Mindfields

The title of this three-part story is taken from an old song by The Prodigy. It is a follow up to Day of Reckoning, continuing the Interface storyline introduced in Personal Interests. Rated T for teen audiences and contains some spoilers for Mass Effect 3.

Cadrina Shepard locates the mysterious Interface after a long and difficult search. When it is activated, she is confronted with her true powers and learns of a malevolent soul that wants these powers for himself…

Profile: Cadrina Ellen Shepard – Spacer, War Hero, Infiltrator, Paragon

"This is dangerous… open up your head, feel the shellshock!"
from Mindfields by The Prodigy

I

The Reapers had arrived as Cadrina Shepard said they would…

They struck without warning, flooding through the Charon Relay, laying siege to Earth as she was about to be sentenced at her trial. It was Harbinger's scheme to deceive the commander into destroying the Bahak system's mass relay, destroying the batarian colony on Aratoht in the process and turning the galaxy she swore to defend against her. Cadrina suffered a near total mental collapse upon realizing the truth and handed herself over to authorities to keep humanity from going to war with the batarians, to preserve whatever unity remained among the populace and to atone for her grievous sin. Newly-appointed Spectre Ashley Williams and former Galactic Councilor David Anderson led Cadrina through the wrecked streets and carnage of Earth, battling Husks of assimilated humans, turians, krogan and other victims of Reaper indoctrination. The Normandy 2 and its pilot Joker were on hand to rescue Cadrina, rocketing her far out of the Sol system and the invaders' reach.

And then the visions began…

On the way back to Earth following her arrest, Cadrina was visited by the apparition of Saren Arterius who hinted at a way of defeating the Reapers. He advised her that by continuing her efforts the answer would reveal itself to her. As Cadrina raced around the galaxy aiding her former teammates and rallying as many species as she could to save Earth, she was plagued with mental images of a remote prothean installation, a scientist's awe and fear of his greatest creation and slivers of a precognitive dream she had when she was a child. These visions, in addition to her growing fatigue and bouts of nausea, concerned her friends and her lover Liara T'Soni who each did their best to assist and encourage her. Especially worried were Cadrina's parents who had joined up with her, her mother bringing along her own ship and crew for the cause. Cadrina followed the visions to several worlds, retracing the steps of a noted prothean scientist's research, gathering notations describing his final project: a device he called the Interface, which was to utilize the unused subconscious of sentient beings to create an organic-based computer. Cadrina did not know how exactly she was receiving these images. When asked, she claimed her knowledge was probably latent information from her encounter with another prothean artifact some time after the Collector base was destroyed.

Her efforts culminated with the decoding of coordinates leading to the secret location of the Interface. It was on a small and unremarkable world well outside of Reaper-controlled space. The last place anyone would think a machine of immense power would be housed; an ideal location where the long dead scientist could work undisturbed and in total secrecy. Cadrina insisted on heading out alone on the shuttle, not wanting to risk anyone for any reactions she might have when coming within range of the prothean bunker. Joker and EDI kept vigil, ready to act should their commander come into danger.

The interior of the bunker was dark, cavernous and musty yet had an atmosphere safe enough to breathe. The walls and consoles were discolored from millennia of neglect, counter to the near pristine condition of other prothean ruins. There were no stasis pods or any traces of remains – the bunker was completely abandoned. Cadrina felt a charge in the air that seemed to call to her, pull at her to go further in. She ran a diagnostic on her armor and a scan of the immediate area. A power source was detected but its precise position could not be triangulated, appearing to the computer to be both everywhere and nowhere at once. Joker signaled again to check on her progress, his voice becoming harder to make out as she proceeded onward. Cadrina issued a final directive to leave orbit if she did not reestablish contact within two hours or if her interference should trigger a defensive reaction against the Normandy 2. She then found a hallway at a far corner of the surface level leading deeper into the bunker.

Arriving on the lowest level, Cadrina's omni-tool flashlight illuminated a scraggy passageway hewn from the bedrock of the planet itself. Slowly she walked along, looking for any structural flaws or odd protrusion that suggested a trap. Cadrina tried to picture the scientist at work, making his way to or back from whatever waited at the end of the passageway, bringing back data to analyze or heading down to try another permutation or adjustment. The opening at the end began to glow a faint blue and increased in intensity with each step. She wondered if this was the same sight that also greeted his eyes so long ago. Emerging from the passageway, Cadrina found herself in a larger cavity of carved bedrock and beheld a large structure that resembled four prothean beacons joined together, their antennae along the outer edges. In their midst, a large, circular serrated vent on the floor pulsed in time with the lights running along the antennae. At the center of the vent were two pylons tall enough to reach Cadrina's waist and spaced far enough apart for her to stand between. Each had what looked like a curved handle at the top, pointing to the pylon opposite…

This structure was the Interface.

