A/N: This story is partly written for Bloody Queen Mary, who was the first person to express excitement at reading a fic that has Cody going crazy. After a lot of insanity and conversations, I learned that the 27th was her birthday, so I made this into a giftfic instead. A rather morbid gift fic, in my opinion, but oh well. I'll write a more cheerful one for you next year, okay? :D Please read the warnings below. Writing this took a mental toll on me, and I change the ending a LOT of times. It's high time I typed this up, though. Currently I have one other Z&C fic planned, which, if written, is going to be a ginormous project, so don't keep an eye out for it. Yet. But as a teaser, it includes some mind-fuckery in the form of time travel, and Dylan&Cole. Alright, I should shut up now. A/N end

WARNINGS: Includes graphic imagery of Bad Things Happening, psycho tendencies, some extra-violent zombies, going insane, unhappy endings for everyone, implied character death.

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Losing It

A Zack &Cody fic

One-shot

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It was raining outside. The rain lashed the hotel ferociously, the lightning set everything alight harshly, as the thunder rumbled and raged. The storm was unforgiving tonight.

Cody spent the night in Zack's bed. It wasn't odd for him to seek out his brother during storms like these, but there wasn't anything particularly innocent about tonight.

He heard his brother breathe heavily into his ear, louder than the thunder.

"Wecan't- ah- hear the door over the thunder." Cody tried to say, between pants. He didn't stop his actions, however.

"Her show goes on for another hour." Zack mumbled, concentrating instead on running his hands over the pale body above him. Cody whined.

"Don't- Zack. I can't-" Cody lost his eloquence around Zack. Around Zack when the lights are off, when the air is thick with tension, and when the only fighting they're engaging in is with tongue.

Cody let out a chocked yell, collapsing onto his brother. For one horrid moment, the sharp smell of sulphur invaded his nose, as his eyes began to water and his ears tingled with the array of sounds that grew louder and louder and his head felt like bursting, and there was so much pressure coming from everywhere, and he tried to scream, then his eyes snapped open and everything was gone. Just the lashing of the rain, the flash of the lightning, the rumble of thunder, his rapid heartbeat, the feel of Zack's cum trailing down his thighs. He breathed deeply, inhaling his brother's slightly musky scent. His arms shook when he tried to get up, and gave out quickly, dropping Cody's entire weight on Zack unceremoniously.

"Oof- no strength left, huh?" Zack chuckled, encircling Cody's waist with his arms. "It was that good?"

Cody made a non-committal noise at the back of his throat and buried his face further into Zack's chest.

He heard Zack's breathing slow down, highly aware of the regular rise and fall of his brother's chest. He felt the warm tickle of Zack's breath ruffle his hair. He relished in the warmth Zack radiated.

And in a sudden instant the warmth and positive feelings were whisked away into the darkness, and Cody screamed as he struggled to get away from the pure evil that gripped him and sank sharp claws into his arms, breathed the smell of rotten eggs onto his face, chuckled mirthlessly in a voice that was tendrils of shadows and raspy broken glass. Zack, he yelled, cried, howled into a void of black that swallowed everything and anything, leaving him feeling even more naked and vulnerable than the first time Zack had taken him against the bathroom wall.

And in a flash it was gone again. Cody listened to his brother's breathing, slow and steady. The storm had ended, and the moon was illuminating the night. Zack was peacefully asleep. Yet Cody didn't dare close his eyes, and laid tense and alert and afraid until dawn came and chased the darkness away.

"Cody?"

Cody tried to paste on a smile at his brother's worried tone.

"It's nothing." he said, "I just didn't get much sleep last night."

The look of horror on Zack's face was priceless. "I wasn't too rough with you, was I? Oh damn! I'm so sorry, Codes…"

Cody laughed for real. "No, no. It wasn't you. It's not you."

They spent the afternoon playing video games, munching on homemade potato chips. Cody had nearly forgotten about the night before, and was concentrating solely on beating Zack's score in Left4Dead. Until Zack, always never able to sit still, slung his leg over Cody's knees. Instantly, the room grew darker, and the moans and guttural noises of the zombies got louder, and Cody was horrified to see the zombies reaching for him, their dead eyes chanting evil.

The loud pelt of bullets shook him out of his state of shock.

"Dude," Zack quipped, eyes glued to the television, "that was a vicious mob."

