AUTHOR'S NOTE - Another re-post. The only post-JD story I have ever written. My, my, my...angst galore!

SONG INFO - This story is based on the song by one of the best Croatian singers so, sadly, you can't really read the lyrics. But it really is beautiful. If somebody wants to listen to it anyways, it's called 'Vrime da se pomirim sa svitom' by Gibonni. It basically means 'Time to reconcile with the world'. (The lyrics below were also translated by moi.)

SPOILERS - Judgment Day. I KNOW! But no real spoilers, it's just based after it. Don't think I made peace with it, though. I didn't.

ENJOY!

TIME TO FORGIVE

- Amongst the people I don't ask about,
there is someone I can't forgive
but I should -

Some things were never spoken of and those closest to him knew it. They knew better than to bring her up and he never asked. She was the forbidden topic.

Still, she was ever-present. In his mind and in his heart. He still hasn't forgiven her. He couldn't bring himself to. And he could hardly live with himself for it.

There was the unspoken, unthinkable and unbearable rage within him. It has been there for two years. It has been there since he has been putting the cross next to her name.

The rage consumed him whole and he was drowning. He knew it and he couldn't change it.

The rage was there for her. For lying to him. For not trusting him. For leaving him. Again.

The rage was there for him. For not pushing her harder. For not confronting her sooner. For not chasing after her. Again.

So he did what he was left with – he hated her. And himself. And he could barely remember how it all had started.

Sitting in his basement, cradling a glass of Bourbon and sanding his boat, his thoughts were running wild. They have been for the last two years and he knew he ought to stop them or he would lose his mind. He knew he should stop blaming her for everything, even if it was easier that way – to say it was all her fault, now that she was gone and unable to stand up for herself. But he knew better. Even in his alcohol infused brain, he knew he was equally at fault, if not even more.

All the things he said to her.

And all the things she said to him.

All the hate and anger.

All the words that escaped his mouth before he could stop them made him cringe now.

All the times he had hurt her. On purpose. Just to see the pain in her eyes. To try and make her feel the way he did when she left him.

All the things said, screamed and shouted, and still the truth remained unspoken.

All the words he now wished to take back and hug her instead, one last time. Tell her what she really meant to him. Say the truth for once.

But he knew it could never happen now. Not when he let her slip through his fingers. Again.

So he had to do the next best thing – he had to forgive her. And himself.

It was never spoken of. The forbidden topic. But those who knew him, knew better than that. They could read from his face his inner struggle and tried to let him know they were there for him whenever he needed them. So, for once, he decided to let them in. To let them help him.

He owed her at least that.

Her.

Him.

Them.

- THE END -