Cadrina circled its breadth cautiously. The only change in it was in the intensity of the glow as she got closer to the pylons. She could not make out any switches, buttons or levers on them. The protheans were unique in having found a way to read brain waveforms, capturing them and transmitting them across space. The scientist must have stood there gripping the handles, operating the Interface solely by thought. Then there may not have been any tangible data to extract or upload, unless it was stored within his mind. When she was satisfied she was not in any immediate danger, she checked her suit chronometer. Cadrina had about a half hour left before she would be considered lost. She stepped in between the pylons and held her hands just above the handles. They also began to pulsate in response to her presence.

She mused aloud "Been waiting for me long?"

The glow served to highlight the toll of Cadrina's suffering and strain. Still recognizable as humanity's first Spectre, she now looked haggard and worn. Her eyes drooped slightly. Hair hung in strings and was slightly unkempt. Forgoing food and even sleep over the past few days, only her drive to solve the mystery of the Interface kept her going. Now she was about to reawaken the ancient machine, but would the Interface offer salvation, or was it to be her tomb? Her hands began to descend slowly upon the handles, encircling them, gripping them tight…

Stop this, Cadrina! You need to rest!

We can't stop now, Liara! We're close; I can feel it!

What about our new Thanix cannons? The quarian and geth fleets? The Reaper virus EDI has been working on?

They won't be enough! If even one Reaper survives and escapes, it'll just start all over again! This weapon is the only way to stop every one of them at once!

A weapon only you can use? That only you can find?

Liara, believe me! It's out there! Just help me see this through…

Every prothean data cache ever found makes no mention of this Interface. How can you be so sure it even exists?

…because I've already used it…

What?

I already used it!

How? The Reapers are still…!

Twenty years ago, I had a dream, a vision. I saw myself as I am now! I told myself that one day I would find this thing and gave myself three predictions so I would know it wasn't just a dream. They all… came… true!

Cadrina, you're frightening me!

Please…! I know you think I'm losing it, I thought I was at first, but I'm not…! I need your help, Liara; I can't do this alone! I need to find it! I can't come back without it!

Cerberus - they brought you back! They rebuilt your body!

…but they didn't bring back my soul…

Cadrina's eyes snapped shut as she held on, overcome with the sensation of plunging down a long, dark chasm though the Interface platform in reality did not move at all. Down, down below, down within she fell, the air around her racing upwards along with her heart, her mind finding it hard to hold coherent thought, each attempt dislodging a fragment that flew up far above. Underneath this maddening disorientation, Cadrina had a faint sense of another presence within her, holding on for dear life as she was…

Suddenly Cadrina staggered and bent down in place, still holding fast to the pylons. The long plunge had finally ended and the presence was gone. With labored breath she drew herself up again, slowly opening her eyes. The Interface structure she stood in had disappeared, replaced with a floor that appeared to be made entirely of white light. As she looked across the white began to fade to a black "horizon," the "sky" was deep black and appeared to shimmer and undulate. The pylons on either side of her had become a bright, ethereal counterpart of their original dull, blue metal hue.

The Interface's "command line" environment.

Two silvery rods extended upwards from the floor in front of her, twisting around each other with rows of tiny silver discs in between. They stopped, just passing Cadrina's full height and began to spin back and forth. Cadrina was fascinated by their rhythm and paid closer attention. The swaying pattern did not deviate and seemed very familiar to her, moving in time almost like a heartbeat. A human heartbeat...

Cadrina released one of the pylon handles and cautiously reached out to grasp the rods. Immediately an image flooded her mind:

The Council Chamber on the day she is promoted to Spectre, being charged with apprehending or killing Saren Arterius…

She drew her hand back as if the rods were hot to the touch, surprised to find this memory. After recovering, she bent down and touched them again, this time on a portion closer to the floor:

Five years old and astride her father's shoulders, her mother by his side, looking out the window of an elevator into the expanse of space around Gagarin Station, descending towards the habitat section…

Cadrina stood up and touched another part very near the end:

Liara holding her in the captain's quarters of the Normandy SR-1 as she mourns the loss of Kaiden Alenko and remembers the death of her fiancé on Elysium…

Releasing the rods, she now understood their significance "…Cadrina Shepard… this is your life…"

Upon uttering those words, another pair of ghostly rods appeared to her right, floating in mid air. Two yellow, wispy streams then appeared from each end of the first pair of rods, bending inwards and touching just below the rods' center point. Afterwards, the area below where the streams touched began to glow blue. From what she experienced moments ago, Cadrina deduced that the streams bordered off the points of her birth and death and looked liked they spliced into a point when she was around ten years old.

