Thanks to Sparrow33 for giving me the words plaid, magnet and tradition. This story took on a life of its own and grew into so much more than I expected. I hope you have as much fun reading as I had writing.

White Elephants

Castles birthday was in two days and she needed to find just the right gift. Kate pushed open an aged storefront door and a small bell tinkled above her head. She stopped and took a moment to survey the small cramped resale shop she'd entered. This one was different from the last five shops she'd visited. It smelled different. She couldn't tell if the staleness of age in the air emanated from the walls of the old building or from the objects displayed inside. The faint hint of mothballs made her hopeful. She ventured in and began browsing the cluttered shelves and racks brimming with the past.

She wished she could have started looking sooner, but she didn't have time. Damn case ran too long. Twenty minutes later Kate stood in the middle of the shop and let out a sigh. She just didn't see anything that…wait! A splash of color caught her eye and it drew her like a magnet to a rack nestled in a corner of the shop. She lifted out an item and held it out at arms length to get a better look. It was bold, it was garish, it was dated…and it was perfect!

….

It was two years into their marriage before either of them noticed the elephant that kept showing up at all of their gift giving occasions. Kate first noticed at Christmas, but kept quiet. When it showed up again at her birthday, Castle could see it reflected in her eyes, and he called it out.

They both wanted to give each other the perfect gift. But what do two people, who have everything they could ever want or need, give each other? For Rick, it had become jewelry, and for Kate…it became neckties and cufflinks. They both knew that the love was in the giving, but their gifts had become white elephants that neither of them really wanted. So, that's when they decided. No more gifts…at least, no more gifts in the traditional sense.

After a trip to the jewelry store to return the necklace he'd bought her, they spent the rest of her birthday trying to come up with a suitable alternative.

"We could give each other cards." Castle was first to suggest.

Kate's brow furrowed. "A card, Castle? Really? How impersonal can you get?"

He quickly amended his suggestion. "Ok. How about a hand written card? That would be personal."

"That wouldn't be fair."

"Why? Because I'm a writer? Come on Kate, you went to college; even you can manage to scribble a few words on a…oh, sorry." She was shaking her head. "I forgot."

He had told her years ago how atrocious her handwriting was, and she readily agreed. "It comes from years of scribbling in small notebooks," she'd said.

"You could type something." He added.

"Again…too impersonal."

"Flowers?"

She eyed him. "Do you like getting flowers?"

"Ummmm. I've never gotten any."

"Well, I do like getting flowers." She leaned across the couch and gave him a quick peck on the lips. "Especially from you." Her eyes smiled lovingly as she pulled away. "But only when I'm not expecting them."

"Hmmm." Castle folded his arms across his chest and one hand automatically went to his chin to help him ponder. "So we need something that neither of us will expect, and it has to be personal. Yeah that narrows it down."

"How about, we take each other out to dinner?" Kate suggested.

They both stared at each other as they pondered the idea for a brief second.

"Naw." They said simultaneously.

"Alright, how about…." She dismissed the idea before she could speak it.

"Or maybe…no."

She needed to come up with something. A minute passed. Exasperated, she threw her hand up and slouched into the couch. "I've got nothing." The next few more minutes passed with both of them thinking quietly to themselves.

"How about liengere?" Castle offered up eventually, just to end the silence.

She gave him a smirk. "I don't think they make silk teddies in your size."

"Point taken." He smiled back. "What if we do clothes instead?"

She shook her head. "Mmmm…I don't know. I may wind up giving you socks and underwear instead of ties and cufflinks."

"Ok, what if we make it more specific. Let's say…the same article of clothing cannot be given concurrently."

"That's better Castle. Now I can just give you the socks at Christmas and save the underwear for your birthday."

"Very funny. Just work with me on this Kate; I think this has potential."

"Fine." She sat up straighter. "How about, one gift, one part of the body?"

"Better…better." He shifted closer to her on the couch, hoping to keep the brainstorming session going. "It still needs something else, something to make it more…unexpected."

"How can you not expect it?" She turned towards him out of habit. "We both know it's going to be an article of clothing."

