Chapter 24: Whenever you remember

Renesmee's point of view

"Emmett?" I whispered while I stared at him with big eyes. I didn't understand.. why we were standing at Caleb's grave and not Jake's. Then there was a slightest chance that he wasn't dead. That he was still among us. That meant there was still a chance to hold him in my arms. To hear his beating heart in his chest again. I swallowed, to have a future with him again. To get married, see the world together. Maybe after a few years even had kids.. But if Jake wasn't five foot under where was he then? And why didn't he showed when we got attacked by Jane and Mathilda?

" Jake?" I cried while I put pressure on the wound. Blood was running through his body on the ground. Shit shit shit. What to do now?

" Ness" His warm soft voice whispered. I lifted one hand and caressed his face. " I'm here Jake no worries"

"Don't cry Ness, everything is going to be alright. You're safe now. Nobody is going to hurt you now. You're safe now" He mumbled while he smiled towards me.

I swallowed some more. Somehow there seemed to be a big lump in my throat. My eyes searched for Emmett's, he gave me a doubtful look. He wasn't sure if he could tell me. That I could handle it. But I needed to know, I handled everything. The death of my father, the acceptance of a new one. The betrayal of my friends and family. The pain of thinking that I was a monster. Seeing my boyfriend die under my bare hands.

"Don't cry Ness, everything is going to be alright. You're safe now. Nobody is going to hurt you now. You're safe now" He mumbled while he smiled towards me. I smiled back, I screamed for Carlisle but I got no reply. Nobody was helping, the war was still raging around us like nothing happened. Like Jake wasn't dying here. "I came for you Ness, like I promised" He said while he searched for my hand. I wanted to scream. I couldn't help him. There was nothing I could do.

"Don't leave me Jake, please don't leave me" I cried. Not now when I just found him. He couldn't do this to me, he couldn't leave me like that. He opened his mouth to say something. But he was only coughing up blood. It didn't mattered what he wanted to say, He needed to spare his strengths. "Don't speak Jake" Just stay alive that was of much more importance.

It had been a long hard year, and now I needed to know what happened to the one boy who'd stole my heart. I gave Emmett a begging look and I saw him struggle in his mind. He was not the person for this kind of situations, never been. He never knew how to manage this things. That's why he had Rose, they were like ying and yang. But now he was in a position where he had no other choice. I wouldn't move an inch before he had answered my question. He shook his head and sighted, knew he had lost.

"I'm not the person to tell you this Ness" He mumbled while he pushed his hands in his pockets. I folded my arms while I waited. The waiting was making me sick, I needed to know otherwise my heart would explode. And that's not what they wanted did they?

"Nesrrss" He mumbled. He was barely hearable, but I could still hear him loud and clearly.

"Wilrrl yorui do mre the honor off marryrrinrng mre?" He finally asked. For a second my heart stood still, more tears streamed down my face as I tried to swallow this lump in my throat. I bend over to kiss him, we both tasted like blood so that didn't mattered anyway. As he started coughing again we parted strings of blood spun from our lips as we did. I needed to say something, I wanted to say something.

"I would love to marry you Jacob Black" I whispered as I pinched his hand. He sighed relieved. I tried to smile but I couldn't. It didn't mattered because he had his eyes closed.

" I love you Jacob Black, I love you so much. Please don't leave me alone"

"Is he alive?" I mumbled. I not dared to breath afraid that somehow that would cause him not to answer. He needed to think that I could handle this, because I could. Couldn't I? I mean if he would tell me that Jake wasn't alive anymore I had nothing to lose because he was already dead. But if he was alive I had everything to gain. That would change everything, my future.. everything. I knew that I would never love someone like Jacob Black. If he wasn't here anymore I would live the rest of my life alone. I couldn't let anyone in my heart again. Not in his place, never in his place.

"Yes he is alive but…" Emmett's relieving answer came finally. Now I finally dared to breath. Somehow my heart that had been on lock down, started to work again. I inhaled and somehow it hurt to breath. I fell to my knees as I was flooded by emotions. I felt how the pain and the hurt flooded away. Slowly but that didn't mattered. I didn't realized that I was crying until the warm tears dripped on my hands. My heart fluttered again as I only thought about him. Emmett forced my out of my perfect moment by shaking my shoulders harshly. "Did you hear what I said?" He mumbled while he drilled his eyes in mine. I shook my head, no I didn't. After the relieving words that thought me Jacob was alive I didn't listened anymore. He sighted and rubbed his closed eyes for a moment. "There is a problem" He said. I just shrugged my shoulders, I didn't expect less. But what kind of problem could be big enough to keep us apart?

