"Dealing With the Truth"
by Maggie C.
Disclaimer: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel and all the characters in this story do not belong to me.
Author's Notes: Set after "Entropy" (BVS) and "The Price" (ATS). Somewhere, someone mentioned this idea and I tried to let it go, but after seeing Entropy, I wondered how much more stress Xander could handle. I decided to post the first chapter before I lost my nerve. Fair warning: to make this fit with the two shows, I have ignored or changed some of the things that happened in Angel. Feedback is welcome.
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Xander was thrown across the room and landed painfully on the ground. "God damn it!" he yelled. He took a moment to look around at the others. Sahjhan was pummeling everyone in the lobby of the Hyperion. Cordy and some other guy were on one side of the room, and Cordy was doing her best to keep the guy from jumping back into the fight despite the nasty looking cut on his head. Another guy and the demon were keeping watch over another girl. And Angel was getting his ass kicked. Xander glowered at him for a moment, but he knew that he had to act. He got to his feet and grabbed the ax. "I am fucking tired of this shit!" He approached the monster again. "Hey, ugly! Let's wrap this up, already!"
"The urn is destroyed, you won't trap me again. And you cannot kill me, human," he said. Sahjhan looked at Angel. "Only one was destined to stop me, no other can-" his words were cut off as Xander buried his ax deep in his neck.
"Fuck destiny," Xander said, kicking the monster as he died. He threw the ax down. "That's it, I am through with you people!" He started for the door.
"Xander, wait!" Cordelia said.
He spun around. "No! You know what? I'm out of here! I don't want to see any of you ever again, so everyone, have a nice life." He looked at Angel. "Except you. I hope you have a miserable existence."
"Xander, you never said why you came here in the first place!" she said.
"I came here to kill that thing," he said. "Now it's dead, everyone's happy, and I'm gone." He started to leave again.
Gunn got in his way. "Now wait just a minute-"
Xander glared at him. "I don't know you, I don't want to know you, now get the fuck out of my way," he said.
"What do you mean you came here to kill that thing?" Angel demanded. "How did you even know about it? And who the hell told you about Connor?"
Xander turned around and shook his head. "This is just perfect," he said. "Deadboy, you're a real piece of work, you know that? I just saved your ass here!"
"No one asked you to!" Angel yelled. "This was my fight. He took my son away from me, I should have been the one to kill him!"
"Oh, like you were doing such a good job of it," Xander said. "Listen, asshole, I sure as hell didn't come up here for you. I came up here because I didn't want Cordy dead, and I knew she'd be stupid enough to die for a piece of shit like you."
"Hey!" Cordelia said. "Xander, where the hell do you get off talking like that?"
"I can talk however the hell I want!" he yelled. "God only knows why all the women in my life want to sleep with vampires. What the hell is such a turn on about a dead body and cold skin?" Cordelia stared at him, shocked.
Lorne grabbed Angel before he could charge at Xander. "Okay, let's remember that this guy did just save our lives, here. We probably shouldn't kill him."
Angel glared at Xander. "Listen, you little-"
Xander glared at him. "Don't start with me," he said. "I swear to God, I am not in the mood for your shit right now."
"Hey man, you're the one with the attitude," Gunn said.
Xander turned to him. "Will you just stay the fuck out of this already? This is between me and the people I hate, which, at this point, pretty much covers everyone I know."
"Xander, what the hell is going on?" Cordelia asked. "Don't tell me you've gotten possessed, because if you have, Buffy's going to be pissed." Xander whirled around and advanced a couple of steps towards her. Cordelia actually took a step back at the look on his face.
"Trust me," he said, his voice quiet and deadly. "I learned exactly what Buffy thought of me last night. She doesn't give a damn, she never did."
"Xander, that's not-" He didn't even pretend to listen to her, he just turned around.
"Wait, please, how do you know about Connor?" Fred asked. "Do you know where he is?"
Xander glanced at her, and he couldn't bring himself to snap at her earnest face. "Wesley told me. You should ask him." He looked at the rest of them. "Provided he'll talk to any of you after you treated him like shit." He glared at Angel. "Not to mention trying to *kill* him."
Angel shook off Lorne's hands. "How dare you?" Angel growled. "You have no right to judge me. He took my son away from me."
"Wesley would have done anything to protect Connor," Xander said. "He may have made a mistake or two, but he nearly died trying to protect him. What happened with Holtz and Sahjhan was not his fault."
"He took my son!" Angel yelled. "You don't have any idea what that feels like!"
"I don't care!" Xander yelled back. "The point is that he did his best and if you really gave a damn about him, you'd give him a chance to make it up!"
"He took my son away from me! He can never make that up!"
"You know what? Why the hell should I care?" Xander said. "I'm through. Through with the Hellmouth, through with vampires, through with all of you!"
