Now this had been an uber-long wait and once again, I can only apologise. I have gotten into the habit of writing ridiculously long chapters and as a result I will not post anything shorter than around 35 pages. Hence the long wait, as I don't always have that much time in my life to write. So I have made the decision that I am going to cut my chapters in half to allow more regular updates from now on.

I really hope you enjoy this chapter. Just want to say also, there is a particular story that is a fave of mine that has recently had a similar plot development with Reid and Hotch as shown in this chapter. When I read theirs, I thought 'oh no!' But I had written a fair bit of the exchange before posting the last chapter (god knows why this chapter has taken so long!) But anyway, please enjoy this chapter and apologies for the wait, again. Please keep reviewing! Thank you to all the AMAZING reviewers so far :)

Morgan entered the BAU bull pen. It was his first day back at work and lunch hour had just finished. He looked exhausted. Dark circles shadowed his eyes and his face seemed drawn and tired. He had hardly slept the previous night. It appeared bad dreams were contagious.

It had been a slow day so far. Very little work had been thrown their way. They were all more than aware that they were there to 'settle in', rather than actually work. Morgan headed straight for the coffee machine, despite the fact he'd just had two in the local café. Uncharacteristically he had opted to have his lunch away from the office for a change.

He opened the cupboard and reached in for his mug. It had been a gift from Garcia. He'd cringed when he'd seen the colour. Bright pink. But the fact that it had 'CHOCOLATE ADONIS' scrawled on it and a hand-drawn stick figure of him drawn by none other than the lady herself, automatically made him love it. But even looking at his favoured mug couldn't make him smile today. Pushing the mug to the side, he pulled out a plain white one. Somehow a cheerful, pink mug didn't seem befitting.

He filled up the lifeless mug and turned, leaning against the counter. He surveyed the office. It seemed so strange to see the BAU so alive. It felt wrong. How could it be that things could just go on as normal, when Reid was stuck in hospital? His life permanently scarred. Morgan felt like he was in a bubble of grief. Things weren't the same, but the wheels kept turning as if nothing had ever happened. He wasn't resentful of it. But looking at it seemed so strange.

He stood for a long while, just staring at the office until Rossi entered his eye line. He too, filled up a plain coffee mug and leaned next to Morgan against the counter.

They stood together in silence for a good minute.

"Doesn't seem right, does it?" Rossi mused quietly.

Morgan raised his eyebrows as if to question what he meant. "Everything's changed. Nothing's changed." Rossi answered simply, gazing around the bull pen.

"Hmm..." Morgan agreed.

"When JJ and Prentiss come back from the hospital, Strauss wants to see us all in the conference room." Rossi said, patting Morgan on the shoulder.

Morgan furrowed his brows.

"Why?"

Rossi shrugged, non-committally.

"There's a lot to sort out." He moved away from Morgan before he could reply. Heading across the bull pen, he took refuge in his office. Morgan sighed. He wanted to be at the hospital with Reid. Not sitting in the conference room with Strauss. Running a hand down his face, he sighed again. Placing his mug into the sink he then pushed away from the counter. He walked aimlessly around the bullpen, seemingly looking for something to fill his time.

He couldn't help but notice the occasional glance that was thrown his way by other agents. It was clear that they were all concerned. Probably desperate to ask about Reid. The petulant side of Morgan told him that it was because they were nosey and just wanted some good gossip. But his rational mind knew that it was genuine concern. Reid, whilst not always the most forthcoming member of the team, was part of the fixtures and fittings. He was well-respected and was often a consult for other teams when they were struggling with patterns and geographical profiles. At some point, every team in the office would have come into contact with him.

But it didn't stop Morgan being highly irritated by the seemingly casual glances.

For some reason, he found himself moving to Reid's desk. He stood staring down at the numerous papers and files that were strewn across the surface and the pen resting on top. He shook his head, remembering sitting there only a few days before thinking that he would probably never see him again. He hadn't dared to dream that there was a chance that Reid might still be alive after that video.

He thought he might find comfort in the fact that Reid's belongings still had an owner. But he didn't. As he stared down at the papers, it reminded him of the all of the deserted houses he'd seen during his time working in law enforcement. The houses where people had cooked dinner or started decorating and had suddenly been pulled out of their lives. He reminded himself that most of the time, those people didn't return. Statistically, Reid had been one of the fortunate ones. But seeing Reid's handwriting scrawled all over papers he would never finish made the idea of life seem so strange somehow. What had been the point?

Morgan found himself sitting down in Reid's chair, much like he had done before. Perhaps if these seemingly important tasks could have been put aside once in a while, Reid could have just made the most of being alive. Something he probably wouldn't do now for a long time. Morgan furrowed his brows. No one really knows what's around the corner.

He mused over the papers a little longer, glancing over Reid's notes about a case he had been consulting on. There were notes written everywhere. Some seemed to be questions to himself, others were definite decisions about the unsub's behaviour and M.O. Some notes Morgan couldn't even read. Even his written language seemed to be a complex arrangement of letters and numbers in need of deciphering. Which, he figured, was probably the point.

His gaze was then drawn to Reid's coffee mug, stashed next to his 'in' tray. It was another Garcia special. His was maroon coloured. Despite Garcia's confidence that the ever-so-masculine Morgan would accept a pink mug, she couldn't quite muster up the same courage for the ever sensible Dr. Reid. Although she had managed to embarrass him completely by writing 'NAUGHTY BOY' in huge letters. The stick man showed Reid on crutches with a tag around his neck saying 'Garcia's b*tch'. Morgan smiled as he thought back to Garcia presenting his younger colleague with the mug, shortly after he'd been shot. His eyes had nearly popped out of his head.

"I'm not drinking from that!" He said in a slightly squeaky voice.

"You have mortally wounded me, Reid." Garcia said, with feigned hurt.

"Hey, pretty boy, if I can drink from this..." Morgan trailed off, holding up his bright pink mug .

"Now you just be grateful that I didn't have one of your photo-shopped pictures printed onto that mug instead, hot stuff." She smiled, winking at Morgan.

Morgan raised an eyebrow.

"Photo-shopped?"

"Oh yes, baby. Photo-shopped." She said with extra emphasis.

Prentiss then held up her red mug, presenting her high school photograph to the rest of the group.

"Yes Morgan, be very grateful." She said dryly.

Reid was examining his mug like it was some sort of puzzle that needed solving. After a few moments of contemplation, he furrowed his brows and turned to Garcia.

"I'm out of proportion." He said simply.

"That's what's bothering you?" JJ said, staring in disbelief at the length of the stick man's trousers.

"My head's too big." He remarked seriously.

"Well, it's for that big ol' brain of yours." Garcia joked with a little nudge to his shoulder.

"Actually, there is no conclusive evidence to suggest that the size of a brain directly influences the level of intelligence."

They all groaned and rolled their eyes at each other. Reid, still stared at the mug. "In fact, studies have shown that-"

"Drinking from a mug designed by yours truly, brightens up your day!" Garcia interrupted cheerfully.

"I wouldn't be so sure." Prentiss remarked solemnly, staring at her mug.

Reid glanced around the table at the various mug designs then furrowed his brows again.

"Where's yours?" He asked Garcia.

"I can't design a mug for myself, sweetie." She said with feigned horror. "Besides, have you seen my drawings? My stick-woman would not be flattering."

"No, you couldn't inflict that upon yourself." Rossi quipped, from the corner of the room. He moved to put his mug on the table pointedly.

They all leaned in to examine the older man's drawing and burst out laughing.

"God Garcia, what is that?" JJ asked through her laughter.

"It's Rossi." She said, pouting.

"Yeah, deformed after a horrific accident perhaps." Prentiss corrected.

"Okay, okay, facial hair is not my speciality." She said with a smile.

"Or legs." Morgan added, looking at the strange gait Rossi's stick man seemed to possess.

"Or heads." Reid added, looking most concerned by his stick-man.

The look on his face sent them into a fit of laughter. Reid glanced around the room, looking utterly confused as to what they found so funny. Then he looked back to his mug again and squinted his eyes. After a few moments, he looked to Garcia in horror. "You- You tagged me!" He exclaimed, finally noticing the label around his neck reading 'Garcia's b*tch'.

They all smirked at each other.

"How long have you been looking at that mug for, kid?" Morgan nudged him.

"I have to claim my property." Garcia shrugged her shoulders.

Reid's mouth dropped open a little at the remark. "It's only 'cause I love you." She added, pinching at his cheek a little. He pulled away quickly, but a small smile graced his lips. Morgan found himself watching the young man looking down at the mug with a fond smile.

Despite Reid's initial horror, he became very protective of his mug. Morgan spotted him fishing it out of the dishwasher on numerous occasions, opting to carefully hand wash it instead. Morgan picked up the mug, a sad smile gracing his lips. It was saddening that such a small gesture should mean so much to him. Not that it didn't to Morgan, but the mug almost seemed like it was a symbol of Reid's place on the team. A symbol that he was cared about and more likely, that he was loved.

Morgan found his mind wandering to the numerous phone calls he'd received after he'd been presented with his precious mug. Usually late at night, full of apologies, Reid would call asking Morgan cryptic questions like Garcia's favourite colour and words to describe her. Three days after the presentation, Reid had sheepishly approached him at work with three hand drawn pictures of Garcia, asking him which one he thought represented her best. As always, Reid's analysis of the pictures was complicated at it's simplest, so Morgan, naturally, chose the most attractive.

Within another three days, Garcia was presented with her own mug. And Reid, in his shy, unassuming way had decided to leave it on her desk, full of piping hot cocoa with cream and marshmallows.

Morgan would never forget the look on Reid's face when Garcia ran through into the bull pen and gave him a big kiss. At first he had gone bright red and shifted uncomfortably, but then broke into a large smile when she told him she absolutely loved it and would drink out of it everyday. The large smile was then replaced with a smaller one, which remained with him for most of the day.

Morgan's heart warmed as he thought of the nearly child-like smile Reid had displayed. It had almost made him want to go over and hug the kid himself.

Suddenly, Morgan felt a hand on his shoulder causing him to jump slightly.

"Woah, easy." Prentiss said calmly. "I called your name three times." She said, concern laced through her voice.

Morgan shook the thoughts away.

"Sorry, was just thinking."

Prentiss reached around and took the mug out of Morgan's hand. A small smile graced her lips as she examined it.

"It looks as good as the day he got it." She said softly.

Morgan became very uncomfortable and grabbed the mug back, putting it back onto Reid's desk. He suddenly felt very protective over the item.

