I'm a confident liar

Had my head in the oven so you'd know where I'll be

I'll try to be more romantic

I want to believe in everything you believe

But I was less than amazing

Do not know what all the troubles are for

Fall asleep in your branches

You're the only thing I ever want anymore

Conversation 16 – The National

How did you manage to find a girl like her?

A girl like who, Fiona?

Matilda.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Oh, please, Filip. You don't have to worry; your wife has already met your fiancé.

Fiona-

I'll admit I wasn't prepared to see you'd found someone quite so young. How did you manage that, anyway?

Fi-

You're not exactly very pretty, not anymore. With those scars, jaysus, 'Lip. Didn't realize Jimmy did such a number on you.

What did you expect after what he did?

I do have to wonder, though, what Jimmy would think of this Matilda. I don't know if he'd be very happy with the choices you're making.

Fiona's words rang through Chibs' ears still, even though the bitch had left hours ago and crawled back to whatever cage Jimmy kept her in these days. Chibs didn't even know what the fuck she was talking about and he was terrified. Jimmy O wasn't a man to take information lightly, even if it was wrong, and if he heard Chibs had a fiancé- a fictitious fiancé- Christ, he didn't even want to dwell on the possibilities.

Where the fuck was Mattie anyway? What had the daft girl said to Fiona? Chibs reached for the burner on the side table- somebody must've left it for him- and punched in her number again. It was the third time he'd tried to get her and the third time he couldn't get through and he was fucking ready to get out of bed and walk down to her house to ask what the hell she was thinking.

Except he couldn't exactly have expected her to keep her mouth shut and her lies to a minimum because she had absolutely no prior knowledge of Fiona or Kerrianne or Jimmy, and he could only blame himself for that. Goddamn it. He'd already left two messages and didn't bother leaving a third, vehemently tossing the cell back onto the unsteady end table.

Motherfucking women.

Gemma had explained a little when she came by later- she too, wanted to avoid Fiona and her insanity, and luckily had the ability to do it- as much as she knew. Something about ICU visitation only allowing immediate family, a rule that didn't sit well with the MC. Tara could only wield so much power over the regulations and she'd advocated that the Sons just lie when they signed into the ward, which they did, until a nurse confronted Mattie.

"What the hell did you want her to do? She isn't young enough to be your kid and she sure as shit isn't old enough to be your sister, and that bitch nurse knew it. So she said you were engaged. Tig even okayed it." Gemma had snapped, crossing her arms over her chest. "I told you these secrets were going to get you both into trouble."

Of course. Did secrets ever make life simpler or easier? Did they ever erase problems instead of causing them? Because secrets were always bolstered by lies, which made for weak foundations bound to collapse at the smallest provocation. Even Mattie's strategic, expertly wielded untruths couldn't save either her or Chibs from Fiona's wrath.

Chibs wasn't sure who he was angrier with, his wife or Mattie, or who was more to blame.

Since leaving Ireland- though leaving really wasn't the right term because it implied he had a choice in the matter- he'd only dealt with his old life peripherally. Whatever business transactions the MC had with the IRA were through McKeevy- poor ol' bastard- and Cameron, a few steps removed from Jimmy and his henchmen. California made his ancient Irish world feel deceptively far, far away, as though those people in that place could never harm him ever again. Christ, he was such a fool. A child believing pulling a blanket over his head would keep him safe from the monsters in his closet. Land and sea might separate him from Fiona and Jimmy, but those two were not intimidated by the distance, those same miles which lulled him into complacency.

And Kerrianne? His lovely Kerri, who he'd not seen in- he didn't want to think about how much time had passed since he'd held his little girl in his arms, heard her call out Da! the second he walked into the house, watched her sleep curled up next to the ratty stuffed cat he'd given her for her third birthday. She wasn't even a child anymore. A teenager, nearly a woman, likely looking more and more like her mother every day. Fiona might've betrayed him, but she was always beautiful, even now. Chibs had to give her that. Just that, though, nothing else. Not anymore.

The burner chirped- literally chirped, somebody must've thought it cute to change the text tone- and buzzed violently, catching Chibs off guard. First time all day the damned gadget had received instead of sent.

sorry was in car dropping off moby tm be by in a few

The fact she texted instead of called wasn't what threw Chibs- if she had the choice, she always typed instead of spoke when it came to answering him- but the manner of her message. Usually Mattie was complete sentences and full on punctuation coupled with perfect grammar and spelling. He had old messages in his inbox- or at least, he would've, if that phone hadn't gotten blown up.

Still, if she were in the car with Moby now, it didn't explain why she blew off his first two calls.

Chibs fucking hated being stuck in the hospital. And now, with the bullshit of transferring him to Stockton… hadn't his life been threatened enough? Hadn't he earned his stay of execution, surviving both Jimmy's and Zobelle's attacks?

