Learning to Love Again

She rubbed her swollen stomach as the pains came and went. She knew that it was about time for her to deliver. She was scared. Her father came home from tour the minute she called him and finally mustered up the courage to tell him the news. Her mother was pissed beyond all belief and threw her out. She got in touch with a social worker that placed her in a teen home until her father could come and get her.

Ashley Davies wasn't stupid. She knew that he wasn't going to stay with her. She knew that she was going to have to care for this little one by herself. She knew she had made a mistake; she didn't enjoy it like she thought she would have. Now she was stuck with the consequences. She was going to love this baby though. She would show it the kind of love she had only dreamed about growing up.

I walked- okay well I waddled, into the bathroom. It was the little things that were becoming the hardest to do. Like peeing, it shouldn't be this hard. But when you have an extra thirty pounds to worry about, it makes things a little difficult. My dad was downstairs, ready to take me to my doctor's office, and hopefully it would be the last time I would have to go before delivering. I knew that it was going to be soon, I couldn't wait to get this baby out of me.

"Ashley!" He called. I knew that my dad still loved me. But lately I could tell that he was getting pissed off with me. I got kicked out of my mom's house when she found out, and when I called my dad he was on the first red-eye home to take care of me. I still don't get how he understood me on the phone when I called him. I was blabbering on like an idiot and I was surprised that he could understand me.

"Coming Daddy!" I yelled down the stairs. I grabbed my coat and slipped on my black boots. I tried to tuck my jeans into them, but I couldn't because of my belly being in the way. I groaned and waddled downstairs and got into the car.

It had been chilly lately in LA, which was not usual for December, but it had been extra cold. The high schoolers had just started on their Winter Break, giving me an extra three weeks to get acclimated if the baby decided to come soon. The windows on the car were frosted over a bit and I smiled as my dad opened the car door for me to get in.

Shortly after arriving at the doctors, I was told that he was going to induce me because the babies had gotten bigger than expected and he didn't want to put any more stress on my body. That's right. I said babies – as in multiple. Fuck. Yep, I didn't see that one coming either. Dad wasn't thrilled, but what are you gonna do?

I was told to go to the hospital and the doctor would meet me there…

After six and a half hours after my water breaking I welcomed two beautiful babies into the world. I loved them from the moment I saw them and I was so happy, for once, to have someone to live for. Benjamin Raife Davies and Brooklyn Rebecca Davies were my two perfect, beautiful and adorable babies.

Three Years Later

"Brooklyn, come downstairs please." I pleaded one last time. I was standing at the bottom of the stair case holding my daughter's backpack and lunchbox. It was the twins first day of day care and Brooklyn was not having it. I sighed as I set her belongings down and told her brother to take a seat on the couch. I walked up the stairs and entered the room that the two three year olds shared.

Brooklyn was sitting on her bed, dressed and ready to go. She was crying though. My heart melted a little, I didn't like to see my kids cry and that was one thing that softened me up.

"Baby, what's wrong?" I asked her as I took a seat next to her and pulled her tiny body onto my lap.

"I don't want to go to school, mommy." She answered as she sniffled and rubbed her already red eyes.

"Why not?" I pushed her straightened brown hair out of her face so I could see her beautiful green eyes, the only thing she ever got from her father. That, and her love of basketball which I still had yet to understand.

"I want to stay with you and Ben here."

"But honey, Mommy has to go back to work and school." I attempted to explain to her.

"Why can't I go to grandpa's then?" She asked as she laid her head onto my chest.

"Because grandpa is back on tour, he's not here right now. You know that."

"You're going to come get me and Ben though, right?" She asked. I stifled a laugh.

"Of course Baby. I wouldn't leave you there by yourself!" I hugged her and picked her up. We made our way back downstairs and eventually to the daycare, although I was already running late for work.

"Bye guys, I'll see you at four!" I smiled and waved as I walked out of the building and to my car. I finally made it to the office after making a coffee run on my way in.

I walked up the stairs and into the lobby, waving to Maria, the receptionist, as I made my way into my office, leaving the coffee on my boss's desk. I began my busy work until I heard the door slam and heel clicking on the granite flooring.

"Hi Andrea, coffee is on the desk and new demo tapes have been sent out to Columbia, Sony and Big Fish Records." I smiled as I placed some paper work on her desk and made my way back into my own office.

"Ashley?" Andrea asked.

"Yes?" I called.

"How are your little ones?" I smiled. Andrea seemed super intimidating when I first came in to interview with her. She stood a little taller than me, putting her at about 5'6", with blonde hair and brown eyes. She had stoic like features on her face that made her look mean, but she wasn't once you got past the intimidating factor about her.

"They're doing well, my dad left for tour yesterday, for about six weeks, so it's just the three of us. They're off to their first day of pre-school today. Brooklyn didn't want to have anything to do with it this morning."

"That's precious. Is it hard taking care of both without your father around?"

"Not really, I mean I'm used to it now. It's been three years, off and on by myself."

I never heard back from Aiden Dennison after I told him I was pregnant. He said he didn't believe me, and when I showed up to school and first started showing, he completely ignored me and pretended I didn't exist. I decided then and there that he was not going to be in the babies' lives unless he manned up and came forward and wanted to. I gave him a chance and he never took it.

I grew a thick skin after that. I distanced myself from people I used to trust. I became really close with my dad and knew that he was always going to be there for me. I also knew that he was probably the only one that I could trust. I blocked myself away from everyone else in high school that I was around; I couldn't put my kids through that.

Work came, and work went. I had one afternoon class today and I was not going to be late. It was the first day and I was actually early for once. I sat in the second row, I didn't want to seem too eager but then again I didn't want to seen disinterested. It was American Literature; although I wasn't a super huge fan of Faulkner and Fitzgerald it was hopefully going to be a fun class. Students started to file in and take seats around and in front of me. I pulled out a notebook and began to doodle, checking my phone every now and then to make sure there were no emergency phone calls from the day care. There weren't.

I looked up and smiled at the girl that had just taken a seat next to me. I slipped and fell into those beautiful blue eyes. I turned away for a second, hoping I wasn't blushing. It was going to be an interesting semester.