Stefan wasn't the only one who was willing to sacrifice himself for someone he loved. After spending the first few days of Stefan's disappearance uncovering what happened to him because of the deal he made with Klaus, Elena began to plot how she would get him back. On the surface, she somehow convinced Damon and Alaric that she would let them do the heavy lifting because it was too dangerous for her and because Stefan wouldn't want her to get hurt. Even if Damon was onto her it didn't matter.

And Stefan? Stefan didn't think of her when he gave himself over to the blood to save his brother. She could give a fuck what he wanted at the moment. Especially when what she wanted was him, safe and sound and whole and hers.

She lies awake at night in their bed—she never did move back to the Gilbert house—and reads Stefan's journals. Initially she felt guilty about invading his privacy and had a flash of heartbreak when she remembered him coming by her house that first time with her journal in hand.

"Don't worry, I didn't read it."

"No? Why not, most people would have."

"I wouldn't want anyone to read mine."

"You keep a journal?"

"Yeah, if I don't write it down I forget it. Memories are too important."

The memories affect her a lot lately. She wrestles with nausea because somehow she has repressed every emotion and feeling in search of finding him and these memories that come with the journals just bring everything up.

Everything. She'd think she was pregnant if it was possible but of course…

In the journals she finds the stories that Stefan told her at the lake house. The stories of thinking he killed John Gilbert in 1864 and the bloodbath that followed.

The moment he met Lexi.

His journey to sobriety.

His first relapse in 1917 that lead to the massacre in that small village. Lexi's subsequent visit that ends with her sequestering him to some desolate isle in the middle of nowhere for 17 months.

Relapse in 1944 during World War II.

Relapse in 1960.

And then 50 years of sobriety.

She read and read and when she finished she would go downstairs and force Damon to fill in the details as he could. She had to know what she was dealing with—who she was dealing with when his blood thirst was not reigned in.

Most importantly, she needed to know who she needed to be in order to deal.

It didn't take long for Bonnie and her cousin Lucy to locate Klaus and Stefan in Panama. Elena makes a deal with Bonnie that allows her and Caroline—taking Caroline was the only way Bonnie would agree to let Elena go on her own—to get a two day head start on Damon and Alaric.

Before they leave, they stop at the warehouse—the last place Stefan was seen—and she pulls the dagger out of Elijah. Again.

"Your word that you hold so dear cost me my lover. And for what? Where's your family! Do you know where mine are? Mostly dead or on the way to wishing for death."

"Stefan knew the odds. He understood the bond between family—between brothers. Immortality changes everything. But Elena, as little as my word means to you, I can help you find my brother and your Stefan."

"You're right. Your word means nothing to me. But all I care about right now is getting to Stefan and you are my only option."

"Elena, I fear that if the rumors about Stefan off the wagon are true, we may be too late to help him."

She will not change words with him about this. "Just bring me to him."

The entire flight to Panama Elena dreams of Stefan. She dreams of the ways the blood changed him, making him smooth and risk-taking; bold and dangerous. She remembers that it brought out the love he had for her in striking ways but that it also made him a liar, it also made him mean, lashing out at the ones he loved.

She remembers how he was the first night she knew something was wrong—the night he came to her after staying away for days. She was out of her mind with worry—and she missed Stefan more than she realized. She missed his steadiness emotionally just as much as she missed his physical presence. Which is why she held herself back as long as she could before she made a move to intimately reconnect with him. She remembers how intense his kisses were and how he flipped them and held her hands down as he ravished her. She recalls how much she wanted him right then and how when the vampire came to the forefront she was initially afraid but before she could settle herself, he had jumped off of her and threw himself against the wall.

As she woke, Elena felt her body still reeling from the intense dreams. She looked over at still sleeping Caroline confident that she knew what she would have to do to bring him back.

They checked into their hotel and the first thing Elena did was give Caroline the sleep elixir Bonnie gave to Damon to keep him out of the game. She stole it from Bonnie.

She'd apologize and explain…later.

The second thing was for her to find Stefan. Elijah knew instantly where his brother was. By nightfall the pair arrive at a small town outside of Cristobal. The town housed a large acreage estate that had been in their family for centuries. Elena gasped at the largesse of the house. How would she get to Stefan? How would she find him?

As if he could read her mind, he tells her, "You might try the west wing of the house first. My brother leaves that side for guests."

Elena looks at Elijah carefully and without word runs toward the estate. It is not lost on her how dangerous this is and she's not even sure how effective her plan will be. But she knows that she cannot let him think she won't come to rescue him. And one way or the other, she won't leave him here alone.

At the moment she tries to determine how she will gain entry to the house without setting off alarms, Elijah appeared again, this time grabbing hold to her waist and moving her to the servants entry way. "Klaus is out for the night. And if I know my brother, he won't return until sunrise. You will have a little over six hours to reach Stefan. After that, I can no longer guarantee your safety."

Elena nods in understanding but doesn't respond to his implications about Stefan.

"I hope you kill Klaus this time, Elijah."

