Author's Note: Part 3 of 3. Thank you to everyone who has suffered through the angst to read and review. Also, a special thanks to Anamatics, who has been my sounding board for this piece. The rape trigger warning continues for this chapter, so please be advised.

CH 3: No More Monsters

Jane sat up and reached for the t-shirt at the end of the bed that she'd never put on. She tossed her bra to the floor and paused, hand tracing across her own scar as a dull and sympathetic twinge rippled through her side. I'm a curse. She sighed and slipped the t-shirt on.

It wasn't fair: to feel like a pestilence, a blight on honest and good people who deserved better. Her parents, her brothers, by ties of blood they were stuck with her. And they had had more than 30 years to accustom themselves to the next challenge she would bring. But, not Maura. Maura didn't have to choose this. And yet, before any avowals of feelings more than friendship had been made, she had brought that curse to Maura and it had nearly cost her everything, cost them both everything.

Guilt. Jane wasn't sure what it was like to live without guilt. As Italian-American and Catholic it seemed almost part and parcel on some level to her daily existence. Hoyt had brought new meaning and depth to her conception of guilt.

You can't go back. Angela's tear-laden voice echoed in her ear as she recalled the look of terror and desperation on her mother's face as she sat on the edge of her hospital bed those few years ago. You can't go back, she had said over and over, no more being a cop, no more! She'd dismissed the plea out of hand. It's my life. She had thought that then. My life. No one else's but mine. Jane never realized how obscenely wrong she was, until she saw Hoyt move towards Maura, until she felt the dismembering panic at the thought of harm coming to someone she loved. In that moment she experienced clarity unlike she ever had previously. If the life of someone else could mean that much to her, then her life must mean that much to others.

It would never go away, that guilt. She ran her hands through her matted hair and then wiped at her swollen and enfeebled eyes. She could push her away, save Maura from the next time, whatever hell, fire and brimstone the twisted fates that lived in the shadow of her life had in store. She could. The thought had crossed her mind in the uninhibited moments between consciousness and sleep.

Jane took a deep breath and settled back down beside Maura; propped on her elbow she delicately entangled her fingers in the still damp hair that lingered from Maura's last nightmare. Bloodshot hazel eyes stared back in the minimal glow cast by the lamp. She wouldn't. Because she deserved…they both deserved love, understanding. As Jane watched Maura look back at her, she knew that Maura was the only one who could understand her, the only one who really ever had and the only one she wanted to love her and the only one she wanted to love in return.

Maura managed a small smile, "I love your eyes." Her hand moved to Jane's face and ran along the ridge of her eyebrow and down her cheek, "They're so gentle."

Jane settled down on her side and pulled Maura into her arms, "Try to sleep again."

"Did you believe in monsters, when you were a child?" Maura tilted her head so she could continue to look Jane in the eye.

"I've told you about my fear of witches…other monsters? Yeah, probably at some point or another."

Maura took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she inhaled and the story jogged back into her memory, "When I was six, a boy at my school told a ghost story one day…about the boogeyman. It terrified me and I was convinced monsters were real. After the second night of insisting sleeping with the lights on and having her check all of the closets my mother became exasperated with my inability to comprehend the reality that the boogeyman was a figment of an overactive imagination and she refused to placate me with the pre-bedtime checks. I had nightmares for weeks. I'd wake up in a sweat and crying in the middle of the night, but I…never woke my parents up to tell them. I thought that they would think I was silly. I've never had anyone to turn to after a nightmare."

Jane frowned, pulling Maura in close as she snaked her hand underneath her shirt to rub deep and soothing circles on her back. No, she couldn't push Maura away; she couldn't run. They were too much a part of one another now.

"When I had nightmares," Jane began, placing a soft kiss to Maura's forehead, "this is what Ma would do…rub my back and stay with me until I feel asleep. If it was a really bad one, sometimes she'd sleep the whole night with me."

