A/N: So this story had to be done. It's set in ME2 but it's going to be completely AU. I promise. This is not a retelling. Thank you to Saga Svanhildr for being my beta. LOVE YOU. lol

Wicked Ways

Stumble back to where you came from

Wide awake and falling on your faith

You've got an evil wicked way

Of saying I love you, I'd love to

"Wicked Ways" by Five Finger Death Punch

An arm wrapped around his body. Warmth radiated from her as she pressed against him. Kaidan Alenko was a lucky man. She pressed her lips against the bare skin of his back. His fingers curled against hers. Gwen Shepard was his savior. Hell, she was the savior of the Citadel and the rest of the Traverse for stopping Sovereign. He didn't know what kind of man he was before he met her and now that he had her love…there was nothing more that he could ask for. Kaidan turned to face her and was greeted with a beautiful smile.

"You should really go to the deck soon, or the crew will begin to talk," he said softly as he ran his fingers through her bright red hair. Brilliant blue eyes stared at him as she laughed. Gwen leaned in and kissed the tip of his nose.

"The crew is already talking, Alenko," she told him. Heat graced his cheeks. He knew, but part of him didn't want to admit it. He was still expecting a flag for fraternization. They had spent every moment together since the night before Illos. Maybe he should be more surprised if the crew wasn't talking.

"Ah, well…let them talk then."

She closed her eyes and snuggled closer to him. "Besides, I don't want to go just yet."

He kissed the top of her head and had to smile despite himself. "Commander," he said softly, "the sooner we figure out why those ships went missing, the sooner we can take our shore leave.' She pulled back to look at him. Surprise graced her features and she smiled. Oh, that smile. He would never get enough of it.

"Why, LT," she started, trying to suppress the smile, "I'm shocked."

"I can be surprising." He winked at her and she kissed him. He didn't want her to go now that she was ready to leave the bed.

"I like it." Gwen rolled out of the bed and pulled her uniform on. "I expect to see you up there soon, Alenko." She gave him one last look before he watched her disappear from her quarters.

Kaidan lay on his back as he stared at the ceiling. Something was definitely bothering her. He hadn't wanted to ask what it was because he didn't want to make her upset. Well, that and he figured if she wanted to talk, she would. He sat up in the bed and heard a low thrumming sound vibrate through the ship. His eyebrows furrowed together for a moment as yelling started outside of the cabin. He got up quickly when he heard Joker over the comm warning for the crew to brace themselves for impact. What the hell was going on?

The ship shook and he started to put on his suit. If they were under fire, they needed to be prepared. He paused and braced himself against the wall as the Normandy shook again. The scent of burning metal and dense smoke rose. He completely forgot about worrying about the crew and thought of Gwen. He had to get to her.

Kaidan raced through the halls, hoping to reach the command deck quickly. Liara stopped him as she cried out his name. "Where's Gwen?" He asked hurriedly.

"Sending a distress signal," the Asari told him.

He nodded quickly. "Get to the escape shuttles, quickly," he said.

"Kaidan," she started, but he was already moving again. He turned to look at her.

"Go!" He yelled and continued to look for the Commander. The fires seemed to grow as the minutes ticked by. He could hear the canon fire from whoever was attacking them hit the Normandy. Dead bodies littered the path, but he found her exactly where Liara had said she would be. "Shepard!"

"Beacon's done." She finished with the signal and turned to face him, helmet already on, preparing for the worst, he supposed. He put his on as well. "You need to get to the shuttles, Kaidan," she said. He didn't listen. He grabbed a fire extinguisher instead to try to put out the fire. He didn't know why. He just felt like he had to help somehow. "Please…"

"Will the Alliance be here in time?"

"They damn well better be," even with the helmet on he could picture the smile in her voice. "Now, I'm not kidding, Kaidan, get to the damned escape shuttles! I'm not going to tell you again!" There went her commanding presence. He didn't want to move. He wanted to disobey his commanding officer's orders just this once.

His head whipped to the side to look at her. "Joker's still in the cockpit," he told her, "he won't abandon ship." Kaidan paused. "I'm not going either."

"I'll get Joker and we'll get to an escape shuttle, you worry too much Kaidan."

"Gwen…"

"I gave you an order, Lieutenant," she said sharply.

He screamed at himself to disobey. Kaidan sighed. "Just get to a shuttle when you get him," he said. "Please."

Gwen ran until she reached the navigation area of the command deck. One of the attacks had breached the hull. No sound, just emptiness before her. She looked up to see a ship's silhouette against the planet. Her heart pounded against her chest. She had never seen a ship like that before. What the…a few escape shuttles jettisoned passed her vision. At least some of the crew had been able to escape with their lives. She looked away and continued her trek to find Joker.

She saw the kinetic barrier and moved slowly against the wall as she tried to make sure that she wouldn't be sucked out into space. Gwen walked through the barrier to Joker's side. "What do you think you're doing?" She asked over his distress calls.

