Though the Road was Never Smooth Chapter 1, a criminal minds fanfic

Here is chapter 1... wow does it seem weird to anyone to hear 'chapter 1'...cause it sure feels weird to say it.

I don't own Criminal Minds... then again - who knows, maybe there is a parallel universe out there where I do ;)

Happy reading and enjoy :D

"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot

Jason watched and waited as he sat on the hearth of the fireplace at the first of many stops along the way on his mission, his quest.

JJ stirred on the couch where she was curled up around her best friend Spence, while her son, Henry, slept on his chest. Her eyes opened to greet the new day and she became confused at what she was seeing before her.

On the TV was the DVD menu for 'Finding Nemo'. This wasn't their living room… this was the living room from her old life… and then her hand reached down, settling on her belly, to find that instead of being rounded and 7 months pregnant, it was flat. Shock, horror, and an entire array of disturbing emotions settled in her gut as she realized that if she was here on the couch, with Spence and Henry, in her old living room in the house she'd shared with Will; then that meant… it had all been a dream. She hadn't relived the last 6 years, Henry was Will's, … there was no Chloe… and she wasn't pregnant with her and Spence's third child.

At the last two thoughts, JJ felt the bile rise up in her stomach and leapt of the couch, over Henry and Spence who were still asleep as she rushed to make it up the stairs and to the bathroom in time.

JJ sobbed with her face resting on the basin of the toilet as she became violently ill at the thought of losing the life and the family that she loved. Tears of grief and loss streamed down her face as her psyche and body reacted to the thought of everything that had been lost. Not only a husband and children she adored, but friends… an entire life ripped away. No Chloe, no new baby, no Elle, and no Rebecca…

Jason watched sadly for a moment, allowing his mother a moment to grieve the life she thought was lost, that she thought was only a dream. He paused in the doorway to the bathroom, unseen, while she washed her face and then she slumped in the corner of the bathroom, resting back against the bath tub where just the night prior she and Spence had given Henry a bath and curious little boy that he was, he'd asked Uncle Spence to explain where bubbles came from. She sat with her face buried in her hands, her fingers threaded through the golden strands of hair that fell around her face like a curtain as she attempted to fight off the despair that was threatening to settle into the core of her very being.

Jason sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her should comfortingly as he allowed himself to shimmer into visibility and a solid presence in the room. "I told you, you'd see me again." He said smiling softly at his mother, hoping to ease her pain.

JJ turned her red rimmed eyes and slightly swollen tear stained face towards Jason as she pulled her hair back from her face and tucked it behind her ears. "Wait" she croaked brokenly as she attempted to use her voice. "It was real… it was all real?" she asked.

Jason nodded as he stood up and grabbed the cup on the counter filling it with cold water from the tap and then sat back down next to his heart broken mother, handing her the glass of water as he prepared to lift her spirits and explain just what exactly was happening.

"It all really happened." Jason replied soothingly as she took a sip of water. "What's the last thing you remember from… well I suppose it's easiest if we call it your dream even though it wasn't a dream."

JJ smirked and chuckled as she looked at Jason. "I hardly think that would be appropriate for a mother to share with her son."

Jason paled slightly. Yeah… he might be a soul and a guardian angel, but he didn't need to know about that. "Okay so you obviously remember everything right up to falling asleep? So you remember Dad explaining the multiverse?"

JJ smiled and nodded. "So this is basically a different reality?"

Jason nodded. "Yes."

JJ swallowed. "So Chloe, your brother… they all exist?" JJ asked.

Jason chuckled. "Yeah, they do. But you know, it's just us here. You can use my brother's name. I promise not to fill in the baby betting pool." he said with a smile.

JJ smiled softly remembering the conversation she and Spence had had in what was now another life. "Josh… we were… are going to name him Joshua… Joshua Wyatt" JJ said and then turned to look at Jason. "We thought about naming him Joshua Jason, partly after you, but it didn't feel quite right and your Dad was worried that it would get confusing with there being two JJs."

