A/N: Hi guys. So here we are, it's the last chapter. It got way longer than what I expected but I just couldn't stop writing, hope you don't mind.

Also, a special thanks to AlwaysCastle, who was a great beta reader :)

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Who knows, maybe I'm Stana Katic! Oh wait, I don't know how to speak French. But if it wasn't for that I could totally be her. (not)

Chapter 17

Kate hesitantly places a hand on his neck as she leans in. Her eyes dart up to his, their tentative breaths mingling in each of their uncertainties. But once their lips meet, a light brush at first, all the lingering doubt is gone. Taken over by a need so strong it brings her lips crashing down on his with greater force.

She moans against his mouth, feeling his hands slowly rest on her hips. It only peeks her desires more, and she nips at his bottom lip. It's then that he pulls back.

She's taken by surprise from the sudden distance. His hands are still at her hips, only now they put a light pressure on her sides, as if keeping her away purposely. Kate falters, having been so absorbed in the feeling of his lips on hers, his neck pulsating under the palm of her hand, in tune with the beating of her heart.

She wants more of him. She needs him. She goes in again. Her mouth opening over his, but he's not responding the way she'd like him to. Not the way she thought he would after all this time. She doesn't pull away though, just purses her lips against his slightly parted mouth, opening her eyes to see his are clamped shut. The corners of his eyes wrinkle with the effort to what? Keep himself under control? She doesn't know. She doesn't understand... Her heart plummets.

His eyes open then, as if feeling her suffering gaze. She sees it then, in those deep oceans of blue. He needs something more, a promise, a reassurance other than just this kiss. The one she knows they have both been waiting for all these years...With a sigh, Kate hovers her lips over his, not touching, not moving forward or away either. He blinks, sighing lightly against her face. A small smile creases the sides of her mouth, and her own sigh escapes. Leaning her forehead against his chin, she lets both arms snake around his neck. She tightens her hold, wanting to still be as close as she can to him, but when she opens her mouth to speak, nothing comes out.

She tries, in vain to put her thoughts in order. Somehow having this talk seemed a lot easier on her mind, when she didn't have his large hands gently holding her hips, unintentionally disturbing her focus.

Writing about it was certainly easier than actually talking about it. But that isn't new, is it? Talking to him about her feelings, being fully honest, letting her guard down and spilling it all out, that is.

But it's now or never. There's a knot forming in her stomach, her cheeks are starting to blush and her heart is fluttering again. This only reminds her of how much she wants this. Of how much she wants him.

Kate takes a deep breath and tries again, her forehead still against his chin as the words slowly start to drift from her lips in nothing more but a whisper.

"Alone there, without a way out, there wasn't much I could do with my time but thinking. I thought about everything." She has rehearsed this speech in her head a thousand times, still as she starts, nothing is coming out the way she has planned. She takes one of his hands and entwines her fingers with his. Looking up, Kate then notices he has a sad but encouraging smile on his lips and she realizes that it doesn't really matter how the speech comes out as long as he gets its meaning. And he will.

Her voice is slightly louder when she speaks again, now fully conscious of what is it that she wants to say. "I thought about my past. About my mistakes, the ones I could have easily avoided and the ones I couldn't. I thought about what I could have done to make them right and I didn't. I thought about the people I've met, the ones who left, the ones who stayed. I thought about the million different paths I could have taken, about the ones I did take and why. I thought about the good things I did, but mostly…mostly I thought about the good things I didn't do."

She suddenly feels the warmth of his hand on her chin, encouraging her to look up, at his beautiful and extremely profound eyes. Only then she realizes that she's been staring at their entwined fingers the whole time. She smiles at this realization and the knot in her stomach is no longer there. He makes it simple for her to just say everything she needs to say. After all, it's also everything he needs to hear.

He places a hand around her back and another one beneath her legs, in order to pull her to his lap, leaning back on the couch. When she speaks again, her voice is steadier and her right hand is absently playing with his hair.

"Also, I thought about the future. Or actually, about the million possibilities it could bring. Some were better than others. But in those days that I felt hopelessly lost, the scenarios I created in my mind were everything but good."

