Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Naruto or Plants vs Zombies. Which, let's face it, is probably a good thing.

AN: I was intending to do the battle on the bridge this chapter, but I've been running into a few writing blocks on certain points, so I just decided to post what I've got now to tide you all over. That and I wanted to post something on Friday the 13th. Seemed appropriate somehow.

To TwiceMarked - They'll be of comparable strength. Use of one or the other is going to be a preference issue among ninja.

NARUTO VS ZOMBIES

Chapter 5: We Don't Want Zombies in the C-Rank

-Nami no Kuni: Tsunami's house-

Kakashi was rather glad that no more of the zombies they'd encountered during the fight with Zabuza had shown up yet. It allowed him more time to recover and try to learn how to use the 'solar' chakra necessary to grow the chakra-plants that were so effective against them. So far, he'd had little success in the endeavor. Sure, he had collapsed from chakra exhaustion once they'd reached the house, but according to his student Sakura this exercise was no more strenuous than basic academy chakra-molding, an F-rank jutsu that was commonly used by many field ninja in his very position to gauge their recovery.

While he would never begrudge Sakura, or even young Inari, their successes, something Sasuke seemed all too willing to do, it still stung his pride as an elite combat ninja that they had progressed so much faster than he had. As it stood he could practically feel the final step in the process, but he just couldn't seem to cross it.

As if the minor tangent within his train of thought had summoned him, Sasuke stomped into the house from his errand. Kakashi took in his appearance and his visible eyebrow raised.

"So what did Haku manage to grow?" he asked, the exclusion of Zabuza being a minorly selfish bout of wishful thinking that someone else at his level was having similar difficulties than any true belief that the man lacked the capability.

"What makes you think that okama managed to grow anything?" Sasuke growled out angrily, his injured pride all too evident to Kakashi's ability to read others.

"Well," he said, not only not bothering to hide his amusement, but injecting some extra into his tone and smiling so obviously that even Sasuke couldn't miss it past his self-centered brooding, "for one you have a small bruise on your head the size of a large pea. For another, you have some lingering traces of frost in your hair. Or perhaps you're going prematurely gray?"

The way Sasuke's eyes widened and he made a dash for the bathroom, and likely a mirror, reminded Kakashi why he agreed to become a jonin sensei in the first place. Sure, teaching young genin and helping them reach their potential was great and all, but what he had really looked forward to was teasing them mercilessly and gathering embarrassing blackmail to use on them later in their lives. Naruto obliged without realizing it, and Sakura hadn't been that far behind him recently.

Sasuke had been quite a bit harder as he possessed a holier-than-thou attitude that Kakashi was certain was several magnitudes worse than anything he himself had ever subjected Minato-sensei and his teammates to. At least he hoped so. The idea that he'd ever been as bad as Sasuke was currently made him a bit ill to consider. However, the recent removal of Sasuke from anything resembling a comfort zone had left him a much easier mark than usual and Kakashi had no qualms about exploiting the weakness ruthlessly whenever he could. Sasuke's every attempt to wrest control of the situation and regain his 'unquestioned' status as top dog only served to make his situation worse, much to Kakashi's amusement.

If only Kakashi could be certain that Sasuke would emerge from this as a better person, he'd be able to enjoy it without reservation.

Sighing, the masked ninja maneuvered himself to a better seat. Lunch would be soon and he wanted the best seat for the usual meal-time drama. Reservations or no, he intended to milk this for all it was worth while he still could.

-Nami no Kuni: Gato's office-

Gato was currently yelling at someone over a two-way radio. He loved the device despite the cost involved in its purchase and setting up the network for his business. He loved it because it meant he rarely had to leave his office to issue orders to his various subordinates all over the elemental countries. His businesses had stakes in nearly everything, up to and including quite a few ninja villages. Gaining a stake in a business was the first step to taking it over, and Gato intended to monopolize the entire world through his economic might. He couldn't afford to leave his operations to chance.

Wave country was simply a test run of his ability to economically control a nation, chosen because of its isolation and resources. If he succeeded here, he would have a stepping stone to exerting control over other stronger countries by gaining controlling interest in their businesses. If all went according to plan, he stood to have a stranglehold on even the five great nations by controlling their entire infrastructure.