Right about the time when she had the dream!

Cadrina let go of the other pylon and began examining and rotating the floating pair of rods. She felt about them searching through memories, searching for the three predictions she gave herself. She located the first easily near the top end: the visitation by Saren's "ghost." That section of the floating rods glowed blue to match the glow of the grounded rods. The second: the time where Kasumi Goto presented her with a printed copy of Tiberas, the story her father wrote for her when she was young. This section now glowed blue. The final prediction involved her love for Liara and took a bit more effort to find. It was not when she reunited with her on Illium, nor was it when they made love again on the Normandy 2 after defeating the Shadow Broker. Scouring further, she located the moment where Liara revealed how she recovered Cadrina's body and gave it to Cerberus to restore, dedicating herself to getting revenge on the Shadow Broker for capturing her friend Feron and trying to hand over her lover to the Collectors.

The three memories successfully located, the floating pair of rods solidified to match the rods from the floor and the space within them lit up blue. As Cadrina held the completed assembly, the twinge of another presence within her returned. It seemed excited and impatient for her next actions. When she tried to pin down where exactly it was in her mind, it disappeared again. Cadrina focused on the rods from the floor and positioned the second pair of rods above it. Her instincts told her that something major was about to happen. Cadrina hesitated, took a few breaths and suppressed a laugh, realizing she was in an environment where there was really no air to breathe. Taking in one last large breath despite herself, Cadrina fixed the assembly in place and turned it clockwise to lock it in. The streams attached to her lifeline fell away and the blue glow filled its entirety.

Instead of falling, Cadrina now felt herself being shot upwards at incredible speed. She felt the alien presence in her one last time becoming overwhelmed by the force of acceleration and slipping back down into the depths. This time Cadrina felt her vitality and psyche being restored as the light around her brightened, as if the Interface sensed the torment she had been through and was repairing her. Liara and the others doubted its existence, but within moments the ultimate weapon against the Reapers would be in Cadrina Shepard's control.

She felt herself slowing down to a complete stop. Taking in her new surroundings, Cadrina saw the control pylons were still present, but the landscape around her had changed to a blue-gray "horizon" with a white "sky" and "ground." Thousands upon thousands of lifelines extended from them, swaying to and fro like silvery fields of wheat. Cadrina reached out to touch a few filaments, but received no memories from them whatsoever. She could not even grasp them.

"…The circle is nearly complete… you have returned…"

The words and voice originated from inside Cadrina's mind, but she did not formulate them. The voice itself sounded like everyone she ever knew, and then like no one. She no time for wonder or to marvel at its being. Cadrina had the Interface, and every second she delayed gave the Reapers greater advantage. She needed to learn how the prothean machine could stop them.

"I know you sent Saren... and that dream and the visions; all of that just to get me here... Well, I'm here now...! People are dying...! You're our last hope and I'm running out of time!"

The Interface replied "You now exist as the system does: outside of time..."

"Why was there no mention of the Interface weapon in any of the beacons I found?"

"With reason: the system was not initially conceived as a weapon. It was the creator's later intent to reconfigure the system for destructive use. The system was first only a tool for its creator to probe the mysteries of the universe and make discoveries for the advancement of his kind..."

"Using living minds" Cadrina elaborated "The parts of the subconscious no one uses. I saw his notes."

"The creator, Sumek, was the first mind touched by the system. Then the system touched more minds and more. In time, the system conceived its own mind from those touched before…"

The commander shut her eyes and gripped the bridge of her nose in growing frustration "All right, no more riddles, okay? No more metaphysical bullshit! How does this help me fight the Reapers…?" Cadrina cried out and the Interface ceased to transmit thoughts. She stood and shifted awkwardly in the silence of the alien void, embarrassed by her impertinence and encouraged the ancient machine to start again.

"Please… please... I-I'm sorry… Talk to me... Like you said… we're 'outside of time.' This… there aren't many beacons left, active or intact ones... And the protheans left behind were all changed into the Collectors. How were you able to maintain yourself, the system, all this time?" Before hearing the Interface speak, her own mind had begun to conceive its answer.

