Title: Bonds of True Friendship
Era: Marauder Era (Sixth Year)
Rating: PG for mild swearing
Beta: animeloveramy (Thank you so much!)
Warnings: No real spoilers for the books. All you need to know is the prank that Sirius pulled on Snape
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or anything from the wizarding world. They are all property of J.K. Rowling. I am just having a bit of fun. I gain nothing but authorial satisfaction from this.
Summary: After Sirius told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow, the other Marauders stop talking to him. When someone finally tells them his side of the story, they start to realize that they might of been a bit hasty.
Author's Note: This is my first foray into HP fanfiction, though I've been reading the books for as long as I can remember. This little blot bunny struck me a couple of days ago and I finally got it written. I'd like to thank my beta, animeloveramy, for reading through this and giving me the confidence to post it. I hope you all enjoy!
"What did you do?" Remus demanded when James walked into the headmaster's office.
James looked offended. "What makes you think I did anything?"
"Because you're always the one that's causing trouble and getting me blamed for it."
"Not always," James protested. "Usually it's Sir-"
He stopped short. By unspoken agreement, they rarely mentioned the name of the friend who had betrayed them. Remus sighed and leaned back to wait for Professor Dumbledore.
The headmaster arrived not five minutes later. He swept into the room, closing the door behind him gently. Remus shot a glare at James who looked back at him innocently. Sometimes, he really hated that he was friends with such a bunch of troublemakers, even though it did make life a little more interesting.
Professor Dumbledore stood before the two boys, gazing down at them. The twinkle in his eyes was dim. Remus shrank back. He knew they were in trouble.
"I have been informed that you have not spoke to Mr. Black since the unfortunate event that took place four months ago," Dumbledore said softly. "Would you care to explain why?"
Both of the teens stared at their headmaster incredulously. Surely he hadn't just asked that?
"Why should we talk to him?" demanded James bitterly. "He almost got Remus killed!"
Remus shuddered. He knew full well what could have happened to him had he bitten Snape. The thought still gave him nightmares.
Dumbledore frowned slightly. "Are either of you aware of the events leading up to Mr. Black's actions?"
Completely confused, they shook their heads.
"Then you have not bothered to listen to his side of things?"
Remus felt the burn of shame in the back of his mind. As angry as he still was, he'd been feeling decidedly guilty for not at least giving Sirius a chance. There were too many questions about the whole thing.
Correctly interpreting their silence, Dumbledore sighed. "I had hoped that your bond as friends would prevent you from being so shortsighted, but I see that I was wrong."
Before either boy could ask what he meant, the headmaster walked around his desk and produced a silvery pensive. He pointed his wand at it and muttered a phrase under his breath. A beat passed then Sirius rose out of the depths of the pensive. He looked absolutely distraught.
"I didn't mean to," he said brokenly. "But Snape provoked me. He said...things, horrible things about Remus. And he's been hinting that he knows about Moony's fury little problem (Remus' lips twitched slightly at the well-known euphemism for his lycanthropy) for years. I was just trying to call his bluff. I never thought he'd actually go. When James saw him headed to the Whomping Willow, I panicked. I would have gone after him, I really would have, but I just couldn't move. Then James went and I got Professor McGonagall...Merlin...I never wanted this to happen, honestly professor."
The memory ended and Sirius sank back into the pensive. Remus almost cursed out loud.
"Though I will not relay Mr. Snape's words to you, the portraits from the hall where this confrontation took place have informed me of exactly what was said," Dumbledore continued calmly. "Sirius showed remarkable restraint. I was quite surprised that he did not hex Severus severely enough to send him to the hospital wing. It was a foolish decision on Sirius's part to reveal how to get past the Whomping Willow, but I am convinced that he truly did not believe that Severus would act upon the knowledge. He did not take into account just how badly Severus desired evidence of his theory."
The headmaster paused slightly before asking, "Are either of you aware of the punishment Mr. Black received?"
