AN: A thousand pardons for me please! I am so sorry I took so long to get this chapter to you guys. I had really bad writer's block, and I actually haven't even thoroughly checked this for errors I'm so excited to get it to you guys subscribed to it. So feel free to point any out to me. Hopefully I won't take so long with chapter 4. Always thanks for reading, subscribing, favoriting, and reviewing.

Dean was coming to dinner. Dean had actually agreed to come to dinner. As Cas peeled potatoes over the sink he couldn't keep the small smile off his face. Dean was coming to dinner.

"What're you so smiley about?" Adam asked as he came up next to him at the sink to wash a head of lettuce for the salad.

Cas deliberately relaxed his face. "Nothing," he said with a shrug.

Adam smirked at him. "Yeah ok, I'm sure it's got nothing to do with a certain Dean Winchester coming over tonight."

Cas sighed, keeping his eyes on the potato in his hand instead of Adam's face. "I don't understand why you are pursuing this conversation," he said tiredly.

"Well," Adam said as he grabbed a large bowl that he began shredding the lettuce into. "First of all, if I don't try to force you to talk about it, no one will. Also, you're pretty much the only friend I have now Cas. I mean, Bobby's great and all but he's more of a grouchy father figure and Dean's… Well, Dean's not exactly the friendliest person lately. So that pretty much leaves you."

Cas looked at Adam for a moment, his face the picture of concentration. "I'm uncertain as to whether I should be flattered or offended," he finally said.

Adam seemed to ponder it for a moment. "Flattered. I could totally avoid you, but I don't."

"Well, when you put it that way," Cas replied with a shrug.

"Back to my point though. You gotta figure out your feelings for Dean," he said as he finished shredding the lettuce. He set the bowl aside and grabbed a second peeler to help Cas with the potatoes.

"Why?" Cas asked.

Adam glanced at him, and eyebrow cocked. "So that, if you love him, which, by the way, I'd put money on those odds, you can do something about it."

Cas smiled ruefully, scraping the skin off his potato with more force than he needed. "Even if I do love him there would be no sense in trying to do something about it. I can never have him," he said simply.

"Why not? I thought Dean slept with anything that catches his interest, gender be damned? You being a guy shouldn't bother him."

"It's not about my vessel…" he trailed off, remembering it wasn't his vessel anymore, it was his body. "About me being male. It's about me being me."

"You should at least talk-"

"Why? Dean made it abundantly clear when I spoke to him last night that he has no interest in even being my friend. There's no sense in trying to be more."

Adam stared at him for a long time before finally turning away, and the conversation was dropped.

XXX

Dean had barely even clocked in before April noticed something was more wrong than usual with him.

"Dean, honey, sit down at the counter, I'll get you some coffee," she said after taking one look at him.

"You aren't paying me to drink coffee April," he half-heartedly resisted. She glared at him for a moment before he obediently sat on one of the stools at the counter. While she grabbed him a mug and filled it with coffee he realized that her stern glare was an almost exact match for Ellen's, and his stomach flip-flopped painfully at the memories of the elder Harvelle.

He took a sip of the warm drink without bothering to add sugar, he liked it black. "Now," April said sternly. "You want to tell me what's wrong?"

Dean glanced around the diner. There was an older man sitting near the window, reading the morning's paper and nursing a mug, but otherwise the place was empty. "It's nothing," he said as he turned back to her.

She arched an eyebrow. "Now Dean I know you're not the happiest fellow ever come through that door, but you're worse off today. Maybe you'll feel better if you talk about it."

He resisted the urge to sigh and roll his eyes. Talking about stuff wasn't his thing, it was Sam's. He quickly forced all thoughts of Sam into a corner of his mind before slamming the door shut on them. April was going to get it out of him one way or another, he may as well do it on his terms.

"I'm going to see some family tonight," he said, figuring that was the safest way to word it. He wasn't technically lying, Adam was his half-brother, and Bobby may as well be his Dad.

"Well what's so bad about that?" she asked him.

He shrugged before taking another drink of coffee. "Lot of bad memories are gonna be dredged up tonight. Things I'd rather not think about."