Jason nodded. "It's okay. He's getting more and more excited every day while he's waiting to be born and to meet you, Dad, Chloe, Henry, and Rebecca. They're all going to be fine, you know." He said turning to look at his mother. "But we need to talk about this timeline. I know you told Dad once that you didn't think you'd ever have had the courage to tell him how you felt in your old life… that you feared you and he would have both lived lives of quiet desperation… but this is your chance Mom. You already know what you and Dad could have been if you told him back then, if you'd had the opportunity to relive the last 6 years… now it's time to take advantage of the opportunities in the here and now."

"The other life… what happens to it?" JJ asked softly, curiously.

"It goes on, just like life always does." Jason said. "The you in that timeline, she remembers everything that happened up to yesterday in this timeline and she's grateful she got a second chance. Her memories are exactly the same as yours right up to when you both woke up this morning. For her, she really did relive the last 6 years and everything you remember from that life happened. For you, here in this reality, it was a dream, a really long vivid dream of what life could have been… could still be, if you want it to." He said as he pondered for a moment. "You know George Eliot said and I quote: Its never too late to be what you might have been." Jason said as he stood up and held out his hand to help his mother to her feet.

"Take a shower, pull yourself together, and make your life spectacular." Jason said as he pulled his mother into a hug. "And know that you haven't seen the last of me. Once my work is done, I'll be back." He said with a smile and a wink as he pulled back out of their hug. And then with a kiss on her cheek, he was gone, leaping through the gap once again into another universe to carry on his mission to see his parents together in as many universes as possible.

JJ smiled sadly as she looked in the mirror as she held her hand to the cheek that her full grown but not yet born, son had kissed. She shook her head and cleared her thoughts and then reached into the shower, setting the temperature for as hot as she could stand it. Then she stripped down and stepped into the shower thinking about the promise of a new day and how even though in this reality she and Spence had missed out on the last six years that could have been spent together, they didn't have to miss out on any more.

JJ smiled as she walked down the stairs, contemplating all of the possibilities that this life held. That was what was helping her to cope with the intense feelings of loss she felt at not only losing the family that she and Spence had created together, but also her friendships with Rebecca and Elle, along with the entire extended family the BAU team had become… and all of their families. She paused for a moment on the stairs as another wave of grief passed over her. Not only had she lost her children… but all of her nieces and nephews except for Caitlyn and Madison.

Then she heard the giggles of her baby boy as he talked softly with his Uncle Spence, and her spirits lifted. She laughed as she walked further down the stairs and saw Henry sitting on Spence's belly pretending to be a monster.

"Rah.. rah… rah!" he screeched at Uncle Spence from his perch on his Uncle's belly. "Mama!" He squealed excitedly when he saw her come into the living room from the bottom of the stairs. "I a fiewce scawy tewawa… tewanna… dinasas… dinosowwy… monstew." He said as he held up his 'claws' and made what was supposed to be a scary face.

"Oh my" JJ replied, allowing her eyes to get big. "Well, is my fierce, scary, little Tyrannosaurus Rex hungry this morning? You weren't planning on eating Uncle Spence were you? Then who would we talk into staying and playing with us today?" JJ said as she winked at Spence.

Henry's eyes got big as he turned to look back at Uncle Spence. "I sowwy Unca 'Pence. You 'tay and pway wit me an Mama?" he asked cutely with his lower lip forming an ever so slight pout.

"I….well I would love to buddy…but I need to go home and shower and change first. Okay?" Spence said looking up at his godson who was still perched on his stomach.

"Otay!" Henry said grinning excitedly.

JJ chuckled and shook her head. She walked over to her boys where they were spread out on the couch. "Okay Mr. Monster. What do you say we go have some breakfast so you'll have plenty of energy to play with Uncle Spence today?" She asked as she picked her baby boy up off Spence's belly. She blushed slightly at the cute, adorable, and rather hot sight of Spence with mussed up morning hair and the shadow of overnight beard growth. 'Down girl' she thought to herself, there will be time later, but you need to not freak Spence out right now.

"Uh-huh" Henry said nodding his head. "I hunry Mama"

"What do you say Spence, want to join us for breakfast before you head home to shower and change? I might need protecting from the hungry Tyrannosaurus Rex while I make breakfast." She said with a smile.