"No, sir," Remus answered softly. "We haven't exactly spoken since then."
"So I gathered," said Dumbledore. "During the week, he has been set to researching all the laws concerning werewolves, while on the weekends he has been sent to St. Mungos to assist the healers in the lycanthropy ward so that he might fully understand what could have happened. That is the punishment I assigned him. However, as punishment to himself, he avoids your dormitory so that he will not bother you, when he eats, which is not often, he goes directly to the kitchens, and he rarely sleeps. Sirius is guilt-ridden and if he keeps going like this, I fear he will take his own life."
James gasped, "Sirius wouldn't do that, sir."
"Wouldn't he, though?" Remus whispered before Dumbledore could answer. "You and I both know what it's like for him at home and how he gets so depressed sometimes. We're the only ones that can pull him out of it and we haven't exactly been there for him."
"Precisely," Dumbledore said gently. "I did not call you here to make you feel guilty, but because I believe you may be the only ones who can help. Sirius is profoundly sorry for what transpired and the guilt is quickly becoming too much. He cannot forgive himself until you forgive him.
"I realize that you have much to think about. As it is almost curfew, perhaps you should return to Gryffindor Tower."
Easily recognizing the dismissal, James and Remus rose, muttering farewells, and hurried out the door. It had no sooner closed behind them when James summed everything up in two well chosen words.
"Bloody hell."
"I think that just about covers it," Remus said grimly.
"What in Merlin's name are we supposed to do now, Moony."
"We go find Sirius and talk to him, what else?"
James arched an eyebrow and followed his friend, who was headed back to Gryffindor tower at top speed. "So you're just going to forgive and forget? I don't care what Dumbledore just showed us, he could have gotten you thrown into Azkaban or worse with that stunt."
"I know," Remus said patiently, despite struggling to control his temper. "I'm not suggesting that we pretend someone obliviated us and that none of this happened. But it's high time we actually talked to Sirius. I don't doubt that he's as bad off as Dumbledore says. Just think about the way he gets after a howler from his parents."
Looking chastened, James sighed. "You're right, as usual, Moony. We haven't exactly been the mates we should have been, have we?"
"We really haven't," Remus agreed softly.
"It's not as if we didn't have a reason," James pointed out weakly.
"And that's exactly why we took this too far. We did have a reason. Sirius crossed a line and betrayed our trust. But as his friends, as the Marauders, we should have given him some benefit of the doubt."
James ran a hand through his already messy hair. "If he really felt so guilty, then why didn't he try harder to tell us? It's not like Padfoot to give up."
"It is when he thinks he deserves what he gotten," said Remus. "He probably thinks that we never want to see him again, that he's completely lost our friendship, and that he's completely to blame for everything."
"Isn't he though?" James grumbled, coming to a halt outside the Fat Lady's portrait.
Remus rounded on him. "He bloody well isn't. Weren't you even paying attention to what Dumbledore showed us? Sirius isn't the type to pull punches when it comes to getting Snape into trouble, but he couldn't even repeat what that slimy git did to provoke him. Just how low do you think Snape had to stoop to accomplish that? Sirius screwed up, yes, but he's our mate and there's a damn good reason that his animagus form is a dog. We should have known that the results were not what he intended."
"You know how reckless Padfoot is though," James pointed out after speaking the password. "For all we know, he managed to put his bloody foot his mouth."
"I think that's exactly what happened," Remus said. "Don't you get it, Prongs? We've been acting as though Sirius intended to Snape to find out. We've been assuming that he intended for all of this to happen, when the fact is, he was provoked and he did something hotheaded and stupid."
James groaned. "Merlin's beard, I'm an idiot. Now that we've established that we took things a bit too far, what do you propose we do?"
"We talk to Sirius and see how he's doing. Then we work through this like friends are supposed to."
"Do you really think we can work through this?"
Remus, who'd been digging around for the Marauder's map, stilled and straightened up to look at James with pained eyes. "I don't know. But we owe it to ourselves and to Sirius to at least give it a try."