"Isn't that all the more reason to go see them though? They're your family. And the bad memories? They're there even if you're not thinking about them directly. So isn't it better to suffer through them with people that care about you?" She said it all gently, like she could see how fragile Dean was, and he figured, maybe she could.

He ran a hand through his hair and drained the rest of the coffee. "Yeah, I guess you're right," he conceded.

She smiled. "'Course I'm right. Now get to work, I ain't paying you to drink coffee," she said with a wink.

Dean felt his lips quirk up into a genuine smile. Small, but genuine. "Yes ma'am," he replied as he got to his feet and got to work.

XXX

Cas carefully pulled the pie out of the oven, glancing at a clock as he did it. Dean would be there soon. He turned to set the pie on a cooling rack when something caught his eye out the window. It was a ray of the swiftly setting sun, glaring off the chrome grill of the impala.

His heart sank. He'd completely forgotten about the impala. He plopped the pie on the rack and hurried out of the kitchen, going into Bobby's living room where he and Adam were sitting on the couch, drinking beer and watching the news.

"I need someone to move the impala for me," he said.

They both looked up at him, surprised, but Adam spoke first. "Why?"

"Because Dean will be here soon and with my terrible driving skills I would drive into the house."

"There's plenty of room behind it for Dean to park though," Adam said, clearly confused.

Cas opened his mouth, planning to explain that Dean didn't need to see the reminder of his life with Sam just sitting there in Bobby's driveway, but Bobby held up a hand. "I'll move it, where are the keys?"

Cas let out a sigh of relief as he dug the keys out of his pocket, tossing them underhanded to the old man. "Thank you Bobby," he said earnestly.

Bobby just nodded as he left to move the car. Cas turned his attention back to Adam, who was looking at him with a peculiar look. "Dean shouldn't have to see a giant reminder of Sam." Cas said as an explanation.

"Yeah, I got that. It's just that you're so worried about safeguarding Dean's feelings."

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"No. It's just who's going to safeguard yours?"

XXX

After Dean got out of his post-work shower, he unexpectedly found himself staring into his closet, unsure of what to wear as if he were a fifteen year old girl getting ready for her first date.

He shook his head and grabbed a random green t-shirt, yanking it on. It's not as if he had anyone to impress, it was just going to be himself, Bobby, Adam, and Cas.

The thought of Cas made him feel like shit for the way he'd been treating the ex-angel. He had his reasoning, but he still knew it was wrong. The guy had given up the only life he'd ever known to help him, and Dean couldn't even be civil. His thoughts turned to that awful future Zachariah had shown him, and the drugged out former angel it had held. It was easy to forget how close Cas already was to that, having already taken the plunge to humanity.

He pushed that train of thought from his mind as he pulled his jeans on. Lingering on it now would do nothing, he would just have to make an effort to not let that happen.

With that in mind he grabbed his keys and headed for Bobby's.

XXX

For the first few minutes of dinner, no one really says anything. The air is filled with the sound of clinking silverware at first, and then everyone's too busy sampling the dishes to make small talk. Bobby, eventually, speaks up.

"How's the job at the diner?"

"It's good. My boss, April, she's pretty great," Dean responded.

"I know her, she's a good woman. She'll try to mother hen you if you ain't careful though."

Dean laughed. "Trust me, I know. She's already taken me under her wing."

Bobby laughs at that and they continue the meal, small talk flowing easily between Bobby, Dean, and Adam.

Cas chose to remain mostly silent, only speaking if he was directly involved by someone else. He could see Dean was actually enjoying himself and he didn't want to speak up and ruin it. But as it turns out, Adam's the one that does it.

"So Dean, listen…" he starts off, his tone clearly indicating that he was going to say something Dean probably wasn't going to here. Cas tense, and he could see Dean do the same across the table. "I really think I should learn how to defend myself, y'know, learn how to shoot and throw a good punch, things like that."

Cas watched as Dean's lips formed a thin line. "I don't want you to become a hunter Adam," he said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

But Adam proved he was truly a Winchester when he did anyway. "Dean, it's not about me becoming a hunter. I don't want that. But I'm in this life anyway because of who I am. I mean, I was killed by a ghoul that time, remember? And maybe if Dad had told me the truth about the world and taught me how to protect myself I wouldn't have died. And maybe my mom wouldn't have either," he added, his voice going soft and quiet.