"So let me see if I got this straight. My boyfriend is in wolf form in the other room. He is cut of the pack and refuses to get any contact with anyone. He attacked Seth when he walked in and refuses to eat? Also Edward figured out that he has hallucinations about me and that he is not able to see the difference between real and illusions. Did I forget something?" I sighted while I wrapped my arms around myself. Refusing to shatter in thousand pieces all over again. Will we ever have a happy ever after. I did not knew, nor did I dared to hope for it. Carlisle laid his hand on my shoulder and whispered that everything was going to be okay. I nodded, that's what we kept saying.

"I want to see him.." I mumbled. He shook his head. "I don't think that it's a good idea in your situation Renesmee" He said in his doctor voice. "I need to grandpa" I said while I gave him the same begging look I gave Emmett at the graveyard. "I will not be better off when I tuck myself in bed. It will only hurt more. He needs me, and I need him" He thought about it for a while exchanging a few looks with Billy.

"Let her go, he won't hurt her" It was someone else. I turned around "Dad.." I said and I flew in his arms. His cool arms hugged me tightly. I inhaled his scent as I whispered a thank you in his ear. He just petted my hairs and told me to go. So I did, I ignored the pain, the screams of my body that refused to move. I needed to see him. So I opened the door where complete darkness hugged me. I closed it and let my eyes adjust to the darkness. After a few second I noticed a shape in the upper left corner. "Jacob" I mumbled as I dashed forward. But before I could throw my arms around him a deep low sound made me stop in my tracks. He was growling to me, I swallowed because this was something I did not expect. I fought the tears as I dazzled backward. "Jake it's really me.." I mumbled but he just laid his big paws over his ears and closed his eyes. I remember how real my illusions seemed. How I jumped up to kiss him, but when I wrapped my arms around him he wasn't there. I was even able to smell him.. How could I make Jacob see that this was really me? That I wasn't some illusion. He let out a small whine. What was he seeing? What were the hallucinations telling him? He wasn't blaming himself for my 'death' was he? I swallowed. Ofcourse he was. I would do the same. More tears welled up and I wrapped my arms around myself. I cried because of frustration, of pain and because I didn't knew what to do next. I cried long and intense but he didn't came to comfort me. He just whined sometimes with me. After a while I got cold, I searched the room and found an old blanket that was hidden after the refrigerator. I wrapped myself in it and stared at the shape that once was my boyfriend. Now it wasn't more than a hurt animal.

"We're just like beauty and the beast right now" I grinned somehow out of nothing. He whined again. I tried to talk to him "Do you remember Jake our first kiss? Or the one after the coco? Or the way we first ate strawberries together? Or cheese? Or do you remember our day in the snow? That was such a wonderful day, I had so much fun. Didn't you?" I tried and tried but I got no reaction. I sighted and wrapped up to a ball to cry myself to sleep. After a few hours I woke up, my body was sore but I forced myself to walk to the refrigerator. The light of it was awful to my eyes, I grabbed the only bottle that was in it and closed it quickly. It was a glass bottle that told me it was wine. For as far I knew I never drank wine, I also didn't knew what it was. But the bottle said you could drink it with dinner, so I figured that it was okay to drink now too. I opened it and pulled out the cork. I took a sip. I never tasted wine before and it tasted funny. But I was so thirsty… I shrugged my shoulders and decided that I would drink it anyway. So I put the bottle to my lips and drank it all at once. Then I closed my eyes and went back to sleep. When I opened my eyes everything was spinning again. So I did the first thing that came to mind. "Jakee?" I whined as I tried to get a grip on myself. What was this wine thing? It made me feel sick and warm. And a little giggly now that I thought about it. I giggled out loud just to try the sound. The sound of my giggle made me giggle even more. It sounded so funny. I managed to stand up and stalked over to Jacob. I was ready to give him a lecture. But before I could reach him I tripped over my own foot. I fell on his stomach, I wanted to stand up but it was too comfortable. And everything was still spinning, so one minute couldn't do any damage could it? So I closed my eyes… and then when I opened them again I was nice and warm. But there was no fluffy skin anymore. There were muscles under me. A warm human skin and a nice beating heart. He was stroking through my hairs and I smiled. "Hey you" I mumbled sleepy.

