Somehow this emerged over my Quinn/Puck feelings from 3x07... I'm so happy. I don't think I did her justice here, but oh well.

The Actor and the Part

Basically, I wish that you loved me – Kate Nash; The Nicest Thing

…

She's empty.

She's always been empty, and she never really knew. She'd never felt anything besides empty, so she couldn't tell the difference. She thought her life was fairly normal, until she made a mistake and it left her with nothing.

She was lower than low. No home, no future, no boyfriend. Nothing. She thought she was at the end of her rope.

And then one day, she was full. She gave birth to her mistake who looked more like a miracle, and Puck said he loved her, and she looked at that little face and saw everything.

And then suddenly, she was empty again. Because even though she loved that baby and, inside, wanted to keep her more than anything (she was the one perfect thing…), she said no. She gave her away because she wanted her baby to live a full life, unlike her. And maybe, a little bit, she didn't think she deserved to be full.

And of course, that makes her selfish… according to the rest of them. Of course, she's selfish, because she gave away the thing she wanted most…

So her perfect thing was gone. The emptiness hurt now, a giant gaping hole in the middle of her chest that sent shocks of pain to her fingertips every time she took a breath. It kept her up at night, pacing back and forth, clawing at her sides. It kept her trapped in a numb shell, banging on glass walls but no one heard a thing.

So she tried. She tried to be full again. She tried to be prom queen, but that failed. She tried to regain her old life, to feel ignorance like she once did, but Finn didn't want her anymore. She tried to ruin everything but it only made her worse.

All that trying stopped working, so she defected. Ran off stage left while everyone was still looking right. Disappeared over the summer to completely change herself – dyed her hair, bought new clothes, stopped caring about anything.

Except that failed, too. She was still just as empty, only the costume changed. It was all an act. Everything, her entire life. Was there ever a time when she was herself? Quinn the Cheerleader, Quinn the Bitch, Quinn the Pregnant Girl, Quinn the Punk, Quinn the Bitch pt II.

She's lost her identifier. She doesn't have a baby, so she isn't really a mother. She isn't popular. She's no longer That Girl. She's just… Quinn.

Except she doesn't know how to be Quinn. She never knew how in the first place. That's why she has nothing left.

She needs to be attached to some identifier, so maybe she can get pregnant again. Except Puck sees right through her, and takes all her secret musings she could never verbalize and throws them in her face.

And really, she just wants to cry, but she won't let anyone see that anymore. So he holds her all night long, and she feels it.

A small space filled. When she wakes up in the morning, and he's still there, and her emptiness feels just a little bit full.

Maybe, one day, she'll find herself. Just Quinn. This seems like an alright place to start.