She recalls all the times she'd imagine she would die in that room alone. And the nightmares, the nightmares she had had where she would see Rick reaching out for her but falling into a thick darkness without a way back. She trembles when the thoughts of him being dead assault her mind once again after all this time. He could have been, the building had blown up, she had seen it, if he had stayed inside, he...

"Kate." He whispers into her ear, bringing her back from that dangerous place she was getting lost in. Her mind. She closes her eyes to the sweet sound of her name coming out from those lips she craves so. "It's okay, Kate. You're here, you're safe. And I'm not going anywhere." She senses him wiping a tear away from her face, his thumb gently rubbing her cheek. He then stops, but his hand doesn't move an inch. She raises hers to meet his, opening her eyes.

"I know." She whispers back. It's her thumb that is now rubbing circles on the back of his hand. "I know. Sorry."

She stares at his blue eyes, catching a glimpse of serious concern. That look, is precisely why she's not altogether sure if she should show him the letters. He's being affected by her suffering. And though it means he cares about her, she hates seeing it happen.

"Now, where was I?" She grins, trying to shake off those thoughts. There are other things she needs to deal with first.

"We don't have to talk about it now, you know? I'm sorry if I pushed you in any way, I never intended to pressure you at all." He says in a truly remorseful tone.

She starts to raise an eyebrow, taken by surprise by his kindness. But her expression is quickly converted into a smile, a loving smile and a tender gaze. This is Castle, after all. He has always given her all the space she has asked for and more. It doesn't matter if he is dying to know the answers, if he is dying to hear all she has to say to him. If he sees that it hurts her even just a little, he will back down and give her all the space she needs. But now she doesn't want any more space, she wants every single air molecule around her to be filled up with that warmth he emanates, with his presence, with him.

"I didn't feel any pressure, Rick. Honestly." She says, caressing his hand that is still on her cheek. "It's perfectly understandable that you need some answers. Actually, you don't just need them, you deserve them. I owe them to you, but I'm also telling you all this because it's what I want."

"You don't owe me anything!" He says quickly. His eyes are wide open, as if what she just said was a complete lie.

"I owe you a lot." She replies, her voice low but steady. "But I'm doing this because we both need it. And it's okay, Rick. Really. I'm okay."

She feels him holding her tighter, bringing her closer to his chest. He nods, and she takes that as an incentive to continue.

"The good thing about having so many depressing thoughts about the future is the exceptional nature of your dreams. You know, at first I wouldn't allow myself to dream very often, because I was afraid I would be giving myself hope. Hope that would eventually crush me." The words are coming out far more easily now than they were in the beginning, even though it's still a difficult subject to talk about. "But then when I realized how good a dream would make me feel, I gave up and stopped fighting it. Of course I'd often end up soaking my pillow with tears when I convinced myself none of that was going to come true. But then there were the times when I'd really let myself believe, have hope. And on those days, I'd be as happy as I possibly could."

She's observing every expression of his while she speaks, and he's still not smiling. The pain she sees reflected in his eyes it's almost too much for her to bear. She wonders if that's the same way he is feeling about her.

That look of concern is back and she decides it's better to rethink the yet unspoken words to make sure they don't concern him even more. She bites her lip while pondering and he gives her the time she needs.

"I dreamt about you coming to find me, just like you did." She starts, her voice softer due to the emotion. "And I thought about what I would do if I ever got to see you again. What I'd tell you, what you would tell me, what we would do…" She deliberately licks her bottom lip as she finishes the last words.

Suddenly he lets out a chuckle. By the look in his eyes and the grin that appears on his exhausted face, he's caught the subtle double meaning behind her sentence. She actually did it on purpose, hoping to get him to laugh, lightening up the atmosphere.

"What?" She says, giving him a small pat in the chest.

"Nothing." He replies, innocently. "It's just that…you thought about 'what we would do' and you licked your lips and blushed when you said it." He says, chuckling.

"No I didn't!" She says, but she feels her cheeks burning as she giggles.

"Yes you did!" He's grinning and somehow that's all she cares about. Still, she doesn't give in, narrowing her eyes at him when she speaks again.

