Standard Disclaimers Apply.

Note: This is A/U so expect OOC's. ^_^

Chapter One: Emptiness

~~~~~~

 [Kaoru]

Have you ever felt your heart ache? As in literally ache? Well, I have… actually, I am feeling it right now. You must be laughing your heads off this minute, thinking… Kaoru Kamiya? The #1 Bestseller for Romance Novels, feeling depressed? You have got to be kidding me.

Well, it's the truth.

And, I have a newsflash for you… I had never been in love.

            Ironic?

My musings were cut short when my genki sister barged into the door, skipping happily, holding a magazine on her hand. She announced excitedly, "Kaoru! Read your reviews… they're great! One of the reviewers said and I quote, 'Kamiya's new novel is the best one yet! It is an intelligent romance novel that will surely tickle your hearts. Read it or you'll surely miss out!' See? They love it! Even the high-class aristocrats loved it! You are famous!"

I stared at her blankly, observing every expression, gesture and movement she made. Actually, I admire her because she is a ray of sunshine, cheering people up, including me. I couldn't help but smile at her presence, not because of the good news she told me but because she seems to be happier and more excited than I am.

"Earth to Kaoru! Are you listening to me?" Misao said impatiently as she tapped her foot on the floor.

I buried my previous thoughts, gave her a sheepish smile and said, "Sorry, Misao-chan. I was just thinking about some things."

"Like what? A new plot for a new novel you are going to write?"

At that, I laughed heartily. "I don't think I'll be able to write another novel in months. I need to take my break you know! Besides we have a busy schedule ahead of us." Did I mention that my heart is breaking into millions of pieces right now? Oh right, I can't tell you.

Misao nodded approvingly unaware of my mental sarcastic remarks, "You're right, you're right." Looking thoughtful for a moment, she added, "Don't forget your book signing at Yokohama mall tomorrow, okay?"

"Alright. I won't forget!" I replied trying my very best to sound cheerful as I turned to face my monitor.

I knew Misao saw the sudden change of my facial expression as soon as I turned away. I prayed silently that she would not pry at my mood swings but I guess it was too much to ask. She walked towards my desk and sat on it. She crossed her legs and with her foot, she turned my computer chair to face her. She asked worriedly, "Kaoru, are you alright?

"Of course I am! Why did you ask?" I looked at her, widening my eyes to feign surprise.

She looked away, face flushed, apparently embarrassed at her assumption, "Oh nothing, for a minute there I thought you were brooding."

Good. It worked. Now, if only I can widen my smile, maybe I can give her hints to leave me alone. Okay, Kaoru. Almost there.

Great!

I flashed her an even wider smile and said, "Misao-chan, why would I do that? I am so happy! I am so contented with my work. This is my life and it makes me so happy! Now, can you tell Jiya that I want to discuss our schedule for tomorrow?"

Misao leaned closer to look directly at my eyes. Standing almost hesitantly, she stammered, "Alright Kaoru, I'll go to him now. But if ever you need anything, even to  talk. You know I'm always here, right?"

I faked a chuckle and said, "There's nothing to tell, Misao-chan!" Misao glanced at me one last time and she headed out the door. Once the door closed with a soft click, I gave an audible sigh of relief. I raised my hands to my cheeks, rubbing it gently. Mou! I almost broke a sweat smiling so hard! I adjusted my chair so I can comfortably lay down and face the ceiling. I closed my eyes, playing back the good parts of my novel in my mind.

"Shigeru! I have dreamed of this ever since the first day I met you!" Toki exclaimed at she threw her arms around the man she loved.

Shigeru embraced her back as he pulled her closer, relishing the warmth and the compassion emanating from their two forms. He slowly lowered his face, capturing her mouth in his and murmured, "There is no need for dreams now, Toki. I am here and I promise I will do everything in my power to make all your dreams come true.

"I dream of nothing more than to hold you in my arms, Shigeru."

"Then you don't have to dream anymore because I am never going to let you go."

I opened my eyes as a lone tear escaped it. You might be wondering, how can I write a decent, not to mention a bestselling romance novel when my lovelife is…

Zip.

None.

Nil.

Did I mention zero?

Well, to tell you the truth. I am just a hopeless romantic and my inner child is screaming at me, telling me to wait for the right one… or better yet my prince charming, who one of this days will sweep me off my feet and declare his undying love for me. Crazy?

Maybe.

            But it's the truth.

~~~~~

[Kenshin]

"Tell me, Itsumo who is it that you really love is it me or is it him! Tell me!