James remained thoughtfully silent for a moment. Then he squared his shoulders. "Right then. Let's find the map, find Sirius, and see if we can't fix the Marauders."
I think I'm going to be sick, Sirius thought weakly.
He was sitting in a quiet corner of the library, bent over yet another tome on werewolf legislation. This one was on the various methods of punishing werewolves according to the law and featured many detailed animated pictures. He was currently staring at one that displayed exactly what happened when silver nitrate was introduced to the bloodstream. It was gory, gruesome, painful, and fatal.
And he'd almost doomed one of his best friends to it.
Unbidden, the memory of his confrontation with his friends floated through his mind. He was too tired to ignore it.
Dumbledore had started his detention immediately and Sirius had spent most of the night researching. He'd stumbled into the Tower just before daybreak. Seconds later, the portrait hole had opened again and the other three Marauders had shuffled in. He'd frozen at the foot of the stairs and stared at them.
It took James, Peter, and Remus a moment to realize that Sirius was in the room. James and Remus immediately tensed. Peter just looked confused.
Probably doesn't realize what happened, Sirius thought nervously. Peter always had been the slowest of the group. He usually just followed the others' lead.
James glared at Sirius, anger evident on his face. His arm was wrapped around Remus' waist, helping support the other boy, who was always a bit weak after the transformations. The Marauders had made a point of waiting outside the hospital wing in the morning to help him up to the tower once Pomfrey released him. He rarely had to spend the day in the hospital now that the others could accompany him as animagi.
While James was clearly furious, Remus looked almost emotionless, which Sirius knew meant that he was actually barely in control. Sirius could only guess what his friend was feeling. His greatest fear was that his friends would walk away because of his "furry little problem" as Sirius had always insisted calling it.
In the end, it was Sirius who broke the strained silence.
"I'm so sorry," he croaked, practically in tears as the impact of what he'd done hit him full in the chest. "I never meant...I didn't think-"
"Clearly," James cut in. "Get out of the way, Black. We'd like the catch a few hours of sleep before class."
Sirius visibly flinched when one of his best friends used his last name, the one reminder of his Dark roots that he couldn't get rid off. Hanging his head, Sirius moved aside. The Marauders stalked past him, none of them met his eyes. He waited until he heard the dormitory door closed before falling to his knees and letting the tears fall.
Since then, Sirius had avoided the Tower as much as possible. He stayed late in the library, doing his research and writing his essay. When he wasn't in the library, Sirius was in class or serving his detention. He usually snuck down to the kitchens to eat so as to avoid the Marauders. He knew full well that they rarely went down there during scheduled meals. At night, Sirius either crashed in the Room of Requirement or on the sofa in the common room, only to force himself to wake long before anyone else.
He was completely ignored by his friends in class, unless they were sending him dirty looks. He made no further attempt to apologize. As far as he was concerned, he deserved everything he got.
At first, there had been rumors about what had happened to cause such a massive fallout between the Marauders, but eventually everyone stopped caring. Sirius had become invisible. He stopped causing trouble and did his studies in silence. He wouldn't be surprised if everyone had forgotten he existed.
Biting back tears, he leaned his head against the wall. It was a bit damp outside, and rather chilly for early May. He'd forgotten his cloak and the wind cut through his clothes, but he didn't care. He curled into himself.
I should have known, he thought bitterly. If my family hates me, I should have known that I would never be able to keep friends. I'm too much of a screw up for that. Who the hell would want to be friends with an impulsive idiot who's the heir of the darkest family in Britain? I've deserved this all along.
It was his final thought before he fell asleep. He didn't even notice it begin to rain. The image from the book featured prominently in his dreams.
"What the hell is he doing in the bloody astronomy tower?" James demanded.
"Probably looking at the stars," Remus hissed. "Now shut up before you get us caught."
