Kingdumb Hearts II

By P.T. Piranha

Prologue: Six Long, Agonizing Days

A far-off memory that's like a memory that is not nearby.

A scattered dream that's like a dream that has been scattered.

I want to line the pieces up. … C'mon please? I'll be your friend. Fine. Your far-off dreams and scattered memories were stupid anyway.

"SACNTUARYYYYYYYYYYYYYY, YAH!"

Two figures in black, hooded cloaks stood on a beach. The tall one spoke in a deep voice, the other remained silent.

"So… How's it going?" asked the tall figure. The other did not speak. "Seen any good movies?" No dice. "Well you're certainly rude. Just like him. I am all that's left. Or maybe all that there ever was. You catch my drift?"

The shorter figure did not respond, much to the chagrin of the taller one. Finally though, he had one question.

"What is your name?"

"That is not important." was the taller man's answer.

Roughly 358 days or so after that conversation, a boy with blonde, spiky hair could be seen in bed.

"Whoa… that was a weird dream. I should cut back on the pasta." The boy got up on his knees on the bed and opened the window. "Aaaaah! The sun! It burns my eyeballs!"

TWILIGHT TOWN

DAY 1

Later that day, the boy got dressed and went to a back alley to hang out with his friends. One was a boy in green, one was a fat boy, and the other was a girl in orange.

Name: Roxas
Rating: Prime Fangirl Bait

"I can't believe it!" lamented the green boy. "Seifer's telling everyone that we stole stuff, and the town's believing him!"

Name: Hayner
Awards: Gold Medal in National Extreme Underwater Seifer Hating

"I mean, that just grinds my gears!"

"You're telling me!" said the fat kid, Pence.

Name: Pence
Note: Doesn't actually know what "Dogstreet" means.

Hayner glared. "You only talk when I tell you to talk, Pence! We agreed!"

"Sorry." As Pence apologized, the girl just rolled her eyes.

Name: Olette
Arrest Record: Accidentally stabbed someone in a fight over a watermelon. Doesn't like to talk about it.

"Hayner," the girl started, "do you think that maybe if you calmed down, we'd be able to-" but Hayner cut her off.

"Zip it! I'm complaining over here!"

Olette put her hand to her face. "How'd you guys become my only friends again?"

"Roxas! Opinion! Now! Agree with me!" Hayner barked. Roxas looked up from his daydreams.

"I wasn't daydreaming about ice cream on the clock tower again, I swear! Uh what? Oh, Seifer? Yeah he's a total bag."

Hayner nodded. "Good job, Roxas. I'm glad someone around here knows how to have a conversation. You always were my favorite friend. Let's avenge our good names by beating the crap out of Seifer!"

Roxas stood up. "Umm… Remind me again, what does he think we stole?"

Hayner headed out into the alley. "Heck if I know. Now c'mon, let's go beat Seifer before I calm down and become rational!"

"The _ was undeniable proof that we totally owned you lamers!" Seifer yelled.

Name: Seifer
Hobby: Owning lamers and documenting it with undeniable proof

Name: Rai
Catchphrase: "Y'know?"

Name: Fuu
In Five Words: Minimalist speaker.

Name: Vivi
Manliness: 3/10

"Lamers?" Olette asked. "What is this, Surfer Central?"

"That's bogus!" Seifer yelled. "None of you can handle the radical power of the Seifinator! Oh yeah, baby!"

"Seifer's pretty awesome, y'know?" Rai announced. "He's got a deal with these guys called Square! He's getting a game! The Legend of Seifer!"

Fuu nodded. "Theme park too. Seiferland."

"Also-" Vivi started, but Seifer kicked him.

"You don't talk unless the Seifinator allows it, shorty!"

Roxas had had enough, and picked up a foam club. "Okay, you're annoying."

Roxas started beaing Seifer with the club over and over.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop! Ow! Pain! Ow! Foam pain! Ow! Ow! Mommy! This isn't romantic! Ouch! Oof! Ow!"

Rai, Fuu, and Vivi could do nothing but watch as Roxas repeatedly bopped their leader on the head. Rai turned to Fuu.

"I think we should help Seifer, y'know?"

"Wouldn't help."