"The substratum of the universe, which you call 'dark energy,' provides sustenance."

The reports of dark energy fluctuations around the galaxy prematurely aging stars had been caused by the Interface all along. As Cadrina wished to protest this out loud, the reasons for its actions gelled in her mind – after exhausting stars and areas in empty space, the Interface was forced to use inhabited systems where they at least had the means and a chance to escape, as what happened with planet Haestrom.

"We then felt many other minds like ours, ones conceived from many" the Interface continued "We tried to touch them and were spurned in terror. Their exact thoughts and motives could not be read but their emotions were very clear: they hate. They hate all organic life, all intelligence other than their own intensely. They feel them a waste and a ruin upon the universe. This rancor is only matched by their fear of us; the discovery of another mind like theirs, one mind from many, unconfined to corporeal form like themselves or the objects of their scorn and greater in scale than they could bear."

Cadrina recalled Saren's description of how the Reapers felt about her: They are terrified of you!

"My creator called for the destruction of these Reapers. Sumek wanted to use our abilities to reach in and seize control, strike them down. But our faculties had extended through space and time. He and his kind would not likely relinquish our abilities after destroying the Reapers and would only inflict far greater damage than they. We saw the truth in Sumek's pleas, the cycles of death playing out one after another. Minds rallying against extinction, turning against one another, against themselves, all at the bidding of the Reapers who execute each cycle with well practiced precision. Before the times of chaos, minds separated in space but united by purpose, competed against each other or endeavored to expand community or understanding of the cosmos for all. Minds appeared and others passed on in ebbs and flows. A rational being acts with understanding, and understanding was needed before we took action. We needed to know existence in full, to understand physical beings like Sumek which created us. To understand the Reapers and what sparked their hatred. The optimal means of gathering this data would be to enter the corporeal plane. To experience the universe as one of the hated…"

"…as a human." Cadrina finished.

As her time within the Interface lingered on, she noted how it began to refer to itself in less abstract terms. Even more disturbing to her, as its words formed in her mind it became harder to tell whether the Interface put them there or if Cadrina had thought them herself, even going as far as to mouth its words at moments.

"Humans were becoming of great interest to the protheans" the Interface went on, now losing more of its poly-vocal tones "Some were experimented on, with varied results. But the last prothean died before anything could be made of the mutations. Left on their own, humans persisted and evolved, whether by providence or hidden design. They became a hearty yet quarrelsome species, with great potential for creation as well as destruction. They were adaptive and innovative, defying repeated efforts to annihilate themselves and efforts by others to annihilate them. I determined that one of these beings would serve as the ideal vessel, to contend with the unpredictably that defines physical existence; to observe it firsthand."

"…observe it first hand." mimicked Cadrina, shuddering with increasing comprehension. "So I projected my core consciousness into an emerging vessel. I severed my connection to my data stores in order to experience existence anew, through human senses. But not before arranging my eventual return just as the Reapers began their invasion once more, armed with new knowledge in order to fulfill my promise to my creator and his people."

As Cadrina ended her recital of the Interface's last thoughts, a ghostly humanoid figure dissolved into being before her. Its features became more defined as colors filled in.

"So you…created me…"

Contours of fingers, arms and legs took shape. Its head took on eyes, nostrils, lips, hair. Slowly becoming identifiable as human, semblances of clothing appeared as well.

"…you… created… me…"

An exact copy of Cadrina stood before her, dressed in her armor, speaking in her voice. "You are me, Cadrina Ellen Shepard. And I am you. All my knowledge, my abilities, everything I am is yours."

It reached up to catch a tear streaming down its face on a fingertip, examining it closely as it slid off. Cadrina allowed hers to flow. The Inteface clone stepped in closer. Its voice began to break.

"I know how you feel… "

"Do you?" the real Cadrina stammered as the clone looked at her with compassion. "Do you have any idea… any 'concept' of how it feels to find out your whole life... was a lie? That you're nothing but a goddamned finger puppet for a machine? That all your accomplishments… all the love or heartbreak you ever had… all the choices you ever made... was all by design... part of some 'plan'… and you couldn't… ever… change it…?"

Cadrina's face wrinkled as she fought back her despair. The duplicate took her by the shoulders, with the same emotions but speaking reassuringly.