James continued to grumble under his breath as the two crept through the halls. Remus cursed Dumbledore mentally. If the headmaster had intended them to do something about Sirius - and he obviously had - then why had he decided to inform them of the situation less than half an hour before curfew? Sometimes the inner workings of that man's mind befuddled Remus.
Despite James' groaning, they made it to the tower without incident. The astronomy tower was left unlocked for students studying outside of class, though you needed a note from the professor in case Filch came across you. He usually avoided it for that reason. Apparently there was no pleasure terrorizing children who weren't doing anything wrong.
The two Marauders shed the invisibility cloak once they were halfway up the winding staircase. James checked the map, just to be sure that Sirius was still in the tower.
"Moony, he hasn't moved," James said in a low whisper.
Remus swore and sprinted up the stairs, James close behind him.
The door to the roof was propped open slightly. Remus pushed it out of the way and bolted outside. His eyes immediately fell on Sirius.
He was sitting against the wall, his chin resting on his chest in slumber. Even in the dark it was evident that he'd lost weight, that his skin was pale, and that he was shaking slightly. Dark circles rimmed his eyes. He looked like crap.
"At least he didn't off himself," James whispered. His shaking voice betrayed the flippant remark. Now that he was actually seeing the effects of the past few months on Sirius, he was finally beginning to realize that perhaps he and Remus had been a bit harsh.
Taking a deep breath, Remus crept forward and knelt beside Sirius. Close up, he could see the flush spread across his friend's cheeks. He gently touched Sirius' forehead with the tips of his fingers. He swore again.
"Sirius," he hissed, shaking his friend's shoulder. "Come on, Padfoot. Wake up. You fell asleep on the astronomy tower."
Moaning quietly, Sirius opened his eyes slightly. "Moony?" he whispered.
"None other. We need to go before someone finds us." Not strictly the truth, but it was always one of the best ways to get Sirius moving.
To Remus' surprise and horror, Sirius recoiled, shaking his head and muttering, "No. Not Moony. Not his fault. It was me. Don't hurt him. Please, don't hurt him. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to. Sorry. So sorry. Not his fault..."
"What's he nattering about?" James demanded.
"I think he's ill," said Remus worriedly. "I don't think he realizes that we're here."
James stepped forward and finally got a good look at Sirius, who was still rocking back and forth, muttering incoherently. "Bloody hell. What are we supposed to do?"
"What do you think we do? Call the Ministry?" Remus snapped. "Help me get him to the hospital wing!"
That turned out to be a more difficult task than either of them had anticipated. Sirius was clearly delirious. Every time they tried to touch him he flinched away and began muttering more than before. From what Remus could glean, he was caught in visions of what could have happened had "the incident" gone badly. Having had those dreams himself, he wouldn't wish them on anyone.
In the end, they had to stun Sirius. It was the only way they could get near him. Together, they slung his arms over their shoulders and hauled him to the hospital wing. The moment they made it through the door, James hurried to Madam Pomfrey's quarters to wake her, leaving Remus to maneuver Sirius onto one of the beds.
He had just accomplished that when James came hurrying out of Madam Pomfrey's office.
"She's firecalling McGonagall," he explained quickly.
Remus nodded once and walked over a nearby chair. He plopped down and dropped his head into his hands. "We should have talked to him," he said softly.
"We were too angry," James whispered.
"That's no excuse," Remus snapped. "No matter what he did, he's our friend and we should have at least given him a chance."
James heaved a sigh. "I know."
The door to Madam Pomfrey's chambers burst open and the mediwitch came bustling in. Without so much as a glance in the direction of the two boys, she began waving her wand over Sirius as she performed diagnostic spells.
She'd just finished when Professor McGonagall swept in, followed closely by Dumbledore.
"How is he, Poppy?" McGonagall asked sharply.
"He shows signs of exhaustion and malnutrition," said Madam Pomfrey. "He's also running a rather high fever and has the beginnings an infection, but he should be fine with a little rest."
James and Remus shared a horrified look at the words "exhaustion and malnutrition." Despite Dumbledore having mentioned that Sirius hadn't really been eating or sleeping, they hadn't believed that it had been that bad.
