Disclaimer: I do not own, nor do I claim to own Junjou Romantica, that honor belongs distinctly to Nakamura Shungiku.

Hold Me, Nowaki

'Sorry Hiro-san, I had to leave early, but I left your breakfast in the microwave in case you need to reheat it.' Was the note left on the nightstand beside the alarm clock.

Lately, it seemed as though Nowaki had been avoiding him, even when they both had a day off.

The younger man was going to be going through his residency and they'd have even less time until that was over with.

'If only I could say the words out loud to him, maybe he wouldn't disappear so often. Maybe I'm reading too much into it.'

There had been other times he'd felt insecure, but Nowaki still never said anything and always reassured him.

'But he's seemed a bit down, ever since I told him to knock it off when he wanted to go see my parents. If I'd been born a woman and I'm glad I wasn't, things might be different. But...Nowaki's gay, like I am, so it wouldn't have worked out.'

So much kept turning circles inside his head, because what if once Nowaki began his residency, he forgot all about him instead. Maybe he might even find someone else.

Just the thought of that caused an ache to form in his heart as though it were being twisted and pulled from where it should be.

Lifting his hand he held it over his heart, his other hand formed into a fist and pressed against his mouth.

He'd be seeing more of that annoying Tsumori! Or, the nurses. Yet it was that Tsumori whom worried him the most.

The bastard! He slammed his hands down on the table and then ran his fingers agitatedly through his hair as he closed his eyes. "Damn it!"

'Calm down...how long have we been together now? But...even so...not all relationships last forever, but Nowaki...he's the only one...it can't be anyone else.'

Laying his hands on the table where he sat, he rested his head, brows furrowed as he frowned.

Nowaki didn't have work that day and if the big idiot had been called in, he would have told him. He usually always did.

'Why isn't he here with me?'

Shaking his head he stood up and sat down to go through book after book. He was making a mess as books piled up around him as he searched for, or tried to read something, anything to get his mind off such bothersome thoughts.

He found himself however quite unable to concentrate, which was all the more irritating as one of the books in his hands began to shake as his arms shook in agitation.

'I need to stop worrying about this, I'm not some little kid! There's a logical explanation for why that idiot isn't here right now trying to talk me into doing something embarrassing.'

Just then he heard the turn of a door knob and quickly gazed down at the book he had been trying to read for the last ten minutes or so, but was still stuck on page one.

He heard that longed for voice exclaim, "I'm home!"

Hiroki mumbled, "W-welcome home."

As long as Nowaki thought of this place as still being home, all his worries were unfounded, but then again, perhaps saying that now was no more than a habit.

If only the residency didn't exist! He didn't get enough time with Nowaki as it was, not that he'd admit that to Nowaki himself, he didn't want to be a burden to him as far as that went. Not when Nowaki was ever striving forward as a member of society.

He heard footsteps of socked feet draw ever closer before the book was pulled from between his fingers and two large warm arms had gone around him.

Just that, had his eyes water just a bit, a couple tears slipping down as his own arms came up and hesitantly found their way around Nowaki.

Nowaki smiled as he closed his eyes and whispered into Hiroki's ear, "I love you Hiro-san."

Hiroki's eyes widened, before fluttering closed as he buried his face against Nowaki's shoulder.

"Yeah...me too...Nowaki," he said so low he thought he wouldn't be heard.

However, he was close enough for the giant oaf to hear and was swept up into his arms like some princess.

Hiroki growled, "Put me down! Nowaki!"

Nowaki took no heed and carried him toward their bedroom and knowing what was going through the baka's head his face became alight with color even as he struggled to free himself of Nowaki's hold. He wasn't some damsel in distress that couldn't walk without aid.

When he found himself on the bed with Nowaki kneeling over him he found a pillow and shoved it into the other mans face. "Cut. It. Out!"

When Nowaki had stopped and his own breathing began to even again he moved the pillow and saw that big hurt look on the idiots face.

One he swore that he'd stop giving into and yet, he never was able to not let it get to him.

Glancing away he mumbled, "Nowaki...where were you?"

Deep blue eyes blinked, "Where was I?"

Hiroki turned his gaze back to Nowaki and glowered up at him. "Yes! Didn't you have today off? You were gone for four hours, four!"

Nowaki smiled softly and nuzzled Hiroki's cheek. "I was buying your birthday present."

Hiroki had completely forgotten his birthday was coming up. He didn't even want to think about it! Not when he was going to be turning thirty. That made him worry even more about whether or not Nowaki was going to stay with him after the residency.

"I don't see a parcel Nowaki."

"It's on layaway, but this isn't," and before Hiroki knew it, Nowaki had taken his hand to place on the crotch of his pants.

Cinnamon brown eyes widened as his face flushed even brighter.