"Hey you" He mumbled back while he pressed a kiss on my forehead "You look so real, feel so real. Just as I remember" He whispered in my ear. I raised myself up and looked at him "I am real you idiot" I said while I smiled at him. I touched him face softly. "No nessie you are dead" He said while he stroke my neckline. I shook my head furious. "NO NO NO I'm not dead. You are not dead. We are still alive the both of us" I mumbled trying to make him understand. He shook his head again. "No this are just memories that I'm reliving again" Tears of frustration welled up again as I leaned in to kiss him. He kissed me back but still didn't believed I was real. How could I make him see that I was real.. Do something we never did before? But what…..? A blush spread on my face as I realized my own plan. Shyly I sat up and started to unbutton my shirt. "What are you doing?" He said while he kissed the top of my nose. "Making you see these are not memories" I mumbled while I took off my shirt. I was sitting my bra and jeans only now. I felt his warm hand on my face as he pulled me near to kiss him. "You're the best hallucination so far" He grinned as he let his hand run through my hair. I climbed on top of him trying to ignore the fact he was only covered in a thin blanket. I let my hands run over his chest. Could I really do this? I didn't even knew how. I swallowed. If I could handle losing everything I had. I could surely handle this right? I grabbed his hand on brought it to the line of my neck. His fingers started to trace a line under my chin slowly to my neck. I shivered not knowing this gesture could make me so good. I swallowed slowly as I bent down and traced a line of kisses over his chest. I could feel his heartbeat go faster while doing it. Then suddenly he lifted me with one hand and turned me around with the other one. He was on top of me now. Doing exactly the same to me I let out a soft moan. I could understand why his heartbeat went faster. He laid his head on my chest to listen to my heartbeat. I caressed his face while he did. "I don't know what to do now" I mumbled while my cheeks flushed horribly. He looked up and smiled. "It's really you.."

I stepped over the branch that was in my way. I just hoped it wouldn't get in a fight with my dress. I took a deep breath as I pinched the arm of my dad. "Don't let me fall, please don't let me fall" I begged in my head. He just pinched back telling me that he would never do that. "Did you see these shoes" I grumbled back. He whispered something, but I didn't hear it. I wasn't paying attention anymore. When I saw him I didn't paid attention to any of it. In his black suit he looked handsome. He gave a smile from ear to ear and I couldn't help but returning the favor. I had the urge to run and rush in his arms. But I knew that Alice would never forgive me if I did that. So I counted the steps to the altar. 24, 24 too much. When we were finally there I noticed that I held my breath all that time. So I exhaled and took Jake's hand. "you look beautiful" He whispered while he caressed my hand slowly. I just smiled not able to say anything. Then the honors began. The priest was an older man, befriended by the Cullens. Other it had never been possible to marry, because I was only 6,5 now.

"Dear family and friends, we have gathered here today to witness and celebrate the wedding of Jacob and Renesmee. Marriage is the promise of hope between two people who love each other sincerely, who honor each other as individuals, and who wish to unite their lives and share the future together. In this ceremony, they dedicate themselves to the happiness and well-being of each other, in a union of mutual caring and responsibility.

"Taught by our own joys, by our own sorrows, even by our own failures, that in marriage, as in all life, whosoever insists upon saving their lesser goods and their little self, shall miss what is greater, but whosoever forgets themselves in devotion to their beloved and in consecration to their common enterprise, is surest to find a full and happy life".

"Jacob are you ready to enter into this marriage with Renesmee, believing the love you share and your faith in each other will endure all things?" The priest asked with a steady voice. Jacob nodded as he gazed up on my eyes.

Renesmee are you ready to enter into this marriage with Jacob, believing the love you share and your faith in each other will endure all things?" For a second I glanced over to the priest. Just long enough to nod.

Jacob and Renesmee please face each other and join hands.

No other human ties are more tender and no other vows more important than those you are about to take. Both of you come to this day with deep realization that the contract of marriage is sacred as are all of its obligations and responsibilities.

