Author's note: This is the final part (finally!) of this series. I've taken all my other stuff off ff.net, but I didn't want to leave you guys hanging with this series, so here it is. For those of you that have asked about my other fic, you can find it all at my site: http://desiderium.slashcity.net/ I've written quite a bit, mostly in rare fandoms. Not so much Xena slash far, as I'm relatively new to the fandom, but I'm working on some new ideas that I'll be posting soon. Thanks for reading and letting me know what you thought. I appreciate it.
Ares slowly stroked Joxer's jaw as he waited for the other man to react; he'd been so sure that Joxer knew exactly how he felt about everything they'd been to each other, that he understood at least on some level why Ares had done what he did. It didn't seem possible that Joxer could doubt how Ares felt about him, but judging from the look on the mortal's face it was obvious Joxer had no idea. Ares watched as confusion and barely contained fear slowly faded to anger, and a moment later Joxer stepped out of his touch.
"Know? How could I know? All you've done is lie to me, Ares. How can I believe anything you say?"
He knew Joxer was still angry at him, and the truth was he'd never expected the other man to show up in his temple wanting to talk. Since Joxer left Olympus he'd spent more time brooding alone than he wanted to admit, telling himself he deserved for Joxer to forget who he was. He didn't deserve the loyalty of someone like Joxer, yet when the mortal showed up in his temple he hadn't really been surprised. It was exactly the kind of thing Joxer would do, only Ares hadn't let himself hope for it.
And now Joxer was standing in front of him again, but he was looking at Ares the same way he had when Ares first confessed the truth, and he knew he'd handled everything all wrong. The problem was that he had no idea how to set it right again, what to say to make Joxer believe that he'd meant everything he'd ever said. "You do believe me. You wouldn't be here if you didn't."
Ares had no idea if he was right until he said the words out loud, but as soon as he did the anger drained out of Joxer's expression. "Why didn't you just tell me?" he whispered, looking down as though he was afraid of the answer.
"You were a child." Fresh guilt washed over Ares when he remembered how young Joxer still was. He'd followed the other man's life closely enough to know just how much Joxer didn't know about the world, and he wasn't sure if he had any right to ask someone so innocent to take on Ares' destiny. "I couldn't ask you…you couldn't know then what you wanted. I couldn't force a decision on you."
"What decision?" Joxer asked, confusion marring his features as he listened to Ares stumble over his own words. "All I ever wanted was you. You're a god, didn't you know that?"
"I told you once that we don't make a habit of reading the thoughts of mortals. I meant it," Ares said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he watched Joxer frown at him. "My destiny comes with a tremendous amount of responsibility, Joxer. I couldn't ask you to make that choice when you were just sixteen years old."
"Your destiny? So you're saying you wanted me…"
"Yes," Ares interrupted, his smile growing in direct proportion to the color in Joxer's cheeks. "I wanted you by my side. It would have meant asking you to give up your life, Joxer, don't you see that? I would have been asking you to give up your mortality, to leave behind everything that made you human. I couldn't ask a child to make that kind of decision."
"You're wrong. I stopped being a child a long time ago, Ares. If you'd asked me then my answer would have been yes."
"And now?" Ares asked, the words escaping his lips before he could talk himself out of it. Part of him didn't want to know; he had a feeling he wasn't going to like the answer. He had to ask, though, because if there was any chance at all that Joxer would forgive him, Ares would spend the rest of his life convincing him that they deserved another chance.
For a split second Ares allowed himself to believe that Joxer might actually say that he still wanted that; that he'd tried to live without Ares and he couldn't do it. Just for a moment Joxer looked as though that was exactly what he wanted to say, but a moment later he shook his head and let out a regretful sigh. "How can I say yes now? Fifteen years ago I had my whole life, but now…"
"I can give you eternity," Ares said, taking a step forward before he remembered himself and stopped again. It was a struggle not to reach out and touch Joxer, to take him by force if necessary, but he knew that whatever happened between them now had to be Joxer's choice. It was the only way he had any chance at all of finally getting the one thing he'd ever really wanted. "I can give you anything you want, Joxer. Anything at all."
"You can't give me back the past fifteen years."
He tried to tell himself that he deserved some of Joxer's contempt; if he'd just been honest in the beginning things might have turned out a lot differently, any maybe they never would have had this conversation at all. It was still a struggle to keep his temper in check, though, partly because he wasn't used to anyone questioning his judgment, and partly because he didn't know what Joxer wanted from him. "Will I be paying for that for all eternity?" he muttered through gritted teeth, his voice so low that he didn't really expect Joxer to hear him.
