Disclaimer: Standard one applied.
Warning: Curses and bad language.
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Prologue
It was decidedly a bad day for all of them, Jiraiya thought as both Tsunade and Orochimaru were downing champagne and ancient wine as one would do with water, not million dollars worth alcohol.
"He's a fucking arsehole." Tsunade declared at last, after a period of unnerve silence and Jiraiya did have to agree with her observation. Her latest boy toy was a cocky, arrogant and too young nightmare.
"She's a god damned bitch." Orochimaru bitterly growled and judging from the billions of dollars his latest wife had caved from him from a single divorce, Jiraiya thought he had a point.
"How dare he fucking whore around? To even frenching that Terumi cow in front of me! Urgh. How gross!" Jiraiya wondered if he should point out that it was only a perk in the cheek and they did nothing but pose in front of photos. After all, the guy was an ambitious little arsehole but Jiraiya knew if he stooped low enough to date women tripled his youth, such arsehole might not just passing out perks after all.
"Talk about revolting, I caught her shagging a bastard half her bloody age." Orochimaru downed double shots in one gulp. Jiraiya believed that his best friend wouldn't bitch this much if that bastard hadn't turned out to be one of his brilliant projects. It's a shame really. That Shin whathisname was talented. Jiraiya had intended to air him in his drama.
"And he even dared to hit on Shizune! My fucking niece!" Jiraiya thought he caught them in one of their act just last week, when Tsunade was still hung on such arsehole and nodded in pity. Shizune looked as if God had descended to save her from the savage beast, which wasn't that far from truth.
"Just that? Kabuto keeps bringing up the resigned letter after each shopping trips that shameless slut spent with him. That fucking molester." Jiraiya wouldn't mind having those private shopping experiences with Orochimaru's wife. She's the year's It girl – stunning, lithe as an island cat and ten years their junior. Tsunade had even once reluctant admitted that the girl was a bloody beauty.
"I bet he would even whore for that plastic surgery new face." Tsunade sneered, but Jiraiya knew she was nostalgia. In their days, when men were indeed gentlemen and women were truly ladies, no man would dream of cheating on Tsunade, or lady on Orochimaru. It's always the other way around.
"We're too old for them." He spoke his mind for the first times but he wished he had not. They would have murdered him in ten different ways if they knew how to dispose a corpse in a lawful way.
Orochimaru, however drunk as he was, wasn't a shallow thinker. He sighed, even after socking Jiraiya ten times in the same spot. "The game is changing. In this difficult, cold world, bulls and steers are separated and those that survived are all alpha bulls."
"Gone were well-bred, chivalry, educated gentleman." Tsunade hiccupped. "Gone was the fucking true generation of men and dignity."
"And elegant, civic-minded young ladies." Orochimaru added. "All the "socials" nowadays are desperate power-hungry spotlight-whore."
"Parasites on our money and uhm, pity." Jiraiya helpfully supplied, as he steered the half empty champagne bottle behind his seat and tipped it over a pot nearby. Although, such plant didn't deserve to drink up the millions worth of liquid, both of his friends looked deadly smashed and the last thing they needed were more of these wines. He was already dreading the part of going home.
"This world has gone fucking wrong!" Tsunade raised her voice and a few of customers glanced their ways. Jiraiya flipped them the birds and they knew him enough to take it's serious that he would remember their faces and the next time they saw him, they would be just nobody peasants instead of Hollywood celebrities they were this night. Jiraiya turned back to his friends once those nosy neighbors meekly returned to their businesses.
"I agree." Orochimaru nodded vigorously.
Which is a bloody rare event and both of his friends must be highly intoxicated because they symbolized black and white in this world and if they ever had the same idea on any thing, it meant genius was soon to be born, or disaster was soon to descent upon Five Great Kingdoms.
"Would you like more Champagne, Sir?"
"No, thanks." Jiraiya quickly jumped in before any unwanted order was delivered. They would thank him tomorrow, he thought, as Orochimaru seemed annoyed enough to chew his head.
"What's your name?" Tsunade suddenly peered at the new bartender, whom Jiraiya hadn't noticed as good-looking until then, with the half cool half flirtatious smile she was sure to win even James Bond over.
"A professional bartender knows not to disclose his personal information, madam." The guy – must be around early twenties – replied with an obvious fake smile.
"What if I want to know you in the non-professional level?" Tsunade closed in huskily and Jiraiya knew she was displaying her amazing curves over the table, with both arms under her busty breasts and red lips curled in an invited come-hither smile.
"My friend said you're the most amazing actress of our times." The bartender confessed, although the fake smile was still there but he was looking in her eyes and Tsunade was sucker for compliments. "She fails to imply that you're an outrageous flirt, though."
Jiraiya knew that tone indicated no nice meaning but Tsunade was smashed and she was lonely after the terrible break up and she was a woman with needs after all.
"May be this friend of yours fails to imply that I'm also an adventurous woman?" Her red nails drew slow circles on his bare skin and the bartender's fake smile fell slightly. His gaze on her darkened although he retreated his arm politely.
She was not his type, Jiraiya could conclude. He had years of courting women to know such basic rules.
"I do not think it's wise for you to stay. You're very drunk and it's dangerous for a lady to stay drunk this late." The bartender announced, backing up warily as Tsunade continued to advance with a predatory gleam in her eyes. Jiraiya grabbed her shoulder before she could climb over the bar. They did have witnesses and no amount of money could erase the crime of rape.
"There, there. Easy, tiger." Jiraiya soothed, almost busting out laughing at the disturbed face of the young bartender.
"Cutie. Wanna go home with me?" She slurred, words tangled and eyes hungry, but she was leaning against Jiraiya and he had to remind himself that they were only friends. Friends meant no leaving drunken friend with a perfect stranger, despite how attracted your friend to this handsome stranger was.
"I'm sorry. She's a scandalous drunk, but she means no harm." Jiraiya said to the young man, whose fake smile stayed firm throughout the episode and increased in voltages as Jiraiya started to gather their belongings.
"It's, by no mean, a nuisance, Sir. Although, I'd advice you to hail a cab right now. The weather is horrible." The bartender said conversably, as if more at ease with an old man than an intoxicated, lusty and beautiful woman, which made Jiraiya wondered if this young man was on the other fence.
"I'll be fine. Thank you, young lad. Orochimaru, get up you ass, man. We're moving." Jiraiya knocked on his other friend's head and the pale man growled low. He stood, but still cradled the whiskey bottle like his alcoholic child. Jiraiya had to wrestle the bottle away and suffered more than 5 bite marks on his arm.
They'd thank him tomorrow, Jiraiya reminded himself as he heaved a singing Tsunade and a cussing Orochimaru out the door and into the storm.
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A/N: Thank you for reading. I'm on my way to chapter 3 so the next update should be around next week. Also, if anyone is interested in beta-reading my work, p.m me, ok? I really need a helping hand to edit my works.
Truly, truly sorry. I'm in a hurry with this chapter. Well, I have edited the title, so if you found any other mistakes, please let me know. Thank you.
Reviews are my inspirations. Hope you enjoy so far. See ya.