"Hang on…let me think."

His thinking soon turned into chewing on his thumbnail and staring off into space, so she decided to think out loud.

"We need to make it as interesting for the giver as it is for the receiver and we need some random method off choosing what gift we have to give."

Something she said caught his attention. "Oooh…we could do that!"

"Do what?"

"Create treasure maps that lead you to clues around hidden around the city that in turn lead you to your present!"

"No." She said flatly.

"Why not?" He couldn't understand how she was not excited by this idea.

"It's too complicated."

"How is it too…?"

"Complicated?" She cut him off. "Well for starters, I'm not a cartographer, nor do I want to become one, and I definitely do not want to spend my day off traipsing around the city looking for hidden clues, trying to find my present. It's too much like work."

He sat back dejectedly. She could always find the flaws in what he thought were some of his best ideas. "Why do you always have to be right?"

"I'm not trying to be right Castle. I'm just doing what we do best."

He looked confused. "What's that?"

"Theory building. You provide the elaborate…and somewhat harebrained idea…" He started to balk at the word harebrained. "…let me finish!...and I provide the logic to weed out the crap. What's usually left is the solution to our case…or in this case, our problem."

"Wow. Harebrained crap. I didn't realize…."

"Castle! You know what I mean." She pleaded in her defense.

He sat there a while longer, eyes downcast, looking dejected. When he did sneak a glance at her, she was the one now biting her thumbnail and looking worried. When she caught him looking, he couldn't suppress the "gotcha!" grin he'd been holding back.

"You ass!" She reached out and punched him in the arm. He grabbed her before she could retreat and pulled her in for a kiss before any more expletives could escape her lips.

"You love my ass." He teased minutes later when their finally lips parted. "Admit it."

"Never." She breathed into him.

"Well your hand obviously loves my ass."

Shit! Somehow, during their impromptu make out session, her left had had found a home in his back pocket. She slid her hand out and pushed off his chest. "Just keeping my hand warm", she lied as she sat back down at the far end of the couch.

"You keep telling yourself that", he mumbled back as he pushed himself up into the opposite end.

"We're digressing here Castle."

"Well then you better watch your language detective." It always turned him on when she uses big words.

"Digress is not a big word."

"It's big enough, and seldom used."

"Anyway." She rolled her eyes at him. "We are getting off topic. Is that better?"

"Much."

"I don't even remember what I was saying now."

"Random method of gift giving that's fun for both of us." He blurted out. He always remembered everything she said. She quit using the PDA features on her phone years ago because he was always there to remind her.

"Any ideas?" She asked.

"Yes, as a matter of fact. Two ideas popped into my head while you were busy groping me." He wasn't going to let her off easy.

And she wasn't going to take the bait. "So, what are they?"

"First, to make it random, I propose we put chits in a bag with the names of various clothing items, say shirt, pants, socks, etcetera, and what you pull out, that's what you have to get. And second, to make it more interesting, we have to wear our present the day after we receive it. All day."

"I am not going to go to work dressed as up as "naughty nurse"!" She protested.

"Any more than I would want to show up dressed in my "space cowboy" costume. You know I only wear that for you whenever you want to dress up as Lieutenant Chloe."

He made her blush but she quickly recovered. "Ok then, we limit it to one item of clothing only. Better yet, we limit it to an item of clothing people would wear everyday, no work clothes, costumes or uniforms."

"Agreed. And I think we need to keep it confined to clothing regularly worn in the U.S."

"Why?"

"Why? Because I am never, ever wearing a pair of Lederhosen in public."

Kate had to laugh at the image that popped in her head. "Agreed."

"Quit laughing!" He chastised. "And before you even think it…No! I will not wear them in private either."

That only made her snort and laugh some more.

"Fine." She agreed when her laughter subsided. But I think we should amend the gift to anything that someone could wear. Like sunglasses, hats, and jackets. It'll give us more options."

"Ok, but if you want more options, I have a better idea." She huffed at his turn of phrase. "That still includes your idea." He amended.

"Go on."

"The item could be something that was worn as a regular day to day item anytime in the past 100 years."

