Chapter 2.

'Love is confinement.'

Then.

They made a pit stop because the sun was bright, and Tsuna wanted to dip his feet in the water. Hibari wanted to stay with the car, but with enough prompting by Tsuna, he decided to walk along the beach too, although he refused Tsuna's suggestion to take his shoes off.

Tsuna rolled his dress pants up to his knee, ignoring the fact that they would probably be ruined later. He walked along the wet sand, a trail of small footprints at his heels.

When Tsuna was eight, his mother had taken him to Hokkaido after his father left for another three year trip, so Hokkaido was just for the two of them; perhaps his mother had hoped that the bright sun and the blue water and the vastness of the ocean would fill the void his father left behind. Tsuna remembered getting angry at his mother because he wanted ice cream and she wouldn't take him and why wasn't dad here? and he remembered stomping furiously at the wet sand, eyes and nose stinging because he was crying so much. What burned in his mind the most, however, was when his mother teared up, and Tsuna stopped, looking with shame at his feet and realizing how small he was, how small of an imprint he left in the sand, how the coming wave easily washed his angry footprints away.

Tsuna stopped in his track and looked at the trail he had left behind. His footprints were bigger now for a bigger man. A wave crashed against shore and his footprints grew fainter and fainter, washing away slowly, just like they did fifteen years ago, no matter how much bigger they had become.

"What is it?" Hibari's voice startled Tsuna from his thoughts.

"Nothing much," Tsuna said, walking up to the drier sand by Hibari's side. "I was just thinking of how small I am."

"Everyone is small in this world," Hibari said, and Tsuna was amused.

"I didn't think Hibari-san of all people would say that," Tsuna laughed.

"I am strong," Hibari said, and Tsuna noticed that sturdy line of his back, stiffer than when he was in his teens. "But that does not mean I am not small. There is always something bigger than me."

Tsuna remembered seeing many of Hibari's wounds. He imagined that he could see those scars even now, even though they were all covered.

"That's true," Tsuna agreed, suddenly thinking of how Hibari protected Namimori with a fierce determination. Tsuna had something like that too, something that was bigger than him, something that he had to protect. Something that he had to put before his selfishness.

Tsuna wondered what Hibari thought of the Vongola.

"Do you ever feel confined, Hibari-san?" Tsuna asked out of curiosity. "Trapped by a force that is bigger than you?" Hibari was Cloud. He had the whole horizon to him; he could float where he liked, go where he pleased.

Tsuna always wondered why Hibari was fighting along his side all of this time, why Hibari chose the Vongola even though there didn't seem to be anything of benefit.

Hibari stopped walking, and Tsuna almost went on without him, but it only took Tsuna one second to feel the chilliness of Hibari's absence by his side. He turned back to Hibari, only to find Hibari staring intently at him.

"I will never be confined for long" was Hibari's answer, and that was true, but there was something about Hibari's words that made Tsuna felt cold. Hibari's gaze had Tsuna shivering to his bone, not quite from fear, but from an acute awareness of who Hibari was. It was difficult to forget, but sometimes Tsuna wanted to. Sometimes, Tsuna had hopes that Hibari was different, was more than his pride, was more than the killing intent that he displayed in battles, but perhaps Tsuna was lying to himself.

But then Hibari would arrive at his side, and Tsuna would remember why he had those hopes in the first place.

'Why did you stay?' Tsuna wanted to ask, but didn't dare to because a part of him was afraid that Hibari's answer wouldn't be something that he wanted to hear. There was something ugly in his heart, something dark and possessive that had hoped Hibari was staying with the Vongola because of him.

"No one would try to confine you, Hibari-san," said Tsuna, half-joking, half-truthful. "Not without you choosing to be."

Hibari looked furious, and Tsuna wondered what he had said to anger him. "Why would I choose to be confined?"