Of course, there were three little problems to his plans right now that could set his operations back by at least five years, if not a whole decade.

The first was that bridge builder Tazuna who was building a physical connection to the mainland that would break Wave's dependence on his shipping to continue surviving. Making this problem worse was the ninja Tazuna had somehow managed to hire. Kakashi had quite the record for successful completion and Gato might have considered hiring the man if he didn't want to keep from being dependent on any of the ninja villages for his business practices.

The second problem was the ninja he'd hired to assassinate the man. They should have accomplished their task before the man ever got to Konoha, but apparently he underestimated their ability to sift through the dregs of society and kill a single elderly commoner. It was supposed to be a simple assassination, accomplished quickly and then the missing nin dealt with using some poison gas and eager mercenaries so he could collect the bounty on them from Kirigakure and put it to good use in his business.

But the third problem was what really had him on edge. Someone had picked off a few of his ships and holdings and then vanished without a trace. Zabuza had tried to make him look foolish with a claim of zombies, which made him wonder if the man was in on it in some way.

In any case, he had to get everything properly set up for the end of the week. He intended to make a very public example of the first two problems and, if fortune smiled upon him, the third problem as well.

No one could be allowed to get in the way of his plans and live after all.

-Konohagakure-

Team 8 was making their way down the street, having completed their team training and team missions for the day. And all three of them looked ready to collapse.

"Sensei is insane!" moaned Kiba. The son of the Inuzuka matriarch had dirt streaks and grass stains over every inch of his outfit, and more than a few scrapes on his body as well. "I mean, it's bad enough that we had to track down that [heavily-double-secret-censored] cat, after that torture she called team training this morning, but did she have to use all of those genjutsu at the same time? And forbid us to use chakra to break them?"

"Kiba-san..." came the strained voice of his teammate, Aburame Shino. The normally stoic and impeccably poised boy was slumped over in exhaustion and looked as if he'd been dragged into a dark alley and mugged. "...please cease speaking..."

"Yeah, sure," Kiba sighed out, too tired to even argue with his best friend. His puppy Akamaru whined from where he was riding in Kiba's jacket hood, looking for all the world as if he'd lost a fight with a rabid mud puddle.

Their final teammate, Hyuga Hinata, just focused on walking and breathing. All while trying to ignore the stench of her own sweat that soaked her from head to toe and the ache in what felt like every muscle of her body. She looked more like she'd been swimming than anything, and she still had to do her duties at Naruto's place. After she borrowed his shower.

'I'm just glad I thought to put some spare clothes at Naruto-kun's apartment,' she thought to herself, far too tired to even blush at the inherent impropriety of keeping clothes at a boy's apartment.

-Nami no Kuni: Bridge construction site-

Sakura moaned as she stretched her sore muscles. As soon as the group had the tree exercise down, Kakashi-sensei had moved them all to the bridge and had them helping with the construction, with emphasis on any job that involved heavy lifting. On the upside, he allowed them all to enhance their muscles with chakra to make the job easier. This was apparently two-fold as it kept them from overexerting themselves in case a fight popped up and helped them hone their control further while still allowing them to fulfill their mission. The downside, at least in Sakura's eyes, was that all three of them were expected to do the same amount of grunt work.

Sasuke had just scowled at having to perform menial tasks, but had managed to follow orders grudgingly and without spoken complaint. Naruto had, at being told it was training, tried to make it into a competition that Kakashi-sensei had thankfully ended before it began. The loudmouth was even somehow able to end the day with more energy than he started it with. Sakura, though certainly strong enough for the duties, was finding out just how far behind her teammates she was in the stamina department.

She started out just fine, but began to flag only an hour after beginning the day. She wanted to complain loud and long over how hot, tired, and dirty she was getting, but one look at Kakashi-sensei's eye-smiling masked face had stopped her. She had realized rather suddenly that he looked positively eager for someone to complain and her complaints died in her throat as her pride as a kunoichi asserted itself for once rather than her vanity in her appearance.