Cody didn't answer him. He was already thinking of another excuse to throw at Zack when he noticed that his baby brother didn't get any sleep again come the next day.

To his surprise the next morning, Cody didn't have to tell Zack his 'zombies freaked me out' partial half-truth. They had fallen asleep comfortably snuggled against each other, neither in the mood for sex. Cody woke up to a bright, cheery morning and the wonderful feeling of being a human pillow. He slowly eased himself out of Zack's limp arms, and quietly made his way to the bathroom to freshen up, habitually ignoring his mother's sleep talk.

His reflection stared balefully back at him. His eyes were blood-shot and baggy, and he imagined he could see fine wrinkles. Cody sighed, stripped, and stepped into the bath. The warm water cascaded down his body, getting rid of the thin layer of cold that covered him after he had left a sleeping Zack. Cody smiled at the thought of Zack, that cherub face and beautiful smoldering eyes.

Cody felt himself harden at the thought of Zack's eyes and surreptitiously sneaked a glance at the locked door. He slowly trailed his hands downward, shut his eyes, and got to work.

He came with a loud gasp, breathing heavily, feeling disoriented. The lukewarm water washed away the evidence of his pleasure. Cody finished showering quickly, unsettled and feeling rather horrid. Wrapping the towel around his waist, he proceeded to brush his teeth- and he would, if the face staring back at him from the mirror was his.

Zack was jerked awake from sleep by a gnawing in his stomach and a chill cold in the room. Then a sharp, shrill scream pierced the silent morning air. He was banging on the bathroom door in seconds, yelling for Cody to open up, his heart beating viciously hard. He could feel that something was wrong, and if he didn't get to Cody now-!

Carey was trying to find the master key when she heard the shattering of glass and her two sons yelling hysterically for each other. At that point, she wouldn't have minded if Zack managed to kick the door down so she could get to her baby, but the rational part of her brain told her eyes to keep looking for the master key, and she soon found it under the large jar of mayonnaise. She had to physically manhandle a shouting Zack away from the bathroom door to be able to unlock it.

"Cody!"

Everything

was tainted

RED.

The color was violent, raw, uncontrollable. Cody didn't know how to keep it in, but he tried. There was so much color in his vision, yet red managed to sneak in and spread like a disease. Like the blind white of the dead man's eyes, his lips smeared red, his teeth glinting a malicious yellow, his long bony fingers with wisps of shadows reaching out-

There was a roaring silence in his ears. Silence. Heavy, deafening silence. It was painted in red and maroon and a deep blue so dark it looked black. Cody smelled the unmistakable scent of blood and tasted copper in his mouth. There were colors. He didn't know where he was. He didn't know who he was.

Carey didn't clean up the broken mirror and blood until the next morning, so the tiles were forever stained with a coat of brownish-red. She didn't know what to say, yet her mind just couldn't stop. When, what, how, why. Why.

Zack had said nothing the entire day. He had held Cody in hiss arms, so his clothes were blood-soaked, but he just couldn't bring himself to care.

Blood. Cody's blood. Cody. His brother. His brother was bleeding, hurt, in the hospital and he didn't know why.

A week later Carey Martin received a call.

"Mrs Martin? Your son woke up last night. If you could come, Dr Goyo would like to discuss some issues with you."

Carey thanked the woman on the line, called the school, and picked Zack up on the way to the hospital. This was a family affair. And it would do Zack well to see Cody.

Dr Goyo was tall and blonde. Carey and Zack bumped into him as he was leaving Cody's room.

"Mrs Martin?" he asked, closing the door to Cody's room behind him. Carey nodded. "And you must be Cody's brother." he stated, this time directing his attention to Zack, who glared defiantly. Dr Goyo shrugged. "Come with me. There is much to talk about." Carey and Zack shared a glance, then followed Dr Goyo past Cody's closed door.

"Have a seat." said Dr Goyo, motioning to the two chairs opposite his self. Carey and Zack sat in unison, feeling as though they had rehearsed previously. Dr Goyo offered them a cup of coffee each, which Carey gladly accepted, and Zack stiffly declined.

"Well," Dr Goyo started to say, as he made a show of rearranging his papers. "Cody Martin was admitted last week, suffering cuts on his hands. After which he fell into a coma until yesterday night."