"100 Years! Castle that's…"

"Only as far back as 1917."

"Hmmmm." She had to think about this for a moment. It would certainly make it interesting. Definately more fun for the giver than the receiver, but the possibilities would be infinite, and you definitely would never know what to expect. What more was there to think about?

Once her decision was made, she got up and stepped over to where he was sitting. She offered him her hand and pulled him up off the couch.

"So", he put his arms around her as he faced her. "Are we in agreement?"

She grabbed his ass with both hands and pulled him closer.

"Oh yeah, I definitely agree."

…

Whoever coined the phrase, "it's better to give than to receive", sure knew what the hell they were talking about. Castle held his present out at arms length. It was loud, it was gaudy, it was dated, and… (he put it to his nose), it smelled of mothballs! He knew this day was coming and he almost regretted starting their new gift giving tradition. Almost. This one was going to be a challenge.

…..

The first year of birthday gifts had been relatively sedate. Partly due to the chits that were pulled from the bag and partly because they were both was hesitant to push the envelope for fear of what might come.

Castle received their first non-traditional gift. It was a pair of socks. Kate ran into trouble trying to find a pair in the little miss section of the department store that would be large enough to fit him. She really wanted to get the pair with the kittens on them, but had to settle for a pair with a lot more stretch.

Giggles and grins quickly ensued when he wore them to work. They had only let Ryan, Lanie and Esposito in on what they were doing, but the bright pink socks soon caught everyone's attention. It was definitely the Rainbows and Unicorns imprinted on the bright pink socks had everyone in stitches, and he had no choice but to explain their gift giving arrangement to nearly everyone in the department. The entire precinct soon heard about it and they all took it as an open invitation to join in. By the end of the day, Castle's chair was loaded with stuffed animals, dolls, toys, candy, some Justin Bieber Cd's, and thorougly plastered with hundreds of cute sparkly stickers.

Kate's first gift sucked because nobody could see it, and people pestered her about it all day. She finally had enough when Officer Barton, who never ever left the evidence room for any reason except to go home, showed up at her desk to ask what she got for her birthday. Everyone, including Castle was surprised when she stood up and raised the hem of her shirt to expose-

"Granny panties! She yelled out for everyone to hear. "Is everyone happy now? He bought me granny panties!" The bright white panties stuck out past her hip hugging slacks, continued on past her natural waistline and stopped just below her boobs. No one laughed. No one said a thing. Silence reigned till they left on their first call of the day, an excruciatingly long hour and a half later.

When they returned to the precinct that evening, they found her desk covered with brochures from AARP, Hoveround and Life Alert, along with an assortment of denture creams, packages of Depends and bottles of Geritol. All she could do was laugh. She also had the last laugh on Castle. She bought six more pairs and wore them to bed every night for a month, until he finally begged her to stop.

Their second gifts were given this last Christmas. Kate gave Castle a monocle, and Castle gave her a black leather bustier he purchased from a biker shop. She thought Castle might balk at the monocle so she included a picture of a distant relative on her father's side of her family wearing one.

Kate never once balked at wearing her bustier. She just layered it over a white long sleeved silk thermal top, and then covered most of it up with a black leather jacket. It made the bustier look like a vest. Castles disappointment was evident when she emerged from their bedroom. And as much as he emphasized it was a bustier at the precinct, everyone agreed…it looked like a vest. The monocle was a big hit though. Everyone had to wear it. He went through two boxes of glass wipes by the end of the day.

Kate couldn't leave Castle totally bummed about her gift. So she had one last birthday present waiting for him when they arrived home. She feigned a chill as they drove home through the snow covered streets, and as they approached the front door to the loft, she asked Castle if he wouldn't mind making her some hot chocolate. He only made it with real milk on the stove, and it would keep him busy for at least fifteen minutes. It would be more than enough time to "set the stage" for her surprise. She helped him get started and then left him alone to slowly stir the warming milk while she went to change into a pair of warm sweats.

When the hot chocolate was ready he pulled it off the burner and gave her a yell. "Hey babe, it's ready!"