"I don't know Tetsuma!! Stop it! You're hurting me"

"Unhand her!"

"Tell me it's me or I'll shoot him!!"

"Please, don't do this! You know I love Daigoro more than anything! I don't love you Tetsuma! I never had."

"You leave me no choice... "

**BANG!**

            "TTEEEETTSSSSUUUMMMAAA!!!!

"Cut! That's a wrap!"

            Cut!

My favorite word.        

These days, it seemed to me that a single word like that can sound like a hark of heralds to my ears. Cut is a simple word yet it gives so much relief to my senses. That single word meant perfection, ease and rest. Not only is the work finished rather flawlessly, that word also meant that we are back to reality. Yup, the beauty of reality.

"Kenshin!! Kenshin!! We love you Kenshin!!! Can we have your autograph?"

Oh! And here are the ever-loyal adoring fans! Well, this is the life of Kenshin Himura, awarded Meiji Best Actor for Primetime Soap Operas for 10 consecutive years. The press love me. The fans love me. People around me love me.

And I am loving every single waking moment of it!

"Kenshin! Kenshin!"

            "Hi Shura!" I greeted cheerfully.

            "Don't forget our lunch date at Venichhi's. The paparazzis will be there. We have to make sure they see us so that will dominate the headlines again tomorrow."

            "I agree with Shura. Added publicity will do wonders for your career, Himura" Aoshi said stoically.

Sometimes I wonder what goes on in his mind. Aoshi had never been famous for his expressive traits. He is a very famous director, acclaimed internationally. At age fifteen, he received his first award doing a documentary for the Onniwabanshu, Onmitsu of the Meiji era. He had done movies, television series, music videos and now he is exploring his horizons on soap operas. Aoshi is a very professional and talented director on stage but off-stage, he is a good friend. Despite, his busy schedule, he manages to schedule our photo shoots, fans day, etc. That is why I don't really need a manger. He takes good care of all of us.

            Aoshi went on and on, explaining the good things we can get from paparazzi. I already know the drill so I just nodded absent-mindedly, allowing my mind to drift somewhere else.

            "I love you, Kenshin."

            "I am so glad I found you. You don't know how lost I am without you."

            "Is it really you who found me?"

            "What do you mean?"

            "Do you believe in fate?"

            "I don't know… maybe."

            "We are meant to be, Kenshin. You and me…"

            "Himura, are you still listening?"

            At that, I was snapped out of my reverie. I turned to him slightly blushing for being caught inattentive and nodded.

"By the way, tomorrow is your day off, you may want to go some place nice just in case you are being watched. Good publicity is the key."

Like being in the newspapers and tabloids everyday isn't enough. I looked at them both, nodded and sighed. Wait a minute, I sighed? Well that's the first. Why would I sigh when I am happy. I am happy, am I not?

            "Oi Kenshin!!" Sano greeted as he approached me with a sly grin. I know he is up to something.

            "Hey, Sano! What's up?"

            "You're up for some loving tonight? I had Katsu arrange for us some special girls tonight. If you know what I mean," Sano winked at me, slapping my back.

            "Oro! Sano! You know I'm not into those kind of things!" I protested.

            "Come on, Kenshin. You are the world renowned love machine among us and you are not coming? Tsk! Tsk! If anybody hears you… You'll surely ruin your reputation."

            With that, I raised an eyebrow, "Is that a challenge, Sanosuke Sagara?"

            "Only if you take it…"

            "I'd rather not," I replied bluntly.

            "You're no fun! Oh well, I have to go now! I have to meet with Katsu for later. Ja!"

            I waved at him feeling a sinking feeling at my stomach. I have never felt this for a long time. It seemed foreign and painful. When I finally put my finger on it, I realized what it was.

            Sadness.

            Loneliness.

            And sheer emptiness.

            What is this, a new revelation? Maybe so. The daydream I had a while ago was quite odd. Maybe I had been acting too much. I am now starting to believe in fate and all. Nah! It was in my heart all along. Maybe at the back of my mind, I am still longing to sweep my damsel in my arms and we'll live happily ever after. You're right… I had been in this soap opera business for so long.

            All I want to know is… who will be able to fill the gap, no, chasm, in my heart?

~~~~~

Author's Notes:

Hi everyone! This is an experiment I am doing. This is the first time I wrote a fic in a first person point-of-view. I got the inspiration from watching Jerry Macguire. How is it? This fic will focus mainly on Kenshin and Kaoru's love story but don't worry, there will be a lot of Sano/Megumi, Aoshi/Misao on the next chapters. Read and Review! I hope you like this.