Vivi piped up. "I think maybe-"

"Quiet." Fuu ordered, which made Vivi slouch in depression.

"Don't worry, my liege. I shall save you." announced a strange voice. A deformed, white creature with a zipper for a mouth jumped up to Seifer, stole the camera, and floated away.

"It went to the Old Mansion! Follow it, Roxas!" Hayner said.

"What? Wait, first of all-"

"Do it!"

"Fine, fine!" Roxas complied with a sigh. "Sheesh, you're such a nag."

Roxas finally followed the monster to the Old Mansion.

"We have come for you, my liege." the monster bellowed.

"What does that mean?"

"Well you see- AAAAH!" the monster's explanation was cut short by Roxas attacking it with a giant key. Roxas spoke up.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of me stabbing this giant key into your chest. … How'd I get this thing, anyway?"

The monster died and left nothing behind, but the camera and some photos. Roxas picked one up.

"That's Pence's mom at the Christmas party! … I'll just save that one for later…" Roxas started gathering the photos.

"So you got them back?" Olette asked her friend. Roxas nodded.

"Yep. Oh except the monster… umm… ate the one of Pence's mom. Yeah that's it. Sorry, Pence."

-Pluto licks Sora awake.

-Sora: Hello doggy.

…

-Leon: I pout. Also I am not Squall.

…

-Donald: *unintelligible quacking*

-Goofy: I'm Goofy! Gawrsh, it's nice ta meet ya!

…

-Jafar: I tell ya, I sure don't like Sora. Today's a beautiful day… yay.

DAY 2

"Guys let's go to the beach! Right now!" Hayner said. He was ranting in front of his friends in their usual hangout place.

"Uh, Hayner? We're kind of short." said Olette.

"Don't be stupid, Pence is the short one! You're at a pretty normal height for your age." Hayner assured his female friend.

"She's talking about Munny, jack***." Roxas spoke coldly.

"Oh. Nuts. Well how much do we need?" Hayner asked.

"Well if we think of this mathematically-" Pence started, but was interrupted by Hayner once more.

"English, snack mule! English!"

"… 5,000 Munny. That's including the cost of watermelons. Heaven knows if we don't get watermelons, Olette will kill us."

"Darn right." Olette agreed.

"Aw man…" Hayner and Roxas were depressed. Olette gave them both looks.

"Guys it's not so bad. If we just play a few mini-games, we'll have money by the end of the day!" the girl stated.

"Work? Come on!" Hayner said. "Pence and Roxas might do good since they're my chore monkeys, but I can't do squat besides Struggle!"

"Remind me again, why are we friends?" Roxas asked.

And thus Roxas did most of the work required to raise the money for the trip to the beach. It was not long before they were all outside the train station.

"Hey guys, ever feel like you've seen a giant knight in clown shoes or had your best friend die in your arms? I don't know why that thought just popped into my head when we got here." asked Roxas.

"Cool story bro." Hayner lied. "Oh awesome, the trains are still running!"

"Yoink." A guy in a black cloak ran by and stole Olette's pouch full of the hard-earned Munny. He laughed like an idiot all the way into the underground concourse.

"… Well crap." Roxas said.

As a consolation, the four friends sat atop the clock tower to eat Sea Salt Ice Cream.

"Oh man this is the most fantastical thing ever!" Roxas cheered. "Yeah! All right! Ice cream! On the tower! With friends! Best day ever!" The young man was content to eat his ice cream, regardless of the fact that he was cheated out of a beach trip.

"Dude, it's just ice cream. Calm down." Olette told him. "Now if these were watermelons, then I might understand."

-Triton: Don't go screwing around with other worlds!

...

-Ariel: I want to see more worlds!

...

-Philoctetes: You're Junior Heroes. Whoopee. Maybe we'll celebrate when you become actual heroes.

...

-Aladdin: Genie, I wish you were free!

-Genie: Hot dog!

...

-Jack Skellington: I've ruined Halloween!

-Sally: There's always next year, Jack.

...

-Sora: Uh... Summon! ... Summon! Come on, come out alrea-

-Mushu: I'm the great and powerful Mushu!

...

-Riku: Ooh, look at Mr. Bigshot and his Keyblade!

...