Thus she spent every day in silent agony as she sweated bucket after bucket until her red kunoichi mini-dress was so soaked that it was essentially plastered to her form and she felt ready to maim someone for a hot bath.

On the other hand, she'd begun to notice a few interesting things in her attempts to distract her mind from how tired she felt. She was getting quite good at distracting herself from unpleasant thoughts lately. The first was that her sensei looked a little impressed with how she didn't complain, which boosted her ego a little even when he decided to be a slave-driver. The second was that Naruto actually wasn't goofing around despite acting like a goof. The blond was honestly doing everything he was told and soaked up the praise he got for doing a good job like a happy puppy being given a treat. The third was that none of the people on the bridge were in any way trying to ogle or grope her like a few random people had tried when she was tapped for grocery shopping in the town (one of which had even tried to use the action to disguise picking her pocket). Apparently Tazuna had pretty good judgement regarding who worked for him, or perhaps the paranoia of what might happen if Gato or his thugs wandered by had their minds on other things. And finally she noticed how Sasuke was managing to be rude and condescending to everyone without uttering a single word. She was certain he didn't mean it and just needed someone patient and caring enough to get him to open up, but she could no longer deny that her crush had issues with socialization.

She was especially noting how he was reacting to her. Sakura recalled how envious Sasuke had looked when she showed him up on the tree-climbing exercise and she'd felt a bit guilty that she'd done better than he had. But now she could see a hint of disgust in his eyes every day when she started to get tired as if he couldn't stand to see how weak she was. It made her want to try harder, but the look hadn't lifted in the slightest.

That morning, Naruto had noticed it and gotten into a fight with Sasuke. She hadn't been close enough to hear what Sasuke had said, but Naruto's portion was loud enough to be heard at the other end of the bridge. Naruto had apparently tried to come to her defense and Sasuke had said something that set him off and forced Kakashi-sensei to break the two up.

She felt grateful to Naruto for defending her, but she was also certain that Sasuke had good reason for how he felt. She needed to figure out what she had to do to become worthy of his affections without overshadowing him needlessly.

"Okay!" the voice of Tazuna called out across the bridge, breaking into Sakura's thoughts. "Break's over! Everyone back to work!"

-Konohagakure: Naruto's apartment-

Hinata moaned to herself as she stepped out of Naruto's shower. She felt much better after having washed off the sweat she'd been nearly caked in and the hot water of the shower had felt good on her sore aching muscles.

After doing a few light stretches so her muscles wouldn't stiffen up later, she wrapped a towel around herself and went to Naruto's room to grab a spare set of clothes. Walking around her own home so... casually under-dressed would have been highly frowned upon and she had always wondered what it would be like to be so comfortable in one's living area that a person could walk around without having to maintain an image of perfect grooming at all times. She had to admit, it felt quite good. The fantasies of Naruto coming back early and finding her in just a towel weren't bad either.

Blushing at that last thought, she entered Naruto's room to the delight of Himawari.

"Hello Hinata-sama!" the flower greeted. "I heard you in the shower. Did you train hard today?"

Hinata returned the greeting with a happy nod and a giggle, remembering a previous discussion with the cheerful plant where she had learned that the flower had no real concept of bathing. Which had led to the discovery that Himawari had no true concept of smell either. The flower knew what it was and how it worked, but neither she nor any other plant possessed an equivalent sense that could be used for reference. It was truly mind-boggling to think about.

The Hyuga heiress went over to Naruto's closet and grabbed a spare jacket from where it hung between some of Naruto's spare orange jackets. Unfortunately the pants that hung with it decided to slide off the hangar and disrupt one of the boxes on the floor of the closet, knocking the lid off.

She bent over to pick up her pants and saw that the box contained several volumes of manga. She'd never be allowed to read something so... common in the Hyuga compound, and she wondered just what it was that the elders disliked about the illustrated books that caused them to be banned from the household. Of course, it would be rude to go through something so personal of Naruto's. On the other hand, maybe his selection of manga would give her some insight into what kind of girl would attract his attention so she could better get him to notice her once he got back...