"No," Joxer answered, his voice just as soft as Ares' as he took a step forward. "I don't want to make you pay for anything, I just…I iknew/i Timo. I knew everything about him, what he felt like, how he sounded, what he wanted from life. All I know about you is what your priests and Xena have said."
As quickly as it had disappeared Ares' smile returned, and he didn't try to stop himself from reaching out to touch Joxer this time. "Don't you remember what you said about my statue in Thebes? You know me better than most, Joxer. You don't just see me as War, you see the man as well as the god. Everything I've ever said to you was the truth, it doesn't matter what I looked like when I said it."
His thumb was moving against Joxer's cheekbone now, and he held his breath as the other man leaned into his touch and let his eyes flutter closed. Joxer's tongue darted out to wet his lips, and it took every ounce of control Ares had ever possessed not to lean forward and claim the mouth that as far as he was concerned had always belonged to him. It didn't matter who else had tasted those lips since Joxer ran away from home, his heart had always belonged to Ares and that was all that counted. He knew Joxer's heart still belonged to him, but that didn't mean he was going to convince Joxer to listen to it.
When Joxer's eyes opened again he looked like he wanted to argue, and Ares wished he hadn't made that promise about not reading the other man's thoughts. He wanted to know what Joxer was thinking, what was making him hesitate when it was obvious that he wanted to forgive Ares. They both wanted the same thing; Ares was almost sure of it, but something was stopping Joxer from taking that last step. It had to be about more than just being able to trust Ares' word, but whatever it was Joxer seemed to be having a hard time saying it.
"Say it," Ares whispered, leaning close enough to breathe the word against Joxer's ear. "Whatever it is, just tell me." As soon as Ares' mouth brushed his cheek Joxer seemed to melt into him, his head against Ares' broad chest and his eyes squeezed shut. It took Ares a second to realize what was happening, but as soon as he did he wrapped strong arms around Joxer and ran his hands soothingly up and down the other man's back.
"I know you're not just War." The words were mumbled against Ares' chest, and he had to lean a little closer to hear exactly what Joxer was saying. "But Olympus? You'd really want me to live there? With you? What would your warlords say?"
Ares smiled into Joxer's hair, one hand leaving his back to grip the back of his neck and tilt his face up gently. "I doubt any of them would be foolish enough to question my chosen consort. It doesn't matter what they say, Joxer. No one could change my mind, not even Zeus himself."
He knew it was the wrong thing to say when Joxer paled and looked down at his chest, but he wasn't pushing Ares away again so he decided to take at least that much as a good sign. "Oh gods, I didn't even think about Zeus. He'd never…I mean you're War, and I'm…"
"Gods may choose their own consorts. Without exceptions," Ares said, smiling almost gently when Joxer stole another quick glance at him. "He won't object if I choose to make my most loyal follower immortal."
"You're serious."
It wasn't really a question, but Ares found himself nodding anyway. "Of course. I know I shouldn't have tried to protect you from the truth, and I don't want to waste any more time. I want you by my side, Joxer."
Before Joxer could answer Ares leaned forward, tilting the smaller man's head just enough to fit their mouths together. He wasn't positive that Joxer was going to say yes, but if he was going to change his mind at the last minute and leave Ares again he wanted this last kiss. He wanted to feel Joxer's mouth moving against his one last time, to remember the way it felt when Joxer's thin arms slid around his waist. His other hand left Joxer's back to cup his cheek, holding the other man in place as he urged Joxer's lips apart with his tongue.
Almost instantly Joxer opened his mouth, his tongue sliding against Ares' as his fingers curled around the leather at the god's waist. Everything about Joxer had always made Ares long for more, and he knew he'd never be able to live with it if Joxer decided that he didn't want this after all. He'd spend the rest of Joxer's life trying to change his mind, and he knew himself well enough to know that he'd stop at nothing to make it happen. The thought was sobering enough to make him pull away abruptly, frowning as he watched Joxer gasp for breath.
"Is this what you want?" Ares asked, raising one eyebrow as he waited for Joxer's answer.
"Yes," the other man answered, his voice a breathy whisper as he struggled to catch his breath. "Only not…not here."