She doesn't wait for a response. With one last look, Elena carefully moves into the entry way inside the house. The housekeepers, clearly under compulsion, completely overlook her presence as she moves through them to get to the west wing.

She walks up the servants staircase to the bedrooms and carefully she enters the corridor Elijah directed her to. She follows the music that is playing at the end of the hall. She recognizes the song from one of her and Stefan's late night talks. He played her "Venus in Furs" and told her that when he felt melancholy that was the song he would listen to on repeat.

I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather
Whiplash girl-child in the dark
Severin, your servant comes in bells, please don't forsake him
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

The song played as she made love to him and tried to create new memories to associate with the music.

She wonders which memory has survived as he listens now.

She walks to the door, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. She turns the doorknob and opens the door to darkness save for a lamp on his nightstand.

Stefan lies on his bed, one hand resting above his head, the other on his chest and stares directly at Elena.

She has to admit: part of her is so relieved that he is alive that she finds her legs want to turn to jelly from how tightly she's been guarding herself.

Elena doesn't trust herself to speak. The words will break her.

And so they stare at each other.

He finally speaks at her: "Why are you here? There's nothing you can do for me now Elena."

She finds her voice and is surprised by how clear it is. Somehow it is these moments where she feels most weak that she sounds most strong. "You know why I'm here, Stefan. I came to bring you home."

"Elena if you're here then you know the deal I made. I no longer have a home."

Elena cannot help but flash back to the morning after she and Stefan got back together.

"Elijah promised to keep me and everyone else safe as long as we play by his rules."
"Right. As long as you play by his rules."
"Stefan, I made a deal with Elijah."
"Right. You made a deal with him. I didn't make one. You should keep your deal."

She sighs deeply and uses the words against him. "Stefan, you made a deal with him. I didn't make one. Keep your deal. I'm bringing you home. Against your will."

"Elena, I don't think you understand. This is not the same as when you were able to lock me in a dungeon for two days and I came back to myself. This is different. I have given into the blood fully. I am what I was always meant to be."

"A ripper? Is that who you think you are, Stefan?"

"Call it what you want. It is what I am. What I have always been and been too ashamed to admit."

"Stefan I know you. I know every part of you. Even this part. But I know your heart more. And this was never who you were."

Stefan sits up and by the time she blinks he is standing in front of her. He looks at her from her head to her toes. At once it is both predatorial and highly sexual. Her breath catches at the way he looks. After a while, he seems content with his effect and moves toward her making her walk backwards into the door.

He puts his hands on the door, hovering over her. She swallows back her fear. She would not be afraid of Stefan. She needed him to see that. She needed him to know that she loved him. He would need the memory of her face without fear once he came back to himself.

"Do you have a syringe filled with vervain loaded and ready for me? Ahh that's right, that won't affect me anymore."

She holds out her hands to him. "No vervain. No tricks. Just me."

"That's too bad. You would think you'd be smarter now that you've experienced all that you'd seen. I guess you think Damon will save you now, huh? Save me? Are you stalling for him to come and help you? Tell me, has he made a move yet? Did he make what I did worth his while?"

(Oh God. Her heart. She can't do it. She can't take it. These words. Oh God.)

As much as what she will say will hurt him, she needs to do this. She needs to know how far gone he really is.

So she cuts him: "I did kiss him, actually. But no, he's not coming. I told you—I came for you. Me."

He's still in there. He looks at her with a mix of betrayal and hurt and jealousy and then…apathy.

"Like I said, he loves you. And I guess you love him. I'm glad I could make this happen for you. Now get out. I have a dinner to dress for and guests I need to prepare to eat."

The slap comes out of nowhere. She hits him with so much force that it catches him off guard and allows her to move around him.

"You never believed me did you? All those times I told you. All those moments I spent moaning your name. I told you: I came here for you. I love you. Not Damon. He is still trying to learn what that word means. Being an ass won't make the hurt go away Stefan. And it won't make me go away either. So you're gonna have to be creative for once and try something else."

He ignores her. Puts on his starched white shirt and begins to button it.

"You know, I should have asked you how far you would go to save Damon. I should have come up with a plan with you. I should have made my peace with Damon and then helped you. That's my fault."

He continued to dress without uttering a word.

"That's my fault. And I will be eternally sorry I wasn't there for you when Klaus forced you to drink. I can't imagine how crazy it made you. To be there alone suffering."

He thinks he finds a way to cut her. "I wasn't alone. Katherine was there with me. You were with Damon. I guess it all worked out."

The blow does damage. A tear falls down her face but she thinks of the first time he told her he loved her. That she was the woman that he loved. Her. Not Katherine. She wipes the water from her face.

"No, Stefan. You were alone. She sat and watched you suffer. And I'm sorry."

"Elena, why are you still here. GET. OUT. I will hurt you. I turned the switch off. No feelings; no remorse. Remember?"

"Maybe so. But I bet by the end of this night you'll turn it back on."

He faces her fully dressed in a formal tuxedo. Elena has never seen him more beautiful.