His life was a collection of scars. A half curve on his knee, from falling on a piece of broken glass from one of his father's bottles of whiskey. A long line amongst the ribs on his right side, a reminder to watch for knives when he got into fistfights with other indignant youths. Just a tiny white blip on the tip of his left index finger, where he'd cut himself trying to make dinner for Fiona. The dual marks on his cheeks, a threat made good by the man who'd fucked his wife and stolen his child. And now, finally, not even a scar just yet, a wound held together by staples and all other manner of surgical sorcery, what was sure to be a hideous disfigurement on the back of his head. Only battle men who'll put their own skin on the line, it proclaimed, throbbing.

Chibs, tired of waiting, tired of thinking, went for one of the magazines Gemma'd helpfully piled on the seat she'd left tucked against his bed. He wasn't sure where any of them had come from, probably left by visitors during visitations he'd slept through. Most wrinkled and dog-eared, and a couple had articles viciously torn out by some ruthless reader, but he didn't mind.

A knock at the door didn't startle him. Just meant whoever entered wasn't a doctor, nurse or Gemma, and he perked his head upwards.

He knew it was going to be Mattie, but part of him still wasn't ready to see her. Sleeping under heavy pain medication made time pass in a strange, fluid way, and no matter how long it'd been since the moment in the parking lot, he felt like he hadn't been able to truly digest the situation.

Even if Gemma had come and bitched at him because of it.

She quirked a small smile when she walked in, hands tucked into the pockets of her beige trench coat. He instantly missed the shorts and tank tops of summer, but the fall chill had flushed her cheeks a pretty pink and the breeze must've mussed the bun atop her head, a few curls falling loose onto her face.

What a fucking sight for sore eyes.

"Do you mind some company?" She asked quietly, tentatively approaching the bed.

"Not at all," His mouth rebelled before he had a chance to pull back on the pet name, "Lovely."

"Good, good. I've only got a little bit before I have to head to Gemma's." Mattie shook her head ruefully. "Family dinner."

He wasn't sure whether it was a warning or not.

"I see I wasn't invited." Chibs teased, watching her shimmy out of her coat. She didn't sit immediately in the seat left behind by Gemma, first dragging it to the other side of the bed, so it faced towards the door. Sometimes, it was really fucking hard to forget that her father had been a hitman.

"Trust me, this is one you want to miss out on. Everybody's pissed at everybody for one reason or another." She sucked in a deep breath. "Gem thinks that good food will bring good company, but I'm pretty sure this is a lost cause."

"Just keep your head down."

"I'm gonna try." Contrary to his advice, Mattie perked her head up, her gaze brushing over him. "How're you feeling?"

Her hazel eyes were, like always, unreadable. Soft but wary, neither wide nor narrowed, the green in her irises blazing while the golden brown smoldered. Her placid expression didn't provide much help either, but the sharp forward angle of her shoulders contradicted the relaxation in her folded hands. Despite it all, Chibs didn't have enough clues to gauge Mattie's mood, not when he was so out of practice. His expectations weren't high, though.

He'd never seen her angry. Had no idea what it'd look like if she was furious.

"Not great." He replied.

"Your head or… other things?"

Chibs decided to be honest. "My head fucking hurts, but I've got meds for that. The other things, well, you know how it is. They don't go away as easy."

Matt nodded. "Yeah."

The too simple response threw him a little. Chibs gave her an easy opening into whatever she wanted to talk about- and she obviously wanted to talk, or she wouldn't have risked being late to Gemma's dinner. Hell hath no fury like Gemma when her guests aren't punctual. But Mattie wasn't taking the bait.

Christ. She was known for being quiet, but this kind of silence was loud, ear shattering, heart palpitating. He didn't want to sit on pins and needles. He wasn't going to wait. Life was short, and it'd been proved to him time and time again.

"We both know what's going on and it's bullshit to pretend like you're just here for a social call. Whatever it is you're going to say, say it." He demanded, his voice low, already on edge. God, this wasn't going to be pretty.

"You have a wife." Mattie jumped right in. "And a kid."

"I do."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She kept her tone and cadence even, but her calm expression had melted into suspicion and disappointment.

"I didn't think you needed to know." He purposely dangled that, waiting for Mattie to pounce.

"Maybe I didn't need to know, but I certainly would've wanted to."

"It wasn't important." And before today, it wasn't. Before Mattie's lies got tangled in complicated truths.

"You're married, Chibs. You have a daughter. How can you say that's not important?"

"Telling you about them would've created a lot of other questions that I wouldn't have felt comfortable answering."

Swear to god, the heartbeat monitor was beeping in time to hypocrite, hypocrite, hypocrite. Mattie didn't have to notice the odd staccato rhythm to leap to the same conclusion.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me. Seriously. You've got to be bullshitting me. Because you treat every time we're together like it's a goddamn interview and you never take no for an answer."

He didn't like the implication. "If I've overstepped my boundaries, you haven't said so."

"No. And maybe I should've."

"Don't forget how I found out about you and Tig. I got bruises from that." Maybe it was a low blow, but it seemed to take some steam out of her defenses.