Tsuna had once asked his mother why would anyone want to be confined? and his mother had smiled sadly, the same tilt of the lips that she had when she thought of his father. It was the first time that Tsuna realized love was something that confined people, and a poisonous thought stained his mind: if his mother didn't had his father, didn't had Tsuna, didn't remained confined by love, would she be happier?

Tsuna jerked slightly in surprise when he realized where his thoughts were heading, and he mentally slapped himself. There was no way that he was suggesting that Hibari could be confined by love, and there was no way that deep within his heart, he was hoping that it was because of him.

"I'm sorry," Tsuna said, for lack of anything better to say. Even though Hibari couldn't possibly looked into Tsuna's heart, Tsuna still felt like he should apologize for the dark thoughts swimming in his mind.

Hibari looked past Tsuna's shoulders and continued walking. They stayed side by side, but the silence between them was stifled. Tsuna felt how fragile and unsteady the ground underneath his feet was. He almost bumped into Hibari when Hibari slowed to a stop.

"Hibari-san?"

Hibari turned to Tsuna, and Tsuna lifted his gaze to Hibari's face, but the sun was directly behind Hibari's head, shrouding his face in shadow. Tsuna shielded his eyes and tried to peek through his fingers at the expression on Hibari's face, but he couldn't see well with the scorching light.

"What about you?"

There was something strange in Hibari's voice. Tsuna didn't know what to think of it at first, and he didn't know what Hibari wanted to hear because the answer was obvious. Hibari's face was close, too close, so close that Tsuna could sense, among the strong scent the salty sea, the faint, sharp smell of Hibari's sweat that scarfed around his neck. Tsuna had an urge to undo the first button of Hibari's shirt to see the damp collarbone, and then another button, peeling the wet shirt from Hibari's skin slowly, and then another button, if Hibari would let him.

Hibari's face was so close that Tsuna could feel the warm breath brushing against his cheek. Tsuna wondered if Hibari had been leaning down, or he had been reaching up.

But he must have been imagining that Hibari was moving closer to him because he could feel his balance tilting dangerously at the tip of his toes, and Hibari's face became farther and farther away as he drew away from Tsuna, probably because Tsuna was too close.

It was only me, Tsuna thought with a cold drop in his stomach. Hibari didn't feel the same. His attraction was one-sided.

But that was good that nothing was ever going to happen between them because Tsuna was Vongola Decimo and Hibari his cloud guardian. Tsuna had responsibilities, just as Hibari had his, and Tsuna couldn't afford to be selfish. It was dangerous, whatever this feeling he had for Hibari was, and he needed to back off. One day, he was to be married, and it wouldn't be to Hibari. One day, he was going to have an heir to the Vongola family.

Tsuna could see his future laid out in stones. Whatever this feeling he had for Hibari would someday be washed away like footprints in the sand.

"I belong to everyone, Hibari-san," Tsuna replied, and that was the truth. The Sky belonged to everyone and was confined to no one. But even though he was Sky, Tsuna felt more constricted than any of his other guardians.

A rush of cold air brushed past, and Hibari jerked away from him to walk on ahead. Tsuna didn't have the opportunity to read the expression on his face. When Tsuna finally returned to his senses, the feeling of Hibari's warm breath still lingered across his skin. He rushed to catch up to Hibari, but Hibari's face was blank, as if Tsuna had never answered him, and he wouldn't care if Tsuna did.

Tsuna felt like he should apologize and explained himself, but there was nothing to apologize for and nothing else to explain. He didn't owe Hibari anything, and Hibari didn't owe him anything, but Tsuna had a feeling that Hibari was upset by his words.

"Did I upset you, Hibari-san?"

"I belong to no one."

Tsuna was startled. Hibari's words seemed like retaliation.

"I know that," Tsuna said, but felt a little discomfited by this truth for reasons that he didn't quite understand. Hibari's words felt like a slap even though Tsuna continued to tell himself that it was okay; it was the truth, and the truth didn't hurt anyone.

Tsuna said to himself that it didn't hurt.

