Hello, hello, how are you?

My name is Two-Faced Procrastinator, and you can read all about me (i guess) in my Profile page.

This is my first fanfic!

On this account.

TROLLOLOL

This takes place in my universe of Katekyo Hitman Reborn!, and I must say, I am very proud of that fact.

And I am very shamed that I cannot describe action scenes.

Because I suck to a certain degree in certain places.

ZEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Enjoy, or whatnot.

Chapter One.

Of all the places, she had to go there.

"Why."

"I'm going on a honeymoon today, Tsu-chan."

A spoon clattered nosily in a bowl, splashing droplets of milk onto the table. Tsuna stared at her mother as if she grew a second head, mouth slightly open. Lambo just simply started to whine and pout, upset that his milk was being wasted.

"TSU-NA! You spilled my milk!" he cried, tearing up. Tsuna reached over across the table to pluck a napkin and wiped the (tiny) mess, cooing apologies. She and Nana loved her little brother, and their means of kindness spoiled him greatly, leading to his obnoxious attitude. She was grateful that I-Pin was even his friend. She couldn't imagine anyone else tolerating his bossy demands.

Nana wrung her wrists, a habit she developed sometime after Lambo's birth. "Um, Tsu-chan, does it bother you? I mean, I know it's so sudden, but me and Iemitsu need some... some alone time. For the rest of summer break."

Tsuna smiled reassuringly, nodding as she fed her little brother a spoonful of what was actually ninety percent milk. Lambo loved milk so much, Tsuna was sure he was going to be nearly as tall as her baseball ace friend. Nearly, because Lambo was so lazy in anything that didn't have to do with, well, anything he didn't like.

"Okay. I understand." She heard her mother let out a breath of relief and saw in the corner of her hazel eyes that Nana loosened her grip on her wrists. "Where are you going, Mama? Somewhere warm?"

Tsuna imagined her mother was tired of the unusual cold this year, although she never complained. It was only autumn, and it was as bitter and biting as winter at max. She could only imagine how awful it would be when the snowing season actually came along.

Nana beamed at her daughter, glad of the subtle topic change. "As expected of my Tsuna!" She clasped her calloused but still delicate hands together, eyes seeing something far, far away. "Darling and I made plans to go to Hawaii!"

Tsuna widened her eyes in surprise. Hawaii? The Sawada household had that kind of money? Then Tsuna's face relaxed, and she rolled her eyes. Of course. Her step-father.

Iemitsu was a rich man, but no one could guess that unless he told them his real line of work. Tsuna knew he was lying through his white teeth the first day she met him. Oil fields my ass, she thought, sighing through her nose as she stood and placed Lambo's cereal (more like milk) bowl gently in the sink so it didn't make any noise.

The blond Italian told her the day they were introduced that he worked in the oil fields somewhere at the north of Japan. Right away she knew he was lying and gave him the most disgusted glare she could manage at five years old. She would not and will not acknowledge a liar as her new father. She couldn't prove that he was lying, because her vocabulary at the time was very limited.

Later on in the years, she noticed the little signs of the fact that he did not work as an oil miner. He might be as muscular as a body-builder, dress as a miner, and carry a pickaxe covered in dirt and crude oil every time he came to visit the house, but she saw other things too.

Like for instance, the fact that he drove a Mercedes-Benz instead of some beat-down car. And the list of world-renown company cards tucked messily in his battered leather wallet. There were a couple others, but not as important. Except the fact that he hid various guns in the most ridiculous crevices in the Sawada house.

Once, she had punched the wall space above the shoe cabinet in irritation (because she was late for school, horribly so), and a big square of the wall flipped, revealing a small pistol strapped to it. She then promptly skipped school to find what other weapons he hid in the house. In total, she discovered two old-fashioned revolvers, one other modern gun, a taser disguised as a stapler (which he told Nana that it was an antique and didn't work at all), and a heavy but handheld mini sledgehammer that obviously was way too weighted at the hitting end to work as a regular tool.