"Thanks for ruining the moment." She says, folding her arms in her chest, letting go of both his hair and hand. In fact, she is truly happy that he's laughing for the first time since they started talking. She's not used at him being the serious one, even though this is a tough conversation. Also, she has missed that laughter. So much.

He stops laughing but that amused grin is still there. Thank God. "I'm really, really sorry Detective. Will you forgive me?" He says, lowering his head, to then place a small but lingered kiss on her cheek.

She's a bit taken aback by the soft touch of his lips on her flushed skin. Her cheek is even hotter now than it was a few seconds before. The area where he placed the kiss? Burning.

When he starts to pull back, she instinctively wraps an arm around his neck, bringing his forehead down to hers again, as she lifts her face up just enough for her lips to brush his. Again. She has managed to keep a reasonable distance for all these years, and now all she has to do is hold on until everything that needs to be said between them is, in fact, said. Why isn't she able to do such an easy thing? She has to. They both need to finish that talk. They're lost on each others gaze as she smooths a finger on his jaw. But she blinks and finds the strength to stop that urgent desire before it takes over. Sighing she lowers her face again, which he takes as a sign to pull back.

They fall into a deep silence. He is rubbing circles on her thigh and she closes her eyes, completely aware of his touch and his touch only. "Kate?" He asks softly after a while.

"Hmm?" She is tired and his gentle fingers were bringing her calm, so much peace. She's even allowing herself to fall asleep in his lap. Sleeping is something she barely does now, but he doesn't know that. He doesn't know yet about the nightmares that assault her almost every night. He doesn't know that she still sees that filthy room when she closes her eyes. There, with her head in his chest and his fingers over her thigh, it's impossible for her not to feel safe and...loved.

"Do you want to go to sleep?" He asks hesitantly. His voice shows concern, but she also detects some hidden disappointment. He would like her to finish what she was saying before teasing him, before almost giving him a second kiss.

"No. I still have a lot I want to say." She replies. And it's true. She wants to finish this talk as much as he does and sleeping can wait. Plus there's a slight chance that she is going to sleep in his bed tonight, which will certainly keep the nightmares away. She smiles at the thought and a heat wave runs through her body.

"Are you sure?" He asks, not being able to hide the hope in his voice.

He's so adorable. She nods, grinning, and then clears her throat, just before continuing. "Between so many thoughts, I promised a lot of things to myself. I think I even made a couple of promises to God, which is really odd for me."

"What did you promise?" His hand has moved to her stomach, and is now smoothing the creases of her maroon t-shirt.

"I promised that if I got out, I'd be happy." Kate says in a whisper. She stops his hand that is playing with the soft fabric in order to get his full attention before proceeding. "With you."

His lips curve gradually into a wide smile as he assimilates the meaning of these words.

She smiles back and gives his hand a slight squeeze for emphasis. She wants him to know she's serious about this. She wants him to know that she is not going to run away at the very first chance she gets.

"But you know me, Rick. I'm…complicated. I was damaged before and now…now I'm even more damaged. This thing…between us…is not going to be easy."

He opens his mouth to speak, but she shakes her head. She's not done yet.

"I used to tell you I wasn't ready. But what does being ready means after all?" She sighs and raises her eyes to the ceiling, head still resting against his chest. "Because if it means not having ghosts from the past haunting your present, if it means knowing exactly who you are, if it means sharing everything effortlessly with the other person then…Then I'm not ready and I will never be. I can't wipe away the ghosts I have surrounding me, but I'm willing to learn how to live with them without letting them keep me from being happy. I don't exactly know who I am without those ghosts, but I know who I want to be. I'm not used to letting someone know me fully. I'm not used to sharing all my thoughts, all my feelings. But I'm willing to try with you. I just don't want to waste any more time."

Her eyes are on his again when she finishes and this time he is the one who's tenderly squeezing her hand. "I think you just gave a new meaning to the word ready." He says, smiling.

"Did I?" She's smiling too as she entwines her fingers with his once again. A gesture she can see herself easily getting used to.

"Yes." He replies, lowering his head to hers and placing a chaste kiss on her lips.