"I'm not leaving the Normandy," he told her. Stubbornness was etched into his features. She placed a hand on his arm gently.

"I'm not leaving you alone either," she said. "The Normandy's lost. Don't lose your life with her."

He sighed heavily. "Alright," he agreed, "help me-" His sentence was cut short with a sequence of rapid fire beeping. "Shit! They're coming back for another attack!"

Gwen cursed under her breath and wrapped his arm around her shoulders as she helped him out of the helm to the escape pods. They weren't going to sit around like ducks waiting to get spaced. "Are you okay?" She asked him.

"Besides the wounded ego, just fine, Commander," Joker said, "and might I add, excellent time for this little talk. Though it's a shitty distraction from what's about to happen." He was ever the cheery one. It had almost made her forget about the ship looming over them.

Gwen let out a small laugh as she guided her friend into the escape shuttle. As soon as Joker made it inside the ship rocked again. What was left of the ship behind her gave away to the fire as it broke free. The sudden motion pulled her back, throwing her from the entrance.

"Gwen!" Joker yelled. "No!" He moved to try to help her.

"Stay back!" She ordered. Please God, make him stay back.

She couldn't lose him. She had lost so many people already. She tried to save anyone that she could. Failure was never an option, but it seemed to be her fate. Gwen wouldn't cry. She couldn't cry. Acceptance was the first step to peace.

"Gwen!" He cried out for her again. His face was wretched with pain, loss and regret. He was sure of her fate as well. She wished that she could offer him some witty retort just to see him smile, for that to be one of her last memories.

She grabbed onto a ledge and with her free hand, she slammed her fist against the controls of the escape shuttle to send Joker off. "I'm sorry," she said to no one in particular.

She watched the shuttle shoot off from crumbling ship. Thrown from the fragments, she had nowhere to go. She watched as the last shuttle jettisoned away from the Normandy. She felt herself floating. Gwen turned to see the planet beneath her. Panic encased her. Her hands went to her suit's helmet as she tried to pull it off, but it wouldn't budge. Damnit, she thought. She didn't want to die. Kaidan… ohKaidan. She hoped that he wouldn't blame himself. She hoped that none of them would.

Her chest heaved up and down quickly. The oxygen in her suit would run out. While she hoped for a quick death without fire, she could start to feel the medigel pumping into her system to keep her alive. She tried to stop it. She didn't want to prolong her dying. She didn't want to live through the pain only to die as her body burned through the planet's atmosphere. In the fleet, one would hear horror stories of getting spaced. Gwen Shepard had never thought that she would be the one to experience it. The Normandy's wreckage flew past her and when it was only a few clicks away they started to burn.

She was getting closer. She was going to burn. Every fiber of her being told her to fight. She needed to try despite hopeless odds. It was her nature to do so, but her fate was inescapable. Gwen closed her eyes as the heat took over. Fire roared in her eyes and she screamed.

Coldness crawled against his skin. Numbness plagued him. Kaidan couldn't watch as Captain Anderson stepped to the podium to speak the final words. He looked away and closed his eyes. They had searched for days among the Normandy's wreckage to find Shepard's body, but she was nowhere to be found. The empty casket that was lowered into the ground seemed like a hollow homage to the Commander. He brought up a hand to wipe away the dampness against his cheeks.

"Gwen Shepard was like a daughter to me. She was a warrior. She showed us what the human race is capable of. When we look to the stars, we will always remember everything that she did for us. We can only hope that one day; we will rise to her standards." Anderson's voice was strained, pained by the loss of a loved one. Kaidan could relate.

A chorus of 'amen' vibrated around him. His eyes slowly opened as he looked up to see the Captain staring at him. His head nodded slowly. Eyes slowly turned to him, the known lover of their beloved Commander, and his face crumpled. It was his fault she died. If he would have stayed, she could've gotten to the escape shuttle faster. If he hadn't distracted her, she would have known something was wrong…

He would have given anything to hear her laugh again, to see her smile, to hold her against him. This couldn't be real. She couldn't be dead. Maybe…maybe some how she survived. She was unstoppable. Not even death could stand in her way. "Gwen," he groaned as he buried his face in his hands.

He loved her. Kaidan had felt like they could've been together for the rest of their days. Hell, he could have married her if she would have him. He just…he just…wanted her. Things weren't going to be alright. Those around him rose as the ceremonial trumpet blared a sad tune signaling the first shovel of dirt hitting the coffin. It should have been him who died. Not her.

He was the last to leave the procession. He leaned against the chair and stared at the freshly made grave. Acceptance was not an option. Acceptance meant that this whole thing was real.

"It's time to go, son." Kaidan almost jumped at the sound of Anderson's voice. He sighed heavily.