Jacob, will you have this woman to be your wedded Wife, to share your life with her, and do you pledge that you will love her, and tenderly care for her in all the varying circumstances of your lives?

Yes. I Jacob Black, take you Renesmee Carly Cullen to be my wife, my partner in life and my one true love. I will cherish our union and love you more each day than I did the day before. I will trust you and respect you, laugh with you and cry with you, loving you faithfully through good times and bad, regardless of the obstacles we may face together. I give you my hand, my heart, and my love, from this day forward for as long as we both shall live.

Renesmee, will you have this man to be your wedded Husband, to share your life with him, and do you pledge that you will love him, and tenderly care for him in all the varying circumstances of your lives?

Yes. I, Renesmee Carly Cullen, take you, Jacob Black, to be my husband. My constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.

"It is customary to exchange rings as a symbol of love. As the rings have no end, so your love shall have no end. A circle is the symbol of the sun and the earth, and of the universe. It is a symbol of wholeness, and perfection, and of peace.

The rings you give and receive this day, are symbols of the union you entertogether as Husband and Wife." Alice came and brought the rings. To beautiful masterpieces that would shine with beauty until eternity. I gave her a weak smile and she winked at me. I felt like my legs were going to give out..

"Jacob, place the ring upon Renesmee's hand and repeat after me: Renesmee this ring I give to you, in token and pledge, of my constant faith, and abiding love."

He gently took my hands, that were shaking a little bit and pinched in them as a sign that I didn't needed to be nervous. I smiled and gazed upon his eyes as he put the ring on it's place. Now it was my turn.

"Renesmee, place the ring upon Jacob's hand and repeat after me:Jake this ring I give to you, in token and pledge, of my constant faith, and abiding love." The words came out more steady then I expected as I shove the ring on his finger. We didn't let go of our hands, but tangled them up when the priest continued.

"May every blessing and grace be yours; May your love grow stronger with each passing year. May the sun, bring you new energies by day; May the moon softly restore you by night. May the rain wash away any worries you may have and the breeze blow new strength into your being. And all the days of your life, may you walk gently through the world and know its beauty. Now you will not feel the rain, for each of you will shelter the other. Now you will feel not cold, for each of you will warm the other. Now you will feel not solitude, for each will accompany the other. Now you are two persons, but both will lead one life. Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life, and may your days be good and long upon the earth."

"Jacob you may now kiss the bride" He declared. Then Jacob softly cupped my face and brought his lips to mine. It was a sweet and shy kiss, because hundreds of eyes were watching us. I smiled when we parted up and he kisses my forehead while he whispered ; Forever and always will I love you

"Ladies and Gentlemen I present you Jacob and Renesmee now as man and wife!" The priest exclaimed while he clapped his hands. Everyone stood up and started to whistle and yell. I saw some rub their eyes, like Jacob's sisters and father. I couldn't help but smiling the whole day. Nor did I let go of his hand. He was finally mine now.

", dinner time!" I shouted to the lonely woods. Two small shades dashed in, shouting that they both were going to win. When they dashed over the porch they finally stopped.

"Daddy daddy, who was first now?" Caleb screamed as he jumped up in his fathers arms. Jacob laughed and answered that they were both as fast. With some grumbling they went to the kitchen table. I smiled when I stared at them, my two little miracles. My heart grew bigger and bigger by only looking at them. Leah with my Curls, and his eyes. Caleb with his hairs and my eyes. They were both perfect, no more than perfect.

"Someday I'm going to be pack leader" Leah said while she raised her chin. "and then you have to do everything I say" Caleb froze as he gave her a hiss. "No way I'm going to be pack leader, and you have to do anything I say right dad?" He said and turned to his dad.

"If you don't eat your stove nobody is going to be packleader" He replied. They both focused on their meal and helped me clean up. After that we both putted them to bed, letting them choose which fairy tale we were going to read to them. Jacob crawled with me on the couch when they were both fast asleep. He kissed my cheek as I laid it to rest on his chest.

"we did well didn't we?" He asked while he caressed my arm. I nodded, we did very well. "Here let me take you to bed princess"' He said and lifted me up, I giggled as he walked me to the bedroom. As we both fell on the bed he kissed me.

"I love you Renesmee Black" He mumbled while he buried his face is my neck.

"And I love you too Jacob Black for ever and always " I whispered back.