He pulled out some mugs but never heard a response. "Kate!" Silence was the only reply.

He couldn't bring it to her. Not after the Breakfast in Bed Fiasco of 2014. They had banned anything other than water in the bedroom after that.

He put his monocle and headed to their bedroom. He'd been dying to try out his Colonel Klink impersonation all day.

"'Liebchen, wo bist du?" You hast better not be foolin' around mit Colonel Hogan!" He opened the bedroom door.

It was a good thing his monocle was attached by a thin chain to his lapel. When he saw what awaited him inside, his eyes flew wide causing the eyepiece to pop off his face. It dangled uselessly at his waist, completely forgotten.

Kate was waiting for him inside. She was dressed in her black leather bustier along with matching leather shorts and a pair of thigh high black leather boots… and she was sitting on-

What was that doing in their bedroom! How was that in their bedroom!

She was sitting, sidesaddle on her Harley Softail, holding a short leather riding crop in her hand. The next thought to enter his mind was-

Why would she need a riding crop on a motorcycle?

It was the sharp slap of the riding crop on the bikes leather seat and Kate's stern demand of, "Where's my hot chocolate!" that made him realize what was happening, or rather, what was about to happen!

The rule from the Breakfast in Bed Fiasco was broken by the time his submission on her softail was over.

…..

Kate was getting impatient. Half the day was gone and Castle still hadn't arrived at the precinct wearing the vintage 1970s' blue and white plaid polyester disco pants that she'd given him for his birthday. He better not chicken out, especially not after the extra special present she'd given his at Christmas. She pulled out her phone, intent on phoning him again. He hadn't answered the last five times she'd called so why would he answer now. She tossed the phone down on her desk and grabbed her empty coffee cup instead. She was well on her way to the break room when cat calls, wolf whistles and peals of laughter came from the direction of the elevator.

She knew who it had to be. Part of her wanted to run and hide, the other part couldn't wait to turn around and look. Oh, she had to look. She'd been waiting all day for this. She could hear the laughter getting closer and she could hear his footsteps as she started to turn around. His hand on her shoulder helped bring her around to face him.

"Hey baby, you lookin' for me?"

He hands involuntarily flew to her mouth in surprise. "Oh my god…Castle!"

He had outdone himself. He wasn't just wearing the pants she'd bought him. He was wearing a complete vintage 1970s' outfit. The plaid pants were accompanied by white patent leather loafers with bright gold buckles across the tops, a wide white leather belt, and a matching white polyester jacket with a vivid silk blue shirt that was unbuttoned halfway down his chest. Two thick gold chains hanging around his neck peaked out from behind the fabric as he moved.

It wasn't the clothes that shocked her as much as it was his appearance. He now had shoulder length hair, and what could only be described as… a 70's porn moustache. The look was completed by a pair of mirrored gold aviator sunglasses.

She lifted off the sunglasses to make sure it was him, and he pulled her in for a kiss before she could protest. The whole place erupted in applause and whistles.

Captain Gates laughed from behind the blinds in her office. She let the ruckus continue on a few more minutes before she interceded.

"What do you think this is Mr. Castle, a costume party?"

He knew it was an act, but she still scared the crap out of him.

"Uh…no sir. It's just uhh…pres…a gift, a birthday gift."

"Well next time can you wear a gift that's less disruptive?" She glanced at the detectives milling about the room. "Get back to work people!"

Once all the detectives had turned away and were pretending to be busy, Captain Gates gave him a quick wink and then headed back into her office. He still couldn't believe that Iron Gates turned out to be such a romantic.

She may have been dismissive about his outfit, but Gates was smart enough to keep Kate out of rotation and stuck at her desk for the rest of the day. They were able to leave around six. Castle begged Kate to let him take his outfit out for one last spin, so she agreed to take him to Remy's for dinner.

It was an interesting dinner. Some people just looked, some laughed and others came over for an autograph even though they didn't know who he was. After being asked multiple times if he was "that guy from Starsky and Hutch", he began signing David Soul's autograph. Towards the end of their dinner he even signed a couple as Antonio Fargas just to see if it mattered. It didn't.