"I'm going to dinner. When I get back, be gone. You don't want to deal with Klaus. Or me." And with that he she waits.

Two hours later, he returns with his bowtie loose and hanging around his neck and the buttons of his shirt undone. There is blood on his shirt and on his forearms where the sleeves have been rolled up. There are lingering drops around his mouth. Elena rises from the bed and watches him. Her heart sinks at the sight before her.

This is for real.

"Still here? You missed a most amazing dinner. Panamanians have the best flavor this side of the hemisphere. I forgot about that."

She walks over to him against the door and places her hands on either side of his mouth. She makes a decision. He is worth the sacrifice.

"Stefan, I love you. I can't stay away from you. I won't. If this is who you want to be now then I will love you. I love all of you."

He laughs. "You can't love me, Elena. I'm a ripper. Go back to Damon."

"This has nothing to do with Damon. And I do love you. Let me show you." She kisses him hard. Tastes the blood on his tongue and presses past the urge to gag. She could do this. She could.

As she deepens the kiss, he pushes her away. She moves toward him again and then he pushes her against the door, her back facing him. "So, this is how you want it? I don't have love to give anymore, Elena."

"Bullshit, Stefan. If you didn't love me, you wouldn't be behind me hard as a rock."

"Elena are you that naïve? Sex and love have nothing to do with each other."

She wiggles out of his grasp and turns to face him. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that." As he begins to repeat himself, she maneuvers her hand to the hardness outlining his trousers.

Neither of them blinks as she unzips his pants and snakes her hand inside stroking him.

"Do you remember the night you came over after you stayed away trying to get over drinking blood the first time? Do you remember beginning to make love? You were rough with me and it was new but it turned me on. And then you vamped out and it surprised me and you took my expression as fear. You threw yourself against a wall to keep from hurting me and ran off without a word. I know you were ashamed of that but Stefan, what you didn't know was that as soon as you left that night I was still so excited I had to get myself off. So I touched myself and imagined it was you touching me rough and hard. I came so hard that night Stefan. So hard. I didn't tell you because I was embarrassed."

She continued stroking him until he stopped her. In one quick motion he moved her to a desk and had her bend over with her hands on the desk. He wasted no time ripping the fly open on her jeans and pulling them down along with her underwear.

He kissed her neck and moved his hands down to her center and he's rubbing her sensitive spot and she can't help but groan at his touch.

And right at the point that she about to come apart, he pulls back and slides into her. They both moan. He rocks against her with a punishing rhythm, his hands bound to leave a mark on her hips as he presses so firmly into them.

Elena is lost in sensation. Stefan, her Stefan, ripper or no, knew her body and knew how to make her mewl.

His fucks grew in intensity and she gave as good as she got.

"Let go, Elena."

"You first, Stefan," realizing the double meaning of their words.

And she rolled her hips and clenched her inner muscles in such a way at the right moment that made him come so hard he lost consciousness.

She turned around and pushed him onto the bed. Sitting on top of him, she continued to rock against him needing the friction to ease the ache between her thighs.

It didn't take long for him to recharge and for them to begin again. Right before Elena peaked, she bent down and brought Stefan to her neck. "Drink, Stefan, please drink," she moaned the pleasure on the precipice of overwhelming her.

He resisted but at the moment she bit his neck, he could no longer fight the urge and before he knew it he had vamped out and bitten into her flesh.

Elena clamped down on him so hard they both yelled. He stopped himself from taking too much and as she gently continued to roll her hips against him, he found himself fading.

"I lied about the no tricks, Stefan. I love you."

And the elixir that Bonnie made that fortuitously only affected vampires once again saved Elena. She ingested it while Stefan was out knowing that he would never think she'd try to poison him.

With only an hour to spare before sunrise and Klaus's return, she dressed and called Elijah. Quickly he came to her, grabbing Stefan and putting them in a car he arranged to take them away.

"The car and the plane will take you wherever you wish. Caroline is safe and is on her way back to Mystic Falls. I hope we are now even, Ms. Gilbert."

Elena only nods. "Kill him, Elijah. Or I will."

She shuts the door and the car speeds away.

With Stefan in her arms, she allows herself to cry for the first time since he disappeared.

Stefan awakens and finds himself in the small adobe house he built in 1917. How did he get here? His last memory was of Elena on top of him and then…nothing.

How did he end up on Amantani Island?

The answer is sitting next to him watching him carefully. Her eyes are filled with love and sadness. She studies him carefully and says her first words to him in a measured tone.

"Here's what is going to happen. I read your journals. I know Lexi left you here to sober up by yourself but that doesn't work for me. So, I'm going to help you and then we're going home. However long it takes. Got it?"

3 days later, the blood is out of his system.

5 days later, the depression is upon him.

10 days later, he breaks down.

12 days later, he hugs her back.

14 days later, he tells her he loves her, begs her forgiveness, and they both cry when they make love.

28 days later, they arrive in Mystic Falls in the middle of the night.

30 days later, she gives him a keychain that says "30 days clean."

And then they await the next fight. Together.