-Sora: Wow, I flew! I can't wait to tell Ka-[MEMORY NOT FOUND]

...

-Sora: Bye, Cloud!

-Cloud: Whatever.

...

-Piglet: Bye, Sora!

...

-Riku: You like Donald and Goofy more than K[MEMORY NOT FOUND] and me!

...

Riku... and her...

DAY 3

The next day, Roxas was minding his own business while walking around. That's when Pence and Olette showed up.

"Roxaaaaaaas! Olette's making me go shopping with her! Make her stop!" Pence cried.

"A deal's a deal." Olette reminded her portly friend. At that instant, the two froze in time.

"… What? … I mean, what?" Roxas was confused. A pale girl in a white dress appeared out of nowhere.

"Hi Roxas."

"… Uhhh, hi?"

Name: Namine
Ability: Doing stuff with the thing and the stuff

"Bye Roxas."

"Uh, bye?"

Namine walked away, and time resumed. Pence and Olette took no notice.

"Ya gotta get me out of this, Roxas! Please!"

Roxas started going in the direction that Namine went. "Uh yeah guys I'd love to sort out your squabble, but I'm busy. Bye!"

"How dare you beat up Seifer, y'know?" Rai barked at Roxas upon his arrival at the Sandlot.

"Seif-Man is very displeased with you, Roxas." Seifer crossed his arms and glared.

The last thing Roxas needed were these brutes crying to him. "… So can I go now, or are you guys gonna keep harassing me?"

"Harassment." Fuu responded. A white monster like the one from two days ago knocked her down and latched onto Rai's face.

"AAAH! GET IT OFF! … Y'KNOW!"

"Oh if only I knew Black Magic!" Vivi complained. Seifer picked him Vivi and threw him.

"Sacrifice!" Seifer shouted. Rai turned at the wrong moment, making Vivi hit him instead of the monster.

"Ow! Seifer, learn how to aim, y'know?"

"Shut up! I'm Seifer and therefore have the best aim ever!"

Suddenly Roxas found himself on a platform with pictures of Sora, his friends, Donald, and Goofy.

"Uh, where am I right now?"

Hey Roxas man, here's what ya gotta do. Ya gotta pick the sword, or the shield, or the wand, see? Then ya gotta pull a heist, see?

"… So my inner consciousness is a gangster? I never would have guessed…"

A giant, white monster with a blue scarf appeared and started roaring.

"I hate today!" Roxas declared. The monster stomped on the platform the two were standing on, causing Roxas to start falling. "I really, really do!"

The monster tried to grab the boy, but he jumped and slashed the creature's head with his Keyblade. The Twilight Thorn disappeared, and everything turned to white.

Roxas woke up in the sandlot to find Seifer standing proudly over his body with Rai taking picture.

"Eat your heart out, lamer! Now I have new undeniable proof that I totally own you! … Oh hey it's your stupid friends."

Roxas looked over to see Hayner, Pence, and Olette showing up.

"Guys it's not what it looks like-" but Roxas fell victim to Hayner's interruption tendency.

"Save it for the Struggle ring! You're toast!"

-Riku: That's it, I'm taking the Keyblade back! It's mine, and I'm gonna open the special door!

...

-Goofy: You might have the Keyblade, but I wanna stay with Sora!

-Donald: *nods head*

...

-Sora: See that, Riku? My friends are my power!

...

-Beast: You're pretty good, Sora.

...

-Enigmatic Man: If I may take a sample of your memories...

...

-Riku?: My real name is Ansem!

...

-Riku/Ansem: Darkness!

-Sora: No! Bad Riku! You're not getting Kairi's heart!

-Riku/Ansem: But Darkness!

-Sora: I said no!

-Riku/Ansem: Grrrr... Darkness.

...

-Sora: *turns into a Heartless*

...

-Kairi: *turns the Heartless back into Sora*

...

-Leon: All right, cool. Seeya Sora.

...

-Kairi: Here, it's my good luck charm.

-Sora: Neato! I'll bring it back when all of this is over!

DAY 4

A big stage was set up in the sandlot, and most of the town was gathered around for it.

"All righty everyone! None of you are as big a Struggle fan as I am, but let's get this show on the road!" said the announcer. "In the white corner, the town's own disciplinarian, the Seifinator himself, Seifer!"