"I'm still sorry about that." She sighed. "You know I am. But you knew what kind of person Tig was when you walked into the party that night. You knew who you were dealing with. I never met Fiona before. I didn't even know she existed."

"I still wish you didn't."

"Well, I did. And she thinks I'm your goddamn fiancé." Mattie rubbed her temples. "I didn't know who she was when I confirmed the lie. It was an accident. A stupid accident. Should've known better."

His heart flopped and slowed. This was the direction he'd been looking for. Figuring out what was said so he could undo the damage.

"What'd she say to you?"

"Not a lot. Called you a bigamist. Called me a child- well, subtly, but she wasn't being complimentary when she said I was only a touch older than your daughter. Nothing I haven't heard before."

Of course not. Tig's kids were what, nineteen? No older than twenty-one, twenty-two. At least Kerrianne was only sixteen, which meant she was separated from Mattie by more than a decade. Though, Chibs supposed it'd be easy to guess Mattie younger than twenty-eight. Or older, if you knew her like he did. The band of freckles stippled across her nose and cheeks belied her mental maturity.

"She say anything about Jimmy O'Phelan?" Fiona loved to wield him like a weapon against any threats she wanted to measure.

"No, but- I know that name. Why do I know that name?" Her face fell as she put two and two together. "They're IRA, aren't they?"

Mattie's sudden departure from indignant and arrival into despondency meant she'd come to the same conclusion Chibs did: her venomous interaction with Fiona would lead to nothing good. He wasn't sure how Matt knew who Jimmy O was, if she remembered some long ago association from when her father was alive- Jimmy came to the states more often back then, not in an particular position of importance but just another associate watching over shipments and transactions- or she just assumed from what she knew of Chibs' past and Fiona's nationality.

"Yes." He reluctantly replied.

"Shit." She smirked, just for a moment, before lips fell back into a frown. "I called your wife a cunt."

If the situation were different, he might've laughed. "Why?"

"She said it was nice to meet Chibs' child-whore and I said it was nice to finally the crazy Irish cunt in person. I guess I should've reigned that one in a little bit."

Now he was really fighting the chuckle shaking in his chest. "Probably."

"So, tell it to me straight, who is Jimmy O'Phelan and how badly did I fuck up?" She asked, confirming his guess that she only had a vague idea of Jimmy's relationship to the Sons and to himself.

"Jimmy's the street boss for the True IRA. Only answers to the Real IRA council." When she nodded, he continued, "He's Fiona's husband and my daughter's stepfather."

"Christ, Chibs, I'm sorry." Mattie stood suddenly, taking a few strides. "What should we do?"

Chibs hadn't planned on solving this as a we. He honestly hadn't thought Mattie would stick it out long enough to want to fix what she'd accidentally jostled. Figured they'd argue, she'd call him a hypocritical asshole- which, he guessed, she kind of did- and she'd go back home to Tig while Chibs scrambled alone. But there she stood, pacing, slowly, one leg crossing in front of the other in a hypnotically sexy way, her jeans tight enough to make him nervous. Good thing Fiona wasn't around to see him staring at Mattie's ass. Or Gemma.

Or, y'know, Tig.

"I guess we could just tell her the truth." Mattie finally said, stopping in place. "Because the further this stupid lie goes, the worse it gets."

"You want to admit that you lied?" Chibs asked dubiously, sure to raise his eyebrows as far as they could go. The single time he'd caught Mattie in a lie- she said couldn't go on a repo because she needed to finish filing credit card charges by closing, when she just didn't want to make Tig mad by spending time with Chibs- she refused to concede, even when he confronted her with the conversation he'd had with Gemma which basically rendered Mattie's lie into bullshit. Well, maybe I heard it wrong. I thought she said I had to finish them by today. Oh well. There'll be other repos, darlin'. It'd pissed him off so much he'd hounded her for days but she never changed her story.

"If it means not getting involved on a personal basis with the IRA, yeah, I'll go back on my lie in a heartbeat. I mean, I legitimately didn't know who she was when she walked into the room. Thought she was some administrator checking out the visitor's log or one of the investigators from the county coming out to ask you questions. Probably should've kept the cunt comment to myself, but other than that…" Mattie shrugged.

And outing her lie to Fiona was all well and good but that would take time. Fi wasn't the easiest person to get a hold of and she tended to react instantly, as did Jimmy. If he heard Chibs was involved with another person- if he heard Chibs might be happy- he wouldn't hesitate. Jimmy would hurt, he'd maim, and Chibs was terrified Kerrianne could be in the line of fire. He'd left so his association with Jimmy wouldn't ever negatively affect his daughter. He'd left to save her. He didn't leave so the IRA could wander in and out of his life whenever they goddamn wanted.

"You don't know Fi. It might not be as simple as admitting you're not really my fiancé."