It took Ares a second to realize what Joxer meant, but as soon as it dawned on him that they were still standing in front of his altar he grinned and pulled Joxer close again. For a moment reality faded around them, and when the world solidified again they were standing in his bedroom on Olympus. "Better?"
Joxer let go of Ares long enough to glance around the room, swallowing convulsively when his gaze fell on the bed. He nodded minutely when he turned back to the other man, his cheeks flushing as he struggled to meet Ares' gaze. "This is all so fast," he said, gesturing around them as he spoke. "I'm not sure…I mean after everything that's happened…"
"Give me a chance to convince you," Ares said, running a strong hand through Joxer's hair before he tugged the other man forward as gently as he could manage. "Stay with me, Joxer. Just until you make up your mind."
The other man nodded wordlessly, and when Ares smiled and leaned forward Joxer surged up to meet him. The kiss was harder this time, filled with need and a desperation that Ares had never expected to feel. By the time they made it to the bed their clothes were just a distant memory, and it was all he could do not to cry out from the agonizing pleasure of Joxer's skin sliding against his for the first time in fifteen years. He never thought he'd feel this way again, but every time Joxer kissed him he was almost sure he'd come apart from the intensity of his emotions.
He'd always known that gods felt things with an intensity that would kill most humans, but he'd never really paid much attention to it until the first time Joxer offered himself to Ares. That moment in the woods behind his temple had been so much like this, familiar hands moving on his skin and too-soft lips crushed against his. And even now that Joxer was a grown man Ares still felt a little like he was defiling something pure, something he had no right to. Joxer wanted him, though, and that was all he needed to convince him that he was doing the right thing.
He was still sure that if he'd told Joxer the truth when he first left home that things wouldn't have turned out this way; at sixteen Joxer's perspective would have been different, and the thought of eternity with someone hundreds of years old would have been a lot to deal with. It was hard enough now that he was an adult, but Ares was going to convince him that this was their destiny if it took him the rest of eternity. Seducing Joxer back into his arms was only the first step; he knew it wouldn't be easy, but now that he knew it was possible he wasn't going to give up.
There was no way he was going to give up the feeling of Joxer moving against him, the hands in his hair and the fingers pressing into his arms as he slid inside Joxer for the first time in fifteen years. Nothing since had even come close to the way Joxer made him feel, and when Joxer cried his name as he came Ares knew that nothing ever would.
He had no idea how long they lay tangled together in his sheets, bodies slick with sweat as they drifted in and out of sleep. When he woke he pushed himself up on one elbow, pushing a few strands of hair away from the other man's face as he watched Joxer's eyelids flutter. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to sweat-slick skin, his chest tightening when Joxer sighed in his sleep. There were so many things he still wanted to say; that he was sorry, that he'd never hurt Joxer or let anyone else hurt him ever again. He had an endless supply of promises to make, but he had a feeling Joxer didn't really care about promises.
As soon as the thought occurred to him Joxer's eyes opened, and Ares shifted a little closer and leaned forward to press a soft kiss to the other man's lips. "I love you," he whispered against Joxer's mouth, lingering for a long moment before he forced himself to pull back far enough to meet the other man's gaze. "I know it won't be easy for you to trust that, but I want you here with me."
Slender fingers closed around his, and he glanced down at their clasped hands before he looked up at Joxer again. He knew it was dangerous to hope that Joxer could have made up his mind already, but when he looked into the other man's eyes he couldn't help hoping for exactly that.
"I love you too, Ares. I always have."
Ares couldn't have stopped the smile that lit up his features if he'd wanted to. He knew there was still a lot to talk about, but as long as Joxer loved him he was sure they could get through anything. "I'll wait as long as I have to," he said, squeezing the hand that was firmly grasped in his. "I've got nothing but time."
Joxer's features lit up in a shy smile, and he reached up with his free hand to trace the outline of Ares' mouth. "I don't need time. I've already tried to live without you. Even if I wanted to I couldn't do it. Not now."
He wasn't sure how much time passed before he finally got his voice under control enough to answer, and even once he was sure he could speak without squeaking he just shook his head and leaned forward to fuse their lips together again. When they finally parted he settled back on the pillows, pulling Joxer closer and wrapping his arm around the smaller man's shoulders. There would be plenty of time for talking later; for now he just wanted to close his eyes and somehow try to convince himself that this was really happening, that Joxer was there with him and that he wasn't going anywhere. He knew they'd have things to talk about and details to work out, but it would wait. They had eternity, after all.