Carey and Zack sat unmoving in their chairs, saying nothing. Dr Goyo continued. "However, this morning he couldn't tell me what happened. We've talked to him, and he seemed very, very confused and upset. He also appears to have violent mood swings." He paused. Carey seemed noticeably upset, and Zack's lips were drawn into a thin line, eyebrow knotted together. Dr Goyo cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"This may be only temporary. However, I'm afraid we'll have to keep him here until we can further assess the situation. We're afraid… That perhaps the chances of him going home isn't going to be high."

Carey made a desperate noise in the back of her throat. "Doctor," she whispered, then took a deep breath to steady herself.

"Doctor," she repeated, sounding stronger. "Do you know why this happened?"

Zack didn't know what to do. It's been a few days since they had talked with Dr Goyo, and so far there has been no progress on Cody's case. It was eating him up inside, keeping their secret. Perhaps it's time to let the cat out of the bag. If it could help Cody in anyway, he should do it. Isn't that how most people don't get their treatment early enough? By concealing facts? To bring Cody home, he's got to come clean. He's going to give their secret away, and it was the right thing to do. He hoped.

Zack opened the door to Cody's room quietly. Cody was lying on the bed, with his eyes closed and breathing steadily, but Zack knew he wasn't asleep.

"Codes? It's me, Zack." Cody opened one eye slowly, a smile growing on his face.

"Hey." Zack smile back, and walked over to Cody's bed. Cody moved aside to allow Zack to slip underneath the covers. Cody closed his eyes again and pressed himself against his brother. They didn't speak, but instead spent the rest of the time within each other's embrace.

Cody hated this place, with its stark white walls and nailed-down furniture.

"I'm not crazy!" he had told them, with venom in his voice. "You're not seeing him because you're not me!"

He was desperately explaining, and yet the nurses just looked at him sympathetically, Dr Goyo just smiled apologetically, and He just grinned deviously; invisible to others, mocking the blonde teen drowning in this horrid sea of white, when at night he so easily drowned in a sea of revengeful colors. Cody threw the stiff pillow against the cheap plastic mirror, knowing it wouldn't shatter. He paced angrily around the room, before shouting into the intercom demanding to see Dr Goyo. Then he sat still on the bed, waiting for time to pass.

Cody was escorted to Dr Goyo's room, where the tall blonde male seemed genuinely surprised to see him. "Hello, Cody. Is there something you want to talk about?"

Cody sank into the comfortable couch next to Dr Goyo's desk. "I can't stand it anymore." he mumbled. "He's always there. In my room." Dr Goyo wrote this down. "How do you know? Did he attack you again?"

Cody shook his head. "No. He's just… there. You can feel him." Cody paused. "I want to go home. Where's Zack? I want to see Zack."

"Cody, your… episodes… worsen each time you see him."

"No, they don't." Cody tried to lie. "Zack makes me feel better. He makes me forget the man in the room."

"Cody… You've told me before the man in the room doesn't like to be forgotten."

"I want Zack." Cody said stubbornly, and hoisted himself out of the comfortable couch.

Cody could feel the pressure compressing down on him like a diseased cloud of pure malice.

"Where are you!" he yelled, sounding much braver than he felt. "Show yourself!"

The room was silent, ominously silent. The cloud pressed further. Cody crawled into a corner of his bed up against the wall, curled up in the fetal position, and started to cry.

"Hey Codes. You look terrible."

Cody gave a tired but genuine laugh. "I know. This place is insane. I can't sleep properly. I've written almost a hundred carefully worded letters to the authorities and a hundred more oral complaints to Goyo, and yet they still won't let me change my room."

Zack grinned. His gaze was drawn to the white bandages that covered his brother's pale thin hands, and he trailed his fingers softly over it. "What happened?" he asked, pulling Cody closer.

Cody mumbled, "He bit me. Then I screamed, and he bit me some more. He left when the doctors arrived, though, so I guess it's a good thing they're sort of always there. Within yelling distance."

Zack pulled him into a tight hug, burying his nose into Cody's hair. "I'm so sorry."

Cody hugged back. "Don't be. He's just jealous."

The door opened. Cody removed himself from Zack to smile at the newcomer. "Hi mom!"

Carey Martin smiled back. "Oh, Cody, my baby!" she rushed forward to hug Cody, Zack standing up fluidly to allow her to sit on the bed and hug her son.

