Chapter 1: Fear

Fear is often misunderstood as something that fades away or gets replaced by another emotion, but that's not what it is. It stays with you forever controls your life, your every move. You're constantly looking over your shoulder, in front of your feet… trying to avoid the dark emotion at all times.

No matter how many times we ran or moved, we never were in one place for too long. We would always leave before somebody thought to remember our "names". Always out of Fear.

We weren't raised normally like other kids, my brother and I. We weren't told to be nice and have good manners, we were taught to stay in solitude, if anyone asked us questions we were taught to run. We were taught how to throw a knife and hit the target perfectly. How to unlock the safety guards on guns, and how to steal without anyone noticing. How to aim. We were taught how to run and dodge like a gazelle, hide and blend into the crowd. We were taught how to be normal and survive. Sometimes… it just wasn't good enough.

My aunt would always sleep with normal day clothes on, afraid we would have to run in the middle of the night.

"Always have a bag packed." She would say.

Each time we moved we were reminded constantly the rules of our safety:

Rule #1: Always expect ambush.

Rule #2: Only take what is necessary.

Rule #3: NEVER under any circumstances talk to anyone.

When I was five she sat my brother and I down and told us our mother's tale of the Red Butterfly. She told it with no facial emotion as if she didn't care.

"The Red Butterfly was fearless, brave. She rode so fast on her motorcycle that when people looked at her backlights they always swore to themselves they say a Red Butterfly.

She was a trouble maker, she snuck out at night … joined a gang. She hung out with all the wrong people, and dated all the wrong guys. One man she would always swear he was the one. Sometimes I believed her, he was handsome, and she fell head over heels instantly. They were soon married.

Then, his true nature was revealed. In truth, he was selfish and cruel. He did so many horrible things to your mother..." She would trail off and her eyes would get glassy as if remembering so many unseen memories, and then snap out of it and continue.

"... but she was young and still loved him. One day he didn't come home, and God you were so young both of you, he called and told your mother bluntly, that he owed someone a lot of money and he was sorry because the man who he owed was coming for her and the children. And the next thing I knew I was out on the road with the both of you. We headed to the next city, and when we woke up the next morning in our hotel… your mother was dead. Hideous headlines popped up on the television painting pictures we could only imagine.

Now all we can do is run, or else he'll catch us and sell us, use us, for his own sick purposes. We'll never be safe as long as he's alive. I truly hope one day you'll wake and not be afraid to live, peacefully and hope, never Fear."

I was only seven, my brother eleven, when I broke one of our only rules. I was lonely, afraid. We had come to the grocery store and I was separated from them, when I wandered down the stupid isle with the forbidden candies we were never allowed to eat. I looked and called for her but I couldn't find her so I sat in the corner and cried, certain the evil man who was looking for us would find me. Then a store clerk found me, a worried look pasted on his face,

"What's your mom's name?"

I was so DUMB. I forgot all of our rules that one second and I told him… her name rung and echoed across the store, the parking lot, for what seemed like forever, over and over. She ran to get me, panic laced into her fine sketched features. She grabbed my hand and tried to pull me out along with my brother, but it was already too late. Before we got out those doors, two big black SUV's pulled up blocking escape.

She had to think fast so she pushed both of us behind some close vending machines, and ran out, her head held high.

A young man yelled and they dragged her, fighting and screaming to his feet. I strained to hear, dust and my brother's hand covering my screams, and finally he spoke, down at her as if she wasn't worth any of his time.

" Finally after all this time we have found you Ms. Honda. Long time no see, eh?" His voice made me shudder, but my aunt, brave as ever, looked at him coldly, disgust scrunching up her face.

" I thought your Father would at least give me the courtesy of killing me himself, but it looks like he sent you to do it. He's just wasting my time." Then, doing the unthinkable, she spat at his feet.

One of the man's men kicked her, and her scream as well as a loud sickening crunch filled the icy air.

I struggled in my brother's warm grasp wishing he would let me go and let me help her, but it would be instant death for the both of us. The man flicked his hand quickly in a motion for the men to stop, and leaned down.

"We both know how this is going to go, so I may as well get to the point. Where are the children?" His voice was silky and smooth, but underneath it all he was a snake poised to strike.

I feared for her, a cold wind blew and I shivered. Goosebumps rose along my arms and legs, but as always my aunt remained strong and proud, voicing her words with cold determination, clarity, and strength.

"Like I'd ever tell you that, you stupid son of a Bitch."

He hesitated looked into her eyes, and flicked his hand, yawning and saying nonchalantly,

"I can already see this will get us nowhere. Kill her."

My brother's hand still held tight over my mouth, but when he pulled that gun out of his coat and the bullet sliced through the air, and it pounded itself through her thin body, my silent scream rang with it. Tears rolled down my cheeks relentlessly and God, no matter how much weakness I was showing I didn't care. I could feel my brother shaking and wet droplets fell onto my head and soaked into my hair.

The man turned and his chilling, deceiving voice rang and echoed in my brain.

"Children, know this, you have escaped my grasp this time, but wherever you go I hope you will always look behind your shoulder, because I will never be too far behind."

And he left. Just like that my brother and I, cheated Death. My brother and I sat there gasping in relief and crying in grief. We slowly crawled out of the crevice behind the vending machines, and headed toward our aunt. Her cold figure shivered in the white snow. Little white specks fluttered down and melted on her eyelashes. The deep dark maroon blood soaked into the snow… she was beautiful, but the scene was gory, and horrific.

She gasped and through my tears I saw her alabaster hand creep towards mine in slow motion. I grabbed at it, and held it between my own, thinking I could warm her up… but we both knew it was hopeless. Her lips were turning shades of blue, I was frozen with this fear that she would disappear, before I'd given her the words I love you. She shook and opened her mouth and said,

" Tohru, hear my words. Except for your brother, everyone is your enemy. Never trust anyone because all they will do is stab you in the back. In our life, there is no room for friends, lovers, family, only ourselves. Remember, beauty fades to ugliness, love turns to hate,…"

I picked up where she left off, remembering what she always told me,

" Friendship to betrayal, and family to grief. I know the rules."

Her features turned softly from pain to relief. And as her chocolate eyes began to close she said,

"Take all the necessary things and get as far from here as possible, don't go straight home because that's where they expect you to be. When you get there the weapons, the money, are all in the pipes underneath the floorboards. When you leave never look back. God's Speed."

After her words her hand gently floated away from mine , and as much as I hated to say it… I was jealous, because my aunt no longer had anything to fear, for there was nothing to fear in Heaven.~