Prentiss raised her brows at him, trying her best not to be offended. Morgan took a deep breath then swung around in the chair to face his colleague.

"How is he?"

The slight smile that had been in Prentiss' eyes suddenly left and she paused for a moment, wondering how honest she should be.

"Not good." She said sadly.

Morgan dropped his gaze for a few moments, disappointed. His attention was suddenly drawn to JJ, who rushed into the bull pen and past the pair. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. She looked distressed.

Morgan's eyes opened wide in concern.

"What's happened?" He asked quickly, standing up out of Reid's chair. "JJ?" Morgan called after her, only to be stopped by Prentiss' arm on his elbow.

"Leave her." Prentiss said gently.

"No, if some thing's happened then I wanna know about it." Morgan snapped, still staring after JJ.

Prentiss put another hand to his other arm and turned Morgan towards her.

"Derek... look at me." She spoke firmly.

Morgan blinked a couple of times, then reluctantly redirected his gaze to Prentiss. She rubbed his arm comfortingly. "There's just a couple of things that need to be discussed. Between us all. It's just upset her, that's all."

Morgan started to look agitated.

"Things? What things?"

"Prentiss, Morgan." Rossi cut in. "Conference room... you ready?" He asked, noting their body language.

"Come on." Prentiss said encouragingly.

They made their way across the bull pen and into the conference room. Garcia was already sat there, nervously tapping on the table with her pen. She wasn't wearing any of her usual bright colours, opting for darker shades of brown and black. Her hair was uncharacteristically tied back and she wore barely any make-up.

She looked up at her colleagues, looking slightly scared.

"What is this about?" She asked tentatively.

Prentiss just shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, moving to sit next to Garcia. She squeezed her hand comfortingly. "Oh I hate these meetings." Garcia moaned like a small child. "Nothing good ever comes from them."

Both Morgan and Rossi glanced at each other. Neither one confident enough to reassure her. They had no idea why they were there themselves.

JJ then entered the office. She kept her head down and went straight for the chair in front of her. The team watched as she self-consciously wiped at her eye.

"You okay?" Prentiss asked knowingly.

"Yeah." JJ answered, her voice cracking slightly. After taking a deep breath, she lifted her gaze to the team, feeling incredibly embarrassed about her puffy eyes. "What's going on?" She asked softly.

"We don't know." Garcia whined. "I wish someone would tell us something!"

"Hotch will be here in a minute." Rossi said simply.

At this, they all went silent. They had barely heard anything from Hotch since Reid was taken into the hospital. JJ and Prentiss had seen him briefly in the morning, purely so he could order them to ask Reid some questions. But aside from that, he had mostly flown under the radar. His office blinds had been closed all day and they'd only seen him emerge once to get some coffee. There was something about his demeanour that made him seem unapproachable at the moment.

But as Hotch was getting more and more introverted, Morgan was getting angrier. He was more than aware of the fact that his boss hadn't been in to see Reid as yet. And it was irritating him. A lot. It wasn't the fact that he couldn't. If Morgan knew that to be true, he wouldn't bat an eyelid. Hotch had a lot of responsibilities and out of all of them, he would probably struggle the most with getting to the hospital regularly. But it was the reluctance he sensed whenever he saw him. He was avoiding the issue. And in Morgan's opinion, he had no right.

Morgan looked around the room at the thoughtful faces of his colleagues. They all seemed to be lost in their own worlds. This was the first time they had all been in each other's company since they had found Reid. It was clearly bringing back bad memories.

"Every thing's so messed up." Garcia said suddenly, shaking her head. "How can things change so quickly?... I just... I don't..." She trailed off, her mouth dropping open as she tried to conjure a word to describe how she was feeling.

"I know, baby girl." Morgan said softly. "But we've gotta stay strong. We can't let him win."

"Hasn't he already?" JJ said suddenly. "Look at us... we're a mess."

"JJ, come on." Prentiss tried to reason with her.

"No, Emily!" She snapped. "He has no idea how much he has taken from us! And he's not even here now to pay for it. How is that fair? Reid's sat in a hospital bed, suffering, while he rests in peace. No, Garcia's right. It is messed up."

Prentiss dropped her gaze and shook her head. She couldn't really argue with that.

"Am I the only person who's glad he's dead?" Rossi said casually.

"He should be paying for what he's done." JJ said simply.

"If he was, then Reid certainly wouldn't still be with us." Rossi replied. "So I'll take that gladly."

JJ stared at him for a few moments, seemingly unable to speak. She let out a long breath and dropped her head into her hand.

"I know... I know." She sighed. "I'm just so angry."

"Join the club." Rossi said dryly. The room fell into silence as they all retreated to their own thoughts. Rossi was staring at the centre of the table when he next spoke, his brows furrowed and his face contorted with disgust. "You know... I don't think I'll get the image of Reid hiding under that bed out of my head for as long as I live."

They all looked at him, surprised by his honesty and his apparent delicacy. They weren't used to seeing the older man so emotionally affected. Rossi continued, shaking his head as his features softened. "His face... God, he just looked so scared and... lost." The room once again fell to silence.

Rossi stared at the table, his gaze sad and sympathetic. Then he took a deep breath and stood from his chair. "Excuse me." He mumbled, leaving the room.

The team all looked up, their eyes following his passage out of the room with mild surprise. Once he'd left, they turned to look at each other.

"Well that's something I never thought I'd see." Said Prentiss, coolly.

"I'll go talk to him." Morgan said, standing.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Prentiss asked, raising an eyebrow.

Morgan froze in contemplation. Rossi wasn't really the sort of person to discuss his feelings. Hence why he had left the room. He didn't share his emotions. If Rossi had left the room, then it meant he wanted to be left alone. And Rossi wasn't the sort of person you could ignore like that. Whatever his wishes, you had to respect them.

Sighing, Morgan dropped down dramatically into his seat.

"You're right." He sighed again, dropping his head onto his hand. He just wanted to do something. The room once again descended into silence. Morgan's fingers tapping impatiently on the table was the only sound. After a good minute of silence, Morgan sat back in his chair, snapping the rest of the team out of their thoughts. "Where the hell is Hotch?" He said, angrily.

"He'll be here." Prentiss said confidently.

She was starting to irritate Morgan. Her ability to 'compartmentalise' was just too damn good.

"Yeah, well five more minutes and I won't be."

Suddenly the door to the room opened and Strauss walked in, followed by Hotch.

"Good afternoon." She said, seriously.

None of them made an effort to greet her. They simply nodded at her presence. This didn't surprise her.

Although, she surprised them. She motioned for Hotch to sit down at the table, then uncharacteristically followed suit, joining them on the same level for once. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I've asked you to come in here today." She then glanced around the room, furrowing her brows. "Where's David?" She asked, looking to Hotch as if he had the answer to everything.

"I'm here." He said strongly, entering the room again. Strauss was now sat in his chair. He rolled his eyes and moved round to the other side of the table to sit down.

"Oh... good." She said, honestly. "Right, well as you know, this last week has been... difficult, to say the least."

"You can say that again." Rossi muttered.

Strauss continued on.

"And as a result, there are a few issues we need to sort out." She said, eyeing the team carefully. She knew they were not going to like this. "Agent Hotchner and I have been discussing ways of keeping the unit running effectively. As you know, we've lost three agents and a technical analyst in the space of a week which means that one team is missing three members. Whilst your team can still remain fully functional, the other cannot. Agent Pearson, whilst he is an experienced profiler, cannot be expected to run cases by himself. Agent Newton is too new to the BAU to be his only support. We will be recruiting new agents, but this is going to take time and in the meantime we cannot be turning away cases-"

"Oh, come on, Erin! Get to the point!" Rossi said, frustrated. The woman was really grating on him. He knew exactly where this was going.

She sat up straight, her eyes flashing with anger. But she didn't snap back.

"We are going to have to move some of you over to the other team." She said simply.

"What?" Morgan said suddenly.

"No!" JJ cried. "You can't!"

"It's already done." Hotch said stoically. The team looked at him in despair. This was the worst possible time for them to be pulled apart. And whilst they understood the reasons, it didn't make it any easier.

"I'm sorry." Strauss said, genuinely.

Hotch sat forward, leaning his hands on the table in front of him.

"Morgan, you will lead Lewis' team until a new lead agent is found and Emily, you will be going with him." He said simply, his tone was absolute.

Morgan furrowed his brows.

"But what if I don't want to lead another team, Hotch?" He asked like a petulant child.

"There's nothing I can do, Morgan. I'm sorry. We need you." He looked to Emily, who hadn't said a word since this discussion began. She seemed to simply accept whatever was thrown her way. "Both of you." Hotch nodded to Emily, who just nodded back in understanding. After all, it wasn't a permanent move.

"And... what about me?" Garcia said, nervously.

"You will be acting Technical Analyst for both teams. I know it's a lot of work and your pay will reflect that." Hotch nodded as if that was the end of it.

"For both teams?" Garcia's mouth dropped open. "Sir, I'm really not-"

"It is only until we can find a replacement for Mr. Turner." Strauss said, calmly.

Garcia looked like a floundering fish for a few moments, her mouth flapped open as if she was trying to say something, but nothing came out. Then she snapped her mouth shut in acceptance, realising that everyone had to do their part. And in the end, had she been more aware, none of this would have even happened.

"I know this news is hard to take and honestly, if there was any other way of keeping the unit running then we would do it. But we've not had a disaster like this since the Bale case. And I know you understand that, because some of you were here then. It's how your team was formed. Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do, for the greater good."

"So these teams will be functioning from tomorrow. I will be heading up this team with Rossi and JJ. And Morgan will be leading Lewis' team, with Prentiss, Pearson and Newton".

Morgan dropped his head into his hands, deeply unhappy.

"Agent Morgan, your team will start receiving cases from tomorrow morning and Agent Hotchner's team, you will be working with sex crimes for the next few weeks to see if you can crack this sex ring."

"What?" Morgan snapped. "Why the hell do they get to do that?"

"Because that's how it is, Agent Morgan." Strauss said simply.

"Ma'am?" Prentiss suddenly spoke. "Whilst everyone is here, there's something else we need to discuss." She exchanged a quick glance with JJ.

Strauss furrowed her brows but looked as though she was listening intently.

Prentiss took a deep breath then began. "This afternoon when we went to the hospital to see Reid, the doctor took us to one side." She looked to JJ again who just dropped her gaze to the table, sadly. Suddenly the team looked increasingly worried.

"Oh God, what's happened?" Morgan asked.

