The morning sun shone through the window, hitting Blaine Anderson's face and pulling him out of sleep. Blaine sat up, stretched, and - because he lived in the world of Glee, where voices are instantly warmed up no matter what time of day - sang out in perfect pitch,

"I wake up in the morning
And it's nothing new
Run through my mind for hours
Still I just want you

You're all I want, you're all I need
My love for you
Just grows the way you do
When I love you

I wanna hold you all night long
And cuddle 'till we're blue
Hold you in a tight embrace
I know it seems taboo

But I have to have you with me now
I have to have you quick
I love you more than anything
My dick!"

Blaine threw his sheets aside, and there he was. Blaine's penis was average sized, a nice healthy pink, the foreskin currently pulled back in erection, and bottomed by two testicles and a soft thatch of curly black hair. Dick stood at attention, beaming at him, "Hello! Good morning, Blaine!"

"Speak of the devil," Blaine said fondly, scooting to the edge of the bed.

"Well, I've been up for a while," Dick said, "But I didn't want to wake you. Your dad walked in… I just said hi."

Blaine started, "Dick, I told you! If you wake up before me and someone comes in, just roll us over onto the side! No one's supposed to see you, especially my dad."

"Geez, Blaine, how's a guy supposed to have a sex-life around here if you keep him covered up all the time? I'm feeling a little stifled."

"You want to have sex with my dad?" Blaine asked, his face a mask of horror.

Dick shrugged, "Maybe." Dick waited until Blaine was thoroughly panicked before saying, "Blaine, I'm kidding! I don't want to have sex with Dad! Mom would ground us. Seriously, though, you've got to punch in that V card sooner or later. I mean you're a senior in high school, never even seen a penis." Blaine opened his mouth to protest, when Dick added, "Someone else's penis."

Blaine bowed his head in virginal shame, "What, you don't think I want to have sex? Has it ever occurred to you, that it's hard for a boy to lose his virginity when he's the biggest loser in school, because he has an out of control dick that always gets me into trouble?"

Dick grinned, rolling his eye, "Blainey... You're not a loser! It's just that nobody really likes you."

"Good grief," Blaine sighed sadly, placing his chin on his hands.

"Aw, I'm sorry," Dick said, "I don't mean to be a dick. But hey, look at the bright side…." And Dick began to sing, "I like being with you."

And because this was the Glee universe, where everyone instantly knows the harmonies to anything anyone else begins to sing, Blaine echoed, in harmony, "I like being with you."

"And you like being with me."

"You like being with me."

They began in unison, "We're just the best of friends as anyone can see." They paused to bounce their heads to the rhythm,

"People say, it's quite unlikely
The two of us should stick
But I just tell them... hey!
It's me and my dick!"

…

Meanwhile, at the Hummel residence, Finn Hudson was having a conversation with him own genitalia. Puck, Finn's large and mohawked member, took a much needed stretch, "Oh, sorry about this, Finn, but I kind of drooled on your sheets last night."

Finn ran to check and sighed, "Come on, I just washed those!"

"Well, sorry, but I'm not the one having dreams about that hot little Jewish girl from school."

"Yeah," Finn sighed, "Rachel." He rubbed his hips unconsciously against the sheets. Puck squirmed.

"You're doing it again, you rapscallion!"

Finn jerked away from the bed, "Well, it's not just about sex. She's cute and fun and intellectual-"

"And hot and little and Jewish, I know!" Puck said. "She's got those dancer legs and those nice, round… boobies!" Puck started trembling, and Finn groaned.

"Oh," Finn sighed, unconsciously crossing his legs to shut off the sensations, "Alright, alright, alright, just calm down," He gripped the bottom of the shaft with his thumb and forefinger, and Puck wilted just a little, "Besides, she's got a boyfriend. They've been dating for three, and she's probably going to get married to him, and have a million little babies that are all hotter and more Jewish than I am." Finn sighed and started getting ready for the day.

…

"I should get ready," Blaine said, looking at his bedside clock.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Dick called, "Where do you think you're going? You have to take care of this; you got me all excited."

"Dick, we don't have time today," Blaine groaned.

"It'll hurt if you don't," Dick pouted.

"Okay." Blaine grabbed on, and the boys sang,

"We'll stick together
(We'll stick together)
Fight through thick and thin
(Fight through thick and thin)
If we stay side by side
There's no way we can't win
Any boy that's out there
(Any boy that's out there)
Any boy at all
(Any boy at all)
When he gets going with us
He's sure to have a ball!"

Dick kicked one testicle out to the side, then said, "Hey! Watch out with that joke. It's an antique!"

"People say, how do you do it?
How can you be so slick?
But I just tell them... hey!
It's me and my dick!"

Blaine got into position, wrapping his hands around Dick, who shivered in anticipation, "Now, just think about that hot little slutty boy from school."

"Sebastian," Blaine sighed, then sang, "Yeah, there he is."

Dick jerked, "Oh, I see him."

"Leaning on his locker with those big blue eyes," Blaine moaned, "And he's taking off his shirt and his pants."

