched, "Are you sure we can trust a fairy? Remember what the last one did to Brother?"

"Hey buddy! I am not a fairy! I am a pixie! Don't get me confused with one of those sneaky backstabbers!" The pixie then huffed and stuck her nose up at him while crossing her arms.

"Sorry Al. Pixies and fairies have been at odds in the swamp for centuries so lets just not mention them around Eclipsica."

"A-alright," Al stuttered, still a little taken aback. "So, why exactly did you call Eclipsica here?"

Seeing as the pixie was still silently fuming, I was the one to explain. "Well, you know that little voice in the back of your head that tells you when or when not you should do or say something? Yeah, I don't have one of those. That's why Eclipsica helps me out from time to time. Just think of her as my Jiminy Cricket!"

Eclipsica perked up as she caught sight of the arguing alchemists, "I'm assuming you called me to help you with those idiots, right?"

"Yep! So should I break up the fight between them?"

She grinned, plopping down on my shoulder and swinging her legs, "I say you just leave them here to rot."

"You can't be serious!" Al stammered.

With a solemn expression, I decreed, "So Eclipsica says it, so shall it be." Then I turned to walk into the nearby forest.

"Wait, LeFay!" Al tried to call me back.

I stopped, but not because of Al's plea. The ground began to shake and I looked around confused.

"What could that be?" I wondered aloud.

Eclipsica's expression became horror-struck, "Fan girls! Run away!" The pixie then fluttered away in a zip of light.

The shaking in the ground increased as a giant mob ran out of the forest and I gaped because every single one of them was wearing miniskirts. It couldn't be…

The mob ran until they were stationed behind Mustang who looked oddly smug. "Face it Fullmetal, you can't win against my Mini Skirt Army!"

"Oh yeah? Well how about this!" Ed replied and that's when another mob of girls ran onto the scene, all of them going to stand menacingly behind Ed. "You're Mini Skirt Army is no match for my Resembool Rangers!"

"Attack!" both of the alchemists screamed at once. That's when all hell broke loose. There was hair pulling, there was slapping, there was biting, and there were declarations of who was the best, either screaming that Mustang was or Edward. And then, as if this whole mess wasn't bad enough, another mob of girls showed up dressed as ninjas.

"Who are you?" I asked the mob.

One of them answered, "We're the Kitten Regiment! We're here to prove that Alphonse is the best!" Then the ninjas pounced on the battling girls.

"My fan club is filled with a bunch of ninjas?" Al asked aloud. Then his face brightened, "Go me!"

"Oh lord," I face palmed. This had gotten way out of hand. I had to do something, no matter how drastic it was.

Spinning around and striking a pose, I yelled, "I summon my army of muffins!"

Ten minutes later…

"Now I hope you have both learned your lesson and will think before the next time you want to act so childishly again. Is that clear?" I asked sternly, hands on hips and my tone utterly serious and reprimanding.

Mustang and Ed were sitting on the ground in front of me pouting, the latter still picking out bits of muffins from his hair. After the army of muffins appeared it didn't take too long for the fan girls to scatter. I didn't blame them. Muffins from the swamp did tend to get a bit…bite-y.

Frowning, Ed asked, "Why are we the only ones you're yelling at? Al's fan girls were there too?"

"Because Al didn't purposely summon them! And besides, Alphonse is the only one among us who actually has a brain!"

"You do realize that you just insulted yourself," Mustang smirked.

"Yes I do, now don't back sass me or I'll take your gloves away!"

He promptly shut his trap and glanced away meekly.

"OOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHOOO OOOOOO!"

"What in the-?!"

"AH!"

"Ooof!"

"And she sticks the landing! And the crowd goes wild!"

"Um…Kiki?" Ed asked, the rest of us still in shock. In less than five seconds Kiki had swung out of the woods on a vine, hollering as if she were George of the jungle, and had knocked Mustang flat on his face. She now stood on his back giving the 'crowd' a bow.

"What happened to you Kiki? Are you okay?" Al asked, concern etched in his face. I too was wondering just what had caused the scrapes and bruises covering her.

"Was it The Alchemy Goddess?" I asked.

She scoffed, "Please! As if! No, I got this from a pack of turkeys. Now I can see why the Suburban Coyote hates those things so much. They are vicious!"

Cue the sweat drops.

"Well, at least you're alright," Al stammered.

"You got bested by birds?" Ed snorted.

Kiki frowned and would have responded, violently more than likely, but Mustang growled, "Would you mind getting off my back?"

Kiki tilted her head and looked around with the hint of a sly smirk, "Huh, I could have swore I heard something."

Mustang gave a roar and heaved himself up, almost toppling Kiki over. She found her footing and danced over to me.

"What's he doing here?" she asked me.

I shrugged, "Dunno. We found him with Ed in Quick-draw Caiman's lab."

"…huh. And you didn't leave him there because…?"

"Nice to see you too, Kiki," Mustang said, sounding anything but happy.

She stuck her tongue out at him, "Don't sound so cheerful, Uncle Roy."

"You're weirded out by this too, right?" Ed asked Al as they watched the family exchange from the sidelines.

"Absolutely," Al nodded.