Cas could see that Adam's mentioning of his mother had struck a chord in Dean. Dean sighed in defeat. "Yeah. Ok. I'll teach you how to protect yourself."

Adam grinned triumphantly. "Thanks Dean."

"We'll have to do it Saturday afternoons before my shift at the bar, I'm working or sleeping basically all the other times."

"That's completely fine with me."

Dean nodded and finished his last bite of meatloaf. "This food was really good," he said to Adam.

"Cas cooked most of it, I just helped a little."

Dean and Cas's eyes met over the table and there was a moment of silence before Bobby spoke again, not seeming to notice the tension between them.

"You'd get good meals like this more often if you'd show your face around here occasionally, ya idgit."

Cas looked down at his place, feeling guilty. He assumed Dean never came around because he didn't want to deal with Cas, the constant reminder of the things that had taken his brother away from him. He cleared his throat and stood. "I'll go get the pie," he said, not making eye contact with Dean as he quickly exited the small dining room in favor of the kitchen.

He braced himself against the sink, suddenly finding that he was filled with this incredible sadness. Despair, he realized after a moment. He felt it before, when he'd believed the world was going to end, but then it had been a proper emotion, but now? Why should he feel despair. Because Dean hates me, his brain supplied for him.

"Hey, you ok?" a voice asked behind him? He turned, half expecting Dean for some reason, but Adam was standing there, looking concerned. Cas swallowed and licked his lips.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Will you help me carry the plates of pie in there?" he asked, turning back to the pie. He grabbed a large knife and began cutting it into large, even pieces.

"Yeah, sure," Adam said, but Cas could hear a note of hesitation. Adam knew him remarkably well, and he wasn't fooled by Cas's lie. But thankfully he didn't press the matter.

"C'mon," he said, handing Adam two of the plates and pasting on a fake smile. "Let's eat this before it gets cold."

XXX

"Cas."

The ex-angel in question jumped, sloshing dirty dishwater over the side of the sink. He looked over his shoulder to see Dean standing behind him. He barely contained the look of surprise.

"Listen… Come have a beer with me outside," Dean said, his hands shoved in his jean's pockets as if he were nervous.

Cas bit his lip. He really didn't want to be subject to Dean's anger but he didn't want to deny time spent alone with Dean. He looked guilty back at the sink. "But the dishes…"

"I'll finish them," Adam said as he came around Dean. Cas blinked but obediently shucked the yellow cleaning gloves off, passing them to Adam. While he did that Dean grabbed two beers out of the fridge and headed outside. "Go get him tiger," Adam said with an obnoxious wink. Cas shot him a glare but followed Dean outside.

XXX

Dean doesn't really know why he's invited Cas to share a beer with him on Bobby's porch. Before today he hadn't even wanted to be friendly towards him, and now he was having friendly beers with him? Completely alone?

Right now they're sitting in amicable silence, sipping their beers and staring out at the night sky from the comfort of Bobby's porch steps. And maybe it's the peacefulness of the moments that makes Dean speak without thinking his words through, because he's talking without meaning to.

"Why'd you leave me in my coffin?" he asks, surprising them both. It's not like he hasn't wondered this before, but he hasn't spent long hours pondering it's answer either. But now the words are out there, hanging in the air.

Cas looks at him, confused. "What?"

"When you yanked me out of Hell," Dean clarified. "I woke up in my coffin. I mean, what if I hadn't been able to dig myself out, and I had suffocated in there?" he asked, suddenly realizing how easily it could've gone down that way. He shivered before going on. "That kind of would've negated your whole bringing me back thing," he said, shrugging.

"I didn't have a choice," Cas said, staring at the beer bottle in his hand, idly scraping at the label with his thumbnail. "I would've gone to you immediately if I had been able."

Dean studied him. "What stopped you?" he asked, his voice curious, not accusing.

Cas looked hesitant to tell him. "I was recuperating. My time spent in Hell took a toll on me, I had to heal myself," he said quietly, still staring at his bottle instead of looking at Dean.