Hinata let curiosity get the better of her and picked one of the manga up so she could look at the cover. And immediately blushed.

'Wow... do girls really wear things like that?' she thought at seeing the image on the cover, only to think of some of the things her newest friend had in her closet and immediately revise the mental question. 'At least girls other than Ino?'

-Nami no Kuni: Tsunami's house-

Naruto was in a foul mood at the moment. The reason was because he'd gotten in yet another argument with Sasuke. Apparently it wasn't enough for the teme to insult him at every turn, because now he was starting in on Sakura-chan just when she was getting serious in her training!

That morning the teme had pretty much called Sakura's desire to improve worthless, but because he'd done it just quiet enough that only Naruto heard him the teme got off free and clear. And then he'd gone and done it again on the way back from the bridge. Kakashi-sensei'd needed both hands to keep Naruto from caving the smug bastard's face in.

And then he'd had to sit through a lecture from Kakashi-sensei about controlling his temper and not attacking teammates. Certainly not on a mission where mortal combat with enemy forces could theoretically happen at any moment. Yes, even if they said things like that about the person you had a crush on.

Honestly, even Naruto sometimes wondered why he was attracted to Sakura. Sure Sakura was pretty, but so was every other girl in his class at the academy. Heck, in Naruto's opinion there wasn't a single one who wasn't at least a seven on a one to ten scale in regards to physical appearance despite the fact that they were still early in their development, including that shy girl with the pale eyes and the perpetual fever (Naruto wasn't going to judge a ninja on health issues after seeing He-With-The-Eternal-Cough). However, Sakura also hit him and berated him fairly regularly which he got more than enough of from the rest of the village. She also engaged in Sasuke-fan-girling which was one of his all-time despised activities, right behind betrayal of comrades, torturing baby animals, and defacing ramen (and his sensei seemed bound and determined to add 'acting like Kakashi-sensei' to that list).

Maybe it was how she'd gone from the bottom of the social pecking order to the top. Maybe it was how she wasn't afraid to speak her mind about things. Maybe it was how she was so intelligent about everything he found difficult. Maybe it was her rare smile that seemed to light up everything around her. Maybe it was her adorably exotic hair color. Maybe...

...maybe he should learn to start knocking on the door before entering the bathing area.

Naruto thanked his lucky stars and Inari-sama, the god of all-things-ramen (Naruto didn't hold the misconception of Inari-sama being the god of rice against the rest of the world), that Sakura had finished wrapping herself in a towel this time and was facing the door. Sure, the memory of her drying off while facing away from him was a pleasant one, but the well-deserved (and Naruto wasn't about to pretend otherwise since he'd had ample opportunity to avert his bug-eyed stare) beating afterwards was not. Maybe she'd take pity on him and let him off with just a good wallop.

"Oh," Sakura said in a casual tone. "Hey Naruto. Shower's free if you want it."

Or maybe she'd let him go completely?

"...Who are you and what have you done with Sakura-chan?" he asked in bewilderment. Only to recoil a bit as she whacked him on the head. It hurt a little, but compared to her usual strikes it was a love-tap. She hadn't even put any chakra behind it.

"Don't start with me right now, baka," Sakura glared halfheartedly. "I'm too tired from today."

"Ah... right," he hedged uncertainly. "Sorry."

"Thanks for defending me today against Sasuke-kun though," Sakura added with a tired smile. "It was... sweet. Stupid, but sweet."

"Hey, Sakura, maybe after we've finished the mission, I could take you out on a date to celebrate!" Naruto smiled.

Sakura sighed heavily and Naruto cringed slightly out of reflex. "Naruto, I'm not going out with you."

Naruto blinked as Sakura walked off. Without hitting him. Either this was a dream, and a pretty sucky one since she hadn't even hintingly suggested skipping the date in favor of post-date activities, or she was finally starting to warm up to him.

"Ow!" Naruto yelped. The pain from pinching himself a little too hard handily ruled out the 'dream' scenario. Which meant Sakura was starting to warm up to him. He'd been waiting for this for so long that... that...

'...I have no idea what to do now...' he realized.