"I'm awesome!" Seifer announced.

"You sure are, y'know?"

"In the blue corner, fan favorite, Vivi!"

"Hi." Vivi said. Rai took the opportunity to throw a tomato at him… and miss.

"My eye!" screamed Pence.

"In the green corner, cranky boss guy, Hayner!"

"I'm more awesome than Seifer!"

"False." Fuu told him.

"And lastly, in the yellow corner, Roxas!"

"How come I don't get a nickname?" asked the boy. But the announcer kept talking.

"And they will compete for a shot at taking on the champion, Setzer!"

Name: Setzer
Limit Break: Red Card

"Hahaha. No one will ever find out that I'm Edgar in disguise as Setzer! … Wait, I wasn't supposed to say that out loud."

Round 1 - Hayner vs. Roxas

Roxas and Hayner were in the ring. Roxas was a bit nervous about facing his friend, but Hayner had fire in his eyes. Roxas thought quickly.

"Hayner look out, it's a robot!"

"That won't work."

"Yeah you're right, it's just Pence."

"Where?" Hayner turned around completely. Roxas was dumbfounded. He quickly shook it off and beat the blue orbs out of him to take the victory.

Round 2 - Seifer vs. Vivi

Vivi started the match by tripping Seifer, walking up to his body, and lightly tapping him with his club.

"Feel like quitting?" asked the little boy. Seifer shook his head in disbelief. "Oh wait, I have it set to 'Mild'." Vivi set his club to 'Bitter' and proceeded to wipe the floor with Seifer.

"Owww! How can the Seifmaster lose? This is impossible!"

Round 3 - Roxas vs. Vivi

"Okay so you can beat Seifer all of a sudden. Big deal, I can do that in my sleep!" Roxas boasted. Time stopped and Vivi turned into another white monster. "Aw nuts."

Roxas quickly beat up the monsters, causing a man in a black cloak and spiky, red hair to appear.

"Who are you?" Roxas questioned. "Are you that guy who took my money?"

"What? No! Don't you remember me, Roxas?"

Roxas stared blankly.

"You know... Axel? Still have it memorized?"

Name: Axel
Favorite Mental Pastime: Memorization

Roxas was confused. "Who are you?"

"I just told you, I'm Axel! You haven't gotten it memorized!"

"Ax… el?"

"Oh so you have gotten it memor-

"Stop saying that phrase!" the boy demanded. "What do you want, already?"

"You need to come with me."

"But… I'm Struggling. Can't it wait?"

"Never!"

"Then I'm staying right here!"

"Ugh… Number 13, you always were a stubborn one… Feel the heat!" Axel threw a fireball at Roxas, but the boy dodged and nailed Axel in the Adam's Apple with the Keyblade.

"Oops. I meant for your face. Sorry."

"AAAH! This is the worst pain! I'm leaving!" Axel disappeared. Time started once more.

"The winner is Roxas!"

"Umm…" Roxas was confused. "… Sure, I'll take it."

Championship - Roxas vs. Setzer

"Hey kid." Setzer whispered. "Throw the match and you can have the Blackjack. Setzer won't miss- I mean I won't miss it. I'm not Edgar in disguise. Honest."

"No way!" Roxas then beat the orbs out of Setzer and won in record time.

"Just know this, Rucksack. Whatever you think is right, is wrong."

Roxas smirked. "But I thought you were pretty good."

"Uhh, except that! That part is right!"

"Sorry, but apparently I'm wrong."

"Screw you!" Setzer yelled. "Wait 'til I get Sabin here, he'll mess you up!"

"And the winner is Roxas!" the announcer cheered. "You get this belt and a weird trophy." Roxas's eyes lit up. He had actually managed to win something.

The four friends were sitting on the clock tower. Roxas had pulled the crystals off the trophy and given one to each of his friends. Roxas kept the blue one. Olette then remembered something important.

"Oh that reminds me, I got us all ice cream."

"ICE CREAM, **** YEAH!" Roxas shouted. However in his excitement, he lost balance and fell off the tower.

On an island somewhere, a girl with red hair put a letter in a bottle in the water. Her friend was confused.