Tsuna had been absolutely furious. The next time Iemitsu visited, she waited until they were alone, and then round-housed his face with all the strength she had in her leg. Iemitsu was too shocked to be angry and blubbered incoherent words of pained confusion while she dropped the weapons one by one in front of his fallen body. His facial expression went from flustered red to pale realization.

Just like that, he was on his knees, begging with oddly slurred sentences of what she managed to decipher as to "not tell Nana". Nevertheless, while Tsuna was satisfied that she got her message clear, it irked her that a fully-grown man, completely capable of snapping her body in half like a twig with no effort, was pleading to a teenager like a victim asking for his life to be spared.

"I'm not telling my mother about these," she'd said, after she told him to stop crying like baby. "Even if I did, without an explanation she wouldn't know what to think of them anyway." She'd paused, thinking about her next words. "Don't get me wrong, step-father. I don't like you, but my mother does. I've never seen her so happy with another man." She'd snorted in disdain. "Other than my birth father, of course." Then she'd glared murder at Iemitsu, who had brought himself up to a crouching position. He'd froze, daring not to move under such a fierce gaze. "As long she's content, I'll turn a blind eye to all this. But," she knelt to his height, picking up the closest weapon, "if you ever so much as make her frown because of your stupid actions..." She'd knocked the revolver's barrel point-blank in between his eyes, smiling sweetly but tone chilling cold, "Bang." Iemitsu had jumped, startled by the sudden of it. "Are we clear?" He'd nodded without another word.

Later in the day, when Nana came home, Iemitsu had to go to the hospital. Turns out, her kick had dislocated and broken his jaw. From there on, they had a mutual understanding between the two (fear from Iemitsu's side and threatening from Tsuna's) and there were no more mishaps. She let him put the weapons back to their hiding places, because who knew what would happen? A gun could be useful during a robbery.

"I'm also taking Lambo with me."

Tsuna whipped around, gaping at mother with a look of disbelief. "You're taking Lambo? Why? But I thought honeymoons were between two people?" Oh, heavens no. Don't take her precious baby brother. What would she do without him?

Nana giggled like a schoolgirl in love (which she sort of still is) at her daughter's reaction. "It still is, Tsu-chan. But you know how Reborn loves his son. As soon as I told him about it, he demanded to take care of Lambo." She shrugged, and Tsuna could only stop herself from pulling her hair out. "Loves his son"? Please. If anything, her spartan father just wants Lambo around because the ladies love little children, apparently.

"But-but Mama, I-I'm going to go with him, r-right?" Tsuna took on a desperate tone. Without someone like her around to take care of her little brother, Lambo was sure to die in that hellhole her father calls his house. She'd went there once, and never wanted to go back. She didn't tell Nana why, because she was afraid of Reborn's wrath. Nana's angry form still scared the living shit out of him. And if he found out that Tsuna was the one who told her...

Tsuna swallowed the non-existent lump in her throat involuntarily. She wiped her sweaty hands on her gray leggings, willing with all her mental might for her loving mother to say yes.

"I'm afraid not, Tsu-chan."

Alas, her poor heart.

Tsuna buried her face in her hands, moaning in the pain she was sure to come in the future. Then she grabbed at the middle of her chest, using her free hand to claw at the imaginary evil, near tears. It was almost comical, if she wasn't serious.

"No, please! I'll do anything to be with my King! Mama, don't do this!" Tsuna heard Lambo laugh and turned her head to look at him. Her little brother had some sort of triumphant look on his dimpled face, waving his small arms madly at his sides.

"Yeah! Tsuna is my royal servant! I'm the King! The King of the universe! GYAHAHAHA!" He continued on and on, looking so joyful that Tsuna cracked a smile, then grinned at his silliness. Nana giggled again, leaning over the table and lifting her five-year-old son into her arms. Lambo stretched his little hands toward Tsuna, demanding his still laughing mother to give him to his big sister.