All three of us continued to watch the uncle and niece bicker. Obviously, neither of them enjoyed the other's company. At some point Kiki was accusing Mustang of being jealous of her 'mad skills', which made Mustang ask why he would be jealous of a delinquent such as her(but with a lot more and bigger words).

With a pronounced scowl, Kiki shouted, "Oh, why don't you just remove the stick shoved up your-"

CRACK!

All five of us looked up at the sky.

"When did those clouds get there?" Al asked. It was true that shortly before the sky had been crystal clear, and now there were storm clouds colored the darkest shade of gray I'd ever seen. Lightning was skittering across the sky, causing the loud cracking sounds but oddly there was no thunder accompanying it. The wind picked up, causing chills to go up my arms.

"This isn't a normal storm," Ed commented, peering up at the heavy atmosphere.

"Kiki, what did you do now?" I narrowed my eyes accusingly at her.

She laughed nervously, "Heh, what can I say Boss? You know I don't really rub people the right way."

"Just who did you piss off to make that happen?" Ed asked, gesturing towards the sky.

I gasped as my metaphorical light bulb lit, "Kiki! Tell me you didn't"

"…I didn't?" she smiled innocently.

"Really? Really?! Out of everyone in the swamp you had to go piss off Formidable Rain?"

"Formidable Rain?" Al asked the other guys.

Ed waved at him reassuringly, "Don't worry, there'll be an explanation for the readers in the next few seconds."

"It's not like I meant to anger the weather wielder of the swamp!" Kiki protested.

"And there it is," Ed said smugly.

"Wait a minute," Mustang ordered, waving his hands in the universal 'stop' motion. "Let me get this straight, Kiki did something stupid, which doesn't surprise me, and angered someone who controls the weather of the swamp?"

"That's about it," I agreed.

"So that tornado coming straight for us is Kiki's fault?" Al asked, looking away from us distractedly.

"Yep, cause she just had to go and- wait, what?" I asked and looked to where Al was watching. True to his word, a whirlwind was headed right for us.

"Run for your lives!" Ed shouted and we all bolted in the other direction.

It was useless though. I mean, how does one escape a tornado? Simple. They don't.

As the tornado lifted us up in the air, I yelled, "Team Rocket's blasting off again!"

"Really Boss? A Pokemon reference now of all times?" she asked, exasperated.

"Can you take any situation seriously?" Ed asked me.

"…nope!" I grinned, despite our horrible predicament.

We continued to spiral within the tornado among uprooted trees, debris, and a lone cow until Formidable Rain figured we had enough and dumped us out onto a random street.

"Ow, that hurt," I rubbed my sore back as I stood.

The others picked themselves up too. Kiki was grumbling about finding Formidable Rain and doing unspeakable things to her, Al was busy looking around where we had landed, Mustang asked if we were finally back to civilization, and Ed just gaped at us all.

"Seriously?" he asked us and we all looked at him with questioning expressions. "We just got caught by a tornado and survived and that's all you've got to say about this?! Doesn't anyone wonder how the hell we're still alive.

"Aw, don't worry Edo," Kiki grinned and slung an arm around his shoulders, "If someone was gonna die the Boss would have warned the readers of a character death in the summary. The worst we're gonna get here is your potty mouth."

"You're one to talk," he frowned in regards to the potty mouth remark.

Tuning out everyone's chatter, I walked over to where Mustang was looking over a tall stone wall. The stone wall seemed to encase a large establishment of some sort cause I could see the tops of buildings peeking out over the top. To answer Mustang's question, it did appear that we were out of the swamp, what with the buildings and the paved road and lack of…swampy-ness, but it was still weird. This place seemed to be cut off from everything, having no houses or stores anywhere near it.

"What do you see?" I asked Mustang, who had pulled himself up to the top of the wall to see inside.

"A lot of buildings with unfamiliar architecture. There's no one in the area right now but there seem to be a lot of cats."

"Cats?" I asked skeptically. "Sounds like Al's happy place."

"I can see a gate leading inside nearby. We can get in from there," he said, jumping down beside me.

We rounded up the troops and walked the short way to the gate. It was closed and locked but with a little alchemy on Ed's part we gained entry.

"Kitties!" Al squealed happily and greeted his newfound furry friends. Just as Mustang had said the place was crawling with cats…. Um, Toto, we aren't in Kansas anymore.

Suddenly, we heard a bell ring and people began pouring out of the buildings. We huddled closer together, some of the people giving us weird looks. All of the people seemed to be only teenagers. And what the… what were on their foreheads? Oh wait…it couldn't be…

"Guys, I think I know where we are." They all looked at me and I announced, "Welcome to Tulsa, Oklahoma, home to the House of Night."

Yep, they really are at the House of Night. To those of you who haven't read the books it's the main setting for the House of Night series where fledgling vampires go to school and they're marked with blue crescent moons on their foreheads. The books are a great spin on the vampire trend. So anyway, I'm not really sure what's going to happen next. What do you guys want to see happen with the FMA characters in House of Night?

Props for this chapter go to Annabeth Zatsune for giving me the ideas for the alligator. Also, props to Daninuyasha for giving me the idea of the whole getting eaten thing and whatnot. ^_^

Thanks goes to: xPoisonedBlueRose13x, Shadow knight1121, ShatterTheHeavens, Eclipsica, i-summon-my-army-of-muffins, Formidable Rain