thanks to LAHollett.

Happy Birthday, Caren!

Months ago, I promised Nerac I'd write Carlisle and Izzy's first time for her birthday. Then real life blew up. Late is better than never.

The first part of this was posted as an outtake in November. I put them together to make it easier to read.

* Me Kitten

My not-so drunken confession regarding my feelings for Izzy hasn't affected our relationship at all. Considering how awkward things could be under the circumstances, I should be relieved—and sometimes I am. Mostly, I think about the letter she slid under my door and how, thanks to her douche of an ex-boyfriend, she feels dead inside. It makes me crazy. I know I could help her, but I also know she'll never let me.

When Monday comes around, she's noticeably jumpy. At first, I pretend not to notice—I've overstepped enough boundaries in the past week where she's concerned. I start dinner the way I always do, but when I look up from the cheese I'm slicing, she's staring at me. We make eye contact for about a second before she blushes and looks away.

"Sorry."

"Why?" I ask, putting the knife in the sink. "You didn't do anything."

"I know. I think maybe that makes it worse."

I'm not sure what she's talking about—let alone what to say to her—so I drizzle some honey on a piece of Pecorino and offer it to her. I expect her to pluck it out of my grasp, but she doesn't. Instead, she lowers her mouth and eats out of my hand, sucking the honey from my fingers.

Her lips are soft against my skin, and it makes me wonder how her other lips feel. Forget dinner; I want to spread her on the counter in front of me and taste her.

But I don't. I can't handle being rejected by her twice in one week.

"Do you like it?" I ask.

"Yes. In fact, I'd like to try some more, if that's okay with you."

I reach for another piece.

She shakes her head. "I'm not talking about that."

With her eyes on mine, she takes my hand and closes her lips around my index finger. It's not the first time it's been in her mouth—when we cook together, she's always licking sauces from my fingers. Not once have I ever entertained the idea it was about anything other than food. What she's doing now is different, and not just because of the way she's using her tongue. There's a hunger in her eyes I've never seen—one that goes right to my balls.

"You have no idea what this is doing to me."

She releases my finger from her mouth but doesn't let go of my hand. "Then tell me."

I don't care if she thinks of me as her savior—she needs to realize I'm not a saint. Before I can think better of it, I press the palm of her hand against the front of my pants.

I expect her to hit me—given what I just did, I deserve it—but she doesn't. She doesn't even move her hand away.

Instead, she stares at my crotch then slowly raises her eyes to meet mine. "You want me?"

"Yes."

"Even after the way I flipped out last week?"

I nod.

"Seriously? I thought I'd ruined any chance I had with you. Most guys–"

"Good thing I'm a man."

Before she can say anything else, I kiss her. The mechanics aren't much different than they were last week, except this time, I'm not hesitant, nor am I gentle. Despite the fact she's stroking my dick through my pants, I know there's a good chance she's going to change her mind about this. I want to go as far as possible with her before she does. If this makes me an asshole, so be it.

"Carlisle..." she says, moving her lips away from my mouth.

"Do you want me to stop?"

"No. It's just...Shit, I don't even know how to say this."

As much as I don't want to do it, I move her hand away from my cock and rest it on the counter. Right away, I cover it with my own—who knows the next time I'll be able to touch her.

"I think it would be easier for us to talk if we weren't so distracted."

She lets out a small giggle. "Oh, I'm still plenty distracted. Carlisle..." She pauses, taking a deep breath. "If we do this...I'm just worried things will change between us."

"Izzy, last week I told you I was in love with you. I think it's safe to say they already have."

"I don't want to use you for sex."

I try not to laugh, but I can't help it. "I'll let you in on a little secret—it isn't possible to use a man for sex."

Her cheeks are red as she stares at the floor. "You know what I mean..."

Oh, I know exactly what she means. It's because of Edward, who despite destroying Izzy's self-esteem, somehow made her feel incapable of enjoying life without him—never mind the fact that, by all accounts, she didn't enjoy life with him. I expect this to mean more to me than it does to her, but I can't help my hope that one day that will change.

"...I just don't want..." She throws her head back, sighing. "I don't even know how to say this."

"Okay. Then tell me what you do want."

She looks me in the eye, and though her face is red, her voice is steady.

"I want you to take off my clothes."

Before I'm able to fully process what she said, she's already back-peddling.

"I mean, if you want to..." She looks down at the floor again. "Shit."

I cup her cheek and angle her face so I can see her eyes .

"I want to," I say. "I want you."

She shuts her eyes; the muscles in her throat flex as she swallows.

"Okay." Nodding, she averts her gaze.

I've lived with her long enough to know she's nervous.