"Yeah, keep going!"

"And we're doing a sexy-time dance!" Blaine started moving his hand faster, and Dick twitched in response, "He's running his hands down my underpants."

Dick joined in, about to blow, "Buddy this is our chance!"

"Blaine!"

Blaine started and quickly threw the sheets over his still twitching member, "Whoa!"

"Are you ready to go to school?" Kurt's face appeared outside the window.

"Yeah, hold on!" Blaine called back, pulling back the sheets just slightly to give Dick a little air.

"Ugh!" Dick gasped, "Is that gay face Kurt, your gay faced neighbor?" Blaine covered him back up, smothering the words so that Kurt wouldn't hear them. Kurt stood outside the window, clenching his hands together.

"Blaine, I just wanted to let you know that in order to not be late to school we should have left 7 and a half minutes ago!"

"Okay, Kurt, I'll be down in just a second."

"Okay, I'll just be waiting for you outside your house."

"Okay, Kurt, I'll be down in just a second!"

"Okay!" The clack of Kurt's custom made black leather boots sounded on the driveway. Blaine sighed, and let Dick free again.

"Geez, Blaine," Dick sighed, "You have got to get some drapes for that window, I'm sick of all these interruptions. I was just about to - "

"Blaine!" Dick dove for cover again as Kurt reappeared at the window, "I just wanted to let you know that you can take as much time as you need, and if we're late for class… well, I guess that's okay!"

"Okay, okay, fine, Kurt, shut up!" Blaine said sharply. He had his hands pressed against his Dick, creating a pressure that hurt and felt good at the same time.

"Okay!" Kurt disappeared again, and Dick reappeared.

"Is he gone?" Dick moaned.

"Yeah, I'm gone!" Kurt called from the driveway.

"Yeah, he's gone," Blaine said.

Dick jumped in his lap, "Well, let's keep going!"

Blaine shook his head, "No, no, Dick. I'm not in the mood anymore." He shook his head, hands pressed to his side.

"WHA?" Dick gasped, "Why the hell not!"

"Because all I can think about it Kurt, and that's just the least sexy thing that I could think about."

Dick seemed to agree, going limp almost instantly. "Blaine!" He whined, "Now you've got me thinking about him. I'm never going to be able to come now. I'm never going to be able to come ever again!" Blaine gave him a consoling pat, and he didn't even twitch, "Uh, Kurt. He's just like… he's just like a baby penguin. And you know, you're like 'ugh' and it's just 'ugh'. I can't even describe him with words. He's just such a Kurt. He's just a baby penguin, gassy face making Kurt. Ugh."

"Oh, Kurt," Blaine scrunched up his face, "I know exactly what you mean. But come on, we've got to get ready for school. You made me tardy for class three times this week!"

"I hate class," Dick said, "Whatever Blaine, you know we don't go to school for class. We go to school for ASS!" Dick laughed along to his own little joke as the boys got dressed, Blaine tamed his mess of curls, and went out to the car.

In the car, Kurt was nervously checking his hair, and Finn and Puck were deep in conversation.

"I have an idea," Puck said, "Why don't you introduce me to Rachel!" He beamed, pleased with his plan, but Finn shook his head. "It'd be fun! All you'd have to do is cut a hole in this box, put me in the box, and then give it to Rachel. And she'll open the box and I'll pop out and say, 'HELLO! Big sausage pizza!"

"That's the stupidest idea I've ever heard," Finn said.

"What?" Puck said.

"One, she has a boyfriend," Finn said, "Two; she probably won't even open the box!"

"That's ridiculous," Puck said, "Of course she'll open the box, Jewish girls love pizza! In fact, the only thing Jewish girls love more than pizza is big sausage pizza. No?"

"No," Finn said.

"Fine, you don't like that idea. I've got a million of them. So, you really like this Rachel girl, huh?"

"Yeah," Finn said, "More than anything. She's the girl of my dreams."

"Well, Finn I want you to be happy, because when you're happy, I'm happy. I'm your dick, I love you! And I know that I sometimes get you into hilarious misadventures, but I just want you to know that I'm always going to be there for ya."

Finn smiled, "Yeah."

"So, what do you say that we taking life by the shaft and start grabbing it by the balls! So, who cares if Rachel has a boyfriend? Screw that asshole! Why does he deserve Rachel more than us? That's right; we're going to win her over. Finn, I'm going to get you laid if I have to do it myself!"

"Thanks buddy," Finn said, "Up top!" And he gave Puck a very gentle high five.

Just then, Blaine Anderson ran up to the door and sat next to him, "Hey, Finn."

"Hey, Blaine!"

"Puck," Dick said politely.

"Dick," Puck nodded back.

And because this is the Glee universe and everyone knew the same songs and had perfect timing, the boys all began singing,

"People say, it's quite unlikely
The two of us should stick
But I just tell them... hey!
It's me and my dick
(I like being with you)
It's me and my dick
(We'll stick together)
It's me and my dick
Hey, man…
It's me and my dick!"