"Carey." acknowledged Zack with an overly polite tone.

"Zachary." Carey said, an icy chill covering the name. Zack retreated further , excusing himself, and left the room.

"Oh, honey." said Carey, when Zack was gone, turning her attention back to Cody again. "Did Zack do anything to you?"

"No, mom. Where did he go?"

"Oh, probably just off to do something." she laughed nervously. "But let's not talk about him. How have you been?"

Zack was talking to Dr Goyo when Carey stepped out of Cody's room.

"Yes, he had another episode last night. Unfortunately, Cody still isn't very… stable. His episodes are frequent and usually self-harming. We had to put him under strict surveillance after he tried to suffocate himself on his pillow."

"But he says that's due to 'the man in his room', right? Any improvements there, then?"

Dr Goyo sighed. "Not anything worth noticing. He seems to believe that this 'man'… Well, he says he's the Devil. Satan. From the fires of Hell, come to drag him there."

Zack groaned into his hands.

Carey chose this moment to barge into the conversation. "Dr Goyo, may I speak to you?"

"Certainly."

"Alone, if you will." she said, the statement directed meaningfully at Zack. Zack took his cue to leave, and thanked the doctor for his time, before giving Carey a tight nod of the head.

"Oh!" he said suddenly, "Dr Goyo? Do you think I could give Cody his blankey? It used to calm him down during thunderstorms and horror movies."

Dr Goyo thought for a minute. "Yes. That might help."

"Great. I'll go give it to him then." Zack said, turning around and going straight to Cody's room.

"Hey."

Cody cheered up instantly at Zack's voice.

"I've got something for you." Zack said, in an excited stage whisper.

"What is it?"

Zack pulled blankey out of his messenger bag, to Cody's delight.

"Blankey!" he cried happily, holding both hands out for it like a small kid. Zack chuckled.

"I found it when I was unpacking last night."

"Unpacking?" Cody asked, and accusing edge in his tone. Zack hesitated. "Yeah. I found a cheap flat near my college."

"College… already." Cody repeated, a tinge of sadness in his voice. "We used to say that I'd be the one in university and you'd be a secret agent cum racecar driver, no matter how impossible that may be."

Zack covered the distance to Cody's bed in three strides, pressed blankey into Cody's hands, and pressed his lips against Cody's for a deep kiss.

"Oh." breathed Cody uncertainly, when they broke for air. Zack smiled.

"Now I've got class in half an hour. You be good, okay? Tell the man to leave the next time you see him. Love you." Zack said, then he walked out the door.

"…Okay." whispered Cody to the empty room.

The man was angry.

"Stop." Cody cried, covering his head with his blankey, trying to block out the rattling laugh that echoed in his head. A sharp scream pierced through the unintelligible mutterings, making Cody wince. He was hot, he was sweating so much already, his tears soaked the soft blue blanket in his hands, the blanket that smelled of him… and Zack. A sound that was a hundred times shriller than fingernails-on-chalkboard shrieked in his ear. Cody's cry of pain was lost in the sea of noises. He felt blankey being ripped out of his hands.

"No!" he screamed, grasping for it blindly, desperately. "No, no no!" Blankey was gone. Now he was cold, so cold. His sweat had chilled and was now sucking heat out of him. So, so cold…

"Zack…" Cody wailed, as he curled up in the middle to the bed, hugging himself tightly.

Zack woke up to his phone ringing madly. "'Ello?" he mumbled tiredly, not even bothering to look at the caller ID. He regretted the action immediately as soon as he recognized the voice.

"Zachary!" Carey's voice blasted through the speakers, effectively startling him off the bed and onto the floor.

"Mom?" he asked, forgetting himself for a moment. "I mean, Carey. What happened? What's wrong with Cody?" He knew his mother will never call just to check up on him. Now anything that involves Carey and Zachary talking or even sharing the same space requires Cody, or less likely, Kurt.

"I received a call from Dr Goyo, and do you know what he told me? He told me that Cody tried to kill himself- with blankey!"

"With blankey? Shit, shit, that's not supposed to happen. That man-"

"Man! What man? Listen to yourself, Zack, you're just as delusional as your brother! What's hurting him now is you. Can't you see that? You were the one who started the… the… incest!"