Eyes closed, Kate finds herself licking the exact place where his lips were three seconds ago, unconsciously trying to absorb what's left of his taste. Opening her eyes she finds him grinning at her, amused. She blushes and stares at him for a while, all kinds of thoughts crossing her mind.

"Are you sure you want this too?" She asks, her voice suddenly weaker. She knows he has just kissed her, she knows he has said he loves her before, she knows he's staring at her, those blue eyes full of affection. But suddenly, for some reason, she feels afraid she has been taking him for granted.

"Are you kidding?" He asks, incredulous.

"No, it's just…I…Rick, I'm just not the easiest person to deal with."

He just stares at her, and her heart clenches with irrational insecurities.

"Say something." She pleads in a whisper.

"Sorry. I was trying to find the right words to tell you how amazing you are. I don't think there are any, but I'll try." He says, curling a strap of her hair between his fingers. She takes a deep breath and sighs in relief. Of course he wants this. He always has. "Kate, you are who you are, and that's just the way I like you to be. Your past, your scars, your losses, your fears, all of that is a part of you. But there's more to it. You're amazingly strong, incredibly kind and unbelievably sexy. You have a lovely sense of humor, kind of mean sometimes but yeah, I manage to get over it." He grins and she chuckles.

His words are warming her heart in a unique way. In a way only him knows how to. "You've been through a lot, Kate. But you don't give up, you put up a fight with everyone that dares to mess with you or with anyone around you. You suffer, but you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders." He pauses there, but not for long, just enough to take a deep breath. "I want this, Kate. There's nothing else in the world I want more than being with you, help you carrying that weight. I know you're not okay. I know this is a hard time for you, but I want to be by your side. I want to hear your protests every time I try to take care of you and I want to see that smile you give me when you realize that it's not that bad. I won't require you to share everything with me right away. You will share what you want and when you want. I don't know exactly who I am either, actually I don't think anybody does. How about we figure this out together? And by this, I mean life. There's no pressure. You give to this…relationship whatever you're ready to give and I'll give the rest. We've got plenty of time to make it work."

Her eyes are glowing when he finishes, and there's a tear threatening to fall. His words only have confirmed what she has known for a very long time. He is the one, her one and done.

"I love you." The words escape her mouth in one breath without her even realizing. But she doesn't mind though. It's the truth. It's the truth he deserves to know.

Before he gets the chance to answer, she is raising herself in his lap so her lips can reach for his again. This time he doesn't seem to mind though, his mouth is opening over hers and one of his hands is stroking her waist. She is responding with eagerness, moving her lips to his rhythm while her fingers are tangling his hair.

"I love you too." He murmurs into a small space that opens briefly between their mouths.

Thrilled, she smiles against his slightly parted mouth but then he is kissing her again. She stops thinking when she feels his tongue sliding into her mouth, focusing only on exploring his mouth as well as he is exploring hers. His hand goes up to her hair to come to rest at her cheek a few minutes later , they both pull back searching for air.

She's the first one speaking, through her short-winded breath. "Kissing you… That was… another promise." She manages to say.

"I'm liking those promises of yours very much." He replies, grinning. "Are there any more?"

For some reason, Kate's thoughts fly to the notebook that is currently laying in the coffee table in front of them. "Actually…there's one more thing…" She says. "But it was never a promise. It's just something I thought I'd show you when, if, I saw you again."

"What is?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

"This." She leans forward and stretches her arm in order to grab the worn notebook. "But please don't think I'm crazy."

She places it in his hand. He glances between her and the notebook, ending up giving her a questioning look, as if asking her if it's okay for him to open it. She nods and slides from his lap to his side, so he can flip better through the pages.

"I wrote to you. I didn't even know if you were alive but I wrote anyway. Imagining you reading those letters and replying to me would make me feel less alone. I wasn't sure if I should give it to you because…I was a wreck, and I didn't want you to imagine me like that but at the same time…you deserve to read them." She says hesitantly. He raises his eyes to hers. She grabs the hem of her shirt timidly. "Okay, you think it's stupid. It is, isn't it?"

He closes the notebook, placing it over the table again and she feels herself sink into the couch.