Snatching his hand away he glared up at Nowaki. Yet the way those blue eyes were looking at him, just about did him in.

It was so difficult to resist Nowaki and really he didn't want to, but it was so embarrassing, even after all the time they'd been together. Slowly though, bit by bit his wall of pride was crumbling down, brick by brick.

'He loves me, so the residency shouldn't matter and he's always saying that he wants to catch up to me, to be worthy of me. Yet I often wonder, am I worthy enough for him?'

Lifting his arms, instead of pushing Nowaki away as the hurt look in those ocean blue eyes suspected, he wrapped them around behind Nowaki's neck.

'I don't want him to ever even think about leaving me. I...love him...too much to lose him...to anything or anyone...especially my stupid pride. If only it were so easy to throw that out the window.'

He murmured, "Nowaki... I'm cold..." No, he should really say something a bit more concrete. "No..."

Nowaki had been about to reach down and kiss him, but stopped, once more looking hurt.

Hiroki smiled softly, as best he could as his body trembled with trying to maintain it. "Hold me Nowaki."

Nowaki stilled, his eyes seeming to bulge almost out of his head which had Hiroki's smile turning back into a grimace.

However before he could say anything in retaliation of that weird look, a big goofy grin appeared on the big idiots face and those big warm arms had him in a bear hug.

At least it wasn't a death grip, but somehow, within the space of a few seconds, or so it seemed his clothes and Nowaki's had both disappeared.

Hiroki felt his cheeks heating up, but then so too was the rest of his body as Nowaki guided them down onto the plush carpet.

"Nnnhn...No...waki," he moaned his lovers name as he felt those expert fingertips brushing over his nipples, his eyes fluttering at the tingling sensation.

"Hiro-san," the heated breath of Nowaki warmed his lips before he felt the other mans mouth upon his.

One of his own hands moved between them, his fingers wrapped around Nowaki's cock, which had already been hard, but grew harder still at his touch.

Nowaki's moan was muffled in his mouth as their tongues began to twist and twirl, together.

He too moaned when he felt the other mans larger hand take hold of his cock, which felt as though it were throbbing.

Kisses were peppered over his face and he gazed up at his beloved giant through half lidded eyes.

"I love you Hiro-san."

"Love...you...too," he murmured low, his cheeks growing a deeper shade of crimson.

Ever so gently, Nowaki pushed his legs apart and smiled down at him. "So beautiful."
"Sh-shut up!"

Nowaki continued to smile.

Hiroki soon felt those fingers caressing his ass, lightly fingering his hole.

It looked like Nowaki was still carrying around an emergency ration of lube as he pulled it out from his pocket. It was a small bottle, enough for one go. If they needed more they could move to another part of their apartment where a full large bottle could be found.

Knowing what was coming, Hiroki groaned, holding his hands over his eyes.

Only a few seconds later did he feel Nowaki's fingers between the cheeks of his ass again, slicking his hole with the lube as whispered words of love were voiced from the younger man.

Never would he be able to love anyone more than he loved Nowaki, couldn't even dream of thinking it was possible, let alone there would ever be anyone, but Nowaki.

"Let me see your face Hiro-san," coaxed the younger man.

Reluctantly, Hiroki removed his hands from his face and gazed up into the deep ocean blue eyes that he swore he could drown in, if he weren't already being carried away by the typhoon.

Nowaki smiled and brushed another kiss over his mouth, before lifting his legs up, Hiroki's ass now a few inches off the ground as his lover sank his lubed up cock inside him.

The two lovers moaned, Hiroki reaching up to wrap his hands behind the back of Nowaki's neck as they moved in motion, together till they reached a very long, strong climax.

After the two were spent, several hours and several copulations later, Hiroki asked. "What do you have on layaway?"

Nowaki smiled, "Now that would be telling, wouldn't it Hiro-san?"

Sitting away in layaway at a new jewelry store, was a solitaire mens engagement ring. Waiting for the last two payments to be made before the purchaser could finally propose to his lover on his birthday.

A moment in which, Hiroki would be far more secure in his relationship with Nowaki, because whenever Nowaki seemed distant, it was because he was trying to hide a surprise from him. As had happened before with the apartment they now lived in, together.

Author Note: Happy Birthday my friend, this day of Wednesday December 14, 2011. I hope you enjoyed your present *snuggles*. It's 1:00am EST, but I believe it will say it was posted the 13th due to ffnet's timezone.

To everyone else, I've been busy and just this morning, on the 13th, our thirteen year old dog was euthanized. She could hardly move, hasn't really been eating, had masses on her underside and breathing poorly. We did not wish her to suffer. I pray that everyone else's family, friends, be they human or pet are safe, sound and healthy.