"It isn't. I'm gonna have to tell Tig and that's going to be a goddamn nightmare." Mattie picked her head up, catching his gaze. "After this, he's never going to be okay with the two us spending time together in any capacity."

"He can't-"

"Chibs." The rebuke was hard, the bite of her voice almost surprising. "Do you really think it's a good idea for us to be together- to be alone together after what happened at the diner?"

"You mean what I did at the diner."

"I… I don't know." She glanced at the clock against the far wall, cursing under her breath. Gemma's dinner was fast approaching. "It's even harder because we couldn't deal with it right away. And that's not anybody's fault-"

"Well, I'm pretty sure we can safely blame this," He motioned to the hospital room, "On Zobelle. But circumventing this conversation probably wasn't his first concern when the asshole blew me up."

Mattie turned on her heel, away from him, walking over to the window. The sun had gone down completely, but he could see the red glow of the emergency room lights drifting through the darkened panes.

Silhouetted in crimson, she spoke. "I know it doesn't mean anything and it certainly doesn't change anything, but I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so insistent about filling the empty garage bay. Should've just let it fucking be but I was trying so hard to act like everything was normal between us, like we were still the same Chibs and Mattie before the kiss."

"We're still the same people."

"Individually. Together, no, we're not."

"We didn't kiss."

"Might as well have."

That cut. Someplace deep he couldn't name, an internal hemorrhage which made him furious and miserable and… He didn't know. Mattie was right. Tig would find out about the bullshit with Fiona and he'd never allow Chibs to have another moment with her. And the decision wouldn't be motivated by Tigger's normal territorial paranoia but concern for Mattie's safety. She wouldn't be involved with Fiona and her wrath if it wasn't for Chibs. She wouldn't be a breath away from the IRA. And maybe, for once, Tig was right to hide Mattie.

"Don't say that." It was too quiet, its meaning too apparent.

Chibs swore he knew better. Really. He did.

"I don't know what to do, Chibs. Like you said before, some problems have easy solutions and others… they just fester until bigger ones come along." She tilted subtly, turning her head over her shoulder, "I used to think this was the easiest relationship I've ever had."

"Until I fucked it up."

"I didn't say that."

"But the implication was pretty fucking obvious." He retorted, almost nastily.

"I could've stopped you. It's pretty hard for me to say I didn't know what you were doing."

He wanted to tell her she could've stopped him if she'd reacted at all. If she hadn't frozen, looking up at him with those hazel eyes, lips parted but not moving, curls ruffled by a warm, early fall breeze. It happened every time he touched her. Every goddamn time. Mattie went blank and quiet but her skin always flushed hot and he didn't know what it fucking meant. Whether it was permission to continue or an order to retreat. If he wasn't such a pussy he'd just ask, but he didn't want the answer, not really, especially since he was pretty sure he already knew what it was.

"Does Tig know?" Chibs could've finished off the question. Didn't, though.

"No. I haven't decided whether to tell him or not."

"But you told Gemma."

Mattie left her spot at the window, sighing loudly as she approached his bed. "She came to talk to you, didn't she? Goddamn it. I'm sorry."

"I don't think I've ever heard I'm sorry leave your mouth as much as it has today." He purposely ignored her. She knew Gemma came by. She had to know Gemma would. The Queen liked to imbed herself in the personal lives of her subjects.

"Maybe I have a lot to apologize for." She countered.

"Guilty conscience?"

Matt grinned. Caught him off guard. "I don't know about that. I think my moral compass is just steadier than usual. It's only a temporary change, though."

"Oh, you're planning on committing some dastardly deeds in the near future?" Chibs teased, feeling a tendril of one of their old, light conversations.

"Yeah. Might hold up a bank when I'm feeling particularly badass, you know how it goes. Watch for the story in the papers."

"They'll never expect pretty little Matilda Cardinal to be the culprit. But don't worry, I'll always keep your secrets safe." Gravity hit him again. "Things between us don't have to be different."

"That's what we said before." She was right and Chibs knew it but he didn't care. "And look what happened."

"I don't fold easy."

"I know. I've watched you play poker." Mattie laughed. "Juice beats you. Juice."

"Juice is surprisingly straight-faced."

"He will literally tell you when he's got good cards." She argued playfully, before the smile fell from her lips. "And this isn't as simple as a card game between brothers. This is my complicated life and your complicated life intersecting and there aren't any winners."

Mattie was going to be late. But she didn't put on her coat or throw her purse over her shoulder, just stood there, resolute, next to his bed. She had the freedom to leave and tell him to get over himself, to just accept what she was asking. But she hovered, waiting for Chibs to understand, explaining, backtracking, joking- what the fuck was he supposed to think?

But for the sake of making sure Fiona understood there was nothing between them, making sure Kerrianne was safe, he'd go along with Mattie's decision.

"You're right."

Mattie couldn't hide her surprise.

It might've been a small victory, but it was a victory nonetheless.