"Relax, Izzy. It's just me."

"I know—but before you, there was just him."

No wonder she thinks he's the only person she'll ever love—she's never been with anyone else.

I keep my mouth closed as I kiss her. My tongue teases her lower lip before I pull away. As much as I want her, I won't make love to her if she's thinking of someone else.

"And now?" With one hand at the base of her neck, I slide the other under the hem of her t-shirt. My thumb strokes her bare skin above the waistband of her jeans.

"Now?" she asks.

I trail kisses from her cheek to her ear.

"Who are you with now?" I whisper before nipping her earlobe.

Her breathing deepens, and when she speaks, it comes out sounding more like a moan.

"You."

It's exactly what I need to hear. My mouth once again crashes against hers, but it's different from before. Her kiss may be timid, but there's no longer any question she's kissing me back. I take it all in—the smoothness of her skin, the heat of her mouth, the way her lips taste of honey and Pecorino. I'm content to savor her—until she slides her hand inside my pants and squeezes my ass.

That's it. I can't wait a second longer to know how she tastes.

I undo her jeans and hook my thumbs inside her underwear, then push both over her hips in a single motion before picking her up and setting her on the kitchen island. Before she can kick them the rest of the way off, I'm on my knees burying my face between her thighs.

Her pussy is hot and wet, and the taste...my god, her taste. It's delicately salty, just like she as is. I lick and suck until her thighs tighten around my head; it's not long until her body goes slack. I rise to my feet and take in the vision before me—a post-orgasmic Izzy lying on the kitchen island with her legs spread, wearing nothing but one of my t-shirts. Then I realize she's shivering—and not in a good way.

"I'm sorry." I lift her off the island into my arms. "I wasn't thinking about how cold the counter would be."

"You're apologizing for that?" She laughs. "I didn't mind. Fuck, I didn't even notice—at least, not until after...Can I say wow?" Her fingers brush my goatee. "I felt this—you know—there."

"Why do you think I have it?"

Her eyes widen. "Really?"

I shake my head. "Now let's get you warm."

Laughing, I carry her to my room and place her in the center of the bed. Her arms tighten around my neck, pulling me down on top of her. I settle between her legs and grab the front of her t-shirt.

"As much of a turn-on as this is for me, it needs to go."

She raises her arms, and I take off her shirt. Before it even hits the floor, she's already crossed her arms over her breasts.

"I've seen them before, you know."

She sighs. "I know, but the context was different. You didn't have to pretend you liked them."

"No, I had to pretend I didn't like them—or at the very least, didn't notice them—until I was back in my room where I could jerk off."

She rolls her eyes, but doesn't stop me when I lift her arms from her chest. I could give a shit if her tits are small; I'm about to make love to her, not them. Besides, I'm an ass man, and hers is amazing.

"You're wearing too many clothes," she says.

Izzy pulls my shirt over my head while I take off my pants and boxers. Her hands follow her eyes down the front of my chest, stopping where my hair gets darker and thicker before slowly moving back up to my face, which she pulls toward hers. When our lips touch, she pulls away giggling.

"What?" I ask.

"I can taste myself; I wasn't expecting that."

She kisses me again, teasing my mouth with her tongue while I tease her pussy with my cock. A small slip, and I'd be inside her. I've never had sex without a condom and I've never wanted to more than I do right now. It's not like she'd get pregnant; she takes her birth control pills religiously.

For the first time in my life, I wish I were that guy—the kind who lets himself get carried away enough not to think of these things or even the kind who'll go in bareback at first, then pull out and put on a condom. But I'll never be that guy because I've always been that guy's mistake.

I move off her reach into my nightstand. Izzy looks confused until she sees the rubber in my hand.

"Oh. You don't have to," she says. "I'm on the pill, and I trust you."

"I've never done it without one."

"I've never done it with one. Ed—uh—I was told it doesn't feel good."

"Trust me, Izzy. It's going to feel good." I tear open the package and roll on the condom. When it's in place, I pull her toward me. She straddles my hips and slowly lowers herself onto my dick. Latex or not, I'm still inside her. She's hot and tight and feels better than I ever imagined. She closes her eyes when we start to move, but I can't take mine off her. The look on her face as she takes pleasure from my body, the way her tits bounce, the flexing of her leg muscles. As beautiful as she is, I'd rather feel her than watch her. I pull her toward me and roll us so I'm on top, angling my thrusts so she'll get as much from them as I do. I don't last long, but I make sure Izzy comes first.

It's easy enough. Whether she realizes it or not, I've been doing it for months.

Fall to Ruin One Day should update next week.

Thanks for reading.