Is it that ridiculous to write letters like those? Suddenly he stands up and murmurs a "Be right back" between his teeth. Kate stays there, nervous and confused, with her knees pulled up to her chest.

After a couple of minutes eying the ceiling, she reaches for the notebook again. That and his book were the only two things she brought from the warehouse. She flips its pages observing her anxious handwriting and her desperate words. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to show it to him after all. He now thinks it's stupid, but if he then reads some of the stuff she wrote, he's going to be seriously affected.

Her eyes stop in the middle of the tenth page after coming upon a certain name. Sarah. Her heart clenches with the memories of the little girl's bright brown eyes. She misses her. They ended up spending a lot of time together but that isn't just it. Sarah is very likely to be one of the few reasons why Kate didn't go insane in that place. Plus if it wasn't for the girl convincing her father to get "Missing Heat" signed for her, Kate would probably still be there.

Jason, Sarah's father, is waiting for trial among the other captors. He confessed to have intentionally leaded the police to Kate. He'd said he only had joined the scheme because he needed the money but then, after seeing how such a good person she was for his daughter, he had felt bad for Kate. Nobody could tell if it was really true or if it was just a strategy suggested by his lawyer, but Kate had decided she was going to testify in his favor, saying he had never tried to harm her in any way and everything else she could come up with. She was as angry with him as she was with the others, but she couldn't stop thinking about Sarah. She could tell that the child got along really well with her father but not so much with her mother. And Kate wanted the best for her. Still, she was definitely going to visit Jason, and explain him that all she was doing was because of Sarah and because of Sarah only and that he'd better treat his daughter like she deserved.

"I believe this are for you" Rick says. He's back and he's extending her a hand full of folded paper sheets.

"What's that?" She asks, accepting the pages from his hand as he sits down next to her again.

"Read one." He simply replies, a small smile appearing on his lips.

She frowns as she unfolds one of the sheets. She then starts reading in whispers, while he stares at her, waiting.

"February the 16th, 2013. Kate, one year has passed since you were taken away (from me). Yes, I do refuse to say you were killed until I have solid evidence to look at even though everyone else around me seems to have made their minds about this. But they're wrong. I can tell." She raises her eyes from the paper to him, with her mouth slightly parted in incredulity. "You wrote to me too?"

"Hm, hm." He replies. And then that smile isn't there anymore. "But I also didn't know if you should read them, since they are kind of depressing. But now they are yours, you can read them whenever you want to. I mean, if you want to."

Kate looks down at the paper again to read a few more words. They are indeed depressing. But so are hers, and probably even worse. Images of him reading her melancholic letters alone in his bedroom, blaming himself for this and that, fly through her mind. And then images of herself, reading his letters, feeling terrible for seeing how much pain she caused him, even though it wasn't her fault. No, it's not going to be like that.

"What if…" She gives him a small smile and scooches closer to him. "What if we do this together instead?"

"Sounds good." He smiles back at her, his eyes so full of love that she feels her heart skipping a beat.

"Let's see which one was written first." Kate says, opening her notebook again in order to compare the dates.

"Oh, yours was." She says, handing him that same letter for him to read. Actually, she had written more letters, which dated back to the first week she was abducted but she couldn't find them before they left.

He clears his throat as he reaches for her hand. His deep, throaty voice fills the air as he starts reading the first paragraph.

It's then that she realizes. They're going to read those letters and it's going to hurt. But it doesn't matter anymore because…because now she's in his arms, feeling his heart beat right next to her ear. Because now she's his and he's hers, and they are going to close this chapter of their lives tonight.

Together.

~~THE END~~

A/N: I want to thank you all for reading this story. Also, I'm so very grateful for all the alerts and amazing reviews that you've been leaving. You made me feel like I can actually be reasonably good at this. And that means a lot :)

I loved writing this, I feel like I've improved my writing skills and (if that's possible) my love for Caskett :p

I know I had mentioned a sequel but I made some expiriences and I realized it wouldn't work because I'd be repeating the letters too much only to say very little.

But I might write something else in a near future, if my inspiration allows me too.

Please REVIEW, I'm really interested in knowing what you thought now that the story has ended.

I hope you all have a great year, fandom.

Thank you once more :)

Clara