Name: Kairi
Rating: T for Teen

Name: Selphie
Lucky Number: 238523589290

"So Selphie, I decided I'd send this letter in a bottle to a boy I don't remember."

"Weirdo."

A man with his face wrapped in a red belt sat at a computer. By him, stood the cloaked figure who took Roxas's money.

"So... Namine should be done with Sora pretty soon." the red man said.

The cloaked man was confused. "If she's a Nobody, then who is she the Nobody of?"

"First tell me your name."

The cloaked man removed his hood. He was a dark-skinned man with long, silver hair.

Name: Ansem
Favorite Thing: Darkness

"Ansem."

"Hahahahaha! ... I'm such a monster." The other man broke from his laughter.

DAY 5

Roxas was hanging out with his friends the next day.

"So we should probably get to that summer assignment." Olette said. The boys collectively sighed.

"Man! An assignment on Summer Break! How do they get away with pulling stuff like that?" Hayner was furious. "So what should we do?"

"Let's disprove the Seven Wonders of Twilight Town!" Pence suggested. Hayner shrugged.

"Eh why not?"

"I say we call the Mythbusters." Roxas said.

"Good call, that'll save us a lot of work." Hayner pulled out his phone. "... Augh! No signal! Come on, let's just do it ourselves..."

The gang went off to disprove all of the rumors. Each one could easily be explained, though there was one that everyone wanted to save for tomorrow. Roxas decided that he could not wait, grabbed Pence, and went to the site of the final mystery- the old mansion.

Pence and Roxas were outside the old mansion, though it was clear Pence had reservations about this.

"So what's this myth?" Roxas asked his friend.

"I dunno dude, this one kinda creeps me ou-"

"Just tell me!"

"Well according to the legend, there's a girl in the top floor window sometimes. It's weird."

"Oh you mean her? I see her right now!" Roxas pointed at one of the windows. Namine was the girl in the window. She noticed Roxas and Pence, so she quickly hid.

"I didn't see anything." Pence told him. "I'm going home."

"So I messed with Sora's memories a year ago. But I'm putting them back together. It's been taking me a long time, but I'm almost done. Because of who you are, you're being affected too." Namine explained.

"How'd we get in this room?" asked Roxas. "... Eh, not weirder than anything else lately. So why are you doing all this?"

"I have power over Sora's memory, and the memories of everyone who has to do with him."

"Uh-huuuh..."

"You weren't supposed to exist."

"Gee, thanks..." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Ansem, do you remember yet? The boy?"

Ansem nodded. "Yep."

"Soon, everyone will remember Sora. And soon, my revenge will be complete. Now we gotta get rid of Namine."

-Goofy: Gawrsh, we're at the end of the world now, boys!

...

-Ansem: Darkness! It's what's for dinner!

-Sora: No! Kingdom Hearts isn't full of darkness! It's light!

…

-Ansem: Kingdom HEEEEEEEARTS! FILL me with the POWER of DARKNESS!

-Kingdom Hearts: *shines light on Ansem*

-Ansem: But... but why?

-Kingdom Hearts: Because **** you.

...

-Mickey: Come on, Sora! Let's close the door together!

…

-Sora: See you, Kairi. I'll be back with Riku someday.

-Kairi: Bye Sora. Be safe!

…

-Sora: So... how'd we get into this field? ... Oh well. So, where to find Riku and King Mickey...

-Donald: *unintelligible quacking*

-Goofy: You said it Donald, I don't know how we got in our normal clothes again.

...

-Marluxia: ... Hi.

"… Or maybe all that ever was. You catch my drift?" said the tall figure on the beach.

"What is your name?" asked the smaller figure, who turned out to be Roxas.

DAY 6

Roxas walked up to his friends on the sixth day. "Man did I not get any-" Roxas's friends walked right through him as if he were a holograph. "Uh, what?"

"Roxas!" announced a new voice. "To the mansion!"

"Yes sir, Christopher Lee!"

"No, I'm DiZ."

"Sure you are. See you."

Roxas went to the back alley, but Axel was standing there, waiting for him.

"Wait!" said Axel.

"Oh it's you again..." Roxas sighed.

"Come on Roxas! You've got to remember me!"

"We… were friends?"

"Yes! We were! Remember anything else? How about that time we ate ice cream with some broad on the clock tower?"