They arrived back on their doorstep, both relieved to be home. Kate couldn't wait to unwind, but Castle…he had other plans for her. He opened the door and let her in. She reached for the light switch...and nothing happened.

"The lights are out."

"You sure? He reached around her and tried the switches. Nothing.

"I know how to flip a light switch Castle." It perturbed her that he'd tried them.

"Sorry. I'll check the breaker panel. Let me get the flashlight out of my nightstand. He felt for her hand. "You coming?"

"Why not."

He stopped to turn on a lamp in the living room on the way. Click. Nothing.

"Just checking." He said.

When he was at the threshold of their bedroom, he stopped short, causing Kate to plow into the back of him. "Hey!" She yelped. "Why did you stop?"

"I want to check the light in here too."

"Need any to help?" She asked sarcastically.

"No." He replied confidently. "I think I've got this."

She heard him flip the switch, and what happened next startled her.

The room was lit up, but not by the soft white light of compact fluorescents. It was lit up by thousands of lights reflecting off a mirror ball hanging from the ceiling of their bedroom.

"Castle wha…?" He placed two fingers on her lips to shush her. He held up a small remote he was holding in his other hand and pressed a button. A rhythmic 70s' beat filled the air as he slipped the remote into his pocket. He took hold of her hands and danced with the music as he led her slowly into the bedroom. She was too confused by what was happening to even resist. As he sat her down on the edge of the bed, the deep mellow voice of Barry White sent a shiver up her spine and couldn't help but smile as Castle began to lip sync.

I know how to love you

I know how to do it to you

I know how to make you feel like you want to feel

But I can't lose with what use

Still lip syncing, he began to dance again as the refrain started. It was just a few moves he picked up from watching old YouTube videos of Soul Train. Kate was impressed.

I'm qualified to satisfy you

Any way you want me to

I'm qualified to satisfy you

Any way you want me too

I'm qualified to satisfy you

Any way you want me to

I'm qualified to satisfy you

Any way you want me too

He danced his way over to her before the last refrain ended. He kneeled at her feet and held her hands as he spoke the next lines aloud.

Some times you need lovin'

Mornin', noon and night

Makes no difference when it is

My darling it's alright.

He jumped back up and began to dance and lip sync again as he moved to the left side of the room. She turned on the bed to follow him.

I'm your man and you know I can

Make you feel the way you want to

Just tell me what you need

And that's what I'm gonna' do

As he finished the last line, his hand reached up and pulled away a dark strip of cloth that had been covering-

What!

Kate's hands went to her mouth for a second time in one day. He was now dancing around a floor to ceiling stripper pole installed in their bedroom. Oh my god! He's giving me a pole dance!

He definitely wasn't up to Chippendale standards, but in Kate's eyes…he was Fred Astaire, John Holmes and Curly Howard all rolled up into one incredibly amazing man.

He even managed to have all of his clothes off by the time the song ended. He started to remove the fake mustache next, but she stopped him.

"Don't. Leave it on. The hair too."

He sauntered over to the bed and picked up the remote. He pushed another button and changed the music to a mellow instrumental groove. Kate reached out and snagged his hand. "Come here John."

"The name's David, in case you've forgotten." He smoothed down his mustache with his free hand before she tugged him on to the bed. Looks like what she needed tonight was a little role play.

"Oh, I haven't forgotten, Mr. Holmes." She ran her hand down his bare chest.

"Sorry ma'am, but you seem to be mistaken." It was going to be hard for him to role play if she didn't remember the characters names. "I've never played Sherlock Holmes. I was Hutch on Starsky and Hutch."

She leaned in and brushed a kiss across his lips. "I'm seldom, if ever, mistaken."

He pulled cback "Well then who the hell is John Hol…?"

The light bulb in his head went off the same time that the hand on his chest found its way between his legs.

"Oh…OOOOH!" He gave in to her and rolled over on to his back "I'm shutting up now."

"About time."

Castle had an amazing epiphany a short time later.

Whoever coined the phrase "it's better to give than to receive"…sure the hell didn't know what they were talking about!

...Fin...

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