The Power of Telethy

There is no such thing as Christmas here.

It simply does not exist. Catholicism does not exist. Easter does not exist. Christmas still does not exist.

Thanksgiving doesn't even exist, though I kind of expected that, what with this not being America.

I loved Christmas at home. I loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, loved it, liked it, loved it, loved it.

I loved it, is what I'm trying to say. It doesn't seem to matter your belief system during the holiday season. Everyone's a little nicer to each other... unless you're a sourpuss and decide you want to complain about the commercialism. Blame big business, not the holiday.

Where was this going? Oh, when I found out that Christmas wasn't a real thing here in Altomare, it made me upset. No, I wasn't bummed because I wasn't receiving any gifts. I was upset because Christmas made me think of home.

I guess I thought that... I don't know, it would somehow bring my family back to me, or maybe take me back to my family, if only for a day.

So when I asked Lorenzo if the museum was open on Christmas Day and he asked me what a Christmas was, I died a little inside. Latias sensed my sudden wilting... and keep in mind that this is before a year had even passed since I arrived here.

I said nothing more about it to Mario. He and I didn't really get along too great yet. No, we weren't hostile to each other, but if we shook hands or hugged, we were very stiff, and upon one of us taking leave, the other wasn't exactly upset.

I stayed my tongue, is what I'm trying to say. Latias, however, knew that something went wrong, and being Latias, she was going to dig and dig until I told her what was on my mind. I made a point to do so when we got back to the garden.

"Well... what about Thanksgiving? Are you open then?" I asked through the power of telethy.

"Look Sly, I don't know what kind of games you're playing, but..."

No, no games. You know... the day where everybody eats?

"You mean every day?"

I shook my head.

The special one... at the end of November?

A look of understanding washed over Lorenzo's stupid face.

"Oh! You must mean... the Harvest Festival? November 28?"

I nodded uncertainly.

"Well, yeah. We're open, but not until late. We open our doors at 8 pm. The museum serves as a place for folks to take a break from their shopping... or to continue with shopping, if they need souvenirs. Big Friday is a zoo."

You mean Black Friday?

"Black Friday? What's a Black Friday?"

I had to resist the urge to smack my forehead.

"Sly... surely you mean Big Friday?"

I think so. Black Friday is-

"Big Friday," Mario corrected.

Black Friday.

"Big Friday."

Black Friday.

"Big Friday."

Black Friday.

"Big Friday.

Black Friday.

"Black Friday."

Big Friday, dammit!

A smug look washed over Mario's face for just a second, and I only felt worse.

...Well played. Anyway, on Black Friday-

"Big Friday."

Anyway, on Big Friday, do you do a lot of sales? You know, on souvenirs?

"We have a lot of people on Big Friday. It's why we call it Big Friday. We don't get anyone, however, until everyone's done shopping at places like Gacy's Deparment store, or the Pause and Purchase down the road."

...which brings me to my question: Do you want help around here on Big Friday?

"Oh, Sly... I couldn't ask you to take time out of your busy... well, if you insist."

Oh, I do. I do insist.

"You can... take our Mascot's job and just take pictures with the children. I need a new one, anyway. The guy you almost fought with quit a few days ago."

Fine, I'll do it. I won't even need the costume.

"That's funny."

I was silent for a moment. Latias squeezed my shoulder, reminding me that she was there. I smiled over at her for a moment.

"Sly, I do appreciate your offer to help. I'll pay you for any services rendered, okay?"

I nodded wordlessly. Why did I have to kiss ass around here? I guess I was afraid if I didn't, Mario would jump on my head, killing me instantly.

"Alright, then I'll see you at... ten-ish on the 29th?"

I nodded again.

"Alright. Now, go on. Enjoy the rest of your day."

When Latias and I left the museum (Bianca was painting somewhere by the docks), we were silent. We were both walking, and I could feel Latias' eyes on me the entire trip back.

Sly... what's on your mind? Please, talk to me.

I signed "I'll tell you all about it when we get home, okay?" and she nodded.

Of course Black Friday still existed. There's likely only one constant throughout every universe, and that's business.

I don't know why I wanted to help him out on Black Friday. If it's anything like home, people will end up shooting each other over coffee makers.