-In front of Tsunami's house-

"Mind if I join you Kakashi-san?" a voice interjected into the jonin's thoughts regarding his dysfunctional team.

"Not at all, Kaiza-san," Kakashi responded easily. His musings regarding his idiotic little genin would keep for the moment.

The masked jonin watched as the one-armed fisherman took a seat next to him, his movements still not having completely adjusted to the loss of his limb. In all honesty, Kakashi respected the man quite a bit. He had the courage to stand up to a man of Gato's influence and his armed flunkies despite what it could cost him. He also was apparently a strong enough swimmer, prior to losing his arm, to swim against a flood current and repair a broken village dam single-handedly. Such a feat was something that Kakashi was certain his battle-trained genin, at least two of which could reliably take Kaiza in a fight if chakra use was allowed, would not have been even remotely capable of. Heck, Kakashi had to admit that he himself might have had trouble pulling that off with full use of his chakra and he knew that he could subdue Kaiza in any form of combat before the man would know what was happening.

"Thanks," Kaiza returned as he sat next to Kakashi. "I never properly thanked you for looking after my father-in-law, did I? I really appreciate it, even if the guy is a handful at times."

"I've had worse," Kakashi smiled back easily. "Besides, I don't think I'd have ever heard the end of it if I'd ordered my team back to Konoha. I'm pretty sure Naruto at least would have found a way to make sure I heard his complaints day in and day out even if I deliberately made myself go deaf."

Kaiza snorted in laughter at that. "He does know how to make himself heard, doesn't he? Though I'm glad for what he's done with Inari. I was worried that Inari was going to completely close off from anyone outside the family. He's the kind of kid who takes things hard, so it's good to have him around someone so upbeat."

"I take it the plant training isn't hurting either?" Kakashi asked innocently.

"Hah!" Kaiza barked. "Kid thinks it's a genuine super-power he's learning! But, no, it's not hurting at all. I think it's doing him a lot of good to learn that he can become strong on his own merit rather than just rely on everyone else to be strong all the time."

"One of the most important lessons for anyone to learn," Kakashi agreed. "Now, why did you really come out here?"

"Can't get anything past you, can I? Well, it's clear to me that you have some sort of plan regarding Gato," Kaiza said low enough that anyone not sitting next to them would be incapable of overhearing. "And I had a few ideas that you might be interested in..."

-A few days later: Nami no Kuni-

Sasuke scowled at the mist that permeated the bridge. Kakashi-sensei and Tazuna had told the workers to take the day off since it was apparently when Gato was intending to make his move and they wanted to keep the body count down.

Personally, he couldn't care less what happened to them. They weren't part of his current mission or his ultimate life goal and thus unimportant. Heck, this whole mission was getting worse by the day. At first it had seemed like it might be a good test of his skills and growth with the appearance by strong opponents that he could prove his strength against and then his worth for more advanced training while the dead weight got left behind.

Then those... things had shown up and completely destroyed the way things were supposed to work. Now their sensei was making unorthodox deals with enemy ninja, the dobe was entertaining delusions of being his equal in worth with those ridiculous plants, and even the worthless fangirl seemed to believe she could suddenly acquire value outside of the book smarts that were her only talent.

He was the elite. He was the one who everyone was supposed to rely on to pull through when things got rough. His teammates should have been content to support him from the shadows than dare to think they could stand beside him as equals. He led. They followed. That was how things were supposed to work. And Kakashi was not supposed to take their side!

(flashback)

"Sasuke," Kakashi said to his glowering student after Naruto and Sakura had gone inside the house, "I don't know what it is that you said to set Naruto off like that, but I can make some pretty good guesses. I will not require you to like your team, because heaven knows you won't always have the luxury of working with people you like, but I will require you to not actively destroy the team dynamic while on a mission. I expect you to work with and support your teammates in both missions and training. If you cannot do this, then perhaps I need to look into arranging a replacement and sending you back for remedial lessons."

(end flashback)

"Well, Zabuza," he heard his sensei say casually, "shall we get on with it?"

"Of course," the chuckling missing-nin responded from the mist. "Haku. Stay back and intercept any of the brats who try to interfere."

