Do NOT own Harry Potter or anything else

Hermione

It was early Saturday morning when I found myself alone in the kitchen with a cup of tea…and a huge pile of dirty dishes. I had no idea how our dishes had been piled up, well okay maybe I did. I had refused the help of house elves in our room and Draco simply rolled his eyes and bet I couldn't last three days. Well, it had now been almost two months, Halloween was days away. I smiled I felt good today, I felt almost normal. I was back to my almost perfect grades, my beloved studying and hanging out with my friends, and Draco's as well. Draco and I had been doing well also. He could cuddle me and we could do a little kissing before I would tense and need to stop. I tried hard to recover, but there were so many issues going on inside my head I sometimes wondered if I should see a therapist. I had spoken to Madam Pomfrey, and she strongly advised it, but I felt that by accepting the help, I was letting people down. I also wondered how it would look that the girl who fought beside Harry Potter and faced several Death Eaters was now seeking therapy because she hadn't been strong enough in all aspects of her life. I sighed and flicked on the water to begin doing the dishes; today was going to be a good day. It had to be

Draco

I rolled over and opened my eyes finding that I was in my own room…alone. I suppose that was good, that meant she hadn't had a nightmare and needed to come in here or have me go to her, but the male in me was slightly disappointed that I couldn't run my hand over her smooth arms or smell her floral shampoo, or see her eyes flutter open and smile because I was there. I slowly sat up and heard water running from the kitchen. I smiled and got out of the bed and walked to the kitchen. There she was, in her ''yoga'' pants, all I knew was they hung right below her hips and hugged her butt nicely. She was also wearing my Quidditch jersey, not that I'd ever tell her she couldn't wear it, she looked like she belonged in MY clothes.

"Morning." I said casually leaning against the counter next to her. She smirked at me and turned off the water, turned around and reached for a mug.

She made a small grunt as she stood on her tiptoes to reach for it. "Ugh, Dray, can you help me?" She asked turning around and giving me that beautiful pout of hers that made me turn to mush.

"Of course." I said coming behind her and squeezing her around her waist before leaning over her to reach for it. She bent over a little so I could reach over her. I stilled for a moment and tried not to focus on how close she was to me, or how certain parts of me were rubbing over her.

"D-Dray?" She said softly. She shook a little.

I swore and pulled away. "Sorry, I'm sorry." I said turning away from her and running a hand through my hair. I didn't want to hurt her, but this was so hard. I want to be a normal boyfriend, with a normal girlfriend who I could be around without having to pull away. I wanted to protect her. I wanted to change everything. I wanted her to be normal; I wanted US to be normal.

Hermione

I tensed as I felt him lean over me. I had bent forward innocently to give him more room, I never expected him to still. We both stayed like that for a moment. He gave a soft, almost inaudible groan.

"D-Dray?" I whispered softly, I shook a little, but I don't think it was from fear.

He swore and pulled away. "Sorry, I'm sorry." He turned away from me and ran a finger through his hair.

I wanted him. It scared me, but over the last few days I had a weird almost overwhelming desire to be with him. I was scared though, what if I recreated what I knew, I had read that that happens, almost like your memory goes on the past experiences and no matter who you're with or how comfortable you are with them, you recreate your hurt. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't make him think he was hurting me the way they had. I took a deep breath and walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"You've been so good to me." I whispered softly. Kissing the back of his neck, making his head snap up.

"Most boys would leave, or runaway. Not you." I whispered again, wrapping my arms tighter around him and letting my hands wander aimlessly.

I could hear Draco's breathing hitch as I grazed his hipbone. "H-Her-Moine, you….you need to stop." He whispered softly.

"No. I'm scared, I might…always be scared….the longer I wait." I whispered softly.

Draco turned to face me and wrapped his arms around me.

"I want this. Believe me, I want this so much, but I can't just do this." He whispered.

"I want you to do this, when it's right, when it feels right…and you'll know, we'll know." He whispered softly. I subconsciously pouted. I heard him chuckle.

"Listen. I would love to kiss you senseless, take you in my arms and never let you go." He whispered softly kissing the top of my head.

"If you still feel this way…after the Halloween party…we'll try." He said softly, taking a deep breath.

"But that's it. If you freak out, if you start feeling scared, or uncomfortable…we're stopping." He said softly.

"I can't believe we're planning this…in the most unromantic way!" I said stomping my feet and stopping myself almost instantly. Draco raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Well this isn't a normal dance where we plan romantic sex…it's a dance where we plan…non-freaked out sex!" Draco said slowly, almost as if he was working something in his head. I crossed my arms and waited.

"What if we did plan it…like, all romantic, like so you'd know everything that was coming…so you wouldn't have to wonder, you knew…we could like…talk about it-"

I stopped him with a kiss and smiled at him. "Draco, thank you for being so good to me and being so gentle with me, I love you." I whispered kissing him again.

I wanted to say so much more, but I was so scared that I couldn't speak. I wasn't scared of the actuality of being intimate with him; I was more concerned with what to do. I knew how to be the obedient forced to do things…but what if I couldn't make him happy….what if I was too damaged to have a normal relationship? What if I could never move on?