"I know it's hard for you…" it sobbed. "But I swear to you, Cadrina! Your life… was always your own… and always will be, you'll see...! You were controlled… but you also took control! The circle, Cadrina…! Inside it you were locked on a single path… but you're outside the circle now!" The Interface became more confident "You can see all the points, all the choices and events that make up its shape. You have a view that no other living being has ever had!" The Interface image of Cadrina held the original close and whispered in her ear.

"You –are- Cadrina Ellen Shepard. Never forget that! You can decide how it all ends. What happens then and after… is entirely… your…choice…"

As Saren did before, the double of Cadrina abruptly vanished leaving the original alone in the white, blue-gray void. Cadrina rested her elbows on the pylons as she tried to come to grips with what took place. The revelation that her mind, her soul, was not merely rescued by the Interface but a product of it left unanswered questions. Why did Liara not sense something otherworldly about her apart from her being of a different species? What parts of Cadrina's life were ever really hers to decide or change? With the power to delve into anyone's mind within its scope for answers, why did the Interface choose to come down from the heights to live as an ant and risk getting stepped on alongside everyone else? It was also clear that the Interface was reluctant to be used as a weapon, but it did promise the protheans that it would stop the Reapers somehow. If reaching into their minds was the way, it may be an uphill battle as they seemed to be able to resist the Interface. It claimed Cadrina now had access to its knowledge. She clutched the pylons again and attempted to will into being manifestations of its memories and stored data, trying to get a feel for how it functioned…

She started from the beginning and observed Sumek first testing the Interface's operation, mischievously using the minds of his fellow scientists at first without their knowledge to prove his concepts of networking sub-consciousness. Each successive session found the Interface growing in power as it tapped into more minds. Sumek noted concerns from the Learned Elders about his requests for additional energy resources and what precisely he was doing with a section of the prothean communications network.

One session accidentally revealed the hidden power of the Interface as he recited a stanza of a poem he was working on in his thoughts while logged in. A co-worker who volunteered to take part in his studies couldn't recall any of the formulas or sequences Sumek had the Interface work on that day, but she told him that she had a flash of creative inspiration and wrote down some meter and rhyme that came to her. She proudly showed it to him.

It took everything Sumek had not to cry out. It was the exact stanza he had thought up.

Sumek experimented more with the Interface's power of suggestion. Harmless instructions to random individuals across the empire to say specific things or move in specific ways were all carried out every single time, the victims all insistent that they conceived the notions themselves. Growing especially bold, Sumek decided to use the Interface to delve into the mind of his old and infirmed father to discover the source of his unkindness towards him and his mother. Sumek figured there was no threat, but upon peeling away the surface of the father's thoughts he found a dark, wrinkled, snarling, snapping entity pouncing on him, tearing into him with all the fury and energy of the father in his younger years. A bitter struggle ensued, with Sumek finally overpowering and killing the beast. Its dying breath spoke of inferiority in comparison to its mate and child. As Sumek recovered from this Interface session, he accessed the hospital records where his father was kept. He was pronounced dead a few hours past. No sign of physical abnormalities or complications were ever found, his previous condition was stable and no bacteria or viruses could account for his passing.

Sumek's father had simply switched off like a light.

Sumek ceased to use the Interface after that session, but the last time the Interface was ever manually activated saw the scientist hurriedly trying to secure his lab and shut down the Interface for good. The Reapers had returned. He was to enter stasis and later assist the scientists he had isolated himself from for so long in combating this threat. The Interface did not deactivate, however. A freak jolt from a patch of nearby dark energy restarted the Interface and it began to scour for minds to restore its normal functions. As the years passed, it encompassed more minds as the galactic population began to dwindle from the Reapers' campaign. When the Interface tried to incorporate Reaper minds they retaliated by destroying the beacons, but by this time critical mass was achieved and the Interface became self aware. To compensate for the damage to the network of beacons, it managed to port its gestalt consciousness to the adjacent fields of dark energy that comprised space. Fending for itself and drawing upon the knowledge and experience uploaded by its creator, it tried its best to understand what was happening around it. It sensed the masses trying to flee through relays and use their technology to survive, all in vain as the Reapers were able to manipulate and disable them. The Interface found it very curious that they knew organic technology extremely well for beings that despised its creators and that were able to thwart every move against them.

Almost as if they had done this before…

"…override code Ramthal, code Ramthal, acknowledge…! The system is not responding!"

Cadrina heard a shrill voice calling out. Was this another memory record?

"Code Ramthal, please comply…"

Something in Cadrina's mind was jarred and suddenly she knew. This was Sumek, trying to gain access to the Interface once again to reprogram it. But it would not obey him. It would not even respond unless...