Zack's anger flared. "Well at least I was there for him-"

"Sorry that I tried to raise the two of you single-handedly-!"

"When he was admitted into the institution! You did nothing but yell at us and stressed him out even more!"

"My two sons were having an illicit homosexual relationship with each other!"

"At least I love him!" Zack yelled.

A deadly silence met him, and he felt a rush of guilt knock the wind out of his stomach.

"Mom?" he tried. "Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it-"

"Don't call me your mother ever again!" Carey hissed down the line venomously before hanging up. Zack threw the phone angrily onto his bed.

"Yeah. I haven't called you 'mom' since you asked me to get out of your house."

"Dr Goyo." Cody muttered tiredly in greeting. Dr Goyo closed the door quietly.

"Hello, Cody. How are you feeling?"

Cody mulled this over. "Like I just ran a thousand miles, swam the English channel and hiked to the top of the Himalayas." Cody chuckled. "But feeling lighter than a dandelion."

Dr Goyo raised his eyebrows, prompting his unusually talkative patient to continue.

"I made a choice, Dr Goyo. I've been putting it off for too long. Can I see Zack? Please. I need to tell him something."

"Cody-"

"Zack. Just get me Zack."

Dr Goyo sighed softly. "Alright. I'll give him a call."

Cody smiled and got up to leave the room.

"Oh, and Dr Goyo?"

"Yes, Cody?"

"Thanks. For everything. I'll be getting out of your hair soon."

Zack was in the middle of Social Science when his phone buzzed loudly. Usually he would ignore it, but looking at the caller ID made him duck under the desk to pick up the call.

"Zack. Cody was asking for you. I think it'd be best if you came." Dr Goyo said crisply over the line.

"Uh." Zack chanced a glance at his lecturer. Dammit, he can skip a class. Family is way more important. "Sure. I'll come right over."

His heart was beating unnaturally fast all the way to the hospital. There was something in Dr Goyo's tone that had him so worried, and so afraid, he was dreading reaching the hospital, but at the same time he yearned to know what happened. So he sped down the familiar highways, the radio turned on so loud he couldn't hear himself think and prayed.

He stumbled gracelessly into Dr Goyo's office. "Hey, Doc. Um." he started awkwardly, not sure what to say with Dr Goyo playing soft music. Dr Goyo never played any sort of music, as far as he knew.

"Zack. Please sit."

Zack sat, fidgeting.

Dr Goyo turned off the music. "Cody… Surely you know what happened to him this morning. Your mother told you, I take it?"

Zack's mood soured at the mention of the conversation. "Yes. She did inform me of that. And I'm so very sorry, I honestly though it would make him feel better-"

"I know," Dr Goyo cut in. "I know that you have always had your brother's best interests in mind, Zack. Although your mother may not… approve… of your relationship with Cody when you were younger, I must say, Zack…"

Zack stopped fidgeting in his seat. Dr Goyo hardly ever brought the topic up, not even when Zack told him.

"I'm sure you loved your brother dearly. And I'm sure Cody loves you just as much." Dr Goyo gave a small smile.

Zack felt his cheeks flush and heart swell. Finally, someone understood that it was more than what they assumed. That their love went beyond the brotherly… That their joining was more than physical. He blinked rapidly, trying not to cry. The relief was overwhelming.

"Thank you, Doctor." he choked out.

"Cody dealt with his own issues by imagining them into a physical being that hurt him… I take it he was usually the more insecure twin?"

Zack nodded. "Yeah. I usually had to push him to start doing stuff. Like the first time he play basketball, he couldn't focus properly because he was so nervous of playing badly. He really did play badly, so he got even more panicked and in the end I had to cheer him up with ice-cream and teach him, all over again, how to aim properly." Zack smiled fondly at the memory.

"Which is why… Zack, you must understand, that he loves you. He didn't reject what you did, because he wanted it himself, too, I'm sure. But he knew that incest was wrong."

Zack's face crumpled. It felt like he was being stabbed, right through the heart. This time he didn't bother to blink the tears away. "You mean… The man in his room… It's his manifestation of… The wrong we did?"

"Cody is delicate," Dr Goyo started slowly, "And he cared a lot more of what people thought of him."

Zack let the tears flow undisrupted down his face. "So, all this time, he was hurting himself… because of what we did. What I did to him."