A shadow fell across them and the looked up to see Professor McGongall staring down at them. For once, she didn't seem angry.
"Perhaps you should return to your common room," she said gently. "You can speak to Mr. Black in the morning."
They nodded numbly. Dumbledore caught their eyes as they walked out. The twinkle was back.
The first thing he noticed when he woke up was that he felt like he'd been trampled by a hippogriff. Sirius groaned and forced his eyes open, expecting to still be sitting on the Astronomy tower. Except, he wasn't. He was in the hospital wing.
Wonderful, he thought bitterly. Someone must have found me out of bounds after hours. Just what I need. More detention.
"Nice to see you awake," a quiet voice said from his left, breaking through his thoughts. Sirius froze. He knew that voice. He knew it well. It had haunted his thoughts for months. Slowly, he turned his head.
Remus and James were sitting side by side next to the bed. Sirius felt the urge to turn into Padfoot and hide under the nearest piece of furniture.
"What are you doing here?" he asked warily. He was surprised by how hoarse his voice sounded.
"We're the ones that found you at the top of the astronomy tower and brought you here. You were delusional," explained Remus.
"Oh," Sirius said. He wasn't exactly sure what to make of that considering he was almost positive that they hated him. "Thanks," he quickly added. No need to make the situation worse.
"No need to thank us," James said with a shrug, looking slightly uncomfortable. "If it hadn't been for us, you wouldn't have been up there."
Sirius stared at James in blank surprise. "What?"
The two Maruaders shared a look, clearly having the kind of silent conversation that Sirius would have once understood. Now, he just felt like he was intruding. Again, he wished that he could transform and slink away.
After what felt like a life time, Remus and James broke eye contact and turned to Sirius.
"We owe you an apology," Remus said without preamble.
Sirius blinked. Then he blinked again. Eventually he managed to choke out, "Could one of you go get Madam Pomfrey? I think I'm still delusional."
To his surprise, both of his one time friends looked pained. They'd been afraid that that would be his reaction.
"That was real, Pads," James said softly.
"No it wasn't. It couldn't have been."
Arching one eyebrow, Remus asked, "Why not?"
"Because you didn't do anything wrong," answered Sirius in a voice almost two soft to hear.
Remus snorted. "I'll not deny that you really messed up, Padfoot. But you aren't the only one. As justified as our actions might have seemed to all of us, we've been incredibly unfair to you."
"But I nearly got Snape killed," Sirius protested. "The school almost found out about you because of me! You could have been thrown into Azkaban or killed! You shouldn't be apologizing. You shouldn't even be here."
Sighing, Remus made to lay a hand on Sirius' shoulder to get the other boy's attention. But the moment he made contact, Sirius sprang out of the bed and backed away. He was swaying slightly on his feet.
"No," Sirius whispered, shaking his head. "You can't. I might do it again and you can't risk that. Just forget about me. I don't know what brought all this on. But you were right before."
James crossed his arms and glared at Sirius. "I went and talked to the portraits in the Charms hallway. They were more than happy to tell me exactly what Snivellus said to wind you up. I think I agree with Dumbledore, because I'd have hexed him, not called his bluff."
Sirius' gaze snapped up. "How do you know that?" he croaked.
"Dumbledore showed us," answered Remus.
"And while we may not agree with what you did," James continued, "it does make a lot more sense now that we know."
"We...no, I-" Remus corrected himself quickly, "- should have known that you wouldn't have knowingly risked my secret like that. I should have given you a chance to at least explain before I decided that you were evil incarnate."
James, who'd been about to add something, stopped, frowned, and asked, "You thought he was evil incarnate?"
Remus rolled his eyes. "I was exaggerating to make a point, Prongs."
"Right. Anyway, Mr. Exaggeration is right. We should have cooled down and listened."