Dean's lips parted in surprise as he processed Cas's words. "Your time in… Cas? What happened when you pulled me out of Hell? What really happened?"

Again, Cas hesitated. "Dean… Are you sure you want the truth?" Cas looked at him then, uncertainty written clearly in his blue eyes.

"I never want the truth Cas," Dean said with a mirthless laugh. "But I always need it."

Cas nodded, his gaze darting away to land back on his bottle for a moment before he seemed to think better of it, looking back into Dean's eyes. He licked his lips before starting his story.

"First of all, you should know I went in alone." Dean's eyes widened in surprise. "And I was there for seven years, Hell time. Hell is far more vast than a human can fathom, even one who served time there. I know I led you to believe that the whole garrison invaded Hell, and I just happened to be the one that reached you first, but that isn't true.

I arrived in Hell, but it was impossible to know where you were, you were just a single soul in an ocean of millions, and later I would come to realize they were hiding and guarding you. Can you imagine if a Winchester became a demon? You especially, because you carry so much anger. You had already fulfilled their needs in breaking the seal, but they wanted more.

So I had to search for you, and I encountered many demons who were not happy to see an angel invading their dominion. And that was before I even reached you. You were essentially surrounded by demons for what amounts to miles. I had to cut a swath through them to get to you, and demons are much harder to kill on their own turf, so to speak.

But then I reached you. You hadn't even noticed what was going on around you, you were so focused on the soul on the rack in front of you. You were doing unspeakable things to the soul, but like you hadn't noticed me I barely noticed it.

Dean, even drenched in blood you were the most beautiful soul I had ever laid eyes on. I don't mean physically. I could see your physical form, but it was your soul I was looking at."

"What about my eyes?" Dean asked, his voice inexplicably hoarse. Cas blinked, pulled from his story.

"What?"

"My eyes. Were they green or were they black?"

"Dean you are not a demon."

"Answer the question," Dean growled.

Cas stared at him for a long moment, and Dean thought he was going to refuse. "Green," he finally said. "Your eyes were green."

Dean realized his entire body had tensed and he forced himself to relax. "Ok. There's something I don't understand though. Why did they send you? I mean, I've always been under the impression that you're a young angel or something. Why did the send Michael, he's the one who wanted to ride me, after all."

"I'm not a young angel, we were all created at more or less the same time. I was of a low rank though. As you know there isn't much lore about me. 'Castiel, the angel of Thursday' is about all you'll get. Raising the Michael Sword was supposed to be what you would call my big break, the thing I would come to be known for, after the Winchester Gospels. Of course, at the time, I thought it would be for raising the Righteous Man who would stop the apocalypse, but we all know how that turned out."

They sit in silence for a while, Dean taking in Cas's story and Cas sipping his beer. "Seven years?" Dean finally asks. Cas just nods. "You wandered around Hell, looking for me, for seven years?"

"I looked for you for three years. I found you during the fourth. The rest of the time was spent killing my way to you."

Dean whistled. "At least they weren't torturing you. That's something, I don't think I could take the idea of you being tortured because of me." Cas made a little noise resembling a snort and Dean's gaze shot to him. "What?" he asked quickly.

Cas smiled ruefully. "It is nothing of import."

Dean turned until he was directly facing Cas. He ducked his head to catch Cas's gaze. "Yes. It is. What aren't you telling me here?"

Cas sighed. "I don't understand your need for the truth."

"Cas," Dean demanded sharply.

Cas glared at him. "I wasn't tortured because of you. In Hell."

Dean sucked in a breath. "What does that mean?"

"I assume you remember Jimmy Novak, the man whose body is now mine? And I assume you remember the circumstances of your meeting."

"You'd been pulled back to Heaven for re-education," Dean said quietly, his throat tightening painfully around the words. He could see where this was going.

Cas nodded. "Re-education is a thinly veiled euphemism for torture."

Dean was silent for a moment. "Time in Hell moves differently. I bet it moves differently in Heaven too. So how long?"

"Twenty-three years, four months," Cas answered instantly.

Dean looked down at his empty beer bottle. He was going to need another because his night, no, his life had just taken an unexpected turn.