"Remember it," Hibari said curtly, and Tsuna wondered if they were having two different conversations because Tsuna didn't know why Hibari had to state the obvious. Tsuna already knew that no one could ever bind Hibari, and nothing could ever confine him.

"I will," Tsuna promised, and although the command came from Hibari, Tsuna felt as if Hibari might be more upset by Tsuna's agreement.

But that was probably his wishful thinking.

"Let's head back," Hibari said, but Tsuna suddenly had a strong urge to rebel. The sting from Hibari's words made him felt things that he didn't want to feel, anger and sadness and confusion all at once.

"I'd like to stay for a bit longer," Tsuna said.

Hibari said nothing, just gave Tsuna a nod and walked back to where they had packed the car. Tsuna watched his retreating back and almost regretted that he didn't head back with Hibari, that he had let Hibari left, but the other part of him said that he needed to do this for himself. The hollow feeling at the loss of Hibari's presence scared him because he didn't know he could feel this way about a person, and Tsuna was glad then, even though he still regretted it, that he could make the choice of parting with Hibari. It was liberating, in a way.

Tsuna didn't head back to the car until late afternoon, wet sand caking his legs and dress pants, all of his clothes soaked because his shoes fell in the water and was swept away by the waves, and he had jumped in after them.

Hibari was frowning when he returned.

"I'm sorry for staying out for so long and making you worried," Tsuna said.

"You didn't make me worried," Hibari said, starting the ignition of the car and not meeting Tsuna's eyes. "You could take care of yourself. You can't make me do anything, don't be so full of yourself."

Tsuna didn't say anything after that. The chilly ocean air still numbed his bones, so he just felt exhausted by Hibari's confusing presence.

They drove off in cold silence.

QQQ

'We're one and the same.'

Now

Everyone left Tsuna and Francesca in the large guestroom by themselves, while Gokudera took care of the remaining arriving party. Tsuna had heard that Francesca was fond of black tea, and had brought it for the purpose of making Francesca comfortable and their meeting less awkward. He hadn't thought that he would be the one needing comforting. Francesca didn't look like she was doing well either, sitting tensely on the plush seat and wringing her hands together nervously.

The tea sat in the fine china, untouched.

"How was Germany?" Tsuna asked conversationally. He remembered Francesca telling him a month back that she had to visit Germany, when they both were trying to find an arrange time for their families to meet.

"It was lovely," she replied, seemingly a little relaxed now that the silence was broken. "I spent the whole month with my mother in Holzminden. It was good to be home." Francesca was born in Germany and lived with her mother until she was thirteen and her father came to get her.

"Is your mother doing well?" Tsuna asked.

"She is," Francesca replied. "She lives with a housekeeper who helps her around the house because of her bad back, but the doctor said she's getting better."

"That's good to hear," said Tsuna. "Did you tell her about…this?"

"No," Francesca looked uncomfortable. "I was meaning too, but I couldn't find the right moment. She would have been very upset."

"I understand."

"Have you spoken to your parents about this?" she asked.

"No," Tsuna said sheepishly. "I haven't told my mother."

Francesca seemed to get the hint because she didn't ask about Tsuna's father, and Tsuna was glad because he really didn't want to head down that topic. Tsuna knew that Francesca's parents separated with a nasty divorce, so she must have learned quite a bit about avoiding the unmentionable, going from one parent to the other.

"Now that I've thought about it, I haven't been home for a while," Tsuna sighed. "I've talked to my mom on the phone, but it's different from actually seeing her."

"I understand." Francesca's eyes softened. "Hearing her voice is nice, but actually having her next to you feel more real."

"Before last spring, when was the last time you've seen your mother?" Tsuna asked.

"I haven't seen her for seven years." Francesca began to wring her hands together again. Tsuna heard the implied 'until my father's death' hanging at the end of her words. Francesca didn't say anything else, and Tsuna knew that she was feeling bad for revealing too much too soon.

"You can trust me," Tsuna said, but Francesca gave him a sharp look.

