AN: Here we go, my new story. This is set in the TMNT the 2007 Movie (No surprise there...if you haven't guessed it's my favourite turtle movie). This story will focus on how Leo's absence affected Raph, and on their fight on the roof top, their feelings, and other bits and pieces etc. I know my last story (Feelings) focused on how it affected Don. But this story is not the same! I'm not trying to be boring covering the same old stuff all the time. But this issue is just so good to write about. You get lots of brotherly stuff that way. And it not the same as 'Feelings' so don't worry. It will be set in a completely different format. Letters to be exact It doesn't really follow on from the Don and Leo story either. I'm most likely going off on a completely different tangent to what I wrote before. This idea just came to me while I was writing 'Feelings' and now that it's finished I can write this one. YAY. Okay enough from me...

Oh; No I don't own them...unless my action figures count.

These Words I Can Not Speak...

It was late when Raphael snuck back into the lair that night. He did his best to keep quiet, even though he was quiet intoxicated. He'd been out with Casey 'busted heads' and then they'd had a few celebratory drinks back at Casey's and April's place. Well a few more than a few. April was out of town. Raph stumbled a little as he walked down the hall on his way to his bedroom. He really didn't think he'd had this much to drink but apparently he was wrong. Just walkng in a straight line was difficult, Raph was lucky that he hadn't come across any trouble on his walk home. Raph knew Splinter did not approve of his son getting drunk (ever) and stumbling home at all hours of the morning. And if Raph was caught he'd be in for it. Raph also had to be on the alert for Leo...

Leo, the brother Raph was nearly almost certain had been laying dead somewhere in the jungle, was now back home. He had been for about 2 weeks now and Raph was half expecting to come home to an angry waiting Leo. Like back in the old days. But the lair was silent. Even Donny had gone to bed. Raph paused at Leo's doorway, peering in the open crack of the door. Leo was sound asleep. Breathing softly. A warmth settled over Raph's heart. He was so glad his brother was safe. His mind flitted back to that night. On the roof. If he had slammed his sai down just a few inches to the left... Raph gave himself an internal shake. He was so mad then. It had nearly cost him his brother. Raph continued on to his room. They'd never spoken about that night, the two of them. Not really, not after the 'Winters Incident'.

You're gonna to need these, if you're gonna to lead us out of here.

I'm going to need you, too

That's all they had said. Now Raph in his drunken state was letting the guilt of that night overwhelm him. To Raph's suprise he made it to his room without being discovered, where he sunk down into his desk chair. He replayed the fight over and over in his mind. The look on Leo's face as the sai landed inches from his face. That look in his brothers eyes that Raph could never quiet place. The way his brother screamed as the Stone Generals attacked. The fear he had felt as they took Leo away. He'd thought he'd lost Leo, again. Then Raph began to remember the fear of not knowing if his brother was okay when he was off on his training. The pain of Leo not even bothering to write and let them know he was okay. The anger of him waltzing back in after being MIA for so long and trying to boss him around again. No! Raph thought to himself. Don't go there. That's how it started that night...

Raph didn't know what to do anymore. All these emotions floating around. All the pent up hurt and anger that always plagued him. He was trying so hard to be better after that night. And he wanted to be better too. He and Leo seemed in a better place even without talking about what happened...which was good. Raph wanted to get along with Leo, but still Raph didn't feel 'right' and there was no other way to describe it. These days he wasn't sure what to do with himself. He and Leo hadn't really had a fight since then. Mainly because anytime Raph felt like losing it with Leo his mind went back to that dark rainy night. So now Raph's built up emotions had nowhere to go. Training wasn't cutting it. Neither was bustin heads or annoying Mikey. Fighting with Leo and storming off always acted as kind of a release for Raph. The way he felt was confusing to Raph though, because while Leo was away he didn't feel this way and he couldn't argue with Leo then... he didn't feel this weird anyway. But then he'd had the nightwatcher. And he'd been pretty jerky to Don. And he wasn't feeling so damn guilty then. He was mad at Leo...now he was mad at himself.

Raph decided in his alcohol effected state that he had unresolved issues with Leo to work out, and that's why he felt this way. But he couldn't talk to Leo about it. He couldn't risk it turing into a fight. And talking without yelling and throwing punches was never his strong point.

Raph grabbed a blank sheet of paper from his desk and a pen and began to write...

Leo,

Leo...wel 'm not exactly sober right now an I can't sleep. I jus can't stop thinking. I can't say this face to face. Because, well I just can't. I'll probly reget this tomorrow... sounding all emo here but Im sorry bout that night. I let my anger take ove. You gotta know Id never relly hurt you. It makes me sick to think I nearly did. I just felt so angry. I felt like youd abandoned us (would it hav killed you ta write? Let us know you were ok, that you still cared). then you come back ready to give orders. Expectin us to fall in line again... Not that I ever have done that easy, but I just. I don't even no. I just wanted you to know some of what drove me to act thatway. And that I'm sorry. And that I'm glad ya back leo.

Raph.

Raph re-read through his messy scrawl, made worse from alcohol consumption. He decided that it made sense through his fuzzy tired eyes. Folding it over once, Raph stumbled from his room and crouched down quietly at Leo's doorway. Raph slipped the letter under Leo's door and stumbled back to his room before he could be discovered. Raph then fell asleep within seonds, before he could give another thought to what he had just done.

AN: Just so you know Raph's letter had bad grammar and spelling because he was drunk...

Next chapter will be Leo finding the letter and the repercussions of that. (Maybe writng his own letter back *hint, hint*)

I have the next couple of chapters planned out in my head so hopefully it won't be long until the next is up. It just comes down to finding time to write.

Anyway please let me know what you think! Reviews are better then pizza!