Still, I could use the money. Whatever painting I've done (Latias got me into it, but I still wasn't very good yet) didn't sell, and I liked having money to throw around a bit.

When we got back to the garden and assumed our real forms, I sat down with a heavy sigh. Latias sat right next to me and put a paw on mine.

"Now, tell me... is this about that Christmas thing you were talking about?"

I shrugged. "In a way."

"Well, explain it to me!"

How do you explain a holiday like Christmas properly without going right into Catholicism, nay, any religion?

Well, it's the day many recognize as the birthday of Jesus Christ...

Who is Jesus Christ?

Oh, he's a superstar.

...No, it won't work like that. I kept it brief, and I told Latias that Christmas was a holiday that a religion from my home celebrates (and then I contradicted myself and said that even some people who didn't follow that religion celebrated Christmas). I told her all about the almost ritualistic exchange of presents between loved ones, and I told her about Jolly Old Saint Nicholas, the kindness in the air, and...

...I think the only things I left out were an in-depth look at Catholicism and Buddy the Elf.

After I got her up to speed, she knew why I was looking so down without me even having to say anything else.

"...and you're upset that we don't celebrate Christmas here, is that it?"

"It's not so much the lack of Christmas. It just makes me feel a little homesick."

Latias said nothing else, and just sat with me. I didn't really blame her for not saying anything else. There just really wasn't much more to say. What could she have said other than "I'm sorry"?

We hung out around the garden for a little while longer before Latias said she was going to go meet with Bianca. She asked if I wanted to go, too, but I turned down the invitation. She understood why.

I hovered over the Soul Ball for a little while and just stared at it through my reflection in the water. Like it usually did, it made me cringe.

Look, it'd make you cringe too if you spent an afternoon inside it, but I wouldn't say that out loud in front of it. Latios spends all of his time inside it.

"Okay," I said to nobody in particular. "If they don't have Christmas here, then I'm going to do it on my own."

That's why I left the Garden. I decided to go to a thrift store that Bianca was in love with to see if it had any decorations I could use. At the time I had a little money from helping Mario in the past (I painted his kitchen for him, and was fully expecting him to yell "Here we go!" upon seeing it).

The lady that owned the thrift store was very friendly with Bianca, but we didn't really know each other. The whole place was dimly lit, and it felt more like a warehouse. Smoke hung heavy in the store, and I could see the owner at a register, smoking as if it were going out of style. She had a 430 year old Ninetales, too, which was always a bigger help finding anything than she was.

"How are ya, hun?" asked the store owner in a raspy voice. She exhaled smoke through her nose as she spoke and I was reminded of a bull, but I said nothing. As if I could anyway.

She knew I wasn't being rude. Bianca ended up telling her that I was mute when we once came here to get something to send Ash-Hole for his birthday.

Her Ninetales knew what I was, though.

"Hello, what are you looking for?" she asked.

"Foxy, come now. Let the boy look around for a little while."

Yes, she named the Ninetales "Foxy", and every time she used that name you could see the poor creature just wilt. It was why I never gave her a nickname. She was miserable enough with the one she got.

I used the moment to kneel to the Ninetales and stroke her head, while asking her if there were any kinds of ornaments or other decorations in the store.

"Ooh, are you having a party?" she asked.

In a way. I need to find stuff to use on trees.

I stood again and the Ninetales led me down another aisle.

"We have a few things you may be able to use. What kind of party are you having, dear?"

It's just a holiday party. Do you guys happen to have anything... wintery? Preferably to be hung on trees?

"How about some nice bells and ornaments? We have some left over from World Day."

Perfect.

I found a few bronze bells that had some string on them that could hang from trees or doorways. I also found a box of colorful ornaments, which I really wanted.

"They say that color is precious, and opens up your mind," said the Ninetales. I looked down at her and she seemed to smile up at me. I smiled back.

I appreciate all the help. Thank you.

"Anything I can do for a Guardian of Altomare is an honor, dear. Is there anything else?"

A star would complete the look... but they didn't seem to have one.

No, this is enough. I'll figure something out for the remainder.

"If you find you need more for your party, you know where to find us!"

I smiled at her gratefully, and took the cardboard box full of items to the register. The store owner looked into the box and then looked at me. She pulled a sort of rubber face move and smoke appeared to blow out the back of her head. For a moment, I thought she was a volcano.

