26 – SPECIAL: No-Life King

Here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for! Enjoy and review!

The next Twilight movie is released in cinemas world-wide and the craze that had almost subsided returns in full force as fan obsession moves beyond expectation. The spell that had waned in it's idle time had now strengthened itself a hundredfold granting the cast an unnatural level of power. Their legion of minions have become utterly possessed and stand as a threatening force against all culture, society and civilisation.

For mankind to advance itself and continue to evolve, this threat must be stopped!

At any cost!

Thankfully Alucard is cheap.

At the behest of the queen - whose stomach troubles were pushed off into the realms of obscurity under the weight of the media attention for Twilight – Hellsing was given the order to destroy what is believed to be the epicentre of this destructive force.

One who goes by the name of Edward Cullen.

Integra relayed the order to her loyal blood-sucking servant, who towered over her. Upon hearing the request his giant frame swooped down to the floor in a deep bow, his flowing red trench coat dancing with his movements. With one gloved hand over his heart and the other tucked behind his back, Alucard lowered his head and spoke in voice like thunder.

"As you wish."

When he raised his head, Alucard's lips had curled back into a wicked snarl. Wicked fangs more befitting a beast gleamed in the rare glimpses of moonlight splayed through the high tinted windows. The demon chuckled, a sound so deep and fearsome as to betray the very nature of laughter itself. His resounding laughter echoed throughout the room even as the red-coat demon sank through the floor and vanished.

Integra stared at the vacant spot on the floor where the No-Life-King's great looming shadow once resided and sighed. The aged butler beside her offered a cigar which she snatched away and hastily lit up. With a long drawn out drag, her face scrunched up into a scowl, softening as she unleashed a smoke-smothered exhale.

"I pray that Alucard doesn't get too carried away with this mission..."

Edward was sunbathing under the shade of an umbrella at the beach on the California coast. The sand was nowhere in sight, all claimed by the pale tiny feet of his prepubescent followers who assembled around him in an unholy mass. Some waved large leaves over him (from where they procured them nobody will ever know...) while others massaged his feet and shoulders, crying the entire time for getting the chance to caress his pale oily flesh (To each their own I suppose...) All the others simply stood around fawning over him with drool dripping inelegantly down their chins. Similarly, all of them were screaming and wailing and making a scene that could be seen from space.

What looked like a tropical cyclone gathering on the coast from satellite images was actually just a cloud of faux-pale pretend vampire wannabe children, looking for acceptance from an actor who really couldn't give two shits about how unique and interesting you are despite the fact that nobody likes you, or the fact that you follow a trend thousands of others are following.

Edward took a deep inhale, sucking the not-so-pleasant aroma of a thousand underdeveloped teens sweating like pigs and crying rivers while standing in non-silent vigil over their mysteriously crowned idol.

I am a king!

So Edward thought as he stretched his lanky arms and leaned back in his lawn chair crafted from bikini-clad youths.

A king you say? You call this castle built on sand a kingdom? You are but nothing! You are one with the grains of sand on which you stand.

Edward's eyes shot open as he scanned what he could of the beach, which wasn't much. He thought he was surrounded by girls, but that was definitely a male voice. As deep as the ocean floor, the voice had resonated within his skull. Frightened he rose to his feet so he could clearly see over the heads of his little soldiers.

Kings are known to be powerful. Show me the extent of your power, child of the shade!

Edward wasn't sure what that meant, but nonetheless he stood on top of his lawn-chair and waved a hand to his children.

"Arise my children! Obey me! Worship me! Dance!"

Suddenly every single one of the several thousand girls started doing a strange horse-riding pantomime and speaking in tongues oh wait, no it's Korean...

"Ha ha ha ha ha! Behold my power!" Edward yelled to the skies since...Well he wasn't sure where to look. He'd never seen so many bouncing washboards in his life. Nor had he spotted the owner of the voice.

You call this power? Fool! Show me what you really can do!

Edward cursed and waved to his followers again. "Dance harder!"

Suddenly they all procured motorcycle helmets and had some sort of seizure. Looking like a bunch of pissed up Down's Syndrome patients they flung their limbs about randomly in an attempt to dance which only really counted as dancing in the technicality that to define dance is to move with music. Though such movements were so ridiculously stupid that even toddlers would be embarrassed to do them.

"Do you see? The ultimate Harlem Shake!"

FOOL!

The voice was so loud it made Edward's ears bleed and knocked him to the ground. The dancing stopped instantly and the motorcycle helmets disappeared. Now the girls were hissing like feral cats.

You do not understand the meaning of power. Behold, allow me to enlighten you to the might of a true walker of the night.