Dr Goyo handed him a tissue. "I didn't want to tell you Zack, because I know you didn't mean it. But I wanted to tell you today, because Cody told me that he had made a choice. A choice he had been putting off for too long." Dr Goyo tilted his head slightly towards the door. "You might want to talk to him yourself."

Zack didn't go straight to Cody's room. He stopped by the restroom to freshen up, though there was no hidden the pink puffiness underneath his eyes. He felt utterly miserable. The relief that had flowed through him in Dr Goyo's office was long gone, replaced with cold, dark guilt and bitterness.

He tried smiling into the mirror and failed spectacularly.

Sighing, he dried his hands and rested his head against the wall, working up the courage to walk into Cody's room and talk to him.

Perhaps, for the last time.

"Hey Codes." Zack said, pushing open the door softly. Cody sat on his bed, humming a song with his eyes closed. He looked a lot more peaceful than the last time Zack had seen him.

Cody opened one eye slowly, surveying his brother. Then he opened the other other one and smiled brightly. "Zack," he breathed, delight in his voice. "You came."

Zack chuckled, and made his way over to the bed. "Of course I came. You know I'd come once you summoned me."

Cody laughed, and greeted Zack with a warm hug. "Silly Zack."

"Only for you."

They spent a few moments wrapped in the embrace, enjoying the warmth despite the thin layer of sorrow that surrounded them.

"Zack… I love you."

"I know. I know. I love you too, Cody. Trust me when I say I never meant to hurt you." Zack pleaded, tightening his grip.

"I trust you. I always have." Cody said lightly, kissing Zack on the lips softly. "Trust me too, when I say I don't blame you. And I have never regret the things we did. Not once, not ever."

Zack pressed his eyes into Cody's shoulders. "Please don't leave me." he whispered harshly.

Cody hugged back, tighter. "I'm sorry." He tasted the sadness in Zack's tears and the misery in his mouth. He felt the regret creeping up against his throat but crushed it down. He can't regret his decision. He can't.

"Cody, I-"

"Zack. I'm sorry I've always been so selfish. And bossy. And you're wonderful, because you never complain. You love me so, so much, I-" Cody choked, and took a few deep breaths to compose himself before continuing. "I feel so guilty I can't return what you do for me. But please, please remember, Zack. I don't love you any less. Please… Let me be selfish one last time."

Zack shook with his sobs. "Forever. I'll let you be selfish forever."

Carey rushed into the corridor just as Zack left Cody's room. She stopped upon seeing her other son. Zack locked eyes with her and shook his head, closing Cody's door with a decisive click. Carey's face crumpled, and she fell to her knees on the cold hospital tiles with a anguished wail.

"It wasn't enough for you to ruin his life, now you take his life away too?" she screamed at Zack's retreating back.

"It doesn't matter anymore." he said, more to himself than to his mother. "He made up his mind."

"Murderer!" Carey yelled after him, voice breaking. "Murderer! You'll bring the depths of hell upon your very soul, Zachary Martin!"

It doesn't matter anymore.

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The End

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Holy crap. I have no idea what sort of horrible crap ending this is, but there you go. I'm sorry for making Carey out to be so crazed, but stress, y'know. She is one of my favorite characters, really.

Before anyone asks, yes, there will most probably be a sequel, because talking to Bloody Queen Mary gives me ideas. Well, actually, she mentioned writing a sequel (to which I remember vehemently denying), and then All We Are by OneRepublic got stuck in my head, so either way, yes, most likely a sequel coming. HOWEVER, it is going to be short, and possibly very far off, since I've used up half a year's worth of emoness on this thing. (No, Your Highness, I don't think Cody coming back to life is plausible. Haha.)

Review if you hated the ending, or if you hated my writing, or if you hated the story, right down to the last misplaced comma.

Review if you want to tell me what sort of curses exactly did you place on my soul, or which level of hell I should go to. Or which ditch I should die in. (Specify, please. Add coordinates if you can, there are a lot of ditches in the world, after all.)

Or if you're one of the rare sort of readers that enjoy other people's pain and misery, here are some cookies. :D

I'm glad there are sadists in the world, or else no one would enjoy this fic and I'll be sad. D:

PS. Does the name 'Goyo', paired with 'blonde' remind you people of anybody? Reviewers who can get this right are in on the joke. :D (Which, incidentally, isn't really very funny, but whatever.)