Chapter 1 BPOV

It's been a few months since the "accident" happened resulting in my loss of hearing. Not only did my hearing leave me, but so did he. My only love. My life has been on downward spiral since then. The doctors were baffled on my hearing loss, but I would never tell them what happened. I don't like to talk about the incident. If I did they would think I'm crazy. If I actually told them the truth that a nomadic vampire bent on revenge raped me then hit me so hard I lost my hearing they would put me in an asylum.

You could call me mute. It's not that I'm unable to talk it's just why would I? I have no reason to. I learned sign language but I choose not to communicate. Plus I'm uncomfortable talking and not knowing what I sound like. Everyone tried to get me to talk for a while before, until they realized i wasn't going to speak and stopped trying. Everyone knows I'm depressed and Iv'e done my best to hide it, but I know they see right throught it. I'm nothing but an empty shell. My body may be there but my mind mind and soul are no longer present. My world is just a big empty hole of nothingness. I think about him every day,I dream of him every night he never escapes me. I'm a little bitter towards him and his family for leaving me without a goodbye and unprotected ,but deep down I'm still in love with him and I still pray that he will come back and tell me everything he said he didn't mean ,but I know I'm just deluding myself. Why would he want me anyway? I lost my hearing and my innocence. I'm nothing but a broken whore.

It's his fault. He should have been there .He should of protected me, instead of running away. But after all of this I still can't bring myself to hate him fully. Because of them I have abandonment issues and I don't get too emotionally attached to someone because I fear them leaving me too and I just can't bear the hurt again. Part of me wants to forget him,but another part wants to hold on to him forever. I know if I ever meet another man in my life he will always be second best next to Edward. I often about things I will miss most; his soft caress, his soft kisses that bring my hear into a frenzy, staring into his love-filled topaz eyes, his mouthwatering scent and most of all, his velvety smooth voice as he hums my lullaby. Knowing that I will never again hear the enchanting lullaby, brings tears to my eyes.I just want evrything to go back to normal but hes never coming back. All I have left are painful memories of the love I thought was real. I was just a distraction to him;disposable. With that last thought I let my emotions take me and cry myself asleep.