disclaimer: disclaimed.
dedication: to Selene. Happy Christmas!
notes: sometimes I write really stupid things. this is stupid. I am stupid. what am I doing. asfhaj.

title: and then the world exploded
summary: Lee discovers STDs. — Lee, Tenten.

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Tenten was grocery shopping. Between the avocadoes and the anti-aging cream (neither of which she wanted, honestly—she was only eighteen. And avocadoes were disgusting), she was being picky about the tomatoes when Lee came bounding down the aisles, looking ecstatic. She didn't even blink when he skidded to a halt in front of her.

(Being ex-Team Gai made one immune to being startled. By anything. Literally. Cue the dolphins, the sunset was about start.)

"Tenten-chan! My lovely teammate, I have discovered something shocking!"

Lee discovered shocking things three times a week.

Tenten chose to tread carefully. "How shocking is shocking, Lee?"

"Shocking, Tenten-chan! I did not know such horrors existed!"

She eyed him.

He was VERY EARNEST, IN CAPITALS BECAUSE THAT IS HOW LEE DOES THINGS. EVERYTHING IS IN CAPITALS. EVERYTHING.

A very sad, very small part of the back of her brain was moaning and sobbing, praying that Tenten would reconsider what she was about to do. I… must… resist!

He was STILL VERY EARNEST.

Tenten groaned.

(No one could resist Lee's puppy eyes. Not even actual puppies. Not even Uchiha Sasuke. Except. You know. Usually.)

"Okay," she heaved a sigh. "What did you discover now?"

The smile that broke out over his face was worth the coming brain-break.

Or at least, she hoped it would be.

He shook his head solemnly, which was sort of weird because he was still smiling. He dropped his voice to a stage whisper and looked around shiftily. "I have discovered… syphilis ads. I must show you!"

He grabbed her wrist and went barreling towards the exit.

Tomatoes flew everywhere.

Tenten despaired.

fin.