"I don't remember." Roxas then ran off to the mansion.

"... So that's how it is." Axel said, grimly.

The young man arrived in the white room on the top floor. He looked at a drawing and started getting a headache.

Roxas was walking through a dark city. Axel was there.

"So you're just gonna leave? Just like that?" Axel said.

"Yep. Oh and you might wanna get an ambulance for Saix. He's not doing so hot."

"If you leave, they'll kill you."

"Pfft! I took Saix on my own! No one would destroy me."

"That's not true… I would. … Wait, I thought you were gonna say something else." Axel said, realizing his folly. But it was too late, Roxas had left.

"So you're not supposed to exist." said Namine. Roxas turned around.

"You don't say. … Wait, were you there the whole time?"

Roxas did not get his answer, as the man who sounded like Christopher Lee showed up. He had red bandage wrapped around his head.

Name: DiZ
Skills: Proficiency in being insensitive

"All right kid, no need to spoil everything." DiZ grabbed Namine and headed for a portal. The cloaked Ansem was also there.

"Come on, DiZ! We don't have time!"

The girl seemed nervous now. "Roxas! We'll meet again soon! It won't actually be soon, but for a long time, but still! We won't recognize each other at first, but we will meet!"

"Shut up already!" DiZ ordered. They were gone. Roxas looked around, alone.

"… She draws like a little kid."

It wasn't long before Roxas accidentally found himself in DiZ's computer basement. "Technology? Destroy!" Roxas whipped out a Keyblade and smashed DiZ's computers to pieces with it. "That felt good. Today was a good day." He noticed another door. "Now what?"

Roxas found some monsters in the next room. Once he beat them to a pulp, Axel walked in.

"Okay Roxas, enough is enough! I don't care what history we share! I'm going to end you!"

Roxas glared. Another Kingdom Key appeared in his hands, but they turned into specialized models. One was Oathkeeper, the other was Oblivion.

"Wait, you can have two? No fair!" Axel whined.

"What? You're joking! You have two weapons too, you know!"

Axel sighed. "For the last time, these are dual weapons! It can't work without both, yours can! Got it memorized?"

"Memorize this!" Roxas yelled. He jumped over to Axel and beat him silly.

"Ow! Ow! Ow! No fair, I wasn't ready! Ow! BURN!" Axel set himself on fire, causing Roxas to back off in pain, though thankfully none of the damage was severe.

"Ready to give up?"

"Aw man, screw the Organization and you! I'm out! And I don't care if you memorize it!"

Axel warped away, leaving Roxas alone. The blonde sighed.

"I think I hurt his feelings. Aw man, today sucks."

Roxas walked into a hallway and found Donald and Goofy asleep in suspended animation within pods.

"I knew about the rumors concerning Walt Disney's head, but Donald and Goofy too? This is too much! This day is too much! … Oh hey, big door." Roxas forgot about the pods and walked into the final room of the mansion. There was a large egg in the center and bright, white lights.

DiZ appeared. "Hey Roxas. Before you assault me, I am no more than a mere holograph, so-" but Roxas kept trying to slash at him. "Roxas, pay attention."

"Why won't you die, demon mummy man?"

"Unbelievable. Anyway, it's time for Sora to wake up. He has friends and a family that miss him. … Or at least friends, I'm not sure about his family."

"I hate you! You ruined my life!"

DiZ chuckled. "Oh, you were messed up long before I found you."

"But I don't remember!"

"You'd be a lot worse off if you did. Now come on, time to get into the pod. C'mon Roxas. C'mon. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?" DiZ's only feedback was a cold glare of pure hatred. "Please?"

Roxas charged at the old man with his Keyblade, but DiZ disappeared. The large pod opened, revealing an unconscious Sora. He seemed older now, compared to the younger boy from Roxas's dreams. Roxas looked down and dropped his Keyblade.

"I give up. You win, Sora. I'll stop now..."

Kingdom Hearts II: Electric Boogaloo

Roxas - "Hey wait, what kinda sad moment is this if we have a stupid title? Lame!"

Wakka - "Quit crying! Think of it as happy festival fireworks, ya? At least you weren't reduced to a mere mention, ya?"

To be continued.