"Well, to get to the point, Reid is going to need 24 hour care, for at least a couple of weeks when he leaves hospital. And if one of us can't provide it, he will be admitted to a psychiatric unit for his own safety."

"What?" Rossi said in shock.

"Fuck." Morgan swore under his breath, head in his hands once again.

"They can't just put him in a psychiatric unit. He's not mentally ill." Rossi said, his voice laced with concern.

"No, he's not. But his flashbacks are severe enough to make it dangerous for him to live by himself. At least at the moment. He's also having panic attacks and they are worried that if he is left by himself, then something could go wrong."

"He can stay with me." Morgan said categorically.

"No he cannot." Strauss replied, equally strongly.

"I'll take unpaid leave."

"Agent Morgan, you do realise that you are now leading a team?... You cannot just take unpaid leave whenever it suits!"

"Well you're going to have to do something about it." Morgan stated. "Because there is no way in hell that I'm leaving Reid in a psychiatric unit. It's his worst fear. And after everything that bastard has put him through, I'm not gonna let that happen to him."

"Agent Morgan-"

"No! I'm sorry, but no way." Morgan stood up.

"This is not your decision to make Agent." Strauss also stood, making her point, angrily.

"I'll quit if I have to." He said categorically.

Strauss' mouth dropped open. There was nothing she could say to that. The Bureau simply couldn't afford to lose another agent.

"It won't come to that." Rossi said simply, then looked to Strauss. "Will it." It wasn't a question.

Strauss floundered.

"This is above my head." She said, shrugging her shoulders in defeat. "I simply can't authorise leave when the teams are in such a mess."

"Well don't authorise it." Rossi said. "Morgan could take unpaid sick leave for two weeks." He made it sound so simple.

"But that doesn't solve the issue of the teams." Strauss said weakly, looking to Hotch for support. He had been uncharacteristically quiet during this exchange. And she wasn't getting anything from him now. Hotch barely seemed present. This hadn't gone unnoticed by the team.

Rossi rubbed a hand down his face, sighing.

"Then I'll lead the other team."

Morgan looked at him, surprised.

"Seriously?... You would do that?" He sounded concerned. They all knew how much Rossi hated the politics of it all and how little he wanted to be in a position of power. He really didn't need the stress of it at his age.

"Yes. I would." He sounded reluctant, but it was more for dramatic effect that anything.

Rossi looked across the table to see Hotch staring at him, brows furrowed.

"Dave, are you sure about this?" Hotch remembered how reluctant he had been to take care of his own team, never mind a different one.

"Yes." He snapped slightly, wanting to confirm his decision before he was tempted to change his mind. "Besides, it'll only be for a few weeks."

"But it still doesn't solve the problem of us being another agent down. Aaron, your team would consist of you and Agent Jareau. I don't think we could consider that a fully functioning team." Strauss smiled a little.

"Well let them have Emily back." Rossi shrugged. "Agent Pearson is an experienced profiler. We would work well together. And we would still have Agent Newton."

Strauss shook her head, giving up.

"I'm not happy about this."

"You don't have to be." Rossi said, the team looked at him in surprise. He was being particularly forceful today. "It's the right thing to do and you know it."

Strauss took in a deep breath and then sighed.

"Let's just hope the director sees it that way." She muttered as she went to leave the room.

"Ma'am." Morgan called after her. She turned before opening the door. "Thank you." He said with a nod.

She stared back at him, then briefly nodded her head. Then she turned, opened the door and left.

Morgan sighed heavily, relief flooding over his features. He dropped into the chair next to Prentiss.

"Well that was a lot easier than I expected." Prentiss said, casually.

"I can't believe she actually agreed to it." JJ said in disbelief.

"Now all we need to do is get Reid to agree to it." Rossi said, ominously.

They all exchanged uneasy glances and Hotch stood and left the room, without saying a word.

"Hey, kid." Morgan smiled at the door, yet another cup of coffee in his hand.

"Hey." Reid replied, glancing up at him with tired eyes. His gaze was instantly drawn to the coffee. "That for me?" He said in anticipation.

"Yep." Morgan entered the room, passing the coffee to his colleague. "Didn't think I'd forget, did you?" He smirked. Reid simply examined the coffee and then took a sip, not responding. "So, have the doctors spoken to you about discharge yet?" Morgan asked casually.

Reid sighed.

"A little. I think I'm going to be in for a few more days." He said, pulling a face. "They want to make sure I can walk properly before they send me home."

"Hmm..." Morgan nodded in understanding. He took a deep breath. "Have they mentioned your living arrangements?" He took a sip of his coffee, trying to appear nonchalant.

Reid furrowed his brows.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you do know someone has to stay with you, don't you?"

Reid let out an amused breath.

"I know they said that... but I don't think it really matters that much. I'll be fine." He said dismissively.

Morgan raised his head a little and bit his lip thoughtfully, as if he wanted to say something. The move didn't go unnoticed by Reid. "What?" He asked curiously.

"Well JJ and Emily spoke to the doctor the other day..."

Reid looked seriously at Morgan.

"And?"

"Well... she said that, um... someone has to stay with you for a while."

"Yeah, I know, she said. But like I said, I don't think it matters that much." Reid said dismissively, drinking his coffee.

"No, Reid... it really does matter." Morgan shifted uncomfortably.

Reid furrowed his brows, looking a little irritated.

"What do you mean?" He asked shortly.

Morgan cleared his throat, knowing that Reid wasn't going to like losing control of yet another situation.

"The doctor says that you need someone with you twenty-four hours a day. At least for a couple of weeks."

Morgan was completely tense. He watched Reid carefully as he processed the information. Reid seemed confused and shook his head quickly. Then a small smile broke onto his face.

"Very funny." He said with a laugh, looking at Morgan slightly searchingly.

Morgan furrowed his brows, then dropped his gaze self-consciously. The smile then left Reid's face. "You're not joking." He said, disappointed.

"No... I'm not." Morgan said, chancing a glance at his friend.

"W- Why?" Reid asked insecurely.

Morgan cleared his throat again.

"They don't think it's safe for you to be by yourself." Morgan said carefully. "At least not at first."

Reid looked highly offended.

"Safe?... I'm not going to hang myself!" Reid snapped indignantly.

Morgan winced.

"No. That's not what they mean, Reid."

Reid stared back at him, disbelievingly. "Honestly, Reid. That's not what they mean!" Morgan said quickly.

"Yeah, right." Reid muttered, sulkily.

"They are worried about the flashbacks and panic attacks." Morgan said gently.

Reid looked at him with brows furrowed. Morgan continued. "They are worried about how severe they are and they don't want you to be left alone."

Reid's tightened his lips.

"I'll be fine."

"You can come and stay with me."

"You're working." Reid countered quickly.

"I've taken some unpaid leave."

Reid looked annoyed.

"Why?"

"Why?" Morgan stared back at Reid, confused.

"Yes.. why?" Reid pressed again, the frustration barely masked in his voice.

"So I can stay with you!" Morgan said simply. "I'm not leaving you."

Again, Reid looked offended.

"I don't need baby sitting."

"I'm not saying you do, but your health has to come first."

Reid crossed his arms.

"And it will, but I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Thank you." Reid replied bluntly. As if ending the conversation.

"Look Reid..." Morgan tried his best to be tactful. "It really isn't your decision to make."

"Excuse me?" Reid raised his eyebrows warningly at his older co-worker.

"It's not negotiable." Morgan simply stated, his gaze unflinching.

Reid laughed a little.

"No, you're right. It's not negotiable. I'm going home, by myself."

"No, Reid."

"Morgan, don't tell me what to do!" Reid snapped, slamming his coffee on the table in front of him.

"I'm sorry." Morgan took a deep breath, trying to keep a lid on the situation. "But this isn't something you have a choice in." He leaned forward, trying his best to get his friend to understand.

Reid's eyes flashed angrily.

"What do you mean 'this isn't something I have a choice in?' This is my life! If I want to go home by myself I can do as I damn well please!"

"Well you can do as you damn well please in a psychiatric unit then!" Morgan finally snapped, also slamming his coffee down on the table.

Reid looked at him in shock. Morgan closed his eyes, allowing the air out of his lungs. He really hadn't intended for this conversation to go that way.

"You would put me in a psychiatric unit?" Reid looked completely hurt.

Morgan shook his head, sighing.

"Not by choice." He leaned forward again, imploring Reid to understand. "But that's where they will put you if you won't stay with me... Like I said, they won't see you left alone."

"They think I'm crazy." Reid whispered, his eyes wide with concern.

"No, Reid. They don't." Morgan said gently, but strongly. "They think you're distressed... and you just need some support."

If Reid had appeared depressed before, then now he looked completely despairing. The colour had drained from his face and his features had dropped into a deep frown.

"How much more is he going to take?" He whispered.

Morgan looked up in slight surprise. This was the first time he'd heard Reid refer to Jason for a few days. Then his gaze dropped again.

"I know, kid... I know." He said quietly.

The two sat in silence for the rest of the visit.

Reid sat in his hospital bed. This was his forth day in hospital and to say he was sick of it was an understatement. He just wanted to go home. But after what Morgan had told him the night before, even the refuge of his own space was now to be tainted with pitying looks and over-protective behaviours.

He could feel the irritation buzzing through his veins. He felt like an almighty jolt of his joints would somehow dispel it but, with his injuries, that wasn't an option. He sighed, looking to the clock. It was nearly lunchtime. That dreaded time of day where the nurses would enter the room with a miserable looking tray, adorned with the hospital kitchen's latest rearrangement of slop. Reid's face twitched in disgust at the thought.

Which staple meal would they destroy this time? The last few days had certainly provided his bored mind with an 'interesting' game of 'guess the foodstuff'. More disturbingly, he had been incorrect on more counts than he'd care to admit. He told himself that any logical human being would consider that fact alone to be a good enough reason for not eating the produce. But deep down, he knew, any man who had eaten as little as he had over the last few days could not provide any 'logical' reason strong enough to not eat. But still, he allowed his stomach to rumble and his hunger to be prolonged.

It had clearly not gone unnoticed by the nursing staff, who had helpfully provided him with a protein drink in the morning. The sort they dished out to the elderly who no longer seemed to have an interest in eating any more. He had stared at the drink for nearly a half-hour, feeling like it almost summed up what his life had suddenly become. Not as much a 'fight' for survival as a general roll from one milestone to the next. No enjoyment, no real interest, just living, for the sake of being able to say that you're alive.