Angel and Cordelia both went to stop him, and Cordelia got there first. She grabbed his arm and spun him around. "Okay, what do you mean, you're through with the Hellmouth?"
"I'm not going back."
"So, what, you're abandoning your friends?" she accused.
He shook off her hand. "Friends? Yeah, right! Not one person in that town gives a damn about me!"
"That's not true." They all spun around to see Buffy standing at the entrance with Wesley.
Xander shook his head. "No. No way," he said, turning around and starting for the other exit
"Xander, don't run away from me," Buffy said, struggling to keep her face calm. "I care about you, and-"
"You care about me?" he spun around. "That's a load of crap! How the hell can you say that, after what you did!"
"If you really cared about her, you'd give her a chance to make it up to you," Angel said, throwing Xander's words back in his face.
Xander clenched his fist and looked like he was about to charge Angel, but then he changed his mind. "You think so, huh? She slept with Spike," he spat. Angel's angry look faded into surprise, and shocked looks appeared on the faces of everyone who knew who Spike was.
"Xander, please," Buffy said. Xander pinned his glare on her again, but she didn't back down. "I made a mistake, Xander. A big one."
"You slept with that *thing*," he said. "More than once. God, Buffy, you lied to us! You lied to all of us!"
"I was wrong," she said. "I know that. After you brought me back, I couldn't feel anything. Going and - doing what I did-"
He stared at her incredulously. "Are you actually going to say that this is my fault? God damn it, why the hell is everyone sleeping with Spike *my* fault?"
Buffy's gaze never once wavered from Xander's. "No, it's not your fault. Sleeping with him was my decision, and it was wrong. I'm just trying to explain."
"I don't want to hear your explanations!" he said, starting to leave.
"Xander, don't you run!" Buffy said, tears slipping down her face. "You face me and we deal with this!"
He shook his head. "No! I don't want to *deal* anymore! I've had enough!" Tears were filling his eyes, now, too. "I'm tired of all the shit that always happens to me, I'm tired of getting raked over the coals for screwing up while Willow always gets the happy ending, and I'm tired of not getting any respect from my so-called friends!"
"I do respect you, Xander," Buffy said.
"You fucked him right in front of me!" he screamed. Buffy flinched and more tears started falling, but she didn't look away. "You were invisible, I was in the room, and you were fucking him! How the hell can you say that you respect me when you did that!?"
"I was wrong, Xander. I was wrong and I was messed up and I did horrible things, because I couldn't feel anything and feeling bad was better than nothing," Buffy said. "I was using Spike, because I didn't care about him, about how he felt or if I hurt him."
"Do you think that makes it better?"
"No," she said. "I know it doesn't. I'm not making excuses here, Xander. I'm just explaining, because I don't want to lose you." She swallowed hard. "Please, Xander, come home. Let me make up for the way I hurt you."
"I can't," he said, his voice breaking. "I can't anymore, Buffy."
She bit her lip. "Is this about me, or is this about what Wesley told you?"
Xander's eyes widened. "Don't," he warned. "Please, just... just don't."
"Perhaps you'd like to continue talking somewhere more private?" Wesley suggested.
Buffy glanced at him thankfully and then looked back to Xander. "Please, Xander? Can we just talk?"
Xander closed his eyes. "Fine," he said. "We'll talk."
After casting a wary look around the room, Wesley's gaze settled on Fred. "Ah, Fred, could you...?"
"Sure," she said. She looked at Buffy and Xander. "Um... follow me."
They followed Fred out of the room, falling into step with each other. "I'm still mad at you, you know," Xander said.
Buffy nodded. "I know."
Once they were gone, Angel and the others looked to Wesley. "Okay, what the hell is going on?" Cordelia asked.
Wesley looked around. "Perhaps there are injuries that should be dealt with, first?"
"We're all fine," Angel said, glaring at Wesley. "Now talk."
Wesley sighed. "Connor was not sent to the hell dimension."
"What are you talking about? I saw them go through," Angel snapped.
"It wasn't a dimensional portal. It was a temporal one." He refrained from saying more than that.
Cordelia was the first to figure it out. "You have *got* to be kidding me."
"I'm not," he said.
"You're wrong," she said. "There is no way-"
"I'm not wrong." Wesley glanced at Angel, who had a blank look on his face. "I'm sorry. I'm sure about this."
Fred walked back into the room and came up next to Gunn. "What's going on?" she asked quietly.
"Not quite sure," Gunn said. "I think Wesley figured out where Connor, is, though."
"That's great!" she said. She looked around, noting Angel's shocked look and Cordelia's incredulous and angry one. "Uh, isn't it?"
"Doesn't look like it," Gunn said.
"Wesley," Cordelia said. "There has to be some sort of mistake! This is just insane!"
"I'm sorry," Wesley said again. "I'm certain about this. Xander is Connor." He looked at Angel. "He's your son."
by Maggie C.