"I loved my father," she said firmly. "He was a difficult man, but I still loved him."

"I have no doubt," said Tsuna. "I apologize if I offended you." He was treading on dangerous grounds. They knew very little about each other, and Tsuna was at risk of being on her bad side if he accidentally dug up old wounds.

"It's alright," Francesca said, her hands flat against her lap. She reached for the cup of tea on the table and took a sip. It was probably lukewarm now, but she didn't seem to mind. "I do have a question to ask of you, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," said Tsuna, feeling anxious despite his lighthearted tone. "Only if I could ask you a question as well."

Francesca seemed to consider this, and Tsuna sat straighter in his seat, knowing that whatever she wanted to ask, he was going to have a difficult time answering.

"Of course," Francesca said, and it felt like a vow. She took another sip of the tea, and then studied the cup in her hand for a while before looking up at Tsuna once more.

Tsuna waited patiently. If Reborn had heard this, he would suggest that, when it was his turn, Tsuna should ask her a question with a higher price than the answer that she wanted from him. However, Tsuna wasn't sure if he wanted to do this. There was something sacred about their promise, something that felt more like a matter of trust than a cold exchange of information.

Francesca didn't say anything for a long time, and Tsuna knew that she was considering her question carefully. She only had one shot.

"That man," Francesca began, and then placed the cup back on the table, seeming to keep herself busy with minor movements because she was uncomfortable with meeting Tsuna's eyes. However, she looked up to meet Tsuna's gaze, and there was something in her eyes that made Tsuna wanted to look away.

He didn't.

"Your cloud guardian," she continued, and Tsuna felt his insides turned cold. "Is her your lover?"

"I've heard from some people that you have a lover," she continued, looking even more uncomfortable. "And that you've been with that person for a while."

There was a moment of silence.

Tsuna was so relieved by her question that a laugh threatened to bubble from his chest. For a moment, he thought that she was going to ask something he couldn't answer, something like 'Do you have feelings for him?' but this, this other thing he could answer because it was so simple. So easy that it almost hurt to say out loud. It was in his mind, fantasy twisting around hope and longing.

"No," said Tsuna. "He isn't." There was nothing between them.

"Oh," Francesca deflated with disbelief and self-doubt. She looked like she wanted to ask again to make sure, but didn't out of respect and embarrassment.

Even though his answer was truthful, Tsuna felt like he was lying. He knew that Francesca wanted to know about his relationship with Hibari, but what they had between them was too complicated to put into words. Tsuna knew he felt something for Hibari, but it wasn't love because love was something he used to feel for Kyoko, and whatever this something was that he felt for Hibari, love wasn't it, and he didn't know how Hibari truly felt about him. They were stuck in a stalemate, trapped in between something and nothing.

Tsuna wasn't lying to Francesca, but he wasn't completely honest either.

"Alright," Francesca said. "Your turn."

Tsuna didn't know what to ask. He felt like he was cheating even though he wasn't. Francesca seemed like a nice person, and she didn't deserve lies. Her question didn't hurt him, and in turn, he didn't want to hurt her either.

He could tell her. Reborn would say that this was a stupid move, but Tsuna could do it. Tsuna didn't want to ask Francesca a question that she didn't want to answer, and he didn't want to force her into revealing anything that she didn't want to lay bare to a stranger, but maybe, if he told her, they would stand on even grounds.

"I'm sorry," said Tsuna.

Francesca looked startled. "Why?"

"I haven't been completely honest with you," Tsuna said, feeling anxious with what he was about to say. "Not about the relationship between my cloud guardian and me."

Francesca took a breath. She drew her feet back under the sofa and said stiffly. "You…you don't have to explain if you don't want to."

"I want to," said Tsuna. The urge to tell Francesca about it became stronger because he had a feeling that if he didn't, she would misunderstand. "I'd like to explain myself, if you would hear it."

"If you're sure," Francesca said. "You do know what it means when you tell me this, right? The kind of marriage that we'll have?"