"It's as if today, I realized for the first time that monsters really do exist," Maura's voice grew quieter as Jane's strokes began to lull her back into a dangerous unconsciousness.

Jane closed her eyes, "Yeah…but, good guys exist too. And sometimes we win."

"I know."

"You're not alone anymore, Maura."

"I know," Maura's voice trailed off as she again succumbed to sleep.

Whimpers, that was all she could manage as Hoyt extracted his fingers from between her legs. Don't worry, Doctor, I can do much better. His yellow teeth sneered at her from behind thin and cracked lips as gruff hands grabbed her by the collar and spun her lengthwise on the gurney.

Why? Maura mouthed

Why? Why! He growled, grabbing her face and squeezing it in a vice between his fingers he turned her head to face Jane. Because…he whispered…it's not about beating her, it's about utterly destroying her...and you dear Doctor, are just collateral damage. Weak, useless collateral damage. He spat in her face as he talked, droplets of saliva spraying with his vehement words.

He climbed onto the gurney, straddling her as he slowly but with purpose pulled loose the knot of his hospital pants.

NO!

Maura strained at the sound of Jane's voice, commanded herself to fight, do anything, just…MOVE. It was infuriating, no response. Jane. Jane! Do anything to me, just not in front of Jane. The words screamed in her brain but never spilled forth from her lips.

He slipped the hospital pants down over his bony hips and revealed his erection. His hand gripped her knees and forced her legs apart, sliding with excruciating calculation down her thighs to push her skirt up. Maura closed her eyes, molten tears of shame and disgust breaching the dam and scorching her face. The sound of her panties tearing struck her gut like a harpoon, barbs splaying wide and hooking the delicate mess inside her, ripping out the viscera as he pulled the tattered shreds away.

I've already fucked you like she's always wanted to. Now I'm going to fuck you like she could never dream of.

Maura gasped, tossing her head as her eyes clenched tighter shut, her throat closing and blocking her breath. He was inside her.

Maura opened her eyes and let her head loll to the side. Jane. Their eyes met for a moment before Jane turned her head…away.

There was only Hoyt, the weight of him on top of her, hands gripping and squeezing her breasts. There was only Hoyt, inside of her, thrusting, rocking her body with each painful jab. Lights off. The room began to darken.

His breath washed over her face, hot, fetid…grunt…grunt…the room went black. You're just collateral damage…grunt…grunt…weak and useless…grunt…grunt. His body tensed and stilled as he came. A hot exhalation of air wrapped around her ear as he laughed. Like she could never dream of.

"Get off!" Maura screamed, her hands wrapping around Jane's throat as her body launched off the bed, nearly knocking Jane from the bed to the hardwood floor.

She paused, trying to breathe; gasping for air she finally took notice of the handfuls of flesh in her grasp. Maura scrambled off the bed, only making it a few steps before the curdling sensation in her gut got the best of her. She vomited on the bedroom floor. Breathe…breathe, she instructed herself amidst the retching. Breathe…or you're going to…

Darkness. The dimly lit room faded to black.

"Maura!" Jane had followed closely behind, reaching for Maura as she threw up only to catch her as she fell. She collapsed to the floor, cradling Maura in her lap as she settled.

"Maur…Maur?" Jane brushed her hair back and tapped gently on her cheek, "Come on babe, come back to me." Maura's eyes fluttered open as she groaned.

"Bathroom," Maura croaked as she came to.

The washcloth was cool on her neck and Jane's arm was comforting wrapped around her midsection, hand rubbing light circles on her stomach as she continued to vomit until there was nothing left.

"Ok," Jane whispered soothingly in her ear as she moved the washcloth from Maura's neck to dab at her mouth, "you're just heaving now, take a breath." Maura reached greedily for the glass of water Jane offered. "That's it, get that taste out."

"He raped me." Her body shook as she said it.

"Hey…hey," Jane's hands settled firmly on her face, "It was a dream…only a dream. Think. Remember."