Sasuke scowled as the masked okama nodded silently.

"Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke," Kakashi said with seriousness, "stay back and guard Tazuna."

Sasuke watched as his two teammates took up positions and rolled his eyes as he reluctantly took his own position for this... farce.

The messages that had been traded back and forth between the two groups had hashed out what amounted to a battle between Kakashi and Zabuza that seemed serious while all of their students abstained, remaining fresh for whatever treachery Gato had planned. As well as whatever other unpleasantness might show up.

In all honesty, Sasuke himself didn't feel concerned about anyone other than the missing-nin they were supposedly allied with. Those two were the only real threats.

Nonetheless, he stood his ground and calmly fulfilled the duty assigned him. He was a dutiful and proud shinobi after all. Not like the pink-headed fan-girl who was nervously scanning the area like a frightened rabbit expecting the shadows themselves to spring up threateningly. Nor was he like the dobe who was even now trying to place a bet with the okama over which of their senseis would score more hits on the other by shouting across the bridge.

It was all he could do to not slap his palm over his face when the masked okama accepted the terms of the wager.

-Below the bridge-

Gato smiled to himself as his hired mercenaries finished tying the heavy-duty ropes to the platform that would take them up and the pulley system that made such a feat possible in the first place.

It had been a simple matter to have a few men prep Tazuna's own heavy equipment the night before for this little trick and the uncompleted end of the bridge was the last place that any of the ninja would expect him to appear from, making it perfect. He'd stay behind, but it was a minor vice of his that he liked to see the spirits of those who opposed him being utterly crushed in person.

There really was nothing else quite like it.

Neither he nor any of his flunkies spotted the shapes moving in the water around the boat.

AN: Be here next time for Tall, Dark, and Dead. It's pretty much going to be one long zombie fight, with lots of problems, new plants, new zombies (at least ones not seen in this fic so far on both counts), and the end of the Wave mission. Promise.

The 'okama' slur used by Sasuke is a japanese word that many may not be familiar with. The nicest translation I know of is basically 'fem-boy'.

I've always wondered a bit as to how Gato got up onto the far end of the humongous-ass bridge without any of the ninja noticing him, much less his small army of mercenaries. My interpretation? He used Tazuna's heavy equipment to lift himself and his thugs up from the water.

Heavily-double-secret-censored is the kind of profanity that even liberal parents might lynch you for if you uttered it within earshot of anyone under the age of 30. And, yes, I did make that up just in case anyone thought I was being serious.

Naruto's opinion that all of the girls in his class were/are pretty is my personal shot at the numerous authors who essentially reduce Naruto's taking an interest in someone other than Sakura as "Wow, she's pretty. OMG I thought of she-who-is-not-Sakura as pretty! I must love her!" Sometimes in about as many words. That's not happening here. Naruto has seen Hinata. He knows who she is (if not her name). He thinks she's pretty. He thinks lots of girls who aren't Sakura are pretty. I'm pretty sure Naruto never went through the whole 'girls have cooties' phase most young boys have. Not that this improved his social life any...

What is an F-Rank jutsu (considering I made the term up to my knowledge)? An F-Rank is the absolute lowest rank of any jutsu in the ninja world. Period. Pretty much the only jutsu that are on this level are things like basic chakra molding. Even academy-taught jutsu are E-Ranked. The leaf exercise from Naruto canon could be classified as an E-Rank control exercise. F-Rank jutsu are things that are so simple and fundamental to the ninja way of life that only breathing could be considered lower on the scale of difficulty. But they're still not innate to those that know them. All ninja had a point in their lives when they struggled to mold chakra at all, they just tend to be well past this point when they graduate. To give you a point of comparison, an F-Rank taijutsu maneuver would be something like walking or running.

Non-Canon jutsu introduced in this chapter:

None this time. Sorry.

Challenge:

Don't Plant on the Grass - During a normal daytime level do not plant anything on the lawn itself except for Flower Pots. (All other plants must be planted in the Flower Pots)

And my parting shot for the day:

"The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary."

- James D. Nicoll