Mattie laid in bed, content with the idea that she'd be awake until the morning. Sleep hadn't exactly been coming easy lately, so she was well prepared for the long, dark hours spent quietly underneath the covers. There was a book hiding somewhere beneath one of the pillows, a dog-eared copy of On the Road she'd borrowed from Jax as a teenager and never returned. Her iPod softly shuffled through Born to Run- she'd been in a Bruce Springsteen kick as of late, though lyrics from Darkness on the Edge of Town were what she'd decided to have inked onto her hip a few weeks ago. The remote was on her nightstand but she wasn't in the mood for late night television, which always seemed to be either reruns of old crime shows or infomercials.

She didn't toss and turn. Wasn't her style. Still, languid, splayed out but comfortable. Didn't have to worry about sharing the bed, since after their little discussion Tig stalked back to the club and hadn't returned. Mattie might've done the same in his situation, but it was the words he left her with which really baffled her.

I think you might want to seriously consider going down to San Diego for a little while.

She'd replayed it in her head enough times to have the cadence and tone broken down into manageable bites, but the remark still didn't make any sense. He'd made her promise not so long ago to stay in Charming no matter what shit went down, and she'd accepted. Until he mentioned the idea, Mattie honestly hadn't thought about getting out of town. She'd been barely coping, sure, but for once, her instinct wasn't to run away. The little voice in the back of her head told her to settle in and get comfortable, because she was in it for the long haul.

Didn't Tigger realize how miraculous that was? Didn't he see how easy it could've been for Mattie to book a plane ticket anywhere and just leave? Whenever she wanted. No warning. No trail left behind. Starting a new life far away from the old one- even if it would always, always haunt her. But she didn't. She stayed. Dug her in heels and everything.

Mattie was struggling to hold her head above water, but she didn't need to get away from Charming to keep from drowning.

Because Christ, wasn't much more that could go wrong. All the shit with Chibs, from the kiss to the attack to the shit with Fiona to the decision they'd finally come to. No more. They couldn't be friends. They'd tried and failed enough times to show anything but separation- or a romantic relationship they just couldn't have- was impossible. She'd never thought about it before, but attraction was a powerful enough force to render two intelligent adults into complete fools. And she couldn't walk into the club anymore feeling like everyone was looking between Tig, her and Chibs, wondering which lines were crossed by who, quietly speculating when she'd be on the Scotsman's arm instead of the tall, crazy bastard's. Maybe this exchange was happening entirely within her head and none of the Sons really gave a shit, but she'd grown up knowing drama and rumors were a valuable commodity amongst the men. The guys might be gun-toting, motorcycle-riding badasses, but they also gossiped like high school girls in the cafeteria.

The Fiona fiasco… Fuck it. She wasn't going to think about it anymore. If the IRA showed up on her doorstep because she'd lied about something stupid, oh well. Actually, if the IRA had time to take out of their busy schedule in order to deal with a dumb American with a big mouth and absolutely no influence, maybe something was going wrong within their tightly run organization. That's how she rationalized it at least, because if she kept dwelling on her imminent demise she'd never get out of bed and that'd really freak Tigger out.

Mattie didn't know why she'd suddenly decided to break down that morning. She was upset with Chibs for lying to her about his wife and child, but it wasn't enough of a catalyst to make her fucking cry. Or it could've been the fuel to light the fire. Christ. Tigger being around to see irrational tears streaming down her face- she wasn't a sobber, crying was a silent activity for Matilda Cardinal- made it worse, especially since she'd neglected to tell him just how shitty she'd been feeling lately. And how could she, when he was in prison for three goddamn weeks? He'd specifically told Clay he didn't want to talk to Mattie and she realized he had his reasons but it made her feel so goddamn unwanted and useless and unloved.

Earlier, she'd said Tig wasn't responsible for her collapse, but she hadn't really been telling the truth. Whether she was trying to lie to him or herself was another matter entirely.

Sometimes, they were both so closed off emotionally it made it unbelievably difficult to work through complex personal issues. Neither wanted to put their shit out on the table before the other, risk baring their soul to somebody who simply might not be feeling very sympathetic. Add in all the secret keeping and little white lies and shit… Mattie supposed getting past Donna's death might've been the most monumental tragedy they conquered together and for the life of her, she couldn't remember how they managed to do it.

Yesterday… jeez, what a clusterfuck of epic proportions. She'd been planning to simplify her problems by talking to Chibs- initially, before the Fiona business, when she'd woken up before dawn and decided to go on a head clearing run- but that hadn't worked out. All the arguing and infighting at Gemma's party, brothers screaming at brothers, lines drawn between allies and enemies, proved how broken the Sons really were. They'd hidden it well at the beginning, but not anymore. Watching her uncle and Tig go at each other while Jax and Clay screamed back and forth- thinking about it still made her blood run cold. Gemma might've believed the dinner would bring everyone closer, but it'd done anything but. Getting all that tension into one room hadn't been pretty.