"Sure, breakfast sounds great." Spence said as he stood up and stretched, causing his shirt to rise up and show of his lower belly and his hips where his pants had slipped down.

JJ swallowed thickly attempting to quell the desire in her belly. And then a different type of desire in Spence's belly made its presence known as his stomach grumbled.

Henry's eyes got big as he turned to look at Mommy. "Mama! Unca 'Pence hunry! Him has a monstew in him bewwy!"

JJ laughed as she ran her fingers through Henry's baby soft blond hair. "He sure is baby. What should we feed him?"

"Fwench toas' wit sywup?" Henry asked with big eyes as he looked from Mommy to Uncle Spence.

"With bacon" Spence said with a nod.

"Yeah wit bacon!" Henry said nodding in agreement as he looked at Mommy.

"Okay, French toast with bacon and syrup it is. Let's get you boys fed before you starve." JJ said as she tickled Henry's tummy and led the way into the kitchen.

As Spence sat at the table eating breakfast with JJ and Henry, he couldn't help but wonder if this is what it would be like if they were together, if Henry was his son. And then feeling the danger of allowing himself to once again have those thoughts, he forced himself to clamp down on that beautiful day dream and focus on talking with Henry who was happily babbling away in between bites of his breakfast.

JJ found herself intently watching Spence as he interacted with Henry. Enjoying the image of them together and wondering if even though Spence was Henry's godfather in this reality, if he loved Henry like a son, wondering what it would be like to start a new life together from this point forward.

Henry, in his childhood innocence and obliviousness, merely enjoyed his breakfast with his two favorite people in the whole wide world. His Mommy and his Uncle Spence.

JJ decided to break the ice and cleared her throat after taking a sip of coffee. "Maybe… you'd like to spend the next couple of weeks over the holidays with us Spence… I mean unless you've already got plans?" she asked looking at Spence hopefully over the table as they continued to eat breakfast.

"I…I …umm….what about Will….don't you guys already have holiday plans?" Spence asked confused.

JJ shook her head. "We don't have any plans this year. And um….can we talk about Will later?" She asked looking meaningfully at Henry who sat in his high chair attempting to feed himself his breakfast. "When there aren't little ears in the room?" she asked as she turned to look at Spence.

"Okay…I um…sure…I'll ... uh… pack stuff to stay for a while then." Spence said smiling slightly at JJ as he tried to work out in his genius brain what was going on with his best friend.

Spence ran home, showered, changed into clean clothes, and threw some items in a bag so he could spend the holidays with JJ and Henry. He grabbed their already wrapped gifts on the way out the door and headed back to where his two favorite people were waiting to spend the day with him.

After a day of vigorous play with 2 year old Henry, JJ and Spence tucked the small boy into bed together, as Henry had insisted, and then they went downstairs to relax.

After a moment of sitting in silence, Spence turned to face JJ "So… do you want to talk about whatever it is that's going on with you and Will? You'll feel better, and you know I'm a good listener."

"Spence..." JJ paused. "I do….want to talk about it, that is. Why don't you start a fire and I'll go get us something to drink." JJ said as she stood from the couch and walked toward the kitchen.

Spence watched her go, wondering what it was that had her so out of sorts today. She had seemed fine yesterday. He shook himself from his thoughts and rose from the couch to employ himself at building the requested fire in the fireplace.

JJ returned to the living room from the kitchen moments later to find that Spence had turned off the overhead ceiling light in favor of a lamp and that the fire was roaring nicely in the fireplace. She sat the wine bottle, glasses, and a plate of cheese, crackers, and grapes on the table. She poured them each a glass of wine and then leaned back into the couch and began explaining the long tale of what had happened with Will.

"….and I think the saddest part of the whole thing is that I don't mind that we're over and he's moving a thousand miles away…..the only person I'm sad for in this situation is Henry." JJ said as she wrapped up telling the tale of the end of her relationship and romance with one Will LaMontagne.

"For what it's worth JJ, I'm sorry. I know you thought he was the one…." Spence said.

"Actually" JJ said interrupting Spence. "I never did, think Will was the one that is, I've been in love with someone else the whole time and I just never had the courage to tell them because I didn't know if they felt the same." JJ almost whispered as she shyly looked down at her lap afraid to look at Spence and what she would see in his eyes at her admission.