"Is this all?"

I nodded.

"150 dolluhs," she said. I got out the money for her, and she counted it out.

"What's the occasion, hun?" she asked, and then she mentally slapped herself. I smiled politely.

"Sorry, I forget sometimes. Whateva you're doing, you should probably wash out these bells. I found ratatta pellets in them. Disgusting, isn't it?"

She blew a cloud of smoke in my face and I coughed.

"Sorry, hun. Take care now."

I left with my box and I nearly choked on the fresh air once I got out of that store. That I found this stuff made me feel a little better, though. I had plans to decorate a few trees in this small park I'd found. Maybe I could get something going that way?

There was only one way to find out, right? I wandered over to the park with my box, and I just set to work on a few Evergreens (and one Sudowoodo by accident, to whom I apologized profusely. He was really cool about it), not caring in the slightest what those around me thought. I'd end up returning late at night to place ornaments at the higher parts of the trees, too. You know the park. It's the one Latias and I take you to from time to time.

I spent a few hours perfecting my own little Christmas paradise that day. Whether or not other people followed my lead and did the same was suddeny no longer important to me. I had my Christmas right here.

I wasn't worried about people stealing the ornaments off the two trees I decorated. Why would you want to? They were pretty to look at, but I got them for nearly the value of a discarded nail clipper.

Still, though... seeing only those two trees decorated felt off to me. I wanted more to be done... but not at that moment. No, I wanted to go home first, and rest. After I got more money together, I'd get more decorations.

...so that's what I did. Big Friday came and I stayed true to my word- I didn't need a costume. I showed up in my true form and was bombarded with children (and some adults) wishing to get a photo with one of the Guardians. Latias later asked me if I was sure it was a wise move, and I didn't regret it. Mario had every guard on duty that day, and there were at least two or three keeping an eye on me at all times.

Also, and I only did this once in a while, but right when a photo was about to get taken, I would sometimes turn invisible just to confuse everyone.

Some kids (and some adults), upon meeting me, started bawling, and I started laughing. The parents of those kids (and the spouses of those some adults) knew it was a good-natured laugh, and for those children (AND SOME ADULTS) I'd offer a free Soul Ball souvenir. I didn't tell Mario I was doing that, the guards didn't tell him, Bianca didn't tell him, and you shouldn't either.

I mean it. He'll kill me to death.

I "worked" for about twelve hours- ten in the morning until ten that evening. He paid me 800 moneys for what I did, and a few days later paid me an additional 400 for the jump in business resulting from my visit.

Guess where most of that money went over the next few weeks?

By the time I was done with that little park, it was a freakin' winter wonderland... and being that it was colder and a pond nearby had frozen over... well, yeah. Winter wonderland.

I spent weeks working on this park. Now, when I say I spent "weeks" working on it, I don't mean it was all labor. I just mean it was sometimes difficult to find ornaments or other decorations that would work for Christmas. After my patrols, or if I was taking a break, I'd make sure to spend at least a little time at that park. As long as I was there, I could almost see myself back home with my family.

Silent night, holy night, all is calm... all is bright...

Never much of a religious type, I still found comfort in such songs... my mother sang me a song called "Silent Night" during Christmas time when I was a toddler. It was what she sung me to sleep with. It's the same song I sung to you guys when you were small.

Mom...

Silent night, holy night, shepherds quake, at the sight...

Give me a minute, kids...

...

It still chokes me up. I'd shut my eyes and just... just think of my family.

...Where was I? My little paradise didn't catch on. Some people talked about it, but it didn't spring up anywhere else. Bianca found it, though. She found me there, too, and I was working on it a little more. By now, it was just about the fifth of December.

"Sly?"

Her voice nearly made me drop an ornament.

Bianca...

"Sly... what is all of this? What are you doing?"

I-I'm celebrating Christmas.

"You're celebrating what?"

I sat down before the tree and she sat next to me.

Christmas. It's Christmas time.

"Sly, what's gotten into you? I've never seen you like this before..."

No.

"Why are you doing this? Because of... Christmas, was it?"

I nodded.

"...but why here?"

I stared her in the eyes.