"Could I have done anything to stop it? Joker said…she was alone. She died saving him. If I didn't listen-"

"Then you would have been dead with her," Anderson interrupted him.

"I don't see how that could be any worse," Kaidan said as he stood up. "At least she wouldn't have been alone." His jaw tightened as he stared at the older man. His heart was broken and he didn't know how it could mend.

The following months weren't kind to him.

He had taken time off to keep to himself, to mend and drown himself in alcohol. It soothed him; eased his pain. It was better to be numb than to feel, which he was sure would kill him. His friends tried to get him to go out, but he wouldn't. He refused to. He punched one of them after he said that he was being too emotional over Gwen's death. No. No he wasn't. He thought he had found everything he wanted with Shepard. It wasn't easy to let go.

Kaidan finally ventured out, after half a year, but only to visit her grave site. He laid down a bouquet of daisies, her favorite flower, and knelt down. Grass had already grown over the grave. Her white marble tombstone was still a slap in the face. He leaned in and his fingers grazed the etched lettering of her name.

"Anderson's ready to kick my ass," he told her, knowing the amusement she would get. "You'd probably be the first to start the betting pool." His shoulders slumped and his heart felt like it was slowly sinking, making its way down to the pit of his stomach. "He pulled some strings and made me a Spectre candidate. The Council thinks it's a good idea. I would be the logical choice, right? Having served under you…" He brought up a hand and rubbed his temples as a migraine threatened to take over. Not now. Not during his time with her.

"I, um…" He felt a sob choke him before he left out a cough. "I've decided to accept. I know… I know it's what you would have wanted." It was a chance for him to do something that made him feel close to her again. If that was the best that he was going to get then he would take it. "I'll never forget you Shepard. I hope you're at peace, wherever you are." He swallowed hard and sucked in a sharp breath, wincing as he did so. "I love you."

Meanwhile at an undisclosed location…

"Commander Shepard has been recovered," a dark haired woman spoke. She moved around the enclosed bed with the remains of the Savior of the Citadel laying behind the glass. Devices poked and prodded as the reconstruction began. The dark haired woman crossed her arms in front of her body as she watched her assistant program the machines' next steps. "The Lazarus Project will proceed as planned."

"This is a waste of time, Miranda."

Whether or not that was true remained to be seen. Miranda had respect for the woman's accomplishments, but that was as far as the respect went. Cerberus had lost too many facilities and precious research at the hands of Shepard. She had cost the organization so much, Miranda wondered if it was even worth saving her. But who was she to argue with the Illusive Man? He had never steered them wrong before, why would he start now? Still, she didn't like the idea of possibly serving under the Commander. This was her show, not the dead woman's.

"The Illusive Man doesn't seem to think so, Wilson, so neither should you. We need her." A hologram projected upwards from the glass showing what was left of Shepard's heart. Miranda watched as it slowly started to beat.

Needles poked the charred remains, injecting fluids that would cause the damaged cellular tissue to grow again. Other needles pumped blood into Shepard's system. Most of the skeleton had been saved; anything that was missing would be replaced with synthetics, top of the line, of course. The Illusive Man was putting more than enough money into the project to ensure that it was so. The space station wasn't an ideal place for Miranda to do her work, but this was her baby. This project would save the human race. They needed the bloody icon that Gwen Shepard was for whatever reason.

"What do we do about her Biotics?" Wilson asked.

She had almost forgotten about Shepard's abilities. Probably reckless, brash, and without thought. Miranda wasn't a woman that acted on impulse, but Shepard on the other hand… well not everyone who was designed for greatness actually achieved it, she thought bitterly. Her nose wrinkled slightly. Despite her feelings, Shepard had to be top notch. Perhaps even better than Miranda herself.

"Has the implant survived?"

"Barely."

Miranda shook her head. "Upgrade."

Wilson looked at her dumbfounded. "Do you realize how much that will cost?"

"Yes, now do it," she ordered. She sat down at the computer on the far side of the room. She needed to look over Shepard's file again, study it. Miranda was convinced that if she couldn't get Gwen to fight for them, she would have to use any means necessary. She flipped through the pages until something very interesting caught her attention. "Kaidan Alenko," she whispered under her breath. Very interesting.

One eyebrow rose as she read about the relationship he had with Shepard. If she couldn't convince her to join Cerberus, she would have to use Alenko as leverage. Ah, but he was in candidacy for Spectre status. It could be harder than she thought, but Miranda never backed down from a challenge. She wondered how rumors of Shepard being alive would be received. Well, once she was, and Miranda would make damn sure of it, she would be the one to leak it to the Citadel. The Illusive Man would be proud, wouldn't he? It'd be a way to draw out whoever was behind the missing colonies and hurdle Cerberus into a position respected by the Council.

"Vital signs are showing good progress," she heard Wilson announce.

"Estimated completion time?" Miranda asked as she leaned back in her chair.

"Two years."