Safely tucked into her chest, Lambo began to deform Tsuna's cheeks. He pressed them together, making her lips protrude out. "GYAHAHAHA! TUNA BECAME A OCTOPUS! TSUNA BECAME AHO-DERA!" Tsuna laughed hysterically, wondering how her short-tempered friend would react to that.

She stopped laughing as the doorbell rang. "Tsu-chan, could you answer that for me, please? My hands are full," Nana asked, her arms indeed full of the empty breakfast dishes. Tsuna nodded and headed to the door, putting her little brother down.

She hopped off the ledge and into her sneakers. She was going to leave soon anyway, for her daily run around Namimori. After putting them on properly, she stood and grabbed the knob, pulling the door open. "Hel-"

Tsuna froze, her greeting halting in her throat. It front of her, two curly side-burned heads taller and wearing a crisp, primp suit with a chameleon on the edge of his fedora, was her worst enemy.

She gripped the knob so hard it dented. Her body trembled in the excess force of her irritation, black waves radiating from her petite form. The man smiled icily at the brunette, moving closer.

Tsuna subtly stepped on the impeding foot with her heel, crushing it with all the strength she had. The dark male winced, and stopped his approach. There was a silence, thundering the atmosphere around them. Lightning sparked between their eyes. Cold earth clashed with unforgiving onyx.

Tsuna spoke, but instead of breaking the ice, it only made it colder.

"Why, isn't it just grand to see you, my darling father?" she said, putting more weight onto her heel. She ground it harshly, earning herself a low hiss of pain and a glare that could've killed anyone. Except her. Years of frigid conversations eye-to-eye with the man hardened her to whatever nasty looks she received from him. And older peers, who apparently disliked her for being friendly with the two most popular guys in the grade.

"I'm just as happy to see you, my lovely daughter," he replied, his smooth baritone breaking in the middle of his sentence as she applied even more pressure onto her foot. Leon stretched his long tongue at Tsuna, skittering to the front of the fedora.

Tsuna smiled more realistically now, blowing a kiss at the chameleon. "I missed you too, Leon." She just loved tiny animals (except the annoying chihuahua down the street) and little children to death. The camouflaging lizard circled the hat in glee, flicking his sticky tongue in and out at a record-breaking speed.

She extended her hand to the hat, only for it to be snatched by her father. Her eye twitched in annoyance as he brought it to his lips, not stopping his supposedly faithful pet from jumping onto the same arm and racing across it to get to her shoulder.

Reborn sneered in contempt. "So my pet gets better treatment? I'm your goddamned father," he stated, straightening his back as Leon climbed to the top of Tsuna's fluffy head. Tsuna twisted her wrist so that they were holding hands and tightened her grip. Reborn cursed under his breath, not finding the counter-strength to grip back.

Tsuna squeezed so hard that his fingers smooshed together. "Fathers don't flirt with their own daughters, Reborn," she snarled lowly, using the man in black's first name on purpose. "So, I hear Lambo's going to be under your care," she commented, smiling like the crescent moon. "I'm counting on you to keep him in good heath, Reborn."

She beamed at him, her entire being so fake at the moment that it was like seeing a plastic doll, and he returned it with a heated glare and disarming smile, reminding her faintly of a cross between Hayato and Takeshi.

If it were possible.

"Oh, my!" Tsuna lifted her foot from Reborn's aching one and released his hand, disappointed that her meager fun was ending so soon. Reborn, on the contrary, was glad for the appearance of his ex-wife, but didn't show it on his face and kept it calm and stoic. "If it isn't Reborn!"

The brunette turned to face her mother. "Yup. He's here to pick Lambo up," she said, before Reborn could even open his mouth to greet Nana. He gave a mean look to his daughter, scowling ever so slightly. Tsuna ignored it and and kept her amused face forward.

Nana beamed at the two, giggling. "You two are getting along, as always." Oblivious to the tense atmosphere, she waved her hand inwards. "Well, don't just stand there, sweetheart! Come in, come in! Do you still like coffee?"

Reluctantly Tsuna stepped aside so her father could get through, sticking her tongue out at the man. Reborn flicked her nose in response, chuckling at her pout.

"I have and still do, Maman. I sure missed your homemade cappuccino," he remarked, casually stepping over the casually stuck out foot of Tsuna and giving it a hard slap. She recoiled and brutally punched his arm in retaliation, narrowing her caramel eyes in satisfaction at Reborn's grimace.

Having missed the physical exchange, Nana turned back around, a bright smile on her already glowing face.

"By the way, Tsu-chan? You're going to your older brother's house while I'm gone."

Tsuna was thunder-struck. Petrified. Frozen. She found herself in a blank daze.

"Well, I mean... You're only fifteen, Tsu-chan! I most certainly cannot leave you here alone. So I made arrangements with Iemitsu and decided that Ieyatsu would take care of you until we come back. You're okay with that, right, honey?"

Tsuna snapped back into stupor, blinking slowly. Then she nodded, and Nana skipped back into the kitchen, Reborn trailing after her with a smug face.

The brunette let out a dragging exhale, kicking her sneakers off and climbing up the stairs to her room, all the while in deep thought. Rather, involuntarily bringing up bad memories.

Ieyatsu Giotto Vongola. Her half-brother from Iemitsu's side. Her second worst enemy, other than her top-rate hitman father.

Tsuna fell ungracefully onto her bed, burying her face in the pillow. She let out a growling yell into it, frustrated beyond logical understanding.

There was a reason for that, though. Ieyatsu had been her bully ever since her mother and his father met. She had no clue why he hated her so much. Maybe it was because she was so darned clumsy and naive and untainted from Reborn's spartan parenting. Ieyatsu was ten years older than her, which meant...

He was twenty-five, past the driving and drinking age. Not only that, he probably had a girlfriend. Which only made it much, much harder for her to make herself comfortable in his house.

Calm now, Tsuna wondered if her twin brother was coming with her as well. She hoped not, because Ieyatsu was far much worse to him and he was to her. And the fact that he was still a shy boy didn't ease her worries.

Tsunahime and Tsunayoshi. Such wonderfully unique names. Her father had no sense of naming his children. Lambo wasn't all that common either.

Other than her mother, who called them "Tsu-chan" and "Tsu-kun", most of their friends called them by different names. Tsunayoshi was simply "Tsuna", and Tsunahime was simply "Hime". At home, the twins just called each other "Tsuna".

Tsuna groaned, and reached for her cell. She flipped it open and dialed her brother's number. It rang dully two times before he picked it up.

"H-hello?"

"Hey, it's me. Did you know that Mama is going on a honeymoon with Iemitsu?"

"HIIIIIIE? B-but, wh-why? They're not even married yet!"

"Yeah, right? But apparently they planned it out all by themselves."

"What's gonna happen to us, if they leave? A-actually, where are they going?"

"Hawaii. I'm being shipped off to Ieyatsu's house. Whoop-dee-do. I'm not so sure about you, though. Mama didn't tell."

"H-H-H-HAWAII? Since when did we get that kind of- wait, IEYATSU?"

"Slow down, Tsuna. Don't get a heart attack. Deep breaths."

"O-okay... deep breaths... hoo..."

"You alright?"

"Yeah... thanks. Anyway... W- wow, Hawaii? That's a little extreme, isn't it?"

"Talk about it. Well, Lambo's going with Dad, and I'm being thrown aside to our childhood bully. Do you think you can make it back home? I'm pretty sure you need to be packing too, 'cause Mama said no one's gonna stay at this house while she and Iemitsu are out."

"Hah... alright, I'll be there. See you, Tsuna."

"See you."

Tsuna snapped her cell shut, sitting up on her bed. She opened her closet and pulled out two of the biggest bags, tossing one onto her brother's bed. She placed what she thought was the necessary amount of clothes for three and a half months into it, and zipped it up with more vigor than it should have.

As soon as she was done she grabbed it and headed downstairs, just in time to see the face of her nervous brother and his two best friends.

"Hey guys," she called out, smiling as they looked up. Hayato nodded respectfully and Takeshi waved with a silly grin on his face. She swung her bag onto one of the jacket hooks, patting her awkward brother on the back.

"D-Dad's in there, right," he whispered, pointing to the direction of the kitchen. Tsuna nodded.

"Uh-huh." She smiled reassuringly. "If you're that scared of him, I'll ask instead," she offered, knowing how traumatized her brother was because of the spartan man.

He gave her a feeble but grateful look and jerked his head in a nod. "Y-yeah. Thanks. I'll go pack."

Tsuna laughed and walked toward where her dreaded father was.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Tsunahime locked eyes with her father, scowling full force. Reborn stared back, sipping his steaming mug of coffee.

"You're letting Tsuna go to Ieyatsu's house with me? You know that he's as scared of him as he's scared of you. Why can't he just stay with Yamamoto or Gokudera? They would be more than happy to take him in for a couple weeks."

Her steely father frowned, setting down his cappuccino and folding his hands together on his crossed legs. Tsunahime had never seen anything more gay.

"They might be, but family time is family time," he stated in a matter-of-face tone. Tsunahime barked out a laugh. What a bunch of bullshit.

She grabbed one of the chairs and spun it in front of her. Long legs swinging over, she sat on it backwards.

"'Keep your friends close but your enemies closer'," she quoted, smirking in a knowing fashion, "is what you mean. You never cared about Iemitsu and his bunch. Why would you now?"

Reborn's lips quirked in a crooked smile. "Ah, that's my girl. The fruit of my hard work is showing." He lifted his cup of coffee and drained it, sighing. "Not yet in Dame-Tsuna, I can see that much. That boy still needs to grow a pair."

Tsunahime raised her eyebrows. "You did spend most of your parenting time with him in our childhood. Anyone in his position would be like that." She rolled her eyes. "At least you aren't like Iemitsu. He tries to give me bear hugs every time he sees me."

Reborn chuckled, resuming his utterly ridiculous pose. Tsunahime fought the urge to make fun of it, and decided to return to the main topic instead. She coughed in her fist, which sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

"Anyway," she said, "can't you ship Tsuna off to Nonno instead? I'm pretty sure he'll love that. Dino's still there, right? It'll be perfect." That sounded reasonable enough to her, but not to her father, it seemed.

Reborn narrowed his black eyes. "No, absolutely not. There are many dangers to him in Italy. And I doubt he mastered Italian." He stroked one of his curly sideburns, an old habit that Tsunahime thought was ridiculously funny as well.

"If it were you, it would be a completely different story, but knowing that boy, he'd be doomed the moment he gets on the plane." Tsunahime couldn't help but silently agree to that. "But unfortunately, I have to go along with Mr. Bear and Nana's choice of sending you to Giotto's place."

Tsunahime tilted her head. "Oh, he goes by his middle name now, does he?" She frowned. "Why is that? Doesn't he like his name?"

"As much as you like yours, I'm sure," Reborn snidely remarked, amusement twinkling in his onyx orbs. "He uses "Giotto Vongola" almost for everything at his place. So it'll be wise to call him that when you get there."

Tsunahime sighed through her nose. "I'll last. It's only three and some months. How hard could it be? I used to live with you," she said, laughing as she dodged his attempt to smack her head. "So where does he live anyway?"

This, her father grinned at. All of the sudden, she regretted asking. When Reborn grinned like that, it was definitely not good news.

"Shimon."

Next Chapter:

Were all the boys in her family gay?

"Probably."

A/N:

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

I FINISHED

HALLELUJAH

i know it seems confusing at first, but if you have any questions, ask it through a review or PM

BUT I PREFER REVIEWS PPL

thank you.

TROLLOLOLOL DO I SMELL SEXY CHILDREN OH YES I DO

HOHOHOHOHO