Because I miss my family. I miss my home.

Having heard a bit of my tale through Latias, Bianca knew in part what I was talking about... and when I said that, I could see sorrow in her eyes.

"Oh, Sly..."

I miss them so much, Bianca. I just want to be with them again... if only for Christmas.

She pulled me into a hug and was silent for a moment.

"I'm sorry... I wish we had some way to give you time with your family..."

I stayed silent.

"Why won't you talk more about this with Latias? Has she helped you with any of this?"

She doesn't know I'm spending time doing it. I don't want to trouble her with something like this.

It was true. Latias was still busy as a Guardian, as was I. Plus, her art takes up time, and she's usually tired by the end of the day, as she works at protecting the city as hard as she possibly can. I simply couldn't bother her with something that may not mean anything to her.

Bianca left me to my devices after a few more minutes, but not before telling me that if I needed to talk, she'd be there for me.

I didn't much take her up on that offer. She and Latias were strangely quiet about my change in demeanor. I was quieter, I didn't joke around as much, and I wasn't even eating much anymore. I spent more time going to that park, which you might think would lead to fighting between Latias and I, but no such fighting came to fruition. I was often eyed with a look of sorrow by Latias, but nothing more until I one night broke down crying in her arms.

My visits to the park continued until the 24th of December, or Christmas Eve. I had the day off, and intended to spend it in my wonderland after the chores Latias wanted me to do (sweep Mario's office in her stead, drop off some painting supplies for Bianca, etc).

I was done at Mario's by noon and I found Bianca in town square. She asked me how I was feeling, and I told her I was alright (I really was, because I was so looking forward to going to that park).

"Well, I appreciate you bringing this stuff out to me, Sly. Thank you very much."

No problem, happy to help. Merry Christmas, Bianca.

With that, I turned to leave, and I got a few steps before she spoke again.

"Sly?"

I turned my head to look at her.

"Merry Christmas to you, too."

I smiled, and I walked off... it was a chilly day, and quite cloudy. It was just about a five minute walk to the park...

...but when I turned the corner, what did I find? I found the park, sure... but the decorations; the ornaments... they were all gone. All my hard work had vanished. There was nobody there.

I ran to it. I looked up in the branches of the trees but found nothing. I looked at the swingset supports I decorated and saw nothing...

I turned that place upside down, looking for any sign of where the decorations went... but I found nothing.

So, I sat. I sat at one of the swings and just thought. Tears welled up in my eyes.

I didn't cry there. I just sat for... I don't know how long. I was there for quite a while.

Nobody happened upon me while I sat, my face buried in my hands.

Sly...

It was Latias' voice.

Sly, please come home.

I felt tears leak out of my eyes. I wanted to. I wanted to go home and I wanted to be with my family.

Please... Please come back.

I didn't move. Though I couldn't hear it, I could tell she was sighing.

I have something for you. Please, come home to me.

I sat still for a little while before I became aware of my own sobbing. Without anything else to do, I stood up, and I just started walking back to the Garden.

I composed myself before I got there because there are two main groups of people in Altomare. One of those groups would go to obscene lengths to try to cheer you up if you were sad (I know because I've seen it done), and another group is in the alleyways (which incidentally is where the entrance to the Garden is), and they'll kick your ass for crying. I didn't want to run into either.

I found my way to the Garden's entrance, but there were people nearby, so I just sat on a bench for a while. I sometimes wonder what would happen if somebody tried to lean against the wall, and they accidently fell into the Garden. I've never remembered to ask anybody about that possibility, and the silence as to that particular subject suggests that I may not want to know.

Those people that prevented my entrance to the Garden stayed for about an hour. They were talking about the pros and cons of art on today's society, I think. Whatever it was, I didn't understand a word of it. All I knew at the time was, tears were leaking from my eyes again, and I was trying to make the wiping of those tears as inconspicuous as I could.

Latias didn't try to call me back any more than when I was at the park. I think she knew that those people were waiting out front because of that sight-sharing thing we can do.

I walked into the Garden, and before I could even look up Latias placed her paws over my eyes. I could feel her smiling.

"Hey," she said. I was still in my human guise, or else I would've said something back. She started leading me forward, but she wouldn't let me see anything.