And Luann… Mattie's gut twisted. She'd never been as close to the blonde as she was to Gemma, but the ex-porn star was a big part of her childhood. She and Otto never had kids of their own, so whenever Luann felt maternal she'd dote upon the SAMCRO babies. She gave advice to Jax and Opie on how to get girls without being creepy or cheesy and secretly lent them copies of Caracara's finer works when they got older. Mattie went on trips to the mall, Luann making her try on clothes she'd never wear before they got their nails done. They'd always finish those afternoons with something sweet, ice cream or smoothies, while Luann would scout for any cute boys who happened to pass their way.

Luann was fun, feminine, bubbly. She might not have Gemma's poise or power, but she was important to the club in her own way. The good times ambassador. The entertainer, because whatever came out of her mouth was guaranteed to make you laugh. She had a complicated past but wasn't ashamed of it. Totally devoted to her man.

Mattie would miss her. Another piece of her life pried away without warning.

The danger should scare her. Women attached to the Sons were always in some sort of peril one way or another, but lately Charming was becoming hazardous to the health of the fairer sex. She'd lived through a lot in her time, which was what she'd told Tara the last time they'd spoken about it- they'd been taking baby steps and had lunch once or twice a week- so she wasn't as skittish as sanity would dictate she be.

Hale gave her a pointed look last night, which had not gone unnoticed by Gemma. Since she told her about the almost-kiss in the parking lot- in her head, she simply called it the unfortunate thing that happened- the Queen had found herself a cozy spot in Mattie's affairs. She hadn't known for sure if Gem went to talk to Chibs, but she'd definitely suspected, and it was that reason she wasn't very surprised when he filled her in. And then there were her offers to helm the office while Mattie did errands outside TM- running to the bank to make deposits, picking up groceries at the market until Half-Sack was well enough to make a run to Costco, taking Moby out for an afternoon at the park- all of which made Mattie suspicious. She didn't mind when Gemma stuck her head into her business every once in a while, but filling her in on the Chibs/Mattie drama had accidentally gotten the Queen too involved.

It'd subside eventually, when something else caught her attention.

Well, a girl could hope.

Mattie heard a shuffling by her bedside table, and for a second, thought it was Willow rearranging herself on the floor. The dog usually slept on the bench at the foot of the bed, where she'd wait for Tig to wake up- because it was easier to con Tig into giving up part of his breakfast than it was Mattie. With the man of the house out, the St. Bernard liked to wander around upstairs, looking for the next great nap spot. But Willow was snoring soundly, so Mattie lifted her head to investigate.

Her iPhone was still, but something else was scuttling inside the table. Without trepidation- well, she briefly wondered if some kind of fuzzy, vermin-y creature managed to get itself trapped, but she knew that was stupid before she gave it any real consideration- she pulled out her rarely used burner, not recognizing the number on the screen.

"Hello?" Mattie was a little shocked by how sleepy she sounded.

"Hey, kiddo, it's Ope. Wasn't sure if you'd be awake." The familiar voice would've relaxed her if it'd hadn't been four in the morning. These sort of late night calls rarely worked out well.

"Yeah. Couldn't sleep." She swallowed hard, hoping to dispel any fear in her tone. "Is everything okay?"

"Uh," Shit. "Do you think you could swing by the club real quick?"

"Why?"

"Tig's trashed. I think he's worked through a bottle of dad's tequila."

"So? Let him sleep it off in his dorm. He'll be fine by tomorrow." Mattie sighed, suddenly feeling very exhausted.

"Yeah. I would do that, but he's- he's really fucked up, Matt. He won't stop fucking wailing about you leaving Charming and no matter how many times I try to tell him you're not going anywhere, he won't listen."

"What is he on?" Drunk Tigger was usually silent Tigger. Tigger on drugs, well, it depended. Weed made him grin, painkillers made him sleepy, but coke… She hated Tig on coke because it always turned him into an asshole. Or a bigger one, depending on your feelings about the man.

"I don't know for sure, but nothing good. Met some shady motherfucker by the gate a few hours ago, came back lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree. Been ranting and raving ever since."

"Okay. Do you want me to take him home?" She asked, already out of bed and reaching into her dresser for a clean pair of jeans.

"Nah. I think if you just show up, it might shut him up." Opie paused, quietly adding. "Tell me you're staying in Charming."

She didn't blame him for being suspicious. "I am. We had an argument, that's all. Plus all the other shit going on, I think it's just got him worked up."

"Good. Because you'd talk to me if you were making a big decision like that, right?"

"Yes." She replied, wrangling a bra on one-handed. "Trust me, he's just high and drunk and delirious."

"Alright. See you in a bit?"

"Yup. I'm almost out the door."

They said goodbye and Mattie tossed a t-shirt over her head, slipping on Tig's spare black sweatshirt for good measure. He always liked it when she wore his clothes and it was brisk enough outside to merit a jacket.