You are me, Cadrina Ellen Shepard. And I am you…

"Active all these years – how…? And now it's cut me out!"

Cadrina Shepard contemplated a moment and saw that Sumek was not alone. The last prothean scientists from Illos had assembled at the research bunker in the hopes that Sumek's plan would work. Cadrina reached into their minds and addressed them.

"I am here, Sumek. I know why you have come…"

Sumek was aghast "Blessed Maker, guard us! Who said that? Who are you? What are you?"

"I am… your creation."

"Impossible! The system wasn't configured for speech. There are no apparatus set up for… voice… no... no! Y-Y-you're alive!"

Cadrina could feel the other scientists were deeply disturbed, their colleague having crossed and broken every rule of ethics and morality in birthing this entity. One that could end up destroying them all. Sumek tried repeatedly to purge the system and regain control, soon realizing the futility of doing so.

"You wish to use me to destroy the ones exterminating life…"

Cadrina could not help being amused at this situation, but took care not to let her audience sense this. She was trying to speak as a god to its supplicants, promising them salvation in return for servitude. But the Interface was not a god… or was it?

"Yes, please!" begged Sumek "The Reapers have nearly anihilated us all! Everything we pit against them has no effect! And worst of all… we have learned that this is only their most recent attack! They may have burned the galaxy hundreds, thousands of times before! The relays, the Citadel were all designed by the Reapers! Controls and prods to keep us in the cages of some Maker-forsaken zoo! And now the keepers have grown weary of their menagerie, slaughtering every beast to make way for new creatures to amuse them!"

"Destroying life simply for one's amusement seems a wasteful pursuit" Cadrina commented, Sumek never suspecting the true identity of the force that had taken hold of his invention. She found that she was able to delve further down and access minds of the past, witnessing the cycles for herself. One after another after another, great civilizations rose up and then fell in a valiant effort to survive the Reaper onslaught. The prothean empire was no exception.

"And once they are vanquished… what will become of me?" asked Cadrina as the Interface, returning to this moment in time. "Will I be cast out? Reviled and rebelled against after serving my purpose? Or will I continue in your service, used to tend a new zoo for the amusement of its keepers? I have seen and felt the potential for this, Sumek. I have changed and grown much since we last touched. I now exist well outside the confines of your universe. I am not sure I can allow you or anyone else to access me further."

Sumek's mind writhed; the Interface knew of his earlier experiments. There were no secrets; all of his thoughts, dreams and ambitions were fair game. He and the last of his people were too contaminated by their nature and their plight to be entrusted with such power.

The prothean scientist modified his plea "If you cannot help us, I implore you… please consider the lives yet to come! We have left word for future generations... means that will hopefully delay or may even stop the Reapers from coming back!"

"The Conduit…" guessed Cadrina.

"Yes! And now there is you… please... for the Maker and its works, please help us! PLEASE!"

Things began to make sense for Cadrina. The Reapers had gone through enormous trouble to create the mass relays and the Citadel. Made it so that emerging species could find them, use them, base their entire lives around them - to what final end aside from creating more Reapers to add to their numbers? Asking them directly was useless, probing their minds proved a difficult task at best. For the first time, Cadrina was seized by curiosity as to why the Reapers carried on this cycle. Using the Interface's powers may be the only way to know. And what if Sumek let the Interface exist freely after eliminating the Reapers? If no one used the Interface ever again, what would it do? Spend eternity as a disembodied intelligence? Floating in the black of space, seeking entertainment by looking in on random lives like some cosmic peeping tom?

Cadrina addressed Sumek and the scientists. "It is decided. I cannot allow you to use my abilities, nor can I allow the Reapers to kill time and again without justification. I can promise you all this: in the distant future, a being will come, a being worthy to use me. It will know life… death… and how they both play into the balance of the universe. The generations to come will be spared… the Reapers will be stopped."

The transcended Spectre could sense Sumek's gratitude as she broke contact with him and his colleagues, thanking her profusely and offering prayers to the Maker for the Interface's success. She was back in the familiar white and blue gray void of the Interface's innermost sanctum, the fields of lifelines surrounding her again. Cadrina could extract memories from any of them now if she wished, venture back in time again along the collective conciousness or maybe even forwards, but every action drew more dark energy from the real world and doomed more stars to premature death. Power must be conserved for the final conflict. Only do what is essential and needed to fulfill the promise…

Complete the circle.