No, she didn't let me look around until I was past the fountain (I wasn't deaf). Then, she let me go, and I couldn't help but gasp. I was so stunned by what I saw that I returned to my true form over it without even meaning to yet.

I felt like such an idiot... the decorations... they were all here. Ornaments adorned the trees, and bells decorated the stone bridge. She spared no expense. She even found a star, and had put it at the top of the tallest tree she decorated.

There was a table practically piled with food of all types. Mario was there, and Bianca was there, too. Latias joined them and turned back to face me.

That's why I went out to do those things. That's why Mario had to leave while I cleaned his office... they...

You... did all of this... for me?

They all nodded nearly simultaneously, which I would've found creepy if I wasn't so touched by the gesture. I was already feeling the sadness ebb away, but that didn't stop more tears from falling.

"Are you still feeling homesick?" asked Bianca. "I know we can't replace your family."

They couldn't, and they never would... but they did remind me of something: While I won't see my biological family again, I do still have a family here in Altomare.

"You'll always have us," chirped Latias, and she was right. Whenever I'm feeling down, I can talk to one of them, and likewise, they can do the same with me.

That, kids, is why we have the winter party, that is why I wear that ridiculous looking hat in December, and that is why I give you guys presents on the 25th of that month.

Well, that, and I'm just an awesome uncle.

My attempts that first year at bringing Christmas to Altomare spawned out of being homesick, but they brought around my favorite part of the year. I'll still think of my mother and father, but I can't be so sad when I have the family I've got here.

Merry Christmas, kids.

Al La Fin to the Max Again

-That thing about people complaining about commerialism and Christmas is a reference to an Okami fic. I think it's called "The Perfect Gift" or something. Main character bitches about commercialism. I had to do it.

-The Harvest Festival is a reference to Animal Crossing, or Game I've Never Played.

-Big Friday was a proposed new name for "Black Friday". It didn't take, obviously. I say, just call it as it is: "Everybody Turn Into Wild Animals Day" or "Attempt to Murder Your Employees Day". And that whole opening at 8 pm thing is based on what happened during the 2013 Thanksgiving/Black Friday sales.

-Take one guess what "Gacy's" is referencing, and then try to figure out "Pause and Purchase".

-Hey, ten-ish on the 29th is the same time I had to work on the 29th. One of the guys I work with was there at 7:30 pm on Thursday until 5:30 pm on Friday. Yes, PM. As in 22 hours.

-Yeah, that's a reference to Jesus Christ, Superstar. And no, I've not seen it, nor do I intend to, because money.

-Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color? I love that movie.

-Catholicism's pretty cool, too, I guess. Trust me. I'm Catholic on occasion. Still gonna burn in hell, though.

-Ninetales is my favorite Pokemon. I don't know, just thought I'd throw that out there.

-I was blitzed when I first wrote the thing about the ornaments. I had to re-do it.

-How many times has Ash-Hole turned ten? Seventeen, eighteen times (as of 2013)?

-World Day is a parody of Earth Day. They have that, but not Christmas. Work with me here. You accepted that Espeon turned into Umbreon. Take the World Day thing, too. Please.

-"Colour is precious, and opens up your mind" is a reference to the Colour series on "N" and "ewgrounds." Beautiful games by Silverstitch. I recommend you try them. And then play William and Sly.

-Smoker Volcano is a reference to a Brian Regan joke.

-Regarding that art thing... I'd just re-read Percival Everett's Erasure at this point. It's the only novel I know that has an entire page dedicated to the word "Fuck" in big, bold print.

-I really want to see a picture of a Latios wearing a Santa Hat. It would amuse me.

-Again, Sly's talking to Bianca's kids.

From now on, I'm leaving this one-shot up.

To those of you who have been messaging me about not understanding numbers, on account of a notice saying there are only a few chapters left when you can see 20 more, congratulations. You can do basic math. Those additional chapters are another story entirely. I felt like they worked better as additions to the original story, so here they stay. The original story was written in 2011, while the sequel was done circa 2015.

Also, same people are wondering why Sly what's his face doesn't know what pokemon are. I was careful to cover that in an early chapter as another note. Assume he lives in a world where the Pokemon franchise does not exist.

From now on, there will be no further updates to this story. You know, unless I change my mind again.