"JJ…I don't understand. Who were you in love with this whole time? Whoever it is, they'd be crazy not to love you back." Spence said his heart breaking that while she was no longer with Will, she was already in love with someone else.

JJ looked up at Spence surprised that he hadn't figured out her large clue…but then again that was just how her adorable genius was. Give him a puzzle, an enigma, the file of thirty year old unsolved crime, a graduate level calculus problem, and he could solve the problem in mere minutes…..give him the tell-tale truth of your emotions and how you felt about him served up on a silver platter, and it would go right over his head. "You" JJ said as she locked gazes with him.

"M… m… m… me?' Spence stuttered and squeaked.

JJ giggled and nodded. "It's always been you Spence. I wanted to continue dating you after the football game, but then you gave that speech about maybe we should just be friends…..and I figured you didn't feel anything for me. But then we got really close… and I thought maybe you did have feelings for me….I mean we did everything together….I was going to ask you out after we spent all that time together watching the Superbowl and then we went to Georgia. It was like having my heart ripped out of my chest when Tobias Hankel had you." JJ said as tears ran down her face remembering her horror at Spence's abduction. "God..it was my worst nightmare come true…I was so relieved when we found you and you were okay….except you weren't okay….and nobody said anything about … I should have been there for you Spence….I …."

"JJ it's not your fault. You tried a couple of times and I pushed you away remember?" Spence said wrapping his arm around JJ's shoulder to comfort her.

JJ nodded and sniffled. "And then we had the case in New Orleans and I met Will….and he flirted with me….and it felt good to know how he actually felt about me instead of having to guess like I did with you. But then you got better…. You were able to put Hankel behind you and get off the dilaudid."

"You knew?" Spence almost whispered.

"Spence," JJ said softly. "We all knew, we just didn't know how to help you when you wouldn't let us. Those months when you wouldn't let any of us in and you were snapping at everyone, I think those were the scariest months of my life. I was afraid I was going to lose you….but thank God I didn't." JJ said shuddering. "So I was secretly dating Will…and you were back to normal for the most part. And I was so confused. I felt torn. I wanted to be with you…but you ….well I just wasn't sure where I stood with you or how you would take me telling you that I loved you. I reached the point of deciding that it wasn't fair to Will when we were in Miami on that case where his partner was murdered. I realized that it wasn't fair to expect him to keep our relationship hidden…and I wanted to keep it hidden because I didn't want you to know….I wanted to seem available in case you were ever ready….Then Emily told me I should go for it…and I thought maybe it was silly of me to put off my life waiting for you….and maybe if I tried I could love Will." JJ said pausing for a moment and looking up into Spence's eyes.

"Then I found out I was pregnant and at first it was like being punched in the gut." JJ continued. "I knew then that I really had to try ….and for a while I convinced myself that I did love Will… he was so sweet when I told him I was pregnant and it almost made up for the fact that he wasn't you. Then he flew he came to New York and sprung the fact that I was pregnant on all of you and that he had proposed ….and I saw the crushed look on your face for a split second…but then you were so happy for us and congratulating us…and I just got more confused. I talked Will into making you and Garcia the baby's God parents….he'd wanted it to either be my brother Alex and sister-in-law Kim or a buddy of his and his wife….I held my ground because I wanted the baby to have God parents that would always be a part of their life, no matter what. You have no idea how jealous I was hearing from Morgan about that girl Austin that you had flirted with and started dating after saving her on a case. I kept telling myself that Will and I needed to work for Henry….I convinced myself that he needed his parents to be together…"

Spence wrapped his arms around JJ and pulled her closer as she rested her head on his chest. "What Henry needs is for his parents to be happy." Spence said. "You both love him and that's what he needs. That's what's important, that you are both there for him."

JJ nodded. "I know that now. It just took me awhile to get there." JJ said as looked up Spence, smiling as she wiped the tears off her cheeks. "So to make an entirely too long story short, it has always been you Spence. I love you." JJ said looking up at her best friend and what she hoped would after tonight be her boyfriend.