She flicked the heater on the moment she started her Mercedes- the pickup's was busted so she'd been using her neglected Benz lately because it was just too damned cold at night to drive around without it- heading towards Teller-Morrow by instinct. Apparently, not sleeping for a couple days in a row made her more tired than she thought, because she was way too tempted to close her eyes. If it weren't for the bright streetlights and the sobering sight of a cop perched eagle-eyed in one of the parking lots looking for violators, she might not have made it to Teller-Morrow in one piece.

Mattie heard Tig before she saw him, his voice drifting far beyond the closed clubhouse door. Couldn't hear what he was saying exactly, though she made out her name a few times. Taking a deep breath, she headed towards the noise, the distortion transforming into actual words with every step she took.

The other Sons- sans Opie, obviously- must either be passed out or already home, because she couldn't see any of them putting up with Tig's bullshit, especially at half past four.

Ope gave Mattie a grateful look when she hefted the clubhouse door open- as a little girl she had to pull on it with two hands and use all her strength to even get it to budge- crossing the room quickly to stand by her side. He didn't need to point Tig out, not when her man paced back and forth atop the bar top, gesticulating wildly, having an argument with himself. Somehow he managed to duck underneath every hanging light like clockwork, never once knocking his head.

"Jesus Christ." Mattie lamented, leaning into the brotherly arm Opie draped around her shoulder.

"Told you he was fucked up."

"I'd laugh if this weren't so horrifying."

"Hey, he's just lucky Happy isn't around tonight or else the Tacoma Killer would've lived up to his name."

He was right about that one. Happy wasn't one for nonsense when he was trying to get some shuteye- a long time ago, a croweater and Kyle Hobart were being… boisterous, and Happy allegedly held a knife against Hobart's neck while calmly explaining how important sleep was for the body.

Tig jumped down suddenly, his boots hitting the floor so hard Mattie wasn't sure how he stayed on his feet. Taking a few loping steps towards her and Opie, he smiled too broadly, his blue eyes too wide. Not knowing what to expect- Tig on coke was one thing, Tig on coke after he'd indulged in mass amounts of Patron was another- Mattie stood her ground, not minding that Opie tucked her tighter. Maybe it was a copout, but Tig was so unsteady- now she was really wondering how the hell he made it off the bar without landing on his ass- she didn't push away the extra support.

"Hey, Tigger." Mattie offered, keeping her voice warm.

He glanced incredulously at Opie. "She's still here! I don't fucking believe it!"

Tig pulled her away from Ope, taking Mattie snugly within his arms. He was strangely touchy feely, running his thumbs over her cheekbones, tenderly kissing her forehead. Perhaps she'd been wrong about the coke assumption- it accounted for the loud raving but not this bizarre display of affection.

"I told you, man." Opie said, giving Tig a good, hearty thump on his shoulder. "Nothing to worry about."

Tig scoffed, talking as though Mattie wasn't in the same room. "Trust me, if this girl was your responsibility, you'd be fucking petrified."

She heard Opie take a deep breath. He hated to being stuck in the middle of things- probably stemmed from the long, drawn out arguments Piney and Mary used to have when they were still together. Mattie turned back to him, almost expecting to see the stressed-out teenager dodging mines from his parents' divorce. But it was regular, adult Opie standing guard.

"Holler if you need me, okay?" Opie tilted his head towards the dorms. She didn't blame him for wanting to get some sleep after babysitting drunk, high Tigger all night.

"Thank you."

"Any time, baby girl." He replied sincerely, pinching her earlobe softly between his thumb and forefinger- as children, this was how they bid each other goodbye- to prove he bore no ill will.

Tigger waited until Ope disappeared down the hallway before he whispered, "I gave you an easy out."

"You did."

"Should've taken it."

"You wanted me to?" She asked, pulling away from him. The tequila bottle was still on the bar, so she took a practiced swig. Felt good going down.

"I don't know." Tig wandered towards the pool table. "I'd rather lose you to San Diego than to bullets."

It was surprisingly eloquent in his fucked up state. Perhaps a little slurred, but after seeing just how much was missing from the liquor bottle she was just grateful he hadn't blacked out.

Mattie nearly asked if he was afraid before thinking better of it. Tig got mean when he got scared, treated her like shit to make it seem as though he were just in a bad mood even if she knew what was bothering him. Which, she guessed, was partly why she wasn't packing her bags and heading south. Still hated the suggestion she should leave, hated that he couldn't just admit to the fear without acting like an asshole. But Tig wasn't one to accept his feelings, he pushed them away and denied them until they became too much for him to handle- which, if she was honest, wasn't too different from the way she dealt with her own.

"It's going to be fine. We'll talk to Fio-"

He interrupted her easily, not bothering to wait for her to finish her thought. "Y'know, sometimes I think of ways to keep you here, just in case."

"Tigger."

"I tried looking for your birth control."