Maura's fingers wrapped slowly around Jane's wrists, desperate to maintain the contact as she trusted the brown eyes staring back at her. She closed her eyes. You'll feel a slight pinch, Doctor. Don't you touch her! NO. I win!

"You stopped him," Maura muttered, her eyes still closed.

"I stopped him," Jane repeated.

Jane flopped back against the bathroom wall, the cool tile of the floor easing the painful ache that had settled throughout her body. "Come here," she reached out, pulling Maura into her lap.

"I dreamed he raped me…twice," Maura whispered into her neck.

She didn't want to share this with Maura. But, at the same time, there was no denying the unintended catalyst he had become. Out of his hate, out of his evil there was the love of the woman she was holding in her arms. She had thought hours ago that she was going to die, in a way; she had come to terms with it. Maura. There was something…someone worth living for and that someone with nothing but the touch of her skin had put her back together, stopped the bleeding and patched the cracks. She wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, but Hoyt had imposed it. He was dead. They were alive. Maura made her feel unbroken…with time, she could knit Maura back together as well.

Trembling hands pushed Jane's shirt up her abdomen, kneading hungrily at the skin, touching the scar and then moving to soak in the rhythmic thumping of her heart.

"We're alive," Maura's fingers curled into a heated chest, her nails digging painfully in to the flesh, and gripping at the bone, but Jane didn't flinch.

"We are."

"Can I? I just want to feel your body against mine…it makes me feel…" Maura paused trying to find words of sanity amidst what seemed so absurd.

"Makes you feel like that force in your chest that wants to tear you apart as it claws its way out is stilled?" Jane lifted Maura's chin so that their eyes could meet in a moment of mutual understanding. Maura nodded. "I know."

Jane reached for the hem of her shirt and with little thought stripped it off and tossed it aside. She let Maura's hands take in the naked expanse for a moment before grabbing Maura's shirt and pulling it slowly over her head.

"Better?" Jane asked as Maura eased flush against her, arms wrapping around her back as her head settled in the crook of Jane's neck.

Maura's lips pressed lightly to the bandage that covered his mark, "No more monsters."

The tickling sensation started around her ankles and became more apparent, drawing her out of sleep the higher it traveled up her legs before the woolen touch on her shoulder beckoned her eyes to open.

"Ma?" Jane whispered, looking from her mother, to Maura who was still sleeping in her arms as she sat propped against the bathroom wall, to the blanket that Angela had draped over them.

One hand settled on Jane's cheek as the other stroked lightly through Maura's hair, "I just brought some food over. I wanted to check on you. I was worried."

Jane's arms tightened instinctively around Maura, "What time…?"

"9 am," Angela noted the movement under the blanket and tried her best to give her daughter a reassuring smile.

"Rough night…" Jane choked out, her eyes squeezing shut as salty tears taunted her weary skin.

"Baby…" Angela's thumbs were soothing as they wiped the moisture away.

It was hard being the strong one. Everyone expected that from her. Maura was the only one who didn't expect it all the time and that was all the more reason why she had to be that person now. This wasn't how it was supposed to be, this wasn't how her mother was supposed to find her.

Jane opened her eyes, she tried as best she could to still her body as the sobs beat their way out…Maura needed the sleep so desperately. "Ma…I…we…" Her throat burned and as she tried to speak she couldn't even be sure if the words were real or only an imagining.

"Shh," Angela pressed her lips to Jane's forehead, wiping at the new tears and pushing back her tangled hair. She looked at Maura, her hand coming to rest lightly on her upper back before she urged Jane to look at her. "My baby."

"Ma…Maura and I…" Jane didn't know why she needed to say it, as if it wasn't obvious, but for some reason the words wanted to come.

Angela shook her head, "Shh, I know. My baby…my Janie." Her touch was soft, thumbs massaging comfortingly into her temple as she watched deep brown eyes slip away behind torture-exhausted lids.

She leaned in and kissed Jane on the cheek, "No more monster."