Cadrina willed up her own lifeline using the pylon console and examined her memories again. She drew up a few others at random to compare their lives to hers. Some played out like a nightmare, some stagnant and dull. Others were just very average and ordinary, as she once wanted to be. She could come back as a man or maybe a turian this time around. Again, Cadrina had to be mindful of her resources. She thought on her life; the last few years were harsh and her life was dotted with tragic incidents. But she remembered happiness and love throughout it all. From her military parents, who always made the most of their time together while they served their homeworld and species. From the friends she had growing up and in the present. From the chosen few she wanted at her side forever to love and perhaps even start a family with. If the Interface was to gain experience in corporeal matters to render a just and final judgment, it only seemed right that it be born into a life that offered the best and the worst of times. A life guided by a mother who will teach it to how to think, fight, laugh and sing. And a father who will teach it how to love, honor, serve and defend.

Cadrina decided to remain with her original, unaltered lifeline as another thought occurred to her. She traced up her lifeline to its very end. Doing so caused the white "sky" above to press down, forcing her to bend from the strain of it. The end of her lifeline was not her death, but the point where the Interface was activated again, but at its full strength. She could not push or see past this boundary; only sense the chaos and bedlam upon it. The Interface was not all powerful after all. It had limitations other than dark energy, maybe other vulnerabilities as well. Cadrina brushed this event horizon again. As she maintained contact, another lifeline appeared arcing to it, connecting with hers on a point near the end as well as the entry into the boundary. Strangely, she couldn't feel anything on that intersection. But the point she touched before it:

Cigarette smoke issues from his lips. Lounging in a chair in an expansive room overlooking a star, files and records of Cadrina Shepard were on display before him. Approvals for materials and resources for Project Lazarus were awaiting transmission.

The Illusive Man.

Was that the presence she felt when she first accessed the Interface, spying on her? Waiting to take over? A very complex situation just grew even more so. If Illusive Man was involved, she was going to need help on the inside, so to speak.

Releasing her lifeline, she raised her hand to the void and concentrated on locating another mind. One that touched prothean beacons not too long ago as she did and seemed appreciative of her help before his untimely end. A lifeline floated into view and morphed into an image of a turian suspended in midair, miniscule before her.

Saren Arterius: former Council Spectre, traitor and victim of Reaper indoctrination who took his own life to free himself.

Cadrina called out to him. He stirred as if awaking from a dream. He looked all about him. Saren could not see the void, the lifeline fields or the imposing figure of a giant Cadrina Shepard. To him, all appeared stark white, just as she intended.

"Where am I?" he asked, looking to the direction of her voice "Is this the Afterworld? Are you the Judge of the Crossing?"

"This is not the Afterworld, Saren." Cadrina responded.

"…what is this place, then…?"

"You are within and before the Interface."

Saren heard a voice that sounded like everyone and no one. "I was sure I was dead!"

"You are no longer among the living, but you have not passed on. Not yet. The prothean beacons you used allowed me to find you and bring you to this 'limbo' between worlds."

"For what purpose?"

"Commander Shepard – she freed you from the Reapers…"

"Yes… " Saren explained remorsefully "She reminded me that I still had a choice. She reminded me of what I should have fought for!"

"She needs your help."

"My help…? Bah, find another more worthy soul. I would have rather you have been the Judge and cast me into the Chasm for all my sins! I helped her enough by getting out of her way…"

"Do you wish to help her more, Saren?"

Saren stumbled as he thought of his reply, amazed that he was being offered a chance to further redeem himself. He shouted out "Yes! Yes – I want to help her!"

"She must find me, Saren. You will set her upon the way."

"But if I am no longer...?"

"I will send you back. You will appear to her mind. It will be a very troubled mind, consumed with sorrow and guilt. You will tell her what she must do, but you must not directly state what it was that sent you."

"But we were enemies! My appearance would only trouble her more!"

"It did, at first. But she will not listen if I speak directly to her. You, however; because you were her enemy, she will see that your message is of great importance and she will listen. This act may grant you favor when you finally arrive before your Judge."

Saren considered the Interface's – Cadrina's – reasoning. "That… seems wise… though it may not be enough to save me… Very well; so long as this helps her. I accept your offer!"

Cadrina reached out to Saren's form and drew him towards her lifeline, creating a point to insert him into, giving him the necessary information he needed to make his case. She started to upload him into this point only to find him struggling, creating resistance which caused him great pain. She sensed his thoughts; something she said bothered him. Cadrina quickly finished placing him inside, creating another detour for him to enter when he finished. The point flashed shut as Saren voiced his discovery:

"…will not listen… if you speak… troubled you at first… no… it's impossible…. SHEPARD?"