The sky turned red.

It's too early for the sunset, thought Edward, staring up at the blood red haze drowning the sky above while the rolling blue waves turned an insidious solid black. Edward dug his hands and feet into the sand which began to writhe about beneath him.

Looking down he found maggots crawling all over him.

The shrill piercing screams of thousands of girls made the earth shake, but it was a minute feat in comparison to this transformed dream-scape of unimaginable terror.

"What the hell is this?!" Edward cried as the black water began to float up into the air and coalesce into the vague shape of a human being. Glowing red eyes and a bone white grin greeted him as the man hovered above the water and settled down in a cleared out space where the girls had retreated from their master.

"I am Alucard, the No-Life King." so he said in that same menacingly deep voice, "And this," he spread his arms impossibly wide, each limb stretching to the length of a man, "this is my power!"

Edward was hyperventilating. In a panic he extended his hand towards the monster and roared, "Go my children! Get rid of him!"

And so the mass of most literally children rushed forth towards the monstrous figure, but all who came near him froze on the spot, blocking the entry for those in the ranks behind them. Alucard's eyes seemed to be glowing as he moved his hands about before him, fingers dancing as if playing an invisible piano. After a moment the ring of fan-girls around the beast spun on their heels and lunged at those immediately behind them, pushing them to the ground, beating them and even feasting upon them.

Edward wasn't the only one to scream at the sight of girls as young as ten and twelve gouging out the eyes of their friends and gnawing away at faces as if they were a delicious steak. The ravenous slaughter ensued as Alucard continued his strange piano-playing movements. More of the girls were becoming rabid fan-girls in a much more literal sense, devolving into primal animals and feasting upon the others.

In no time hundreds of corpses had mounted upon the beaches of California while a small portion, drenched in blood with gibbets of flesh stuck between their baby teeth, remained in a tight defensive circle around the fearsome vampire.

Edward still had a good thousand of his minions left standing, but already the rear flanks were running for their lives and even those at the front would back up with each step taken by their possessed counterparts.

It seemed that though his fan-girls would cry and moan and fight each other just to get to hold his hand, but none were willing to die for the sappy, worthless piece of shit he truly was.

Edward may have been surrounded but he had never felt so alone.

Through his eyes all he could see was a barren beach around him and Alucard standing in the distance, smiling menacingly.

"Do you see? This is power! This is the might of a true vampire!"

"No! This is madness! You're a freak! A freak!" Edward whimpered.

"Mad?" Alucard chuckled, his laughter drowning out the sound of the crashing waves and the frenzied screams of the fan-girls. Everything turned to silence as Alucard's booming laughter filled the air. "MAD?! But of course! To pass beyond the realms of the impossible, one must leave his sanity behind! Only then, is anything possible!"

His laughter continued as the possessed girls all collapsed without warning, their skin shrivelled and wrapped tight around bare bones, skin discoloured and lifeless. It was as if they had all been sucked dry.

It was then that Edward noticed the thick rivulets of blood coursing from each of the dead children pumping and throbbing like veins as they flowed across the sand across to Alucard. Absorbing the life essence of each and every one of his slain puppets Alucard's murderous grin grew wider.

"Are you familiar with the term regicide?" he asked as if as an afterthought.

Edward stared at his foe in confusion.

Such a reaction only brought a sadistic smile to his face. "It means, to kill a king. Unfortunately you are no king and so no such honour shall be gained. You are but an insignificant child. Your boasting and arrogance inflate your image to that of a man but behind your mask is a terrified little infant. Do you know what that means?"

Edward crawled backwards across the sand, intermittently scouting for pawns to use, only to find that all of his minions had either fled the beach or were lying in pieces around him. Tears streamed down his cheeks as Alucard calmly and slowly stalked his prey.

"This...Is infanticide."

Edward was dragged out, kicking and screaming into the murky black depths just off the shore. His screams may have pierced the heavens but there was no escape from Alucard's hellish domain. Pulled under and dragged to the bottom Edward could no longer utter a word as he was torn limb from limb by the unseen forces beneath the black waves.

The very next day, when the sky had cleared and the water was once again a sparkling blue and the sand was just sand, a body was washed up on the shore. Riddled with maggots, drained of blood and barely held together by flimsy scraps of flesh, the body was barely recognisable. It was only after the teeth were forensically analysed that it was reported that Edward Cullen was dead. According to the media, he had drowned, and most believed it to be true.

But one man knew the truth...And as he read the paper that morning a wicked, fanged grin spread across his pallid face, whilst licking his lips with a pointed tongue and a deep rippling laugh filled the catacombs of the Hellsing manor.