Disclaimer: Hetalia belongs to Himaruya Hidekaz, while I own absolutely nothing but my imagination as a humble fanfiction writer.

Lesson 1: The Absolute Rules and How to introduce yourself.

"Bonjour, mes amours !"('Hello, my loves !'- French endearment term)

The class door opens wide to a tall blonde man, smiling excitedly at his pupils as he walks towards his desk. Some of them were snickering and chuckling at his cheery entrance: that new teacher promised to be interesting if he was going to be so extravagant all year long.

"My name is Francis Bonnefoy, I will be your French Teacher for this year, obviously."

"Are you French yourself, sir ? You have an accent..."

"Why, yes I am, ma petite demoiselle ! ('my little lady'; read: 'young lady') " He winked at the girl in the back who flushed instantly. "So, please take good care of me everyone!"

More giggling from the young students.

"Alright ! Since it's your very first lesson, I will teach you a few tips that you should never, ever, forget about French. Then, we'll start french presentations."

Through mid sentence most of the class had already opened their textbook and ready to write.

"First of all: Even if your life depends on it, NEVER trust online translations when it's about French language."

Murmurs and slight confusion arose in the room.

"Huh ? Why's that ?"

"Simple: because it's helpless. You see, French doesn't build sentences like English does: the order of words, the choice of words, the different ways to formulate something, the gender of words... French language plays its own rules."

Blank stares answered him.

"Well, I guess an example or two can't hurt. Here." Monsieur Bonnefoy started to write on the board.

"-Ca fait mal. Je crois que je suis blessé.- Does anyone have the slightest idea about what it means ?"

A shy hand rose among the clueless youngsters.

"Er...I know 'Je' means 'I' and... maybe 'blessé' means 'blessing' or something ?"

"You're right about 'Je' but as I expected, you fell in the trap with 'blessé': it has nothing to do with a blessing. It means 'hurt', as in 'being hurt/wounded'.

Silent O's appeared on some faces.

"How could that be ? The words sounds so much alike !"

"That's why I told you not to be fooled by assuming things on your own: French has its own rules, as I said before."

The boy shrugged, waiting for more explanations.

"So, what's it about then ? The stuff you wrote."

"Heh heh... open your hears and be amazed par le pouvoir de la langue française ! ('by the power of French language')" The teacher declared, as if he was acting on a stage. "It hurts. I think I am wounded".

A very unimpressed and kinda embarassing pause was held before someone decided to break it.

"What's so amazing again ?"

"Hum... I should have known your fresh minds wouldn't be able to understand too fast. Alright, I shall explain: 'Ca fait mal' and 'It hurts', three words against two. Any clue why ?"

Of course, no one answered.

"Well, let's translate this word by word: 'Ca fait mal' = 'It does harm".

"What ? But you just told us it means 'It hurts' !" A tiny blonde girl said.

"And it's true. 'Ca fait mal' really is 'It hurts" as its English equivalent. But ! French speakers don't say 'It hurts', they say 'It does harm'."

"So... that's what you meant when you said French doesn't build sentences like we do ?"

"Exactly. And that's how this leads us to the second rule: NEVER translate word by word. Let's take 'It hurts' one more time, for instance: if you were to translate it -I mean by that, from English to French, you will get 'Que blesse' or 'Ca blesse' or even, 'Ce blesse' which are all absolute nonsense for French speakers."

Mr Bonnefoy took a small pause, looking at his pupils to read their expressions.

"Do you understand everything so far ?"

A few nods. They all did understand, but now some were begining to worry about their future grades, having realized if only a little better how difficult this language actually is. They couldn't rely on their own language, nor on internet for help. Gee... to think they took that class because it sounded fun !

"Very well. I think that's enough tips for you in one day, so let's do something else. Funnier !"

At this, the class began to relax again, forgetting their worries for a while.

"Let's learn to introduce ourselves ! C'est l'heure des présentations ! (It's time for presentations !)"

"Bonjour. Je m'appelle Francis Bonnefoy. (Hello, I am/my name is Francis Bonnefoy) This the usual and most common way to introduce yourself. Note that here again, French has its own way to formulate this: 'Hello. I am calling myself Francis Bonnefoy.' Amazing, isn't it ?"

"J'ai 26 ans et je viens de Paris, en France. Je suis français. (I am 26 years old and I come from Paris, France. I am French.) Three things to note here: first is that French uses the auxiliary 'Have' instead of 'Be', meaning it goes like 'I have 26 years'. Second, the world 'old' doesn't have its place after 'years'; it isn't needed in French. And third, French speakers would use the term 'I come from' a lot more than 'I am from' ('Je suis de'). Don't ask me why, that's just the way it is."

"Je vis aux Etats-Unis d'Amérique. J'habite à la Nouvelle-Orléans, en Louisiane où je suis Professeur de Français. (I live in the United States of America. I reside/live/inhabit in New Orleans, Louisiana where I am a French teacher.)

"And now for 'Nice to meet you', you have a whole bunch of choices:

_ 'Enchanté(e)*' ; '-Je suis- Enchanté(e) de vous rencontrer'; '-Je suis-Enchanté(e) de faire votre connaissance.' (Charmed/Entranced. -I am- Charmed/Entranced to meet you. -I am- Charmed/Entranced to make your acquitance.)

_ 'Ravi(e)* de vous rencontrer'. 'Ravi(e)* de vous connaître.' 'Ravi(e) de faire votre connaissance'. (-I am- Delighted to meet you. -I am- Delighted to know you. -I am- Delighted to make your acquitance.)

_ 'Heureux/Heureuse* de vous rencontrer'.'Heureux/Heureuse de vous connaître.' 'Heureux/Heureuse de faire votre connaisance'. (-I am- Happy/Glad/Fortunate to meet you.-I am- Happy/Glad/Fortunate to know you. -I am- Happy/Glad/Fortunate to make your aqcuitance.)

_ '-Je suis- Content(e) de vous rencontrer.' '-Je suis- Content(e) de vous connaître.' '-Je suis- Content(e) de faire votre connaissance'. (-I am- Happy/Glad/Pleased to meet you. -I am- Happy/Glad/Pleased to know you. -I am- Happy/Glad/Pleased to make your aquitance.)

All those terms are formal, except for 'Enchanté(e)' that you can use in any situation since it's quite neutral. Any questions ?"

Just a this moment, the bell rang. The teacher just smiled then wished a good day to his pupils as they were leaving for their next class.

As I said on my profile, I am a French fanfiction writer who's willing to help anyone with French. As in, fixing mistakes for instance. That's also one the reasons as to why I wrote this, hoping it could be helpful somehow. (2nd chapter would be about word genders and endearment terms) So please don't hesitate to ask, for I have read many great fanfictions alas tainted with broken French.