Disclaimer: Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, Angel and all the characters in this story do not belong to me.
Author's Notes: Set after "Entropy" (BVS) and "The Price" (ATS). Somewhere, someone mentioned this idea and I tried to let it go, but after seeing Entropy, I wondered how much more stress Xander could handle. I decided to post the first chapter before I lost my nerve. Fair warning: to make this fit with the two shows, I have ignored or changed some of the things that happened in Angel. Feedback is welcome.
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Xander was thrown across the room and landed painfully on the ground. "God damn it!" he yelled. He took a moment to look around at the others. Sahjhan was pummeling everyone in the lobby of the Hyperion. Cordy and some other guy were on one side of the room, and Cordy was doing her best to keep the guy from jumping back into the fight despite the nasty looking cut on his head. Another guy and the demon were keeping watch over another girl. And Angel was getting his ass kicked. Xander glowered at him for a moment, but he knew that he had to act. He got to his feet and grabbed the ax. "I am fucking tired of this shit!" He approached the monster again. "Hey, ugly! Let's wrap this up, already!"
"The urn is destroyed, you won't trap me again. And you cannot kill me, human," he said. Sahjhan looked at Angel. "Only one was destined to stop me, no other can-" his words were cut off as Xander buried his ax deep in his neck.
"Fuck destiny," Xander said, kicking the monster as he died. He threw the ax down. "That's it, I am through with you people!" He started for the door.
"Xander, wait!" Cordelia said.
He spun around. "No! You know what? I'm out of here! I don't want to see any of you ever again, so everyone, have a nice life." He looked at Angel. "Except you. I hope you have a miserable existence."
"Xander, you never said why you came here in the first place!" she said.
"I came here to kill that thing," he said. "Now it's dead, everyone's happy, and I'm gone." He started to leave again.
Gunn got in his way. "Now wait just a minute-"
Xander glared at him. "I don't know you, I don't want to know you, now get the fuck out of my way," he said.
"What do you mean you came here to kill that thing?" Angel demanded. "How did you even know about it? And who the hell told you about Connor?"
Xander turned around and shook his head. "This is just perfect," he said. "Deadboy, you're a real piece of work, you know that? I just saved your ass here!"
"No one asked you to!" Angel yelled. "This was my fight. He took my son away from me, I should have been the one to kill him!"
"Oh, like you were doing such a good job of it," Xander said. "Listen, asshole, I sure as hell didn't come up here for you. I came up here because I didn't want Cordy dead, and I knew she'd be stupid enough to die for a piece of shit like you."
"Hey!" Cordelia said. "Xander, where the hell do you get off talking like that?"
"I can talk however the hell I want!" he yelled. "God only knows why all the women in my life want to sleep with vampires. What the hell is such a turn on about a dead body and cold skin?" Cordelia stared at him, shocked.
Lorne grabbed Angel before he could charge at Xander. "Okay, let's remember that this guy did just save our lives, here. We probably shouldn't kill him."
Angel glared at Xander. "Listen, you little-"
Xander glared at him. "Don't start with me," he said. "I swear to God, I am not in the mood for your shit right now."
"Hey man, you're the one with the attitude," Gunn said.
Xander turned to him. "Will you just stay the fuck out of this already? This is between me and the people I hate, which, at this point, pretty much covers everyone I know."
"Xander, what the hell is going on?" Cordelia asked. "Don't tell me you've gotten possessed, because if you have, Buffy's going to be pissed." Xander whirled around and advanced a couple of steps towards her. Cordelia actually took a step back at the look on his face.
"Trust me," he said, his voice quiet and deadly. "I learned exactly what Buffy thought of me last night. She doesn't give a damn, she never did."
"Xander, that's not-" He didn't even pretend to listen to her, he just turned around.
"Wait, please, how do you know about Connor?" Fred asked. "Do you know where he is?"
Xander glanced at her, and he couldn't bring himself to snap at her earnest face. "Wesley told me. You should ask him." He looked at the rest of them. "Provided he'll talk to any of you after you treated him like shit." He glared at Angel. "Not to mention trying to *kill* him."
Angel shook off Lorne's hands. "How dare you?" Angel growled. "You have no right to judge me. He took my son away from me."
"Wesley would have done anything to protect Connor," Xander said. "He may have made a mistake or two, but he nearly died trying to protect him. What happened with Holtz and Sahjhan was not his fault."
"He took my son!" Angel yelled. "You don't have any idea what that feels like!"
"I don't care!" Xander yelled back. "The point is that he did his best and if you really gave a damn about him, you'd give him a chance to make it up!"
"He took my son away from me! He can never make that up!"
"You know what? Why the hell should I care?" Xander said. "I'm through. Through with the Hellmouth, through with vampires, through with all of you!"