After the half-hour of eye-balling the carton, he finally spotted the word 'chocolate' and suddenly, the thought of rolling on a little further didn't seem quite so pointless. He figured he could at least make it to the afternoon without entirely giving up. Sipping at the not-completely disgusting drink, he watched people milling around the hospital, continuing on with their daily routines. Which, oddly enough, had entertained him up to twelve o'clock. But now he was feeling restless.

Reid bit his lip, his leg tapping slightly under the bed sheet. He unconsciously looked to the clock again.

Ten minutes. He thought to himself.

He clenched his jaw with slight determination, but couldn't help glancing at the clock every thirty seconds, just to see the progress he was making.

Blinking with frustration, he sighed and took out a book from his bedside cabinet. He started reading, his finger quickly gliding down each page. He found after the twentieth page, his concentration started waning. He shifted himself in the bed, wincing as a pain lanced up his chest. He sucked in a breath to keep from cursing. A spike of irritation shot through him again.

Clenching his teeth again, he tried to relax himself into the pillow behind. He opened the book again and proceeded from where he left off. After another minute or so, he found himself glancing up at the clock again.

Seventeen minutes. He noted.

Looking down at the book, he suddenly found himself extremely irritated by its presence. Shaking his head, he snapped the book shut and threw it back down into the cabinet.

Running a hand through his hair, he scrubbed a little at his scalp then started chewing on his lip. It was like there was an insatiable itch travelling around his body and down his limbs. He knew the sensation, a little too well.

Over the next ten minutes, he found himself shifting about more than was helpful to his recovery. Reaching for Rossi's DVD player, he figured he'd give that a shot. Leaning across, his bandaged right arm stretched out for the item. The loose ends of a stitch poked out from underneath the bandage and Reid found himself fascinated by it. Discarding the DVD player, Reid stared at his arm.

Sudden flashbacks entered his mind.

Reid lay on his side as Jason finished with him.

"Don't cry." His voice was soft and made Reid's skin crawl. "That wasn't so bad was it? It was everything I'd hoped it would be. You're mine now... In fact, I don't ever want you to forget it."

Reid gasped, pulling himself out of the memory, a shudder running down his spine.

Again, Reid's temper flared. Why couldn't he control his mind? It seemed as though he had no choice any more about when his mind allowed a memory to come flooding in. Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, he took a couple of deep breaths.

Suddenly a loud noise came from the door, making him jump. Again, the pang of frustration buzzed through his veins and into his already tense jaw. He sucked in an irritated breath through his teeth.

"Woops, sorry Dr. Reid!"

Ruth was stood by the door, a pile of charts on the floor. "I need to look where I'm going I think." She said with a smile.

The anger quickly left Reid's body when he realised who it was. He suddenly felt very self-conscious and embarrassed. He smiled awkwardly at her. She lingered for a few moments to see if he would answer her. When he didn't, she smiled again. "Well, I'd better get on." She said softly, turning to leave.

Reid's back quickly straightened and his mouth set into action to call her back, then he bit his lip to stop himself. In a matter of milliseconds, Reid's mind argued with itself over calling the psychologist back.

"Ruth!" He called out, sounding more desperate than he wanted to. He winced at the tone of his voice, blushing slightly. She came back faster than he expected.

"Yes?" She leaned against the door frame, charts now held safely in front of her.

"Um..." Reid's brows furrowed. He looked for a moment as if he was going to say 'never mind'. He swallowed. "Have you, um... have you done the referral to the other psychologist yet?"

"No, not yet." She said simply. "I'm afraid I have been pretty snowed under. I will do it this afternoon." Reid's face dropped. "I thought you might want a break anyway." She smiled again, then waited, as if to ask, 'is that all?'

Reid nod was slightly delayed.

"Oh." He said, clearly sounding disappointed.

Ruth moved further into the room now.

"Why? Did you want to see him today?" She asked, moving towards his bed.

"No." Reid answered quickly. He dropped his gaze. "It doesn't matter." He said quietly.

She dropped herself into the chair next to his bed.

"What is it?" She asked gently.

Reid licked his lips uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry." He said cautiously. He wasn't used to apologising to people. He wasn't used to offending people, so it wasn't something he did very often.

"Thank you." Ruth said with a nod.

Reid looked up at her, desperate to tell her that he couldn't speak to a male psychologist. But he didn't know how to say it without sounding like he was begging or pressuring her. And she wasn't giving him anything.

Ruth sat gazing at Reid, waiting for him to make the first move. She certainly wasn't going to assume that he wanted to see her instead, it wasn't her job. Even if she knew it to be true. Her job was to get her patients to tell her what they wanted, not make their decisions for them.

After a good thirty seconds, Reid still hadn't spoken. When he simply looked up and gave her an awkward smile, Ruth felt extremely disappointed. She had hoped that Reid had seen sense. But it looked as though the referral was going to have to go ahead.

She reluctantly stood.

"Oh well, I'd best get on." She smiled again, huffing out a little laugh. She turned her back to him.

Reid could feel the words almost travelling up his body until they blurted out of his mouth.

"Can I not stay with you?" Reid shook his head as soon as the words left his lips. They sounded so child-like and ridiculous. "No – I mean, on your service. On your service." He repeated, just to reiterate.

Ruth sucked in a breath through her teeth.

"Well you see, Dr. Reid, I've had a couple of new patients over the last two days and I'm not sure -" When she saw the look of disappointment on Reid's face, she stopped dead. "Look," she moved towards the bed again, as if sharing a secret. "It just so happens that I have a spare hour later today at three o'clock. How about we start afresh and see if we can sort something out?"

Reid nodded, hanging on her every word. He had felt so bad about what he had said to her, even if they both knew it was only a defensive tactic. It didn't mean he wanted to speak to her any more than he did before, but it was certainly preferable to a male psychologist. And he supposed he could find the odd issue to talk about.

Ruth smiled again. "Good." She said cheerily. "I will see you later then."

Reid nodded again his eyes a little wider than normal at the prospect of his appointment later, but he managed a small relieved smile. And for Ruth, that was enough.

She walked out of Reid's room, catching Dr. Marston's eye. The female doctor had been watching Ruth with intrigue. The psychologist then winked at her and mouthed 'three o'clock'.

Dr. Marston grinned with satisfaction. Now that was finally a step in the right direction.

A knock on his door brought Hotch out of his reverie. His forehead had been firmly in his hand, pen grasped loosely in the other, twitching over the report laid out in front of him. Although his eyes hadn't actually focused on it for the last ten minutes. His thoughts were with Reid.

Blinking slightly at the intrusion, he sat himself upright then leaned back in his chair, trying to appear composed.

"Come in." Hotch said firmly.

Rossi opened the door and entered, closing it behind him. He moved straight over to the chair on the opposite side of Hotch's desk.

"May I?" He gestured to the chair.

Hotch simply nodded and his colleague sat down. Rossi stared at him knowingly for a short while. They both knew what this was about. "Does it help?" Rossi asked strongly. Hotch furrowed his brows. Rossi continued. "Closing your blinds, burying your head in paperwork-"

"Stop right there, Dave." Hotch said suddenly with an authoritative tone. Rossi didn't even flinch. "What I do when I am in my office is not your concern... I'm working."

"And how long have you been 'working' on that report for?" Rossi said knowingly, looking at the minuscule amount of information Hotch had filled in. Hotch looked down at the sheet, irritated. Turning it over, he pushed it to one side.

"Is there something you need, Dave?" Hotch asked harshly.

"As a matter of fact, there is." Rossi's gaze was unflinching. Hotch, uncharacteristically, felt very self-conscious underneath it. And Rossi was more than aware of that fact. "I need you to accompany me."

Hotch's brows furrowed, looking sceptical.

"Where?"

"To the hospital."

Hotch felt his stomach flip suddenly. His face visibly paled. His gaze dropped to the desk and his hand started fumbling with a pile of papers to the right of him.

"I have a lot of work to do." He mumbled uncomfortably.

"Your in-tray is empty." Rossi said simply.

"And I have Jack. He's still struggling."

Rossi's gaze hardened.

"More than Reid?"

Hotch closed his eyes then sighed.

"Are you trying to get me to abandon my son?"

"No. I'm trying to get you to stop using him."

Hotch's eyes flashed angrily.

"Remember your place, Dave." Hotch said sternly. Although Rossi wasn't intimidated.

"My place is and always has been with the team." Rossi replied, not put off by Hotch's attitude.

Hotch cleared his throat.

"Not always." He said under his breath. The fact that he was resorting to such childish tactics told Rossi he was prodding at a sore spot.

"You're right." Rossi said, conceding. "But I never took you for the selfish type."

Hotch quickly glanced up, mild surprise in his eyes.

"I'm not." Hotch said in an embarrassingly weak tone.

"Well what would you call this?" Rossi asked, a small smile in his eyes.

Hotch's mouth dropped open to speak but no words came out. It was one of those rare moments where Hotch looked totally lost. He just shook his head, a tired hand coming up to his forehead.

Rossi gave a self-satisfied smile. "Whatever it is that's making you uncomfortable, push it aside. Hell, Aaron. We all have our own demons... some more than others." His thoughts flicked to Morgan. "We all get affected, by one thing or another. But avoiding it is not the answer." Rossi leaned forwards, his forearms resting on the desk in front of him. "Guilt helps no one."

Hotch lifted his gaze to his colleague, his face was depressed.

"I let him down." Hotch said simply.

"We all did." Rossi countered quickly.

"No Dave. I am his boss. I'm responsible for the safety of the people on this team. And I let him down."

"So what now?" Rossi asked passionately.

Hotch shook his head, hopelessly.

Rossi sat back in his chair. "You're just going to ignore him? Pretend that he doesn't exist? Because I'll tell you Aaron, that's only going to make things ten times worse."

"I have been with my son." Hotch said strongly.

Rossi nodded his head, his face serious.

"This is about Foyet." Rossi said suddenly.

"What? No!" Hotch scrunched up his features, as if the comment was ridiculous.

"You're avoiding the issue."

"And you're out of line, agent." Hotch snapped back, trying to regain his authority.

The two agents stared each other down for a few moments. It was a battle of wills. A small smile came to Rossi's face.

"In all the time I have worked with you, Aaron, I have had nothing but complete respect for you. You're professional at all times, you give yourself to the job, to the people we are helping and you are always a pillar of strength. You care. I see that. You care a lot more than people might initially think. But those are qualities I see in every member of the team, in one way or another. And I tried to figure out when I first came here, why it was you heading this team. And not one of the many other agents who have excelled over the years. Why you were chosen above every one else. And do you know what I came to?"

