Better to be a slave and live than to be free and die.

William Nicholson, Slaves of the Mastery

Motives

Why?

It's the eternal question...or the eternal human question at least...or was the eternal human question, in that humanity is no longer eternal, questions are frowned upon and the human race looks set to go the same way as the concept of eternity and inquiry. Or not. The Combine, we know, is eternal at least.

Don't act, think. Don't run, shoot. Insert platitude here, whether it be from the training manual or Doctor Breen. Platitudes I wish the resistance members lined up before us knew to heart. I know what's coming, no matter how much I want to deny it. They know what's coming...and seem far more ready to accept it than I am. Which brings me back to my question...why? Why do they accept it? And in that context, why fight in the first place? Why bring more death and destruction to our world instead of accepting the situation for what it is and making the best of it? I'm no saint...I know the invaders aren't our "benefactors." I know it's likely our species will go extinct due to the inability to breed...but how will hastening that process along help anyone?

"Kill them."

No more than execution duty.

I hate to say it, but it's gotten easier to do this over time. In part due to experience, in part due to how the victims got older over time-it was hell in the old days, when there were still children around. Nowadays anyone in their twenties is a child...like what a pair of 'children' are in the death line. What was it like, I wonder, to live your entire childhood in pursuit of a futile cause? Why do this? Why?

Our CO tells us to aim-he hasn't even bothered to offer the Resistance members eye cover. Probably because in the past, few traitors ever accept it. They just stare...wanting us to ask why.

"Ready!"

This is wrong...so very wrong...

"Aim!"

Well, at least we're aiming for the heart...not too bad a way to go. Jesus Christ, why do they keep staring? Why?

"Fire!"

I fire without hesitation. More bullets, the faster the death...I hope. Either way, I hope an example has been set. That more of the Resistance will ask "why," and stop this pointless crusade.

Maybe if they do that...

...I'll be able to stop asking myself that question as well.