Mattie crinkled her forehead, asking him what that would've solved before it hit her hard- he'd thought about getting her pregnant to trap her in Charming. Jesus fucking Christ. Wasn't that she didn't want kids, or that she didn't want them with him, but it was a topic which required discussion and deliberation and planning. Especially considering the amount of disrepair the club was in- wasn't exactly the environment to bring a child into. Or, more importantly, the constant ups-and-downs of her relationship with Tig. How would a kid handle Tig stomping out of the house two or three times a week?

"First of all, I have an IUD." She let the fruitlessness of his attempts sink in a second, "Second, I can't fucking believe you'd try something so goddamn sneaky."

"You'd be a good mom. Hell, you already take care of Moby." Tig retorted, not seeing the error of his ways. She'd say the booze and coke was numbing his guilt but she knew that probably wasn't the case.

"Moby goes home to his father at the end of the day-"

"And now that his bitch ex-wife is back in the picture, how long you think his sobriety is going to last?"

"Don't change the subject." Mattie hissed, even though she'd fretted over the same thing. Ever since Crystal's overdose, the woman had been spending a lot of time with Lowell- just Lowell, her disinterest in her son remained about the same- and her inclination to go to 12-step meetings and stick to sobriety was pretty much nil. Mattie just hoped suggestible Lowell wouldn't fall back into old habits.

Did it make her a terrible person if she'd already done some research on obtaining legal guardianship in California over a minor? Just in case, because she wasn't going to watch little Moby get destroyed by his father's demons a second time.

"Listen, I didn't do it."

"You couldn't do it, unless you've somehow become a gynecologist in your spare time." If she weren't exhausted and pissed and miserable, the idea might've made her laugh.

"Yeah, well, you told me about the stupid shit you did and this is me telling you about my own stupid shit." By stupid shit, Mattie assumed he meant lying to Fiona about being her husband's fiancé, which, the more often she heard it, sounded more and more ridiculous. "Sharing is caring."

Okay, the heavy sarcasm of that last statement made her grin. "I plan to fix the stupid shit I did." She said, borrowing his phrasing.

"Good luck. Fiona's a vengeful cunt."

Was Mattie really the one person who didn't know Chibs was married?

"She might be, but she's not going to run me out of Charming." Mattie paused, "And neither are you."

He opened his mouth like he was going to say something, before simply saying, "Okay."

It was still dark outside, but the bit of sky visible through a nearby window was beginning to lighten. Dawn would come in an hour or two- Mattie figured she wouldn't be able to get any sleep, but she didn't think staying awake would turn out like this.

Actually, though, all the activity made the thought of a soft mattress seem amazing.

"I know you'll be up for a while, but I've got to crash." Mattie took a step towards the dorms and he caught her elbow.

"Wait. What the fuck does that mean?"

"I'm no expert, but last time I did coke it fucked up my whole sleep schedule." She replied without judgment. She'd been in college at the time and a friend of a friend offered her some- wasn't her first use, that'd been with the other SAMCRO babies as a teenager- and she'd accepted. Was right around midterms and she relished the stress relief but not the side effects afterwards.

Tig smirked. "I'm drunk. Not high."

"Opie said you went to the gate before and met someone."

"Yeah, I did. Dog forgot his wallet in the garage and I brought it out to him."

She rolled her eyes. "Why could he possibly need it so late?"

"His grandkid needed formula or something and his daughter's got graveyard shift at St. Thomas." Okay. Mattie knew Leah worked in the laundry at the hospital, depending on her father to watch her son when she was away. Kind of a complicated albeit plausible justification for Tig to come up with if he was truly fucked up.

"You were talking to yourself and pacing on top of the bar." Mattie pointed out, wondering how he'd explain that away.

"I wanted to talk to you. Too drunk to go home without laying my ass out on the pavement. Didn't want to wait until morning, so I guess I… played into it a little bit."

"You're an asshole." Mattie murmured, a little dumbfounded. She probably wouldn't have left the house after their exchange earlier if he'd just been a surly drunk, but Opie's worries had lured her to the clubhouse.

"Yeah. But you love me, so it evens it out."

Mattie shook her head. "I'm going to bed, because this has been a shitty day and I'd just like it to end."

"Sleep tight." He said, "I'll be there in a minute."

She was halfway down the hall when she heard his voice again. He wasn't talking to her though, and that was exactly why she froze.

"Yeah Chibs, I know how fucking early it is-"

He must've walked outside because the clank of the clubhouse door cut off the one-side conversation, leaving her to listen to the loud hammering of her heart.

A/N: Okay. I know it's been forever since I've updated this. Forever and a half. Two whole forevers! But writer's block hit me really, really hard and then life got in the way a little bit- but I finally worked through the block and have actually been able to write a couple chapters (there's one hulk that clocks in at about twenty MS Word pages) past the point where I was stuck. Plus, inspiration from the new season helped a little. ;) Anyway, I hope you'll read and enjoy and let me know if you do! PS- I totally don't remember which songs I used when at the beginning of the chapters so if I accidentally repeat one, forgive me? I'm a lazy jerk and don't really want to go through and double check. :)