Hotch levelled his gaze with the older man, furrowing his brows in intrigue.

Rossi met his gaze unflinchingly. "You are the driving force. You are the one that keeps everything moving when the cogs are getting rusty. You're the one who delves in to take a look at the mechanics to see what the problem might be and instead of replacing the parts, you oil them and refine them until they work better than they did before. You are a fixer, Aaron. You don't solve a problem by discarding of it. You work at it and deal with it. It's just who you are."

Hotch shook his head with slight denial.

"Look Dave, as much as I'm grateful for the analogy, I really don't see what point you're trying to make."

Rossi looked deep into his eyes.

"Yes, you do." Rossi leaned onto the desk, once again, with his forearms. "The reasons why you feel you can't help him are exactly the reasons why you are the only person who can."

Hotch took a deep breath. The reasons flashed through his mind. I'm his boss. I should have protected him. He respects me... Foyet.

Rossi stood now. "I'm not saying he will be magically healed. But Reid respects you. More than anyone else. The fact that you respect him too is probably one of the most important things to him. I don't need to tell you that... Without your support, well..." Rossi trailed off. He didn't need to finish that sentence. "Respect is earned, Aaron. You've already done the hard part. Make sure you don't lose it."

Rossi walked to the door, not appearing to wait for a response.

"I'll see you at seven." Hotch said, a hint of determination finally entering his voice.

Rossi turned to his younger colleague and gave a slight, respectful nod. Then opened the door and left.

"Okay Dr. Reid. Are you happy with the way this works?" Ruth asked, flicking through the papers in front of her.

"Yes." Reid nodded. He really didn't have strong feelings either way, so 'happy' was not necessarily the word he would use.

"And you understand the assessment process and what we are trying to achieve?"

"Yes." He said again, glad that the term 'understand' had been brought into it. That one he could he could be definite on.

"Okay... so let's begin." Ruth placed the papers in her file and sat back in her chair, hands resting limply in her lap. "What would you like to talk about today?" Her gaze was friendly, but still piercing. Reid could feel the nerves buzzing under his skin and his flesh getting hot as he blushed uncomfortably.

"Umm..." He furrowed his brows. Well this was an open question if ever he'd heard one. He was already assessing her therapy style. He shrugged his shoulders weakly.

Ruth remained silent for a good minute while Reid's thoughts flew his mind at an incredible rate. He knew what he should be talking about, but the words just wouldn't come out. He searched through all of his recent experiences and found nothing he was prepared to talk about. Every time he was about to open his mouth, he stopped himself. He just didn't want to talk about it. It was too much. Again, he shrugged his shoulders weakly, with a small, nervous laugh.

Ruth smiled a little.

"Why did you laugh just then?" She asked softly.

Reid furrowed his brows.

"Excuse me?"

"When you shrugged your shoulders, you laughed. What made you laugh?"

Reid stared at her, dumbstruck for a few moments.

"Umm... I – I don't know. I just... feel uncomfortable, I guess."

"What is that feeling of 'uncomfortable?'" Ruth asked plainly.

Reid opened his mouth to speak, then snapped it shut.

"You keep going to say things, Dr. Reid. What stops you?"

"I- I don't know." He said helplessly. Ruth didn't answer this time. He fumbled through some more indistinguishable words shaking his head. Then he took a deep breath and allowed his shoulders to relax a little. "I- I guess I just... don't really talk that much... about feelings." He said with a small smile.

Ruth nodded, her brows furrowing a little in thought.

"And why is that?"

"I don't know." He said laughing slightly, as if it was a ridiculous question. "I just don't."

Ruth nodded again in understanding.

"How does it make you feel when you talk about your feelings?"

Reid sat for a few moments, for the first time seeming to properly consider his answer. Then his face turned serious and he swallowed nervously.

"Vulnerable." He said honestly, looking at her as if it was the right answer.

"Why does it make you feel vulnerable, Dr. Reid?"

"I don't know, it just does!" He suddenly snapped becoming incredibly defensive. He had only allowed her in for a few seconds and it was already making him feel 'vulnerable'. He didn't like it.

Ruth gave him about a minute's silence, just to calm himself a little. He hadn't met her gaze during that time and seemed to be fidgeting with his hands. When she finally spoke, her voice was soft and imploring.

"What made you angry just then?"

"I know exactly what you're doing." Ruth raised her eyebrows in intrigue. "Cognitive behaviour. You think if you change the way my mind perceives the feelings and talking about them, my reactions to stress and the associations between expressing my feelings and negative thought patterns, I will somehow be able to divulge my experiences to you."

Ruth opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off by Reid's nervous rambling. "And I know, I know the therapy has its merits. But every time you speak to me... that is all I can think of. 'I know what she's doing'. And it's making it really difficult." He said honestly, looking a little exasperated.

Ruth nodded again.

"And why do you think that is?"

"What? Why it makes it difficult?" Reid furrowed his brows.

"No... why do you think you can't stop thinking about my techniques?"

Reid sat for a few moments. A few reasons flashed through his mind. Because I do what you do. Because psychology interests me... Because it takes my mind off what you're actually asking me.

"I don't know." He said quietly.

Ruth looked a little disappointed, but smiled regardless. He had already told her so much about himself purely by avoiding her questions.

"Okay... well, let's talk about something else." He nodded a little, swallowing. "How are you feeling today?"

"Physically or mentally?" He gave a bitter smile.

"Both."

Reid had the sudden urge to snap again, but managed to stop himself. He tried to remind himself that he had asked her to come. She was ready to palm him off to another psychologist and he had practically begged her to see him again. Trying to keep his temper in check, he took a deep breath.

Reid furrowed his brows and swallowed. Forcing himself to be honest.

"Well physically... I'm better." He gave a small smile, trying to seem pleased. Then he nodded, trying to distract from the fact he'd dodged the other question.

"Good... and mentally?" Ruth asked.

"Um... I'm... I'm alright." Reid said, letting out a breath. He dropped his gaze to the bed sheets.

Ruth watched him carefully. His mind was obviously somewhere else at that moment. There were so many things he wasn't saying. But that was hardly surprising. She was starting to realise it was going to take a lot of therapy for Reid to open up to anyone.

"Dr. Reid." She tried gently. "Is there anything you would like to talk about?"

Reid furrowed his brows again, then looked up to her. His face flushed red at suddenly being put on the spot. So many different things flashed through his mind at that moment. So many things that he could discuss but physically couldn't put into words. It felt like the words were knotting in his chest and his heart started beating faster, the pulse thumping sickeningly in his throat.

"I..." His breath caught a little and he swallowed it down. "No."

"Okay. Well... why don't you try telling me about yourself then?" Ruth smiled.

Reid looked up at her, slightly surprised.

"Um.. well... what do you want to know?" His gaze shifted uncomfortably.

"Anything you want to tell me."

Reid bit his lip thoughtfully. Now this he could cope with.

"Well... there's not really a lot to tell." He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm from Las Vegas, I now live in Quantico. I'd probably call myself an 'academic'. I graduated high school at 12." He nodded, as if to explain. "I have PHD's in Chemistry, Mathematics and Engineering and also B.A's in Sociology, Psychology and Philosophy." At Ruth's raised eyebrows, he went on to explain further. "I have an IQ of 187." He said with a small smile. "Although there are debates as to whether IQ can be accurately quantified." He stopped himself then, preventing a long-winded explanation regarding the various studies looking into the accuracy of IQ testing and it's reflection on the general population.

"That's a lot of studying. It must take a lot of focus." Ruth said, clearly impressed. And if she was honest, slightly unnerved. The degree she had undertaken to qualify her to do this job was simply a side note on his resumé.

"I find it can be quite therapeutic. My mind doesn't tend to 'switch off' so studying helps me to focus rather than forces me to do so." Reid said with a little smile.

"How do you find working and studying?"

Reid looked thoughtful for a few moments before answering.

"I haven't been able to study as much since I took the job... but it's a good distraction. We all have our distractions." Reid shrugged.

"What do you mean by 'distractions'?" Ruth asked curiously.

"Something we do to divert our attentions away from where they might otherwise be."

Ruth smiled a little. She wasn't necessarily meaning a literal definition. Not feeling put off, she continued.

"Do you feel like you need a distraction?"

Reid bit his lip again as he thought.

"Sometimes. We all do."

Ruth nodded.

"You keep talking about 'we'. Who are you talking about?"

The team flashed into Reid's mind.

"Well... everyone." He said, shrugging his shoulders.

Not letting him escape his work colleagues, Ruth pushed forward.

"What about your work colleagues? Do they have 'distractions'?"

Reid swallowed a little.

"Um... yeah... I guess." He gave a tight lipped smile, avoiding eye contact. When Ruth didn't answer and just kept looking at him expectantly, he felt slightly pressured to go on. "Well JJ... she has Henry – her son – and her husband, Will. She has a family. Emily... She likes her own company. 'Sin to Win' weekends... whatever they are." Reid said with a quirk of an eyebrow. Ruth let out a slightly amused breath. "Rossi, well... he writes books... he's very private.. but I know he has his own forms of escape – cooking probably." Reid paused and swallowed. "Hotch... well he's got a son." He said quickly, almost dismissively. "And Morgan... he spends most of his social life in the clubs 'picking up hotties'. As he says."

"And you?... What do you do?" Ruth asked gently.

Reid looked at her as if she was stupid.

"I study."

"All the time?"

"Well... no. But I do a lot of reading."

"Do you and the team never socialise?" She asked, trying to get an idea of the team dynamic.

"Sometimes. We go to the movies sometimes. They go out to bars but I don't go often."

"Why not?"

Reid gave a small laugh.

"I don't know if you've noticed but I'm not exactly the 'going out' type."

Ruth raised her eyebrows with intrigue.

"And what sort of 'type' would you say you are?"

"The 'socially awkward' type." He said with a self-deprecating smile. "A night out for me invariably ends in disaster, embarrassment or a combination of the two. I've come to terms with that fact a long time ago. It's not a problem." Reid said simply. "Besides, alcohol and I don't mix too well. I've been told repeatedly that I'm a 'light-weight'. It's safer for the general population if I keep myself away from it." He said with the first genuine smile she had seen. She smiled back, unable to stop the warmth filling her heart. It was obvious why his team felt so protective over him.

"What do you mean by 'safer for the general population'?" She asked, probing once again.

The small smile that had lingered on Reid's face dropped a little as he thought about his words. Then his expression darkened.

"I... um... I don't have a lot of luck when I'm intoxicated." He said dryly. His mind obviously wandering to unpleasant places.