"And now that we know more of the facts, we'd like to try to put all of this behind us," Remus cut in. "I'm not saying that we trust you, or even that we completely forgive you. But seeing as we have discovered that this was more a case of reckless stupidity rather than premeditated malice and that James and I didn't help matters much, we'd really like to try to fix things."
"Because honestly, the Marauders aren't the same without you," James admitted.
Remus bit back a smile. That little admission meant that James had finally come around.
"How can you say that?" Sirius asked in a horrified whisper. "I nearly-"
"Damn it, Padfoot," James snapped. "Haven't you been listening? We know that! But we also know that you didn't intend for it to happen, which changes matters quite a bit. We're still hurt, and we're still wary of trusting you, but we made things worse by being complete prats and we want to try to fix it!"
Silence fell over the hospital wing after James' outburst. Sirius was staring at him with a wide-eyed expression. Remus immediately felt even more guilty than before. Sirius had clearly been doing an excellent job of not only blaming himself, but of convincing himself that he would do it again.
Sighing softly, Remus closed the distance between them and laid a hand on his friend's shoulder. Sirius jumped at the contact, but didn't flinch away this time.
"I'm sorry that we assumed that you intended for Snape to go down to the Willow and find me," he said. "We should have known better. But you should have known that the greasy git would do anything to get us thrown out of here. Can you think of a better way than telling everyone about my monthly problem and the fact that you lot kept it a secret?"
Sirius shook his head. He'd asked himself countless times why that hadn't occurred to him and he didn't have an answer.
"I thought not," Remus continued. "Which means that we are all guilty of jumping to rash conclusions. I, for one, would like to attempt to put that behind us. What do you say?"
"Are you sure?" Sirius asked warily, guilt still coloring his voice. "This whole mess could have ended really badly for you, Moony."
"It could have ended just as badly for you," James pointed out.
Both Sirius and Remus turned to him, wondering what the hell he was going on about.
"Well it could have!" he protested indignantly. "If the Ministry thought that Padfoot had sent Snivellus to the Whomping Willow with the intent that he get mauled by a werewolf, then he would have been guilty of murder. That's at least a life sentence in Azkaban."
Remus nodded thoughtfully in ageement. He actually hadn't considered that, but it was true. Turning back to Sirius, he said, "Madam Pomfrey told us that all you needed was a bit of rest and that we could take you back to the tower to get it. What do you say we go and catch up a bit?"
For a moment, he thought that Sirius would refuse. Then a slow smile spread across his face and he nodded. "Sounds good."
"Excellent," James said happily. "Wormtail's down in the kitchens trying to convince the houseleves to send up some food for the day. You look like you could use a good meal, mate."
Sirius looked a bit sheepish. "I haven't been very hungry lately," he admitted.
"Padfoot? Not hungry?" James gasped in mock horror. "It's a sign of the apocalypse."
Remus rolled his eyes and led the way out of the room. The banter between the group was a bit strained. Normally, Sirius would have cuffed James round the head for the kind of remark. Instead he just shrugged and asked about the transfiguration homework. But it was still there. He really hoped that everything would work out between them. He hadn't admitted it to anyone, but the last four transformations hadn't been as easy without Padfoot around. It seemed that both he and Moony had missed Sirius. It would be a shame if this bout of stupidity came between them.
A hand waving in front of his face broke Remus out of his thoughts. He glared at James, who just grinned cheekily. With a flick of his wand, Remus turned James a brilliant magenta. Cursing loudly, James drew his own wand and started chasing him to the common room. Sirius brought up the rear, laughing softly.
None of them saw Dumbledore watching them from the shadows, his eyes twinkling at the sight of the three friends together. They had no idea how truly deep their bond was and how much it would help all of them in the coming years. He was immensely glad that Mr. Potter and Mr. Lupin had taken his advice. It would have been a shame to see such friendship wasted because of an error in judgement.
Humming softly, Dumbledore made his way back to his office. Just one more crisis had been averted and the world was a little bit brighter.
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed it! Please read and review and let me know what you thought!