Tsuna swallowed heavily. "Isn't it better for us both to live together with the truth than with lies and betrayal?"

"What's the point?" Francesca sighed. "Whatever you're going to tell me…your feelings won't change with our marriage."

"Perhaps," Tsuna agreed, and he could see it too, the dark days that they could have. A fragile marriage held together by their sheer will to survive in the mafia world—loveless, longing for someone else, constricting and choking them both until their chest tightened with anger and self-hatred. Tsuna wondered if that was how Francesca's parents divorced, with fury and pain and regret.

Tsuna didn't want that. At least, if he said the truth in the beginning, then they would both know what grounds they were going to be standing on.

"I don't want to hurt you more than I will be," said Tsuna. He was going to hurt her, and she was going to hurt him. They both knew that.

"I…I understand." Francesca lowered her head, and there was such a resignation on her shoulders that made Tsuna's heart ached. "I don't want to hurt you either. I'd like to hear what you have to say."

Tsuna clenched his fists in his lap, and Francesca waited patiently.

"I have feelings for him." Tsuna swallowed a lump in his throat. "For my cloud guardian."

There was a stiff silence, and Tsuna was waiting for Francesca's accusation that he lied to her, waiting for her angry words, but there was nothing but silence.

Francesca said nothing, and Tsuna felt the urge to explain himself.

"I've never told him about my feelings. There isn't anything between us—there couldn't be anything because of my position, and because he said that he wouldn't be—that we couldn't be…." Hibari's words flashed back through his mind, 'I belong to no one,' and Tsuna knew that Hibari would never belong to him in ways that mattered. "We can't be together. Not then. Not now."

Silence fell between them again, until Francesca took a shaky breath. "Do you still love him?"

"I don't know if I love him in that way yet," Tsuna replied honestly. "I'm attracted to him, and I care for him a great deal, but I love all of my family. I haven't had a chance to sort out my feelings yet."

"You haven't been given a chance to love him in a capacity beyond something platonic yet," Francesca concluded. "But you can, and you want to."

"I don't know if I want to," said Tsuna.

Francesca blinked.

"Ah, it's not like that," Tsuna waved his hands as if they could dispel the misunderstanding. "It's just… I don't know if I can."

"You're scared," Francesca observed, and Tsuna was startled.

"What?"

Scared?

His chest jerked at the thought. It felt like a close hit, and Tsuna didn't know that he was afraid in the first place.

But afraid of what?

Then, looking surprised herself, Francesca placed a hand over her mouth and shook her head slightly. "I'm sorry, it's not my place to say that."

"No, it's fine."

A gentle silence was between them now; a feeling of trust bridged them. Tsuna felt much lighter with the weight of his secret out, and this made him feel brave. He could go into an arranged marriage and he would be able to face it without fear because he had accepted what he couldn't have.

"It's your turn."

"Mine?"

"It's your turn to ask me whatever you want to ask me," Francesca said. "It's only fair."

"Oh," Tsuna scratched the back of his head, a bad habit that he never managed to get rid of. "But I don't have anything to ask you."

"You don't?"

"No," said Tsuna. "I'm sure if you have something you want to tell me, you will."

Francesca studied him for a moment. "You're a very interesting man, Tsuna. Must have broken some hearts in high school."

"No," Tsuna shook his head with a sad smile. When he was in high school, he was Sawada Tsunayoshi, not Vongola Decimo. There was nothing particularly special about Tsunayoshi; growing out of his no-good character made him even more ordinary, like a shadow, not good enough to be admired, but not bad enough to be memorable.

Perhaps that was why Tsuna decided to meet with Francesca rather than any other possible women. She was similar to him, plain in both looks and character, dragged into the mafia world by blood and not choice.

They sat together in silence, and Tsuna thought about doing this—sitting in stillness with her for the rest of his life, and he thought about what spending his life with Hibari would feel like. It scared him that he was even considering it, but it scared him even more that he didn't know what the future would look like with Hibari.

~To be continued.