"What were you thinking about just then?" Ruth asked softly.

Reid shifted, his gaze darting around slightly as he tried desperately to come up with the right words.

Jason sat on the couch, next to him, his knee pressing into the side of Reid's thigh and his face was just that little bit too close. The warmth of the whisky was buzzing through Reid's veins and he dropped his head back onto the couch.

"I should do this more often."Reid said with a smile.

"Dr. Reid?" Ruth asked strongly, pulling him away from the memories. Reid blinked for a few moments then brought his gaze back to Ruth. He looked a little confused.

"Sorry." He mumbled, then looked at her expectantly, as if he hadn't heard her question.

Ruth tried again with a different question.

"What did you mean when you said you don't have a lot of luck when you're intoxicated?"

Reid's lips tightened.

"I... um... I just seem to... I don't know... get into trouble, I guess." Reid's gaze dropped to the bed, depressively, his hands wringing a little.

"Trouble?" Ruth questioned, with a raise of her brows.

"Mmm..." He hummed in apparent recognition of her words.

"What do you mean by trouble?" She probed again, gently.

After a few moments of silence, she leaned forwards a little to get a look under Reid's hair at his eyes. They had a far away look in them and his hands were wringing repetitively.

Sighing a little, she stood, leaning to talk into his ear.

"Dr. Reid... it's Ruth." She said calmly and quietly. "You are perfectly safe. You are in the hospital in a safe and secure environment. What you are seeing now is memories, that's all. They are not real." She gently and tentatively put a hand to his back. "That is my hand on your back, concentrate on that feeling and bring yourself away from the memories. You are safe. You are in the hospital. Nobody can hurt you." She repeated the words like a mantra, talking softly into his ear until she heard a deep inhale and saw his face lift a little. He blinked a few times, as if clearing his vision.

She removed the hand from his back and moved in front of him to gain his attention. "Dr. Reid. Do you know where you are?"

He swallowed, trying to regain his bearings. He pulled his face away from hers. She spoke calmly but assertively. "Dr. Reid, look at me... Do you know where you are?"

He swallowed thickly turning to look at her, his eyes were still slightly glazed.

"Yes." He said, sounding a little breathless, although his breathing appeared normal.

He pulled his face away again.

"Dr. Reid!" Ruth said strongly.

"Yes!" He said quickly and a little too loudly. This time Reid shook his head, seemingly bringing himself back to reality. Suddenly he was much more attentive.

Ruth looked deep into his much clearer eyes.

"Do you know where you are?" She pressed again.

"Yes." He nodded. "I'm in the hospital."

"Good." Ruth said with a relieved smile. "Are you okay?" She asked softly.

At this, Reid's eyes started to tear up a little but he swallowed, closing his eyes. Then he nodded.

"I'm fine." He whispered. Not sure who he was trying to convince.

Ruth looked at him for a few moments then picked up her file.

"I think we've talked enough for today." She stood up. "You've done really well, Dr. Reid." She smiled, trying her best not to sound patronising. "Do you mind if I see you again before you are discharged?"

Reid chanced an embarrassed glance up at her.

"No." He said weakly.

"Okay, well the nurses will sort out your next appointment for you. If you feel the need to see me any sooner, just ask... Okay?"

"Okay." Reid nodded, letting out a deep breath. His hands were shaking a little as he reached up to tuck his hair behind his ear.

"I'll see you soon." Ruth smiled and left.

Rossi and Hotch walked into Reid's room. He was dozing a little, which was good to see. Hotch was shocked to see Reid's condition. He hadn't seen him since he was brought in five days ago and it didn't make for pleasant viewing. Now he was all cleaned up, he had hoped his appearance would be more appealing. But no. His bruises were still dark and overpowering, if anything, they were darker. Although the swelling on his face had gone down somewhat. But he looked thin. Thinner than when he was admitted. That hadn't gone unnoticed by anyone so far. Whatever the hospital had been feeding him, it wasn't enough. He didn't look particularly clean either. But that was to be expected. He was hardly surprised that Reid didn't look to be accepting bed baths.

Reid mumbled in his sleep slightly, bringing Hotch's attention back to the task at hand. He moved forward, following Rossi's lead.

"God, he still looks so young." Hotch whispered involuntarily.

"It's easy to forget he's twenty-nine." Rossi added quietly.

"That's still no age, Dave."

"You're telling me." Rossi said with a small smile, sitting down next to the bed. "Reid?" Rossi said gently, trying to rouse the young man.

Hotch leaned in from the other side.

"Do we have to wake him?"

Rossi just shot him a look as if to say 'you are seeing him whether you want to or not.' He knew, Hotch had been avoiding this. Despite Hotch's protestations to the contrary.

"Reid?" Rossi gave him a small nudge. Reid stirred from him sleep, making a small humming noise as he came round. He wiped his eyes tiredly as he awoke. "Afternoon doctor." Rossi said with a smile.

Reid finally opened his eyes. For once, he didn't jump out of his skin at the sound of a voice. He was finally adjusting to his surroundings.

"... Hey, Rossi."

"How've you been, kid?"

"Asleep." He said with a little smile. He felt better for having a had a few peaceful hours. Reid shifted to get himself more comfortable, then sucked in a breath as his chest complained.

"You alright?" Hotch asked, leaning forward, concerned.

"Oh, hey... Hotch." Reid said, suddenly appearing very on edge. His cheeks blushed a little.

Reid then looked at the clock.

"I'm due some more painkillers..." He turned to Hotch. "Will you ask the nurse for me, please?"

Hotch nodded and went to stand.

"I'll go." Rossi cut in, suddenly standing up, his gaze was challenging. He then turned and vacated the room. Reid and Hotch looked to Rossi with slight panic in their eyes. When he left the room the tension could have been cut with a knife. Hotch sat forwards, looking down at his hands, taking the odd small glance up to Reid's face, careful not to be noticed. Reid's mouth twitched nervously and his gaze darted around the room, desperately looking for inspiration to strike up a conversation.

"So." They both started at the same time, Reid gave a little tight lipped smile with a small huff of amusement, whilst Hotch furrowed his brows. He was completely furious with himself for feeling so uncomfortable. This was Reid. This was his job. This was Reid, damn it!

"How's Jack?" Reid asked, knowing that he was the excuse that had been used on many occasions throughout the last five days.

"He's fine." Hotch answered with slight embarrassment. "How are you?" He asked, his eyes full of concern.

"I'm okay." Reid said, taking his gaze away from his boss. Reid glanced at the clock then shifted again, chewing on his lip slightly.

The room descended into an uncomfortable silence again. Neither of them quite knowing what to say to each other. Five days was a long time between visits given the circumstances.

"Bored." Reid added, trying to keep conversation afloat. He was trying his best not to be angry with Hotch for the lack of visits. Hotch was a busy man, he couldn't be mothering over him 24/7.

"Shouldn't be too long until they let you out of here." Hotch commented hopefully.

"Nope." Reid replied with a quick smile, then turned his face away from Hotch, looking at the other side of the room as if there was something of interest.

Hotch examined his sub ordinate's face then found his gaze following the faint purple bruises that were tracing their way down the side of Reid's face and neck. The hickeys still hadn't faded yet. Hotch swallowed. He really should have been here. Reid shouldn't have had to go through this without the support of his boss. Not only had he let him down before his whole ordeal, he had let him down after. If Reid ever forgave him, it would be a miracle.

Hotch had gotten so lost in his own thoughts, he hadn't realised Reid was now looking at him. He was still staring at Reid's neck.

Reid shifted insecurely, pulling his pyjamas up around his neck, knowing what was there.

Hotch's eyes suddenly came back into focus and he sat up abruptly.

"Sorry." He said quickly.

Reid had now gone bright red. He had been dreading Hotch coming in enough as it was. He already felt like less of a man. Hotch had been through so much with Foyet and never even blinked. The Foyet saga had gone on for months. His own ordeal had only been a few days and he'd begged and cried, had flashbacks, nightmares, all of the clichés you could possibly think of. The last thing he needed now was ever so strong Hotch sitting in front of him, examining his weaknesses.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Hotch asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Yes." Reid snapped quickly. He looked again to the clock. His fingers started tapping lightly on the bed sheet.

Hotch watched his hands for a few moments. Reid was clearly on edge. He looked up to Reid's face, who was looking back at him again.

"You don't have to lie to me, Reid." Hotch pressed.

"Why do you think I'm lying?" Reid asked defensively. Hotch was silent for a few moments as he considered his answer.

"After what you've been through, it wouldn't be surprising if you were struggling." Hotch said, maintaining eye contact with his subordinate. Reid shifted, appearing slightly offended.

"Why? Because it's me?" Reid's hard gaze held onto Hotch's.

Hotch seemed confused for a few moments.

"What?"

"Well, I'm just wondering if you would be asking the same question if I were Rossi or Morgan."

"Reid, that's ridiculous." Hotch scoffed.

"What is?" Reid challenged.

"Comparing yourself to Morgan and Rossi." Hotch said passionately.

"Why? Because they would never be in that situation?"

"No-" Hotch tried to argue but was cut off.

"Because only I am weak enough to get myself into a position where I could be.. be... overpowered by another man?"

"No, Reid." Hotch's eyes were upset now and a little frustrated. "Not at all. It could have happened to any one of us."

"Sure it could." Reid spat back.

They sat there in silence for a few moments, considering the words that had been said. Reid was clearly starting to deal with what had happened to him, he wasn't completely avoiding the subject which, in Hotch's opinion, was a good sign. But the self-loathing was a concern. Perhaps it was anger at Hotch for not being there, perhaps it was anger at himself for 'allowing' it to happen. Most likely it was a combination of the two, along with the fact that he felt a need to be strong in front of his boss. A need that Reid had likely become resentful of. It was obvious to Hotch that his opinion of Reid was highly important to the younger man. Not being visited had, clearly, only driven a wedge. Allowed insecurities to set in. It seemed Reid felt that Hotch would no longer value him. Or respect him, which Hotch knew, was so important to the young doctor.

After a long period of silence, Hotch brought his serious gaze up to Reid's face, he didn't return it.

"I understand how you feel." Hotch said simply. His gaze never faltered. He wanted to show Reid he was honest. Reid glanced at him for a few moments then scoffed a little. He turned away.

Hotch continued. "To feel weak and helpless..." The words didn't come easy to Hotch, they came from the very pit of his stomach. "To feel like less of a man."

Reid's eyes opened wider and his gaze shot to his boss, he searched his eyes for a few moments. His mouth dropped open to say something.

