A couple of lovely readers suggested I do a ficlet of James' letter so, here it is. It's short. But I couldn't think while laughing as I typed this because I just wanted the words TO STOP.

Warning: Words that should be unsafe for human pronunciation.

The Letter

James,

I know this will come to you as a shock. Believe me when I say it was a shock for me too.

I want you, James.

I want you to run your elegant fingers over the canvas of my pale skin. The times I've dreamed about you doing that is quite unhealthy. I've dreamed about having your pulsing manhood in my mouth. I want your bulging arousal against mine.

James, please put your weeping cock inside me and make me forget my name. I want you to make me scream your name in the intense throes of passion. It would be so beautiful, the two of us together. Bite me, lick my skin, do whatever you want with me. I'll love it.

Afterwards, we can simply rest in each others' arms while we try to catch our breath. I want to feel your sweat mix with mine as our tongues battle for dominance in the caverns of our mouths.

If this doesn't convince you, I'm afraid I'll have no other choice but to show you just how much I want to do all of this to you.

Forever craving your love machine,

Remus Lupin

James stared.

And stared some more.

'What…the fuck was that?' whispered James. His hands shook slightly as his fingers gripped the thin piece of parchment he was reading. He never would have thought he'd loose half his brain cells in the process.

And as Remus laughed and Sirius fell off the bed while Peter chocked on his own saliva, James was hit with the cruel realization that it had been the first time he had ever been pranked. What a horrible way to do it, he thought.

But, for James, the fact that he'd fallen for it was far more of a turn off than Remus' choice of…words.

Well, until he decided to reread the letter again.

Christmas break has arrived and I already have something planned for you guys!

It's going to blow your pretty little minds. Trust me. You've seen it before and it's coming back! (So many puns, so little time)