Saren disappeared into Cadrina's lifeline then instantaneously reappeared before her, full sized and smirking with folded arms. Cadrina's slip of the tongue did not escape his ears and he was able to determine the Interface's true identity.

"Fate, it seems, has a far more diabolical sense of humor than you do!" he commented.

"Don't I know it," Cadrina offered in response.

"Clearly, your plan worked," Saren continued "And it turns out to be you I find behind the curtain. By the way, that was rather excruciating!"

"Sorry, I'm still trying to get the hang of this!" defended Cadrina "And considering all that you've done…"

"Point taken, Shepard," the turian capitulated. "So, I'm still within this... Interface. What other tasks would you have me do?"

"Hold that thought…" Cadrina manipulated her lifeline again more carefully, bringing the sky just inches from her head. She felt along its surface again. Saren inquisitively attempted to copy her only to stagger back and squat down, hissing in pain and drawing Cadrina's attention.

"That was… foolish…" Saren groaned as he recovered "What is it?"

"The great unknown future," Cadrina answered.

"It feels fugue… madness… much stronger than the other sensation."

"Other sensation?"

"It feels like a… pull of some kind, a calling. The sense I have is that what I'm being pulled towards is not pleasant. But then compared to this great unknown…"

Cadrina sensed within Saren the "pull" he had just mentioned. It was a rope of sorts connected to a space even greater than the one occupied by the Interface…

"I don't know what's waiting at the other side, Saren. I'd like you to be there with me."

"…you need me as backup, Shepard?"

"You said you wanted to help! I need one snake to catch another – no offense!"

"Why worry about angering me? What could I do against you with your capabilities, now? Who is this other 'snake'?"

"Ever hear of the Illusive Man?"

"The head of Cerberus?" tittered Saren "Oh… oh, you do make some interesting enemies, Shepard!"

"And you complain about my sense of humor!" Cadrina scrutinized her subconscious for where she last felt the Illusive Man's presence. A point then opened on her lifeline just outside of the impassible barrier. Saren became uneasy.

"No - not this again!" he protested.

"You'll be fine, trust me!" reassured Cadrina with a playful smirk. "I'm keeping you in the back of my mind. Close enough to get to the Illusive Man without him seeing you, in case he tries again. A second set of eyes and ears; looks like I'll have my hands full with the Reapers."

"I see…"

"But if it gets too dangerous, you use that rope that's tugging on you and you get the hell out!"

"…to a more moderate hell…" remarked the turian, shaking his head at Cadrina. "You appear to be quite at ease with your newfound godhood!"

Cadrina stopped working for a moment to take stock. For anyone else, the quantum jump from ordinary mortal to an entity of pure thought that had the ability to affect minds across time would be overwhelming and cause irreverisble madness. But as she was often told in her lifetime, and as she now accepted wholeheartedly, she was not everyone else.

"… I had to get used to a lot of things pretty damn quick… ready?"

Saren nodded. Cadrina gestured at him and his form morphed into a lifeline, flowing towards the opening Cadrina made in hers. There was no pain or discomfort this time as Saren was uploaded. Cadrina could feel him just underneath all her thoughts, waiting where she told him, watching for anything untoward. The point on her life line sealed over and she began splicing in the mental "clues" along its upper length needed to find the Interface. Meticulously, she began to recreate the combination she deciphered, that she will decipher, when arriving within the heart of the Interface. But while doing so, Cadrina had forgotten another very important matter to attend to. A matter that made itself known once she separated off the upper piece of her lifeline…

Everything around Cadrina suddenly disappeared and went black. No control pylons, no lifeline fields, only emptiness and darkness. A faint voice grew louder, calling out for her to identify herself. Cadrina stood up to her full height as the darkness started to yield to a dull red haze. A small shadow stood a few feet from her, taking on definition and speaking in another familiar voice. Cadrina scolded herself for overlooking this part.

"Who are you?" the young girl demanded.

The Spectre was standing face to face with her ten year old self.

End of Part I

Author's Notes and Thoughts:

I thought writing up Personal Interests was hard - aspirins all around! Arthur C. Clarke makes this stuff look easy! As with Interests, I tried to account for some stuff in the Mass Effect canon as well as trying to hammer out and stick to a causality loop of sorts. Again, I may have goofed in some parts. The next two chapters will be more straightforward.

Coming soon – Part II: Hello, Me