"Here we go." Rossi said, swinging the door open. "One lovely young nurse at your service." He presented a young female nurse like a prize. She smiled at the joke.

Hotch automatically sat back in his chair, turning to Rossi, although it was obvious to the older profiler that something had been going on between the pair. Reid didn't take his eyes off Hotch. He was clearly both intrigued and confused. Hotch on the other hand, seemed quick to dismiss their conversation.

"Excuse my colleague." Hotch said to the nurse with a smile. "He's not quite caught up with the whole sexism thing yet."

"Hey, I'm not a sexist." Rossi said holding his hands up in a humorous manner.

"Well nurse Lesley will be glad to hear it. He's always fishing for compliments." The young nurse said with a wink to Rossi.

Rossi chuckled. The only thing he liked better than a young nurse, was a young nurse with a good sense of humour.

She moved forwards to pick up Reid's chart. "Now let's have a look here." She said thoughtfully. "Yes, it appears you are due." She said to Reid, who was now looking at her in anticipation. She produced two pills in a pot and handed them to the doctor. "How is your pain, Dr. Reid?" Before she had finished her question, Reid had grabbed his water and swallowed the tablets.

"Not good." He replied honestly.

"Is it any better than yesterday?" The nurse was writing little notes.

"A little."

"From one to ten?"

"About a six or seven?" He winced slightly as he shifted in the bed.

The nurse smiled.

"Well that's an improvement! At least we're going in the right direction."

Reid just nodded, looking more than a little fed up of being spoken to in a patronising manner.

The nurse swallowed, suddenly feeling unwelcome. "Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No... thanks." Reid answered, not even acknowledging her with a glance. He had spent the last five days under the care of young female and male nurses. Each and every one of them knew why he was there and what had happened to him. He didn't appreciate it. He didn't appreciate the sympathetic smiles and the forced jokes. He didn't appreciate the child like way they spoke to him, or the scripted compliments they handed out to him on a daily basis. He didn't appreciate that female nurses felt the need to giggle and overcompensate to show Reid he was still a normal man. Or that the male nurses felt the need to 'respectfully' avert their gaze every time they entered the room. As much as the miserable nurses could be quite forceful and unfeeling, in a way he preferred them. There was no ceremony, no apparent need to make him feel special or fuss over him. He just felt normal around them, like any other patient.

"Okay, well I will come back and check on you in a while." She smiled sweetly, turning to Rossi who nodded his thanks. Then she left.

"My, my." Rossi said with a grin. "If I ever have an accident, I know which ward I'll be coming on to."

Hotch just shook his head in amused dismay. Reid couldn't help smiling a little too. If anyone else would have said it, the sexual undertones probably would have bothered him. But Rossi was such a womaniser, it had almost become a part of who he was. It was no more offensive than Garcia's ridiculously tight skirts and fishnet tights.

The room descended into silence again and Reid quickly started eyeing Hotch expectantly. Hotch was avoiding his eye contact. Rossi, sensing that something had been left very much unsaid, shifted a little, clearing his throat to draw their attention.

"Does anyone want any coffee?"

Hotch just shook his head, knowing that regardless of his answer, Rossi would be leaving the room.

Rossi turned to Reid. "Reid?"

"Please."

"Caffe mocha?" Rossi said with a small smile, knowing that Reid would likely want one of the sickly beverages.

Reid winced a little, shaking his head.

"Caffe Americano. Two sugars."

Rossi lifted his eyebrows at this, even Hotch turned to look at the doctor. This was quite uncharacteristic.

"Are you sure?..." Rossi asked. "...No chocolate? No sprinkles? Cream? Caramel? Syrup?"

Reid paled slightly.

"No. Just black please."

Rossi nodded.

"Fair enough, black coffee for the doctor, calorific mocha-choca syrup coffee explosion for me.." He said with a small smile. "... I'll be back in ten." This was directed mostly to Hotch. Rossi knew they had things to discuss. He then left the room, closing the door behind him.

Hotch weighed Reid up and down for a short moment.

"You're not eating." He stated simply. Reid bit his lip.

"I am." He said with no real commitment.

"Reid." Hotch looked at him with a scrutinizing gaze.

"Okay, so I've not got much of an appetite. Food isn't exactly top of my priority list right now." Reid's expression was serious and tight.

"You've lost weight." Hotch pointed out. "What have you been eating?"

Reid met his gaze unflinchingly, weighing his boss up for a few moments.

"You've really come here to discuss my diet?... I'm eating. That's all you need to know." He said simply, his tone was abrupt, but not necessarily abrasive.

Hotch felt slightly reprimanded by Reid at that moment. It was a foreign feeling to him. Had this not been the first solo visit he'd made in the last five days, he probably would have put the young man in his place. But he felt as though he was on unsteady ground. Reid was clearly, and quite rightly, feeling let down by Hotch. That much was apparent. And the feelings were not unfounded. Hotch knew it was purely his status as Unit Chief that was forcing Reid to accept his company right now. Further driving the point home by reprimanding him back, didn't seem like the best idea. So Hotch held his tongue.

They sat in silence for a good minute. Both desperate to broach the subject that had been raised before Rossi's interruption, but neither brave enough to actually raise it. Hotch sighed, he had come to Reid to help him. Not to set him on edge. He mentally slapped himself. He couldn't let his pride get in the way of this, what use was it? And he was sure Reid had very little left. The notion of pride to Reid was probably ridiculous right now. Hotch had to put himself in his colleague's shoes. Hotch had managed to regain his pride, now he had to help Reid do the same.

"I understand how you feel." Hotch said simply, finally taking the conversation back to its original destination. Although this time, Reid looked less interested. Depression had clearly set in.

"Really." Reid said, with little concern.

"When..." Hotch started then took a deep breath. "When Foyet did what he did to me... I felt weak..." He took another deep breath. This was clearly an uncomfortable place for Hotch to be in. "I felt like less of a man."

Reid eyed him carefully for a moment, unsure how to take the confession. He couldn't see much similarity in the two situations if he was honest. Hotch had been stabbed multiple times by a psycho with a knife. There wasn't really a lot that one could do about that. But Reid had been attacked by a friend, a friend who he had allowed into his life. Not someone who forced their way into the house, waiting in the shadows. But someone he had sat on the couch with, laughed with, drank with. Ultimately putting himself in a vulnerable position. That was the difference. Foyet wasn't Hotch's fault, where as Jason was his.

Hotch spoke again. "Reid." He pulled his colleague out of his self-deprecating thoughts. "After Foyet, I felt like... I'd let myself down. That I'd let him into my home and somehow I deserved what I got because I let my guard down."

Reid only listened to his boss. He made no move to argue or agree. Nothing. He just listened. Hotch wasn't sure whether it was good or bad. His face was unreadable. He was clearly in a deep depression.

Hotch continued. "I felt like less of a man... because I hadn't been able to protect myself. I'd allowed myself to be stabbed nine times and as a result, I no longer trusted my own judgement."

Reid then furrowed his brows.

"You didn't exactly allow it." Reid's small voice replied.

"No." Hotch replied confidently. "But it took me months to realise that... Then when he... he killed Haley, I realised it wasn't just me I couldn't protect. I couldn't protect her either and that's what a man is supposed to do. Protect their family. Protect themselves." Hotch's voice was becoming passionate, a little lost in his own overwhelming memories and feelings. "We are supposed to fight, no matter what. We are supposed to be strong. And I couldn't do that." He dropped his gaze to his lap. "I couldn't keep them safe any more than I could keep myself safe."

Hotch took another deep breath, this time it was full of emotion. Then glanced up at Reid. He was surprised to see silent tears rolling down his young colleague's face. He leaned forward slightly, his concern for Reid now overshadowing his own emotions. "Reid?" He asked.

Reid shook his head. Refusing to respond.

Hotch shifted towards Reid in his chair. "Reid. Talk to me."

Reid fruitlessly wiped the tears away from his eyes, they were quickly replaced by more. He cursed himself for his lack of self-control. He closed his eyes, trying to make his next words easier and less embarrassing.

"I'm weak." He breathed out, more tears rolling down his face. Hotch resisted the urge to wade in and tell him the contrary for fear of cutting him off. "I let... Jason... into my life." He pulled his hands up to his face, covering it out of embarrassment as he cringed. "God, I must be so pathetic."

Hotch winced at the words. He remembered those feelings well. Not necessarily for the same reasons and he imagined that Reid must feel completely exposed. But he remembered having those exact thoughts.

Reid continued on, his voice shaking. "I... I just keep thinking... what is it that he... he saw in me? Am I really that weak and pathetic that he knew he could get away with it?" Reid shoulders shook as a sob escaped his lips. "And I just proved him right... God, the things I let him do."

At this Hotch had to stop him.

"Reid. You did not let him do anything. You had no choice."

"There's always a choice." Reid said bitterly.

Hotch looked softly at Reid.

"Not always." Hotch sat back in his chair feeling like he was getting through to him. Something that, apparently, no one had been able to do as yet. "What else could you have done?" Hotch said, shrugging his shoulders.

Reid's brows furrowed and he started to stutter.

"I-... I could have fought."

Hotch looked at him pointedly, doing a quick sweep over his body with his eyes.

"I think you did enough of that, looking at you." Hotch said simply.

"I-... I should have seen it. Stopped it before it even happened."

"What?" Hotch raised his eyebrows. "Like everyone does?... Like I did?... Like Morgan did when he was a kid?... It doesn't happen that way Reid. These people are skilled at what they do."

"But so are we!" Reid snapped. "What sort of a profiler am I if I couldn't spot what was right in front of my face?... What- What kind of man am I, when I can't fight off another man? What kind of FBI agent can't fight off another man?" Reid said angrily, his face going red.

"You tried." Hotch said passionately. "You tried and that's all that matters."

Reid scoffed.

"I tried." He started laughing. "I tried.... I failed, Hotch. And as a result I got used as some... some... sex doll by a pervert who I thought was my friend."

Hotch winced at the words. They were explicit, particularly coming out of Reid's mouth. They sounded completely wrong.

"It wasn't your fault." Hotch spoke the words before he'd even considered them. They were so clichéd. So overused. Reid, understandably, laughed in his face. He was getting slightly hysterical. It was clear he didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Hotch spoke again, more confident with his words this time. "It wasn't, Reid." He looked at his colleague seriously. Reid's face then turned equally serious.

"Hotch..." He took a few moments of silence to choose his words carefully. Hotch's attention was undivided. "Do you know why I don't have friends?"