"JJ" Spence said pausing as his voice cracked and he cleared his throat.

JJ winced at the delayed response, beginning to worry that she had been correct to hold back in sharing her feelings all these years.

Spence noticed the worry creeping across JJ's beautiful face. "I love you too, JJ. It's always been you for me too. I tried dating other people but after dating Austin, I realized that no one would ever replace you. I uh…I never thought that you liked me after how badly our date at the football game went."

JJ chuckled. "Spence, I had a good time. Just because you didn't know what was going on and stuck out a little bit in a shirt, sweater vest and tie….none of that mattered to me. Remember when you spilled your beer?" JJ asked.

Spence winced as he remembered the embarrassing incident of spilling his beer on the person sitting in front of him. "Yeah but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Spence" JJ sighed. "I was trying to hold your hand and you jerked and that's what made you spill your beer….when you jerked like that…and then you told me maybe we should just be friends….well I thought maybe I misunderstood, because I thought you liked me."

"I did…I do…I love you. I thought you wanted to use the armrest or I was invading your space or something at the game…..so wait….the only reason we haven't been together this whole time is because of a misunderstanding?" Spence asked as he looked wide eyed at JJ.

JJ bit her lip and nodded. "But the misunderstanding is straightened out and we can be together now." JJ said rising up on her knees to be at an even level with Spence. She wrapped her arms around Spence's neck and leaned into kiss him.

Spence wrapped his arms around JJ's waist as she leaned into kiss him. He moaned softly at the taste of wine on her lips and then it was over all too quick as he felt her pull away. "Wow" he said softly, mesmerized as JJ pulled away.

JJ smiled and sank back down on her seat next to him. "So, Spence…do you …do you um think that there are alternate universe's co-existing with ours?" JJ asked hesitantly as she looked up at him.

"I ….uh….what?" Spence asked, still in a fuzzy haze from JJ's kiss and confused over her question.

"Parallel universes? Do they exist?" JJ asked wanting to know if right now there were another Spence and JJ out there somewhere happily married, with a daughter named Chloe, a son named Henry, and a baby on the way.

"Um well….." Spence paused, worried about the effect rambling on about quantum physics would have on her, but then he saw the questioning look in JJ's eyes. "The Multiverse Theory of quantum physics posits the existence of parallel universes, and infinite number of every growing alternate realities that exist concurrently with our own." Spence explained. "The theory holds that anything that can happen will happen, if not in this reality then in another. We're part of a metaverse, in which individual sub-universes are continually being generated. There are several theories regarding exactly how the new sub-universes our generated. The most frequently postulated theory is that every time a decision is made, new sub-universes split off for every decision that wasn't made but could have been."

"So they do exist?" JJ asked.

"In theory, yes. Why?" Spence asked.

JJ nodded and began to explain to him everything that she had either experienced in the last six years or that she had dreamt about last night. "….I guess, I would prefer that it wasn't just a dream." JJ said as she wiped tears from the corner or her eyes. "It's nice to think that that you and I were very happy together, that Chloe Jane Reid exists and is a cute little girl, that there you are Henry's Daddy, and that we have a baby on the way….and that it wasn't just a dream….that it's still real for them…"

Spence's heart was in his throat as JJ described the life he had dreamt about every time he closed his eyes and had good dreams for the last six years. Sure in his dreams…the babies had different names…but there had certainly been babies…lots and lots of babies. As scared as he might be about having children share his genes in the real world, it was still something he dreamed about all the time, especially with JJ as their mother. "Then it can be real JJ. You don't have to think of it as a dream. And it's a nice thought to think of Elle and Gideon still being part of the team…I …I miss them too." He said leaning down and resting his forehead on the crown of her head.

"Okay we are getting entirely too sad. We should be happy." JJ said and then stood up from the couch. She walked across the living room and turned on the very same radio she had been listening to yesterday afternoon when Spence had shown up on her doorstep.

"Come on Spence." JJ said walking back to the couch and grabbing Spence's hands. "Come and dance with me."

"JJ, I don't dance." Spence said shaking his head.

"Spence, baby, it's only us. No one else will see. And it's slow. Come on, baby, please?" JJ begged with a smile on her face.