Angel and Cordelia both went to stop him, and Cordelia got there first. She grabbed his arm and spun him around. "Okay, what do you mean, you're through with the Hellmouth?"
"I'm not going back."
"So, what, you're abandoning your friends?" she accused.
He shook off her hand. "Friends? Yeah, right! Not one person in that town gives a damn about me!"
"That's not true." They all spun around to see Buffy standing at the entrance with Wesley.
Xander shook his head. "No. No way," he said, turning around and starting for the other exit
"Xander, don't run away from me," Buffy said, struggling to keep her face calm. "I care about you, and-"
"You care about me?" he spun around. "That's a load of crap! How the hell can you say that, after what you did!"
"If you really cared about her, you'd give her a chance to make it up to you," Angel said, throwing Xander's words back in his face.
Xander clenched his fist and looked like he was about to charge Angel, but then he changed his mind. "You think so, huh? She slept with Spike," he spat. Angel's angry look faded into surprise, and shocked looks appeared on the faces of everyone who knew who Spike was.
"Xander, please," Buffy said. Xander pinned his glare on her again, but she didn't back down. "I made a mistake, Xander. A big one."
"You slept with that *thing*," he said. "More than once. God, Buffy, you lied to us! You lied to all of us!"
"I was wrong," she said. "I know that. After you brought me back, I couldn't feel anything. Going and - doing what I did-"
He stared at her incredulously. "Are you actually going to say that this is my fault? God damn it, why the hell is everyone sleeping with Spike *my* fault?"
Buffy's gaze never once wavered from Xander's. "No, it's not your fault. Sleeping with him was my decision, and it was wrong. I'm just trying to explain."
"I don't want to hear your explanations!" he said, starting to leave.
"Xander, don't you run!" Buffy said, tears slipping down her face. "You face me and we deal with this!"
He shook his head. "No! I don't want to *deal* anymore! I've had enough!" Tears were filling his eyes, now, too. "I'm tired of all the shit that always happens to me, I'm tired of getting raked over the coals for screwing up while Willow always gets the happy ending, and I'm tired of not getting any respect from my so-called friends!"
"I do respect you, Xander," Buffy said.
"You fucked him right in front of me!" he screamed. Buffy flinched and more tears started falling, but she didn't look away. "You were invisible, I was in the room, and you were fucking him! How the hell can you say that you respect me when you did that!?"
"I was wrong, Xander. I was wrong and I was messed up and I did horrible things, because I couldn't feel anything and feeling bad was better than nothing," Buffy said. "I was using Spike, because I didn't care about him, about how he felt or if I hurt him."
"Do you think that makes it better?"
"No," she said. "I know it doesn't. I'm not making excuses here, Xander. I'm just explaining, because I don't want to lose you." She swallowed hard. "Please, Xander, come home. Let me make up for the way I hurt you."
"I can't," he said, his voice breaking. "I can't anymore, Buffy."
She bit her lip. "Is this about me, or is this about what Wesley told you?"
Xander's eyes widened. "Don't," he warned. "Please, just... just don't."
"Perhaps you'd like to continue talking somewhere more private?" Wesley suggested.
Buffy glanced at him thankfully and then looked back to Xander. "Please, Xander? Can we just talk?"
Xander closed his eyes. "Fine," he said. "We'll talk."
After casting a wary look around the room, Wesley's gaze settled on Fred. "Ah, Fred, could you...?"
"Sure," she said. She looked at Buffy and Xander. "Um... follow me."
They followed Fred out of the room, falling into step with each other. "I'm still mad at you, you know," Xander said.
Buffy nodded. "I know."
Once they were gone, Angel and the others looked to Wesley. "Okay, what the hell is going on?" Cordelia asked.
Wesley looked around. "Perhaps there are injuries that should be dealt with, first?"
"We're all fine," Angel said, glaring at Wesley. "Now talk."
Wesley sighed. "Connor was not sent to the hell dimension."
"What are you talking about? I saw them go through," Angel snapped.
"It wasn't a dimensional portal. It was a temporal one." He refrained from saying more than that.
Cordelia was the first to figure it out. "You have *got* to be kidding me."
"I'm not," he said.
"You're wrong," she said. "There is no way-"
"I'm not wrong." Wesley glanced at Angel, who had a blank look on his face. "I'm sorry. I'm sure about this."
Fred walked back into the room and came up next to Gunn. "What's going on?" she asked quietly.
"Not quite sure," Gunn said. "I think Wesley figured out where Connor, is, though."
"That's great!" she said. She looked around, noting Angel's shocked look and Cordelia's incredulous and angry one. "Uh, isn't it?"
"Doesn't look like it," Gunn said.
"Wesley," Cordelia said. "There has to be some sort of mistake! This is just insane!"
"I'm sorry," Wesley said again. "I'm certain about this. Xander is Connor." He looked at Angel. "He's your son."