Hotch appeared a bit taken a back by the question. He shuffled back in his seat, feeling the ground slipping out from underneath him slightly.

"You have friends Reid."

"Outside of work." Reid countered quickly.

Hotch considered his answer for a few moments, he couldn't find a better answer.

"No." He replied, honestly.

"Because every friend I have ever had in my life has betrayed me." Reid said bitterly. He looked as though he was going to explain further, but couldn't bring himself to. He snapped his mouth shut and took a deep inhale. "I should have known better." He said simply. His eyes hard.

Hotch shook his head.

"No Reid. There is nothing wrong with trusting people."

"I think between Jason and I, we've proved that theory incorrect." Reid countered with cold humour.

Hotch just stared at his younger colleague for a few moments. So many emotions were radiating from Reid at that moment. There was hatred, both for himself and Jason. And seemingly everyone around him could have a sample from time to time too. He was embarrassed, humiliated, undermined, insecure, guilty, depressed... too many to name. Hotch didn't think he'd ever seen such a melting pot of emotions in the machine of logic that was normally Dr. Reid. Embarrassment and insecurity were generally common place. He could sometimes see sadness, or flashes of anger here and there. But generally, Reid kept his emotions hidden. Hotch also felt honoured that he was trusted enough to share this moment with Reid. Perhaps it was his own confession that brought Reid to him, or perhaps Reid was finally realising that his team would always be there for him. To Hotch, it didn't really matter. The fact he was discussing things, however little, was a step in the right direction.

"Trusting people is what makes you human, Reid. Men like Jason and Foyet, they don't know how to trust, because they're not human. They can't empathise... they don't feel. If you start pushing away the things that separate you from him, what do you become?" Hotch looked at Reid, seriously asking the question.

Reid furrowed his brows for a few moments. He knew Hotch was right. But what on earth was he supposed to think? Trust had gotten him nowhere in the past and it seemed to still be working like a charm for him now. Reid licked his lips uncomfortably and shot Hotch a quick, nervous glance.

"I hate people." He breathed out a little laugh. Hotch didn't laugh back, he merely looked thoughtful for a few moments.

"Does that include us?" Hotch asked gently. Reid quirked an eyebrow at him as if to suggest it was a strange question, Hotch continued. "We let you down... I let you down." Hotch said, almost shyly.

Reid dropped his gaze to the bed.

"I don't hate you." He said simply. That was all Hotch was getting.

The older man eyed Reid for a short while, refusing to respond to such a vague answer. He felt bad using his profiling skills on his distressed colleague, but he knew how to get people to talk. And he knew Reid. As expected, Reid started getting edgy underneath his scrutinizing gaze. He started chewing on his lip and shifting around a little in the bed. Hotch waited.

"I-... I..." Reid started to stutter, desperate for Hotch to rescue him, but he didn't. "I don't hate you." Reid reiterated his original point. Hotch raised his eyebrows as if to say 'really?' "Honestly, I don't." Reid said quickly. "I just..." He trailed off, finding himself too nervous to say what he was about to say. "I..." Reid took a deep breath, then huffed it back out in frustration. "I'm just so god damn angry!" He snapped suddenly. Then he shot a nervous glance to Hotch, expecting him to be annoyed. But he wasn't, he was just sat, listening. He breathed out another moody huff, judging it to be okay to show his anger to his boss. "Nobody was there for me. Nobody! I needed help. And not one of you saw that! You spend your lives identifying potential psychopaths, sadists, sociopaths... and one was right in front of you and you guys never saw it. You called me a drug addict. You called me crazy before any one of you saw the signs. And then it was too late. I trusted you guys with my life. I trusted you guys to recognise when I needed help. And instead of helping me, you sent me home."

Hotch suddenly felt the need to jump in.

"Reid, I had no choice. You physically attacked a co-worker."

"While that co-worker mentally attacked me! Right in front of your eyes! I didn't see him being reprimanded - Oh no, sorry. He got rewarded didn't he? Sent home nice and early so he could come round and rape me!" Reid was getting to the point of furious now. His words were harsh and brutally honest. Five days worth of anger was coming out in one fell swoop.

Hotch closed his eyes at the words. They were painfully true.

Reid continued, his voice low now. "But do you know what really bugs me most? Out of everything?" Hotch looked at him, an indication for him to carry on. "The fact that I trusted you guys to look after me if I became like my Mom." His voice became shaky with upset and his eyes started to cloud. "And... for the tiniest moment of time, that was becoming a reality. I felt like I was going mad. And instead of being supported, I was exiled." A tear ran down his face. Hotch's gaze softened as the implications of his actions became painfully clear.

Before Hotch could answer, Reid cut in again. "I know I was acting strangely and it looked like I was going mad. I felt like I was going mad..." He eyed his boss for a short moment. "I was... scared... Scared I was becoming like her. And you guys knew that." Reid's voice softened with upset. "And not one of you helped."

Hotch's brows were furrowed. His face set in deep thought as it often was when he heard something sad or disturbing. He sat for a good thirty seconds without speaking, considering his answer. Did he argue? Did he defend the team and himself for the decisions they made? Or did he admit fault? And if he did, would it really make a difference? Would he just be creating more issues between everyone?

"I'm sorry." He said in a low, depressed tone. "I'm so sorry." Reid looked up, tears clouding his eyes. Hotch stared back at him, the guilt dancing nervously in his features. Reid's lip started to quiver slightly and Hotch felt the sudden urge to comfort his young subordinate. He put his hand on Reid's shoulder in a supportive gesture, then Reid's barriers dissolved. He slumped forward, towards Hotch and broke down, a loud sob escaping his lips.

Hotch quickly stood, wrapping his arms around the young man's back, allowing Reid's face to rest against his abdominals as he sobbed into his shirt. Hotch's hand went to Reid's head and stroked gently.

The only time Reid had ever hugged Hotch was after Hankel. But there was none of the relief in this exchange that there had been in Georgia. The hug in Georgia had been like a heavy sigh, the weight was there but it was quickly lifting at the relief of finding Reid alive. But this was entirely different. Hotch felt like Reid was sinking. He was clinging to him, as if Hotch was the only thing grounding him at that moment.

Hotch closed his eyes. He really shouldn't have left it so long. The team meant too much to him to abandon them when they most needed him... Reid meant too much to him.

Reid cried for a good few minutes, the sobbing that had racked his body slowly dissipated into small sniffles and hitching breaths.

"I'm sorry." He said, suddenly pulling away and quickly wiping his eyes.

Hotch released him instantly, very aware that Reid needed to be in control of this exchange.

"Don't." Hotch said with a slight warning in his voice, looking pointedly at Reid as he sat down once again. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

Reid just closed his eyes and smiled a self-deprecating smile. He huffed out a small breathy laugh. His mental state was deeply concerning.

Hotch watched his subordinate carefully, through concerned eyes. He'd never seen Reid like this before, which was hardly surprising. But he had to admit, after the video-taped confession of love, Hotch had hoped that Reid would be a little more receptive to their care.

They sat for a good minute in silence.

"I'm sorry I avoided coming here." Hotch admitted flatly. Reid looked at him in mild surprise. "Sometimes I'm not as strong as you think I am." Hotch gave a slightly wry smile. "Whatever example you feel I've set for you, I just want you to know that it's only because I work with such talented and gifted people that I can set such an example. I learn from all of you, just as much as you learn from me. I've never been more proud of a group of people in my life as I am towards all of you." Hotch's eyes were completely sincere and unflinching.

Reid furrowed his brows and dropped his gaze.

"Don't do this, Hotch." He said quietly.

Hotch shook his head.

"Do what?"

"Take what I said to you... on... on that tape and... and feel like you need to return the favour."

"Reid-"

"Please, just don't patronise me. I'd rather be seen as a liability than be praised with false respect."

Hotch's mouth dropped open a little with shock.

"Reid. I would never see you as a liability and I certainly wouldn't tell you that I respect you if I don't."

"What choice do you really have?" Reid asked with a raised eyebrow. Hotch sighed, feeling a little frustrated. "Well really? What choice do you have?" Reid reiterated the question. "You have an agent sat in a hospital bed like some feeble cripple incapable of defending himself, psychologically incompetent enough to befriend... him and emotionally erratic to the point where I can't stop crying like some deprived pre-pubescent school child. Throwing respect at me is probably the most considerate thing you can do for me right now." Reid huffed like the moody school child he perceived himself to be.

But despite Hotch's concern, he couldn't help the slight quirk upwards at the corners of his mouth.

"You are far too hard on yourself." Hotch said simply.

Reid glanced at him quickly. It wasn't quite the reaction he had been expecting. In a way, he had hoped that Hotch would argue with him, so he could carry on down the destructive path of self-loathing a little longer. He really felt like he needed to pull himself apart. He was so disgusted, he just wanted to take his anger out on its source: himself . Which was a dangerous position to be in and Hotch knew it. He wasn't going to let Reid do that.

"You are brilliant." Hotch said matter-of-factly. "The only thing that makes you psychologically incompetent is the fact that you can't see it."

Reid shook his head in embarrassed denial but Hotch cut him down. "And I won't argue with you about this. This is probably the only time in my life where I can positively and confidently tell you that you are wrong. And you won't take that small victory away from me." Hotch said, almost petulantly.

It was unusual for Hotch to speak in such a way, but it was exactly what Reid needed at that moment. He seemed to be organising his own pity party and Hotch didn't like to see it. Reid had every right to feel sorry for himself. But Hotch didn't want to bear witness to Reid's self-assault. He'd been assaulted enough without further injuring himself.

Hotch leaned forwards in his chair, looking Reid straight in the eye. "I'm not going to tell you that this is going to be easy and I can't tell you how to deal with this. But what I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, is that you are one of the strongest people I know. And eventually, you will get through this... and we'll be with you every step of the way."

Reid looked straight back at Hotch, his eyes wide and unsure. The thought of ever getting over this seemed like an impossibility at that moment. But the fact that Hotch was finally there to support him made the process seem slightly more worthwhile. He didn't know why the man's support meant so much to him, but it did. Much like Gideon's once had. Reid gave a small nod in agreement. It wasn't much, but it was enough.

A knock came at the door and Rossi walked in.

"I come bearing gifts." Rossi said in a light-hearted manner, holding two cups of coffee. He headed straight towards Reid and handed him the cup, then sat down. Rossi could already feel the tension that had permeated the room earlier, lifting. He smiled. "Wanna watch a film?"

For the first time since he'd been found, they saw Reid smile a genuine smile.

"Yeah... why not?"