Spence's breath caught in his throat at JJ calling him baby. He nodded and stood up, unable to resist JJ's charm.

JJ sighed as she rested her head on Spence's shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close and then as they began to sway softly and slowly together in time to the music, the perfect song came on.

Looking back from where I stand tonight
I wouldn't change a thing about my life
Wrong turns I had to take back in those crazy years
Could not have been mistakes if they brought me here

'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you

JJ couldn't help but realize as the music from the radio washed over she and Spence, that everything she and Spence had been through had led them here. Falling in love with her best friend was the best thing, well second best thing she'd ever done. Henry was the best thing she'd ever done. The song was right, the road had never been smooth for she and Spence; but when you knew what you were missing out on, you didn't take it for granted when you got it.

I don't regret a single broken heart
That taught me what love is and what it's not
Someone must have planned our two paths would cross
I couldn't see it then but I was never lost

'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you

Spence felt JJ shift in his arms and look up at him. As he stood here, holding her in his arms, like he never thought he would, he realized that if going through the last 6 years of being apart even though they could have been together the whole time was what it took for them to be together now and to make it work so that they never had to be apart again, then it was worth it. It had all been worth it. Every ounce of pain at the hands of Hankel, every stab of pain and jealousy when Will had announced in New York that JJ was pregnant and he had proposed, holding Henry for the first time and longingly looking into the baby boy's blue eyes that matched his mother's and wishing he were Henry's father… all of it was worth it if it meant being together now.

Detours, dead ends, endless explorations
You were my only destination

'Cause all my roads have led me to
This night, this love I share with you
And though the road was never smooth
Life has made me someone who
Could be the right someone for you
- All My Roads - Collin Raye

JJ and Spence stared into each other's eyes as the song played in the background. And then JJ found herself staring at his lips as they approached closer. Then her eyes closed as Spence's lips crashed down on hers. Her fingers tangled in Spence's hair as their lips plundered each others; searching, seeking, exploring. And then when they both came up desperate for oxygen, Spence's forehead rested on JJ's as they continued swaying to the music, caught up in the magic of the moment.

As they danced they held each other tighter, each afraid that it was only a dream, as they danced slowly in front of the fireplace gazing in each other's eyes, lost in the moment.

I really hate to let this moment go,
touching your skin and your hair falling slow,
When a goodbye kiss, feels like this

Spence lifted his hand and ran his fingers through JJ's hair watching her, studying her as if he was attempting to commit everything about her to memory. And then he leaned down to kiss her again, enjoying the heady, intoxicating feeling.

Don't you wanna stay here a little while,
Don't you wanna hold each other tight,
Don't you wanna fall asleep with me tonight,
Don't you wanna stay here a little while,
We can make forever feel this way,
Don't you wanna stay

Let's take it slow I don't want to move too fast,
I Don't wanna just make love, I wanna make love last,
When your off this cab, It's a sad goodbye...

As their lips parted, JJ realized that as much as she wanted for them to pick up right where they left off in the other life, they couldn't. It wouldn't be fair to them or to Henry. They needed to pace themselves and take things slow, but then she supposed this was a new relationship. Just because you knew the destination, didn't mean you couldn't enjoy the journey. Isn't that what they said anyway? Life's a journey, not a destination.

JJ swallowed thickly and took a deep breath, "We should probably get some sleep. Henry will be up and wanting to play early tomorrow." she said smiling up at Spence.

Spence nodded, his Adam's apply bobbing as he attempted to catch his breath and keep his heart from exploding out of his chest.

JJ took Spence's hand and led him up the stairs to the door of the guest bedroom. "I… um changed the sheets and made the bed while you ran home this morning… I put your bag in there earlier so you should be all set… sooo… "

"JJ" Spence smiled as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. "did you forget, the rambling is my job?" and then he leaned down and kissed her softly. "Goodnight."

JJ smiled as Spence pulled away and wiped her thumb over his lower lip. "Goodnight. I love you."

"I love you too. I'll see you in the morning." Spence said squeezing her in his arms in a hug and then kissing